Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
How to Silence Your Childs Inner Critic > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

How to Silence Your Childs Inner Critic

Children do what feels good to them and follow their natural instincts. Well meaning parents teach children that it is not socially acceptable to behave in certain ways, thus going against a child's natural inclinations. Children internalize the voices from their parents, teachers and other adults in their lives and start to criticize themselves. Although parents are being helpful, this often contributes to the birth of the inner critic.

Who is the Inner Critic?

The inner critic is the voice inside everyone's head who periodically points out our failures, inadequacies, and our shortcomings. Although disguised as a friend, confidante, this inner critic sabotages our best interest. The inner critic undermines our belief in our abilities.

In children, the inner critic tells the child that they are not smart enough, good enough, or talented enough to accomplish their goals. Children start to use their inner dialog as a defense mechanism against the world. The inner critic criticizes the child before the world can. The inner critic gets the child to believe that it is helping the child by offering "constructive criticism". The truth is that criticism can never be constructive. According to Merriam -Webster dictionary, the definition of constructive is: promoting improvement or development, while the definition of criticize is: to find fault with: point out the faults of. Since the inner critic is so powerful and convincing, how can parents help their children deal with their inner critic?

Help children to identify when their inner critic is attacking. Since the inner critic attacks mentally, physically and emotionally, you can help your child to know when the inner critic is set in motion.

Signs of the inner critic are fear, feeling powerless, feeling disappointed or discouraged, feeling tired or sick (such as a belly ache or headache), self blame and lack of motivation. Once the child senses when the inner critic is at play, help them to observe the underlying situation. What is the inner critic telling your child that he/she can not or should not do? Tell you child to observe what he/she is feeling physically and emotionally when the inner critic attacks. It might be helpful to have your child write down whatever he/she is feeling. It could be just one sentence such as: I am not a good at math. My hands get sweaty and my stomach hurts when I have to take a math test. Have your child do this whenever he/she notices the inner critic. If your child is young, ask him/her to draw a picture about what it feels like.

Help your child to develop powerful self-talk. Helping your child to develop powerful self -talk takes time and practice. This is a tool that is useful for parents too! It is very easy for us to name our weaknesses or to recognize our limiting beliefs. However, it takes time for us to identify our strengths and potential. Try this exercise: Ask you child to tell you 5 things he/she believes is a weakness or something he/she is not good at. Time how long it take for them to respond. Next, ask 5 things he/she knows is strength or something he/she is good at. Time how long it takes for a response again. Most children who have a healthy self-esteem and practice powerful self talk are able to tell you their strengths much quicker than their weaknesses. You can help your child nurture his/her strengths by brainstorming on strengths and helping your child to use his/her strengths more often. Make a list of all the strengths and post it on the wall, where your child can see it on a daily basis. Start to focus less on your child's weaknesses and more on their strengths.

Use your relaxation techniques with your child. Have your child practice deep breathing or use any other method that calms him/her down. For breathing exercises, have your child concentrate on his/her breathing and to visualize the air going in and out. Massage your child's head, neck and shoulders and loosen tight muscles. Use this opportunity for your child to open up and talk. If your child starts talking, just listen without interrupting.

Offer positive feedback. Listen to how your child explains what failure means to them. How does your child react when he/she fails a test or scores lower than expected? Find out what position your child takes on his/her accomplishments or failures? Don't rush to solve the problem or tell your child why he/she failed. Let your child use critical thinking skills to identify what is going on. If you notice your child making excuses or talking down to him or self, make your child aware of it. Help your child to problem solve by letting them talk and you listen.

Be a role model. Do you have a grasp on your inner critic? Does your child notice how you behave when your inner critic attacks? When you are disappointed or have failed at something, talk to your child about it. Be honest with your child about your own inner critic. Notice how you behave when your inner critic attacks and set the example for your child. Let your child see you demonstrating healthy ways of dealing with disappointment.

One thing to remember is that the inner critic never goes away. As parents, we can offer support and encouragement to our children to let them know we are here to help them. Watch your language, let your child dream big, and focus on your child's strengths. By being aware of their inner critic, children can transform the inner voice from a critic to a useful guide.

Useful resources:

A Free Introduction to Taming Your Gremlin for Kids: A Road Map for Raising a Confident Child.

PDT A Parent's Alphabet for Building Self Esteem-

50 Ways to Bring Out Your Child's Best-

Marie Magdala Roker is an Academic and Personal Development Coach a who works with parents,teens and young adults to help them unlock and nurture the personal and academic potential and strengths.

