Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Guide Your Kids! This 3-D Map Leads to Character > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Guide Your Kids! This 3-D Map Leads to Character

A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling office with her 10-year-old-daughter. The mother frowned at me and sat down. "Oh-oh!" I thought. "Why are you here?" I inquired.

"Jessica's been shoplifting. I want you to stop her." Jessica flinched then stared at her mother.

"What happened?" I asked.

Jessica, a soft-spoken child with short curly hair and dark brown eyes, proceeded to tell how she had stolen a pack of gum, a candy bar, and a plastic toy from the local grocery store. She glanced cautiously at her mother.

I asked her mother, "Will you please sit in the waiting room?" When she left, I turned to Jessica, "What were you thinking and feeling before and after the shoplifting?" From the things Jessica told me I found out that she had a hole in her heart. Not a physical hole, but a hole only her mother could fill. Jessica had stolen the articles to fill that hole. She thought snacks and toys would make herself happy. What Jessica really wanted was time with her mother.

Of course, a 10-year-old can't analyze her situation easily. By spending time with Jessica, I had to discover the hole in her heart. I had to find her core.

After a few sessions with both Jessica and her mother, we picked an easy way for mother and daughter to spend time together. They decided they would drink some bedtime tea and talk about their day before sleeping. Jessica was delighted. "I'll try," said her mother.

A year later Jessica's mother brought her back shouting, "Jessica started shoplifting again."

I asked Jessica's mother, "Do you still drink tea and chat before bedtime?"

"After working all day, fixing dinner, doing the laundry, I just can't fit it in," she said.

I understood the mother's problem, but I don't think she understood her daughter's need for closeness. I believe that parents love their children and want to raise them with strong healthy characters. I also believe that some parents feel either overwhelmed or don't know how to be close to their children. Jessica's mother fit both. Here's how the 3-D MAP helped her.

DISCOVER The first step on the 3-D MAP to character building, is to Discover your child's thoughts and feelings. Good parenting includes positive time together, time to chat, time to listen, and time to discuss problems. When you take the time to Discover, you need to ask nonjudgmental questions, and you need to praise your child for good thoughts and appropriate behaviors. When you take the time to Discover, you also are taking that first step toward building a strong healthy character in your child.

Jessica's mom had a golden opportunity to be that kind of parent. She missed it the first time Jessica shoplifted. After the second shoplifting incident, she chose to take the time to chat, to listen, and to Discover her daughter.

DECIDE The second step on the 3-D MAP to character building is to Decide what thoughts and feelings need improvement.

Jessica's mom found out that Jessica felt cast aside, and that she thought her mother didn't love her. Her mother discovered that just telling Jessica, "Of course, I love you," didn't work. Jessica needed more. She needed time with her mother. Her mother stopped her busy schedule to Decide to give Jessica the special time she needed together.

DEVELOP The third step on the 3-D MAP to character building is to Develop a plan to better influence the thoughts and feelings of your child.

Jessica's mom taught Jessica how to make salads and start the dinner. When she came home from work, they continued making the meal together. While sharing this task, they chatted about their day. Jessica's mother gave her more hugs, kisses, and praise. They also drank bedtime tea together. When a parent Develops a plan the results can be encouraging and positive. Jessica is a teenager now and she freely goes to her mother with her problems. Jessica doesn't shoplift anymore because she no longer has that emotional hole in her heart.

The 3-D MAP is a powerful parenting tool for increasing strong healthy characters in your child. By taking the time to Discover what and how your child thinks you can then Decide what needs improvement. After deciding what needs improvement you can Develop a meaningful plan to help your child become the wonderful person she or he was meant to be.

About the Author
Jean Tracy, Edmonds, WA, USA
[email protected]
http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

Jean Tracy,MSS, invites you to build character in young hearts and growing minds. To raise your awesome kids with solid characters, sign up for her FREE Parenting Newsletter, and download her FREE bonding activities, parenting tips, and parenting articles at, http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

In The News:


The San Diego Union-Tribune

Parenting advice books? Buyer beware
The San Diego Union-Tribune
Search Amazon for “parenting books” and you'll get almost 240,000 results. Narrow your search to “best parenting books” and you can choose from almost 12,000 books. How can they all be the best? How do you know which books may actually assist you ...


