Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Five Ways To Build Super-Strong Relationships With Your Children > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Five Ways To Build Super-Strong Relationships With Your Children

One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is "How do you show your children you love them?"

Participants usually cite verbal and physical ways of showing affection as the most common means of showing love. These ways work well for children of certain age groups and children with those relational preferences, but how do you relate to a child or young person who becomes a 'conversational clam' or one who doesn't like physical closeness?

Conversely, it is easy to miss the relational signs of children if their ways of relating fit outside our frame of reference. I remember Michael, behaviourally the most challenging child that I taught, would meet me in the car park each morning and carry my bag to the staffroom door. He would bid me farewell and we would spend most of our contact time jousting with each other. The bag-carrying was just Michael's way of saying that he liked me. His relational preference was through acts of service, which is similar to mine so we were on the same wavelength.

According to Gary Chapman author of Five Languages of Children there are five different ways to develop a connection (show them you love them) with children. As you read them consider your preference and the preferences of children in your family or immediate confines:

1. Acts of affirmation, praise and recognition

The best way to develop a relationship with some children is through your praise, affirmation and recognition. Let them know they are wonderful, that their efforts at home hit the mark and their behaviour is appreciated and they will know you think the world of them. This is obviously easy for some children who naturally do well or behave appropriately but what of those children who are NOT 'affirmation magnets'? We need to try something else?

2. Acts of service and shared activity

Some children just want to share an activity with you. When you come home from work they may pester you for a game or want to join you in whatever you are doing. As toddlers these children want to be attached to their mum and dad's hips as they go about their usual business. You cook, they want to cook. You mow the lawn they want to join you. These children will often do things for you to show they care so they do special jobs 'just for you' (particularly when they have been less than perfect) or want you to join them in an activity or a game. As teenagers they may share an interest such as sport with a parent rather than participating together in an activity itself. These children also love to have their parents to themselves for a time.

3. Talking and attention

Some children just love to talk or be the centre of attention. They love one-on-one time but they can rattle on forever rather than actually engage in an activity with a parent. Far from being 'conversational clams' these children usually don't mind telling you about their day or about any social problems they may be having. They also like to hear about your personal life or how you may have handled the highs and lows of life. Yes, they can close up during adolescence but you may just have to find the right forum such as a car or coffee shop for them to talk. Parents who travel a great deal can stay in touch with these children through the internet or via the telephone. In many ways these 'talkers' provide easy access for relationships as long as we make the effort.

4. Gifts and mementoes

Some children like more tangible evidence of your regard so small mementoes or gifts are the way to their hearts. I am not talking big expense here but these 'tangibles' love their parents to bring something home from work (a pad, pen or poster can work wonders) or a little treat every now and then. Some teenage 'tangibles' can be quite demanding on their parents financially as they may ask for big ticket fashion items but remember that it is the thought not the item that counts with this group.

5. Physical closeness and affection

Some children just can't get close enough to their parents. As young children they love to be picked up and toddlers can give parents little space. Cuddles on the couch and physical play are de rigeur for these kinaesthetic types. Some older boys love to skylark and play very physical games with their fathers, which can be their way of saying, "You're OK." So you need to go along with these affectionate types and realise a touch on the shoulder or a hand on the arm can be more potent than words of praise. This can be challenging if you are physically reserved yourself or your children move into adolescence and you feel awkward about giving them a hug. Sometimes a squeeze on the arm or a quick rub of a teen's back as you greet them is a powerful reminder that you love them.

Most children will have a preference for two of the above methods just as most parents will have one or two preferred ways of relating to others. If you love to chat then holding conversations with like-minded children will be a breeze but how will you relate to those children who prefer more physical ways or even a memento?

If you are frustrated and think that you just can't get through to your child it may be worth checking the way you relate. If talking doesn't work then maybe try a little memento from time to time or suggest a game, a cup of coffee together or just a story. To steal a line from an 80's American sitcom ? 'Different strokes for different young folks.'

Michael Grose is a leading parenting educator and specialises in healping busy parents raise confident kids and resilient young people.

He is the author of six books and over 300 columns in magazines and newspapers across three contintents. He also gives over 100 presentations a year.

For more great ideas to help you raise fantastic kids that other people rave about and really love the job of parenting visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids, Michael's free email newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

WebMD

Helicopter parenting may negatively affect children's emotional well-being, behavior
Science Daily
"Helicopter parenting behavior we saw included parents constantly guiding their child by telling him or her what to play with, how to play with a toy, how to clean up after playtime and being too strict or demanding," said Perry. "The kids reacted in a ...
How 'Helicopter' Parenting Impedes a Child's DevelopmentWebMD
Study shows the detrimental long-term effects of helicopter parentingBig Think
'Helicopter Parenting' May Hinder How Kids Manage Emotions, BehaviorPsychCentral.com
Treehugger -IFLScience -American Psychological Association
all 83 news articles »

Fatherhood program teaches dads parenting skills
San Francisco Chronicle
Donna Miller, executive director of the Exchange Club's Parenting Skills Center, said they combined the 24:7 Dad program from the National Fatherhood Initiative with a model from the National Exchange Club to pilot what is now one of the only programs ...


