Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Why Wont My Teens Clean Their Room? > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Why Wont My Teens Clean Their Room?

Have you ever had this struggle with your teens? Did you get to the results that you were looking for? Did moving toward those results create an unexpected rift between you and your teen? Parents complain to me that when their teens won't do their chores and, as a result, they punish their teens, there is conflict and a damaged relationship. Parents say that they don't want their relationship with their teens to suffer. They say that they understand that discipline and order is needed in their teens' lives, but are at a loss at how to encourage it in a way that allows their relationship with their teens to keep thriving. So what is there to do?

I was asking that to myself last week when a friend and I had the opportunity to spend a wonderful week in the woods with nine 14 year-old girls at a meditation camp. Shortly after the girls walked into the very rustic and dusty cabin, we played a couple of fun icebreaker games. It was a great way for us to get to know the girls, for the girls to get to know each other, and for them to get to know us. After the games, and before our first meditation, we passed a "clean cabin" chore list. They all promptly chose two daily chores each by writing their name on the chore schedule of the week.

My co-cabin leader said that she felt that that would be enough to persuade the girls to do their chores, and that she wanted to focus on joy and spirituality for the week. That sounded pleasant to me so I left it at that.

As the first day went by, surprise, surprise? clothes and many other items were starting to pile up on the floor, the bunks, and on our large work table. I noticed that by the end of the day none of the girls had done any of their chores. My co-leader also noticed the piles and said that we needed to be patient with the girls, and that they would do their chores soon.

By lunch on the second day, possibly because the awful camp food had gotten to me, I decided that I needed to act on what I knew. Although the girls had smiled and written their names on the chore schedule, I knew they had no intention of doing any of them.

Before I blinked, I caught myself thinking the usual negative things- these girls are? (I am sure you can fill in the blank here!) I quickly stopped myself. I knew that kind of thinking was not helpful and was not going to get me to the results that I wanted- the girls doing their chores every day, while having fun and continuing to have a good relationship with me.

In all the years that I have worked with parents, kids, teens, teachers, school administrators, psychiatrists, etc., I have seen many adults pressure, manipulate, and punish teens to get them to do their chores, in vain. The chores are still not fully done on a regular basis and the relationship gets severed. Then what is there to do? In my work with hundreds of teens and kids I discovered a simple and powerful way to resolve this type of situations.

I have seen that teens and kids are not really committed and able to do a chore unless there is in place an agreement they co-created with the parent or adult and think that it is fair. That means that they: 1) fully agree to do that particular chore; 2) clearly understand what they need to do for the chore to be completed; 3) have the support they may need to get it done. Of course, this all depends on their age and maturity. I have seen this work with kids as young as three years old!

Now back to the woods, I could tell that the girls wrote their names on the chore schedule but they were not fully in agreement in doing those chores. There were was no real commitment. On the second day of camp, when my co-leader and I had a conversation with the girls, many of them revealed to us that, unless they agree verbally to something, it is not a real agreement to them. Strike one- in this particular case, we did not know they needed a verbal agreement.

Later that day, when we asked the girl that had the chore of cleaning the bathrooms, when was she planning to clean them, she was in tears because she had already cleaned them but we thought they were still dirty. Strike two-we had not explained to them what cleaning the bathrooms meant to us. When we explained what we meant she cleaned them in a jiffy. One of girls accepted the chore of sweeping the floor, she had never done it before in her life, and did not do it because she rather not do it that do it wrong. Strike three- when they signed to do the chore, we did not ask what that type of support they needed to do their chores. In the midst of so many strikes, we managed to hit a home run by speaking to the girls and getting a fair agreement between us.

Do you know what kind of agreement for cleaning their room works best with your teens? Do they need to agree verbally? Is a simple signed agreement more effective? Do they feel that the agreement is fair? Are they absolutely clear of what cleaning their room means? Maybe a clean room to them means a dirty one to you. Make sure that it is clear to them what you mean by clean. Also, often teens need some type of support to clean their room. For example, setting an alarm clock to remind them, or having a checklist of what are the different things that they need to do in order for their room to be to clean. Do you know what kind of support your teens need?

The girls at the camp said that they liked the agreement because it was not forced on them but instead was also created with their ideas. They told us that since it was their agreement they wanted to do their chores. During the last days of camp every girl in the cabin joyfully announced to the rest of us that this had been the best and most fun year at camp (they started coming to camp since they were ten years-old) and that they had the greatest leaders because they truly care about them, understood them and treated them well. Needless to say, the results I was looking for were met.

I propose that you make an effort to find-out what type agreements work with your teens and create agreements that are clear and supportive to both you and your teens.

Think back to when you were a kid. If you parents had taken the time to make agreements with you that you understood, could do, and felt were fair to you, how would that have influenced your life? It is within your power to give that to your teens today!

If you want more support and details on how to make a fair and successful agreement with your teens call me at 310/247-0523 or email me at orly@ourextraordinarykids.com

I encourage you to make the kind of agreements with your teens and see what happens. I would love to hear your success stories and comments. Please email me at orly@ourextraordinarykids.com or visit my website www.ourextraordinarykids.com

Why are some kids and teens self-confident and self-reliant and others are not? Orly Szerman is a published author, teacher and confidence coach. If you want to further develop your parent success and raise self-confident and self-reliant kids and teens, visit her website, http://www.ourextraordinarykids.com

Orly Szerman M.S., has been working with parents, kids, teens, families and couples for almost ten years as a therapist, certified parent coach, teacher and family advocate. She is the founder and president of Our Extraordinary Kids and a faculty member of Parent as Coach Academy. Orly created and designed innovative parent programs for STAR Education, which was selected as a model program by the White House and the U.S. Department of Education. She specializes in helping parents raise self-confident and self-reliant kids and teens. If you want to further develop your parent success and raise self-confident and self-reliant kids & teens visit her website http://www.ourextraordinarykids.com or email her at orly@ourextraordinarykids.com