HuffPost

What Parenting Is Like, In 18 Songs | HuffPost
HuffPost
Most pop songs are about romance, but if you listen closely, you'll notice some can also apply to parenting. At least, parts of them can. Story of This Life vlogger ...

and more »

The Parenting Fantasy That Holds Women Back | Money
Money Magazine
The single biggest factor that holds women of the United States back in career and money is working mom guilt. The general, public assumption is that in the ...

and more »

The Week Magazine

5 weird pieces of vintage parenting advice
The Week Magazine
There's a lot of weird parenting advice out there. And new or expectant mothers know that everyone — from in-laws to strangers on the street — have their own recommendations to share, whether they're invited to do so or not. Parents of the 19th and ...


WGLT News

Animal House: Foster Pet Parenting Helps Pets Find FURever Home ...
WGLT News
October is Adopt a Shelter Pet Month. But if you want to help shelter animals without going the adoption route, there's a great alternative that can have a.

and more »

Christian school hosting parenting seminar
Newton Daily News
Have you wondered how to help your child face anxiety and pressure? Do you need practical ideas and parenting tools to guide your child through difficult times and excessive worry? Join us for a free parenting seminar. Dr. Joel Ashby will share ...


Indianapolis Star

Indianapolis dad James Breakwell hilariously sums up parenting in ...
Indianapolis Star
Indy dad James Breakwell finds his children's brutal honesty and infallible logic make for great punchlines.

and more »

Today.com

Peter Facinelli talks co-parenting with ex Jennie Garth: 'Move forward with love'
Today.com
Peter Facinelli is the first to admit his divorce from "Beverly Hills, 90210" alum Jennie Garth was tough on him, but now, four years later, the "Twilight" actor is opening up about the pair's special friendship. "I think once there was a time where we ...
Peter Facinelli Gets Candid About Co-Parenting With Ex-Wife Jennie GarthEntertainment Tonight

all 9 news articles »

Rural Parenting: We can and should be our best selves
The Daily News Online
For many of us, the recent tragedy in Las Vegas, the numerous natural disasters, Charlottesville, and our country's deep divisions seem to summarize with an exclamation point the deep sense of malaise in our country. It is too easy to say that these ...


CNBC

This is the ideal amount to leave your kids when you die, parenting podcasters agree
CNBC
On a recent episode of Slate's parenting podcast Mom and Dad are Fighting, a caller brings up a difficult question: Assuming you're wealthy, how much money should you leave to your children when you die? Hosts Gabriel Roth and Carvell Wallace hail from ...

Google News

Treatment Options for ADHD

Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More

Would You Know if Your Child Were Being Bullied? 4 Tips to Keep Them From Becoming a Victim

The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to... Read More

Parents ? The No Child Left Behind Law Wont Do Much For Your Child

Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More

Busy Moms, Dont Forget to Take Time Out for You!

As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More

Where to Look for Affordable Baby Clothes

Once the newness has worn off a little, you will... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius - Developing Leadership Qualities

Often I have heard that leaders are born, not made.... Read More

Teenagers and What Parents Should Do About Them

Chiladult? Whatever you call them, teenagers are a changin' and... Read More

The Scientific Breakthrough That Allows Every Couple To Choose The Gender Of Their Baby

The advances in science over the past century have been... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents... Read More

Is Your Child Learning Nothing?

You send your child to school and the teachers teach... Read More

Parenting: The Road I Chose

Tripping over the shoes and toys that seem to clutter... Read More

Games Of The Past Meet The Present

Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More

Managing Sibling Rivalry

It is human nature to feel competitive and envious toward... Read More

Study Skills - How Can YOU Help Your Kids?

Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More

Confident Children - Avoid Overparenting

For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More

Invented Spelling --- Another Alice-in-Wonderland Public-School Theory

As part of the whole-language (or "balanced") reading-instruction philosophy, many... Read More

Picky Eaters - Successful Strategies Part 1

What is in a name?The answer is everything!Jo J. of... Read More

The Neurology of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Part One

What is Happening in the brain of children, teens, and... Read More

Adolescence - Clues and Advice

Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence.... Read More

Jammin with Your Kids: The Wonderful World of Music

Does music need to be "dumbed-down" for kids? The answer... Read More

Lets Read! The Benefits of Reading to Your Children

Parents, when you help your children learn to read, you... Read More

Raising a Tobacco-Free Kid

We begin forming healthy habits at a young age. With... Read More

Every Mom Worries

Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More

Parenting Skills - Five Ways To Turbo-Boost Your Confidence

The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with... Read More

Book Review: The Ring Bear Depicts Turmoil of Becoming A Stepchild

In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More