Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting would be easier if you didn't have to make family decisions? Having a partner that is not in agreement with your parenting ideas or discipline approaches is more than just frustrating. It can be a cause of division in even the best of relationships. Furthermore, how you handle your disagreements will have a direct impact on your relationship with your partner and with your children.
It would be great if every couple agreed on everything but that is an unlikely event. One partner may have been raised in a relaxed environment; another may have been raised in a very strict home. What is acceptable by one partner may be appalling to another. It is important to discuss with your partner what your parenting objectives are. Decide what values are important to both of you. You will find that some things are more important to you than to your partner and vice versa. Here are some steps you can do to work towards resolving parenting disagreements.
1. Discuss your parenting objectives. What is important to both of you? Sit down with your partner and decide what values are most important. Also what areas are not as important?
2. Talk about where your children are developmentally and what they are capable of understanding. Sometimes the reasons for parenting disputes are because one partner thinks that a child is capable of understanding something and the other disagrees. Knowing what your child's cognitive level is will help you to make better decisions. Do not compare your child to other children. You can use examples based on what they are capable of doing and not doing. For instance, if you ask them to get something out of their toy box, do they understand and go get it? If not expecting your child to be able to understand certain things may be unreasonable.
3. Find out what both of your parenting strengths and weaknesses are. Many times both parents want the same things for their kids. Compliment your partner on his/her strengths. Don't just point out your partner's flaws.
4. The majority of parenting disagreements are over discipline methods and when it is appropriate to discipline. One parent may think that spanking is the best method and the other may prefer time outs or something else. One of the most effective ways to resolve this issue is to talk about it. Find out the reasons why your partner feels the way he/she does. There are pros and cons to every form of parenting. Talk about why your partner thinks his/her discipline style is the better method. Sometimes talking about it will help you to see each other's point of view.
5. If the discussion gets heated, agree to disagree. Fighting about how to parent is only going to make the situation worse. Walk away, take a break and discuss it when you are not angry.
6. Plan ahead. Discuss problem situations you are having with your children. For instance, if you are having a problem with your child having temper tantrums, discuss how you think this should be handled. If you have a plan in action, it will be easier for both of you to follow each other's wishes.
7. Pick your battles. Some things you may never agree on. You don't have to agree on everything. Find the issues that are most important to you and work on resolving those first.
8. Do not argue about parenting in front of your children. This is easier said than done. The best way to handle a situation you don't agree with is not to interrupt but to wait till later and then discuss how you think it could have been handled differently.
9. Work on role modeling communication. If your children see that you communicate and problem solve together, they will grow up to do the same. Children often repeat patterns of their own parents. Look at your relationship and evaluate how you communicate. Is this the way you would like your children to communicate with their future partner?
10. Parenting and relationships are a growing process. The more you communicate the better parent/partner you will be. Learn from each other and listen to each other. Build on your parenting strengths and tackle your parenting weaknesses a little at a time. It won't happen over night but if you continue to discuss things with your partner calmly and positively you will become better parenting partners.
About The Author
Patty Hone is a wife and mommy to three kids. She is also the owner of Justmommies.com. Justmommies is an online community for mommies to make friends and find support. Please visit Justmommies at http://www.justmommies.com.
Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More
Here are ten simple pleasures you can enjoy with your... Read More
A great many parents are concerned that the electronic games... Read More
O.K. So now you have taken the step of having... Read More
Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret... Read More
Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More
Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More
By the time your children reach their teens, there is... Read More
It's among the top criticism wives have of their husbands:... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more... Read More
There has been much attention in the media of late... Read More
Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More
Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I... Read More
Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More
I remember when my daughter was born. Visions of her... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More
The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More
Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically... Read More
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage... Read More
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More
At first I thought of titling this article "The Lazy... Read More
Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More
We all know that using cloth nappies is best for... Read More
I recently heard a story that has literally changed the... Read More
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More
We need a grass roots campaign targeted towards parents to... Read More
Fall marks the beginning of many new things both for... Read More
I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western... Read More
Individualism is a common thing in today's modern society. Many... Read More
With the beginning of the new school year coming VERY... Read More
The back-to-school shopping is done. Brand new pencils, colored markers,... Read More
I have been a single mom for almost 20 years.... Read More
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More
For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless.... Read More
What is hard for parentsLetting them learn from their mistakes.Trying... Read More
Many children who suffer from the psychological effects of child... Read More
The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness... Read More
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a... Read More
I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More
My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More
I never dreamed that I would be in a position... Read More
A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More
Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More