Dad's Comic Strip Captures 'The Weirdness' Of Parenting
HuffPost
“Daddy Daze” follows the adventures of a divorced dad named Paul who juggles his stay-at-home job with co-parenting his young son Angus. The comic is loosely based on the artist's own experiences as the father of a now-8-year-old boy. “I was looking ...

and more »

Fatherhood program teaches dads parenting skills - The Middletown ...
Middletown Press
STAMFORD, Conn. (AP) — On Friday, Nathan Otero, 35, took the day off. The Bridgeport resident works 50 to 52 hours a week juggling two jobs, so time off is ...

and more »

INSIDER

INSIDER video is hiring a writing intern for parenting
INSIDER
We are hiring an writing intern with a focus on parenting videos for INSIDER, a publication that delivers stories to readers across digital platforms. The role includes finding and pitching ideas for INSIDER's videos about parenting gagdets, parents ...


Omaha World-Herald

The Public Pulse: Responsible parenting is lacking
Omaha World-Herald
When people have no regard for responsible parenting, too often the obvious result is the perpetuation of crime, violence, poverty and hopelessness, generation after generation. It's so obvious. Where are our national, state and local leaders, and why ...


The Atlantic

The Dangers of Distracted Parenting
The Atlantic
Caroline Fraser's recent biography of Laura Ingalls Wilder, the author of Little House on the Prairie, describes the exceptionally ad hoc parenting style of 19th-century frontier parents, who stashed babies on the open doors of ovens for warmth and ...


Yahoo Entertainment

Tommy Lee's Father's Day spat with son latest in long history of his parenting problems (updated)
Yahoo Entertainment
It was clearly an unhappy Father's Day for Tommy Lee and his elder son with Pamela Anderson, Brandon Thomas Lee. For whatever reason, the drummer, 55, decided to use the holiday as a way to publicly attack his two sons, also including son Dylan ...
ɱɱ¥ ᒪ on Instagram: “Happy Father's Day fellas! I'm not gonna sit here and post some fluffed up bullshit for the ...Instagram
Brandon Thomas Lee on Instagram: “Remember what happened last time you said this shit? 🤔 night night You gotta ...Instagram

all 144 news articles »

Dubois County Free Press

Purdue Extension Does…Just in time parenting!
Dubois County Free Press
Parenting is an important and sometimes overwhelming responsibility, especially for new parents. Just in Time Parenting is a free resource to help parents understand their children's development by providing helpful information and tips. Just in Time ...


The Sun

How has it been linked to children's behaviour?
The Sun
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality, strict and perfectionist parenting styles may make children excessively self-critical and has been linked to high levels of depression and anxiety. Parents who put this much pressure on ...

Google News

Signs of Child Sexual Abuse

Many families do not want to believe their child is... Read More

Top Five Ways To Stay In Touch With Your Child

Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More

Parental Internet Control Tips

The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More

Whats in a Name?

My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Tips for Dealing with Bad Report Cards

One of the basic issues we need to understand is... Read More

A Dangerous Environment

The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't... Read More

Kids Party Etiquette for Parents

Ever feel like you're out of the loop when it... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Kids and Money

Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More

Back to School Care Packages!

I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More

Raising Teenagers? Stay C.A.L.M.

Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More

How to Handle Child Tantrums?

Child tantrums are a way for children to express their... Read More

Americas Public schools --- Deteriorating Like They Did In Ancient Rome

The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: The Power Struggle

Q: My husband and I are at a loss as... Read More

Grandparents --- Homeschool Your Grandchildren and Feel Younger

Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown... Read More

Spelling Games

The following spelling games can be used by parents to... Read More

Confident Children - Avoid Overparenting

For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More

Public-School True Believers with a Mission

One reason public schools get away with educational failure, year... Read More

Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Children

How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More

EEG Biofeedback as a Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More

Personal Responsibility: What It Means and Whose Job is It?

"How many times do I have to tell you to... Read More

Are Your Kids Driving You Crazy? How Character Building Charts Keep You Sane

Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More

Marriage, Divorce, and Kids

Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More

Exams Cause Stress For Parents Too

When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More

6 Signs You?re A High Maintenance Parent

The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More

If your child is being bullied - 20 top tips for parents

Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes... Read More