Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk? > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents get the washer & dryer moved from the basement to a bedroom on the first floor after her mom missed the last step & broke her toe. Annie reassured them that she would make sure they would stay in their own home no matter what. Before she knew it she was fixing every supper for them at their home, taking care of the yard and cleaning the house on the weekend.

Then, Annie started to receive calls during the day at work. Mom had an accident with the car or Dad couldn't get out of the bathtub. She hired a home care aide during weekdays after she talked them into selling the car & accepting help for cleaning and cooking. Annie continued to promise her parents that they would live in their home forever. Her life was consumed with their care.

She hid a house key outside their home after the second time the EMTs called in the middle of the night because they couldn't get into the house for her dad who had fallen while going to the bathroom in the night & her mom couldn't get out of bed to unlock the door. Annie hired a nighttime aide. They now had help 24 hours a day.

After their phone was disconnected for non-payment, Annie finally realized that their mental capacities had degenerated, and convinced her parents she should take over their finances. It wasn't long before she discovered that her parents could not afford to pay for the current arrangements for long. She was surprised how little money they had put away and how small their monthly income was.

When she finally tried to discuss long term care needs with her parents, they were convinced that they were doing just fine on their own. They announced that they would stay right where they were even if they had to let the night time help go, which was of course unthinkable. It was at this point that Annie came to see that they had slipped into an unrealistic state, believing that they were independent and she had never spoken with them about the realities of aging and their possible needs for care.

Annie's kids claimed they felt like orphans, her husband threatened divorce and though her boss told her to take the time she needed, she was unclear what that meant before her job was in jeopardy.

Then, so suddenly it seemed Dad was in the hospital with pneumonia and the doctor said that a nursing home was probably imminent. Annie was exhausted, on the verge of a breakdown and faced with calling her brother who had had little contact or time for his parents for the past few years and lived a thousand miles away.

Like a snowball rolling down a hill, Annie's involvement, her parents needs and the resultant problems grew bigger and bigger over time. We never know the exact course of aging, so it is impossible to be sufficiently prepared for all unforeseen events, but some targeted pre-planning can avoid dealing with one crisis after another. Don't wait for a crisis to talk to your parents about their future. It may become too late before you know it.

As soon as Annie's parents needed the laundry room moved upstairs it was time to talk, as the situation usually doesn't get better. Aging is a process of loss & degeneration. It may be difficult to bring up such private matters, but the situation won't go away. Often it gets worse if we wait and our loved one's cognition deteriorates as it did with Annie's parents, who really thought that they were independent as she continued to reassure them that they would stay in their home.

We plan more for our young/old lives than we do for our old/old years. We may look forward to retirement and we specify an age at which that will begin, so we are clearer about the target and our desires. Old/old age is difficult to imagine and the specific age for which to prepare is slippery as it is more health than age related. Most people announce their desires for this age by simply saying, 1. they don't want to go to a nursing home, 2. they don't want to be a burden, and 3. they don't want to be in pain. But that's too vague and not enough direction for future caregivers. Have that talk with your loved ones the first chance you get. Create a chance to talk about old/old age.

About The Author

Linda LaPointe, MRA is an ElderLife Matters coach and author of several products to assist families experiencing aging including the pamphlet, Don't Be a Burden: 100 Tips. Get free articles and information at www.SOSpueblo.com.

[email protected]

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

HuffPost

Andy Richter's Parenting Tweets Are Hilarious
HuffPost
Andy Richter's Parenting Tweets Are Hilarious. “Playing team sports is a great way for kids to experience getting yelled at outside of the home.” By Caroline Bologna. 1.1k. It's no secret parents are some of the funniest people on Twitter. Indeed ...


Lifehacker

Are All These Parenting Books Messing With Parents' Heads?
Lifehacker
I have a massive stack of parenting books on my desk. Some of them tell me I'm doing an awesome job raising my kid (those books, I dog-ear and pet lovingly). Others tell me I'm screwing everything up, from bed time to screen time. I devour them all ...


Sarasota Herald-Tribune

PARENTING: Preparing teens for skills needed as adults
Sarasota Herald-Tribune
Two of our own kids graduated high school this year and are taking their places in the adult world. Social media helps us stay connected and, every once in awhile, we will see them write about a small success with the hashtag #adulting. As the time was ...