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

HuffPost

Parody Video Imagines If 'Fixer Upper' Were About Parenting
HuffPost
What happens when “Fixer Upper” meets picky eaters? “Fix Her Supper,” of course. That's the title of a new parody video from The Dad, a media and entertainment brand targeting millennial fathers. “Fix Her Supper” reimagines the beloved HGTV show as ...
This 'Fixer Upper' Parody Video With A Parenting Twist Is Basically ...Romper
Holy Chip and Jo! This Fixer-Upper Parenting Parody About Picky Toddlers Is SO Spot OnPOPSUGAR

all 3 news articles »

Adweek

Chatbooks' Snarky Parenting Videos Are Viral Gold, But Fans Said Something Was Missing: Dad
Adweek
Chatbooks' Snarky Parenting Videos Are Viral Gold, But Fans Said Something Was Missing: Dad. The app's newest ad shows rearing kids as a 2-person job. By T.L. Stanley. |. 1 min ago. The Harmon Brothers' new Chatbooks video brings dad more into the ...


AOL

Paul Rudd on how parenting has made him more sentimental
AOL
Still hilarious, but now diving a little deeper. Paul Rudd recently sat down for an in-depth interview with Mr. Porter where he admitted that fatherhood has offered him a new perspective, which has played a role in the projects he picks. “I've ...

and more »

Today.com

Kylie Jenner reignites parenting debate after piercing baby Stormi's ears
Today.com
People are defending Kylie Jenner for piercing her 5 month old babies ears should try having a bit of metal stabbed through your ear when you're unable to even understand what's going on. — Future Fossil (@Thought_Fiction) July 18, 2018.
Kylie Jenner Faces Online Backlash For Piercing Her Newborn's EarsFatherly
Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott on Love, Making It Work, and the Kardashian CurseGQ Magazine

all 255 news articles »

Washington Post

On Parenting: Meghan Leahy takes your questions about parenting
Washington Post
Meghan Leahy, a parenting coach with Positively Parenting will join On Parenting editor Amy Joyce to talk about parenting children of all ages. Chat starts on Aug 01, 2018 at 11:00 AM EDT Send in your questions now! ASK NOW. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION.


Lifehacker

How a Smartwatch Can Make Parenting Easier - Offspring - Lifehacker
Lifehacker
I didn't buy a smartwatch because I thought it might make parenting easier—I bought it because it was cute and shiny and I like new toys. (I owned a Casio ...

and more »

The Manchester Journal

Woodpeckers' parenting efforts worth watching
The Manchester Journal
Woodpeckers are my jam. They are one of the few critters mingling about on my property I can consistently properly identify, and about which I spout fun facts to any interested parties. Truth be told, I talk up woodpeckers to uninterested parties as ...


Washington Post

On Parenting: Meghan Leahy took your questions about parenting
Washington Post
I would definitely prefer to have my kids sleep in the living room, but I'm also trying to practice respectful parenting. After all, and husband and I aren't relocating, so why should my kids have to? On the other hand, our guests need to be treated ...


WFMZ Allentown

Positive Parenting: Benefits of teamwork
WFMZ Allentown
The next time you're thinking about bailing on a project with your kid, think again. Researchers at Duke University have found that children as young as three have a deeper understanding of joint commitments than previously thought. They observed 72 ...


Molly K. Olson: What's the hold-up on repairs to Minnesota's shared-parenting laws?
TwinCities.com-Pioneer Press
Social science researchers, academics, and the public are continuously puzzled why policymakers thwart laws and policies that support the consensus of long-held research findings and public opinion polls: Equal shared parenting is best for kids. For ...

Google News

How to Prepare for Labor

Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman... Read More

Parenting Styles - Overcoming Your Differences

If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More

Learning my Childs Way

Home schooling. What is it? What does it mean to... Read More

Developing a Fantastic Relationship with Your Child

Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy... Read More

How To Entertain A Child While Working From A Home Office

There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More

From Go Fast Kids to Calm Kids

How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More

How Effective Are Ritalin and Dexedrine in Treating the Symptoms of ADHD?

Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More

Minimizing Homework Hassles

John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comParents ? Minimize Homework Hassles?It's... Read More

Diagnosing ADHD in Your Child, an Introduction

Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More

Medications: Addressing Parental Fears and Concerns

Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to... Read More

Tips for Single Parents

Prioritize. Learn to say No. Steal some time for yourself.Don't... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Social Skills

As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More

Life Stuck In Fast Forward

the woes of being a parent of an ADHD child.....Like... Read More

The Ten Things That Successful Parents Do

1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More

Child Abuse - Survey & Comments

Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the... Read More

Ten Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends

Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more... Read More

10 Points on Children for the New Parent

I remember when my daughter was born, later my son.... Read More

Examining Drugs for ADHD, Particularly Strattera

In memory of 14 year old Matthew Smith; 11 year... Read More

Toxic Chemicals, Are Your Children Being Exposed?

You do what you can to keep your little ones... Read More

Treatment Options for ADHD

Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More

Parenting Problem? 5 Simple Things That Will Help

What is a parenting problem?Parenting is a tough job, we... Read More

The Effects of Televised Sexual Content on Adolescents

According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation,... Read More

7 Ways to Know Your Child

How well do you really know your child?There is so... Read More

5 Tips For Talking To Your Children About What They See In The News

Mommy (Daddy), Why do those people want to hurt everyone?Last... Read More

The Forgotten Secret of the Ancient Greeks that Shows Us How to Keep Our Teenagers Out of Trouble

To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More