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at


Andy Richter's Parenting Tweets Are Hilarious
Andy Richter's Parenting Tweets Are Hilarious. “Playing team sports is a great way for kids to experience getting yelled at outside of the home.” By Caroline Bologna. 680. It's no secret parents are some of the funniest people on Twitter. Indeed ...


Are All These Parenting Books Messing With Parents' Heads?
I have a massive stack of parenting books on my desk. Some of them tell me I'm doing an awesome job raising my kid (those books, I dog-ear and pet lovingly). Others tell me I'm screwing everything up, from bed time to screen time. I devour them all ...

Coronado Times Newspaper

6th Annual Parenting Conference Offers Insight Into Building Resilient Families through Better Communication
Coronado Times Newspaper
Coronado SAFE hopes to provide parents, grandparents, caregivers and community members with some new insights at their 6th Annual Parenting Conference on Saturday, January 27th. This event is a unique opportunity to hear leaders in the field speak on ...

Saipan Tribune

GMS parents, staff learn ropes of 'common-sense parenting'
Saipan Tribune
The Parent Education Services under the Division of Youth Services hosted a Common Sense Parenting workshop for Green Meadow School teachers, staff, and parents for six Tuesdays, from Nov. 6 to Dec. 19, 2017, in Chalan Piao. Participants were awarded ...

The Wilton Bulletin

How to let up on helicopter parenting
The Wilton Bulletin
Wilton Youth Council will present a screening of Julie Lythcott-Haims' TED Talk on parental expectations and unconditional love Wednesday, Jan. 24, 7-8:30 p.m., at Wilton Library. The video will be followed by a discussion led by Tracey Masella of ...

Ask Mr. Dad: Putting together a co-parenting plan
Worcester Telegram
Dear Mr. Dad: My husband and I are getting divorced. Unfortunately, we're so angry at each other that we can no longer even be in the same room together. Fortunately, despite our anger, we still understand how important each of us is to our children ...

West Seattle Blog (blog)

West Seattle Monday: Parenting advice, bar theater, and more – plus cool storm pics
West Seattle Blog (blog)
RAISING SELF-RELIANT CHILDREN: What can you learn from German parenting styles? An American mom who lived in Germany for years and learned “the art of raising self-reliant children” will tell you tonight in a Town Hall Seattle presentation at Westside ...

Three easy parenting resolutions for 2018
Three easy parenting resolutions for 2018. January 20, 2018 ABC Health News. Creatas/Thinkstock(NEW YORK) — If one of your New Year's resolutions is to be a better parent in 2018, you're not alone. From screen time to alone time, here are a few easy ...

and more »

WFMZ Allentown

Positive Parenting: Power of touch
WFMZ Allentown
Newborns experience the world through touch, but premature babies who spend their early days in incubators may not be getting all of those early experiences. A recent study performed at a children's hospital looked at 125 infants born preterm -- 24 to ...


Parenting Fails From 'The Detour' That We Can All Relate To
Seriously, who can legit say that they haven't screwed up and psychologically damaged their kids in a minor way as they wing their way through life as a parent? Who can say that they weren't messed up by their own well-meaning parents? Clearly, the ...

Google News

The ABCs of Raising Twins

As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More

The Best and Worst of Motherhood

Until the moment I became a mother, I couldn't quite... Read More

Dealing with Lying: The Dos and Donts

Jason Roberts listened to his son's explanation of the missing... Read More

Identifying Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in the Classroom: Eight Things Teachers Should

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More

Cooking With Your Kids Helps Develop Motor Skills for Preschoolers

Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More

Managing Your Stepfamily

If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More

Mutants or Clones?

In a single dose of children's television, I was bombarded... Read More

Should The Dad-To-Be Attend The Birth?

Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More

Psychological Effects of Child Abuse

Many children who suffer from the psychological effects of child... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Responding to a Poor Progress Report in School

Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More

Picky Eaters - The Dawn of Understanding

"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't... Read More

From Birth to Teen, Spirituality in Children

Until about the age of six, children do not generally... Read More

Renee?s Mommy is Here

I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More

Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!

Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent... Read More

10 Things You Can Do To Help A Shy Child

There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More

Parental Involvement in Learning

Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius: The King of Games - the Game of Kings

Many people still think that the game of chess is... Read More

Signs of Child Sexual Abuse

Many families do not want to believe their child is... Read More

Couch Potatoes Beware!

It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight... Read More

EEG Biofeedback as a Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More

Planning the Ultimate Kid Birthday Party

Child Party Planning Guideline #1)Pick the ThemeYour child is going... Read More

Building Teen Character: Part-Time Employment

The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More

Sometimes Our Childrens Questions Answer Our Own

I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Late vs. Too Late, and 5 More Sure Fire Tips

Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More

Mommies and Me Special Time

Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More