Coronado Times Newspaper

6th Annual Parenting Conference Offers Insight Into Building Resilient Families through Better Communication
Coronado Times Newspaper
Coronado SAFE hopes to provide parents, grandparents, caregivers and community members with some new insights at their 6th Annual Parenting Conference on Saturday, January 27th. This event is a unique opportunity to hear leaders in the field speak on ...


West Seattle Blog (blog)

West Seattle Monday: Parenting advice, bar theater, and more – plus cool storm pics
West Seattle Blog (blog)
RAISING SELF-RELIANT CHILDREN: What can you learn from German parenting styles? An American mom who lived in Germany for years and learned “the art of raising self-reliant children” will tell you tonight in a Town Hall Seattle presentation at Westside ...


Saipan Tribune

GMS parents, staff learn ropes of 'common-sense parenting'
Saipan Tribune
The Parent Education Services under the Division of Youth Services hosted a Common Sense Parenting workshop for Green Meadow School teachers, staff, and parents for six Tuesdays, from Nov. 6 to Dec. 19, 2017, in Chalan Piao. Participants were awarded ...


The Wilton Bulletin

How to let up on helicopter parenting
The Wilton Bulletin
Wilton Youth Council will present a screening of Julie Lythcott-Haims' TED Talk on parental expectations and unconditional love Wednesday, Jan. 24, 7-8:30 p.m., at Wilton Library. The video will be followed by a discussion led by Tracey Masella of ...


ABC News

Parenting resolutions for a happier family
ABC News
he ??? Welcome back. If one of your new year's resolutions is to be a better parent, you're not alone. Genevieve brown is here and the author of "The happiest mommy you know" and she is one of the happiest mommies I know. Genevieve, we all try to ...
Three easy parenting resolutions for 2018wphm.net

all 2 news articles »

Ask Mr. Dad: Putting together a co-parenting plan
Worcester Telegram
Dear Mr. Dad: My husband and I are getting divorced. Unfortunately, we're so angry at each other that we can no longer even be in the same room together. Fortunately, despite our anger, we still understand how important each of us is to our children ...


WFMZ Allentown

Positive Parenting: Power of touch
WFMZ Allentown
Newborns experience the world through touch, but premature babies who spend their early days in incubators may not be getting all of those early experiences. A recent study performed at a children's hospital looked at 125 infants born preterm -- 24 to ...

Google News

How To Teach Your Children Love

I was in the life insurance sales industry for over... Read More

Free Stuff for Twins: Incentives for Parents of Multiple Births

A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More

Is Your Discipline Damaging the Spirit of the Child?

If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More

The Most Powerful Question a Parent Can Ask?

The question I have for you drives right to the... Read More

Ten Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends

Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more... Read More

Why Wont My Child Do as I Say?

In speaking with parents a comment I frequently hear is... Read More

Elephants and Teenagers

Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More

Minimizing Homework Hassles

John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comParents ? Minimize Homework Hassles?It's... Read More

We All Wish That Our Children Have Good Virtues, But... Are We Setting A Good Example Ourselves?

We all wish that our children should not smoke or... Read More

Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your Teenagers

Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak... Read More

No, No, No -- What Else is a Parent to Say?

The word no is probably the most overused word in... Read More

Bird Flu Pandemic

What are the easiest things citizens can do to prevent... Read More

Teacher Tips: Your Room Set-Up and ADHD Students

Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate... Read More

Celebrating Mom: How To Make Every Day Her Special Day!

Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More

Parents, Teach Thought-Stopping! Fix Crooked Thinking Caps

Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More

Child Communication Skill: Do You Really Know What Your Child Is Saying To You?

Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old... Read More

Overscheduled Kids

Time devoted the better part of an issue to it.... Read More

Raise Awesome Kids! This 4-Point Plan Gets Results

Are your children truthful, kind, and helpful? If so, read... Read More

Why Consistency Is The Key To Raising Well-behaved Kids

Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More

Parents Need to Vent Anger! Try These 4 Steps to Serenity

Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More

Fraternal Twin Parenting Concerns

Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More

Childhood Obesity & Parents Healthy Food Confusion

Many parents struggle to know which foods are healthy for... Read More

New Baby ? Relax and Become a Yummy Mummy

Lets face it becoming a mum is a bit of... Read More

Weathering Colic for New Parents

A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More

Promoting Your Childs Heart Health

Cardiovascular endurance is one of the five health-related components of... Read More