Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Bad Boys/Good Boys (Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad) > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Bad Boys/Good Boys (Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad)

I WAS AMAZED

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. A father and his son had entered the men's room. While I was washing my hands, I listened as the father wielded a series of demanding and demeaning statements at his son as if they were swords in a battle for ... who knows what?

And all about going to the bathroom quickly!

It was the perfect victory. The enemy (the son) had been slain. The battle was won. The general had summoned his one-man army to do his bidding.

It was also totally and completely ridiculous. There was no consideration for the feelings or physical needs of the young person.

The "bad boy" had won the day -- and the bad boy was not the son.

It was the son's insensitive dad.

I WAS SADDENED AND ANGRY

This incident occurred while on vacation. I loved vacation except for one aspect: watching fathers deal with their children.

I was sad. And I was angry.

The "interesting" thing was that when I related this observation to my daughter and son-in-law, they proceeded to share with me *their* same discouragement while they were on a recent trip to a theme park.

Their message was the same:

"We had a great time. The only discouraging thing was seeing dads with their children."

I AGREE: IT'S NOT EASY

I am a father and I would be among the first to declare that raising children is not an easy task.

Parts of it are rough. Real rough.

I would also be quick to admit the times I have failed as a father.

But I do hope that no one has ever said this about me after observing my relationship with either my children or grand- children:

"We saw the most discouraging thing today.

This guy was a jerk. The way he treated those kids was awful.

No respect. No honor.

Only demands and unrealistic expectations. I tell ya, it was sad."

WE KNOW THERE IS A BETTER WAY

Let me be quick to add: all is not bad. I have seen many loving, caring fathers throughout the years. I *love* watching those types of dads relate to their children. It is one of my personal delights in life

With that in mind, I am offering a few simple suggestions for a better way: a better way for fathers to relate to their children than the two negative examples I have shared with you.

I will center my suggestions on five themes:

1. Consideration
2. Respect
3. Humility
4. Compassion
5. Love

Two comments as I transition into my suggestions:

*You will quickly discover that this will not be a long and drawn out discussion of these themes. Enjoy.

*Many of the points will be shared through using simple "affirmations" -- or descriptive comments if you please. These affirmations will help you personalize what is said.

So...

We have discussed a few of the "bad boy" characteristics.

Let's turn our attention to five characteristics of the "good boys." That is, men who are determined *not* to be thought of as "one of those insensitive dads."

CONSIDERATION

Consideration says...

"I adjust my expectations according to the needs, maturity level and emotional capabilities of the child I am relating to at the moment."

Because of the important aspects of the statement you just read, I'm going to repeat it and break it down for you.

That's my part.

Yours will be to reflect on each aspect as you read it one more time. Reflect on it through the lens of how you would have liked to be treated as a young-person-in-the-making.

"I adjust
My expectations
According to
The needs,
Maturity level
And emotional capabilities
Of the child
I am relating to
At the moment."

RESPECT

Respect says...

"I see this person entrusted to my care as one who is worthy of my honor, approval and love."

This mental stance provides for me a frame. A frame I wrap around my child *to begin with.* The child is worthy of my honor, approval and love -- from the beginning.

It is a part of the package each child should *sense* in me from "Day One" so-to-speak.

HUMILITY

Humility says...

"Because I am still learning, I give my child space and time to learn."

"Because I still fail, I forgive and support my child when he or she fails."

"Because I respond poorly when people are angry with me for reasons I do not understand, I resist all uncontrolled and self-centered anger when dealing with my child."

COMPASSION

Compassion says...

"I am a 'show and tell' person.

*I show my child I care.
*I tell my child I care."

"I strive to be gentle, not harsh."

"I care and my child senses it."

LOVE

Love says... all of the above.

A DISCLAIMER

Let me make something perfectly clear: children can -- and do -- hurt their parents.

Good parents. Parents who in a very real sense lay down their lives for their kids and still get kicked in the guts while trying to help their children be happy and succeed in life.

These parents know a special kind of pain. A pain that no one really wants to understand. I salute those parents.

You may be one of them.

So my disclaimer is...

*I realize this is a two-sided fence

*My purpose is not to add guilt to a conscience already plagued by the "Why's" of their child's bad attitudes and behavior -- in spite of hundreds of hours of trying to do what's right.

Rather, if you happen to be one of those parents -- and especially a dad since that is the topic of these comments -- I want you to hear these words:

"I thank you for trying."

I thank you for trying and for the lonely hours you have spent that only you, and possibly your spouse -- and God -- knows about...

The tears. The heartache and the pain that goes on and on as each new report surfaces about some action or attitude your child has displayed."

For those times, tears and heartache -- I reflect to you my appreciation. And I'm sure I represent only one of many voices that would echo the same to you if they could.

Therefore, review these comments and take note of each positive thing you have done. Take a bow. You deserve it."

Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,

Lee

© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this article. The copyright and this resource box must be included.

How much is A Beautiful Moment In Time worth to you? Stop by and see! Go to -> http://www.motivation-for-daily-living.net

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

NPR

Animated History: The Evolution Of Parenting
NPR
The Great Wall of China. A walk on the moon. Genome sequencing. How did we humans, who share almost all of our DNA with chimpanzees, end up doing all that, while they ended up pretty much where they started? Some scientists will tell you it was ...


KOKI FOX 23

Parenting guide: Reading and playing with children is pivotal to early development
KOKI FOX 23
... contributing writer, assistant editor for parenting website Mybrownbaby and mom to two incredible children. When she is not critiquing art, culture, and society, she is creating beautiful art dolls and unapologetically listening to Trap music ...


Romper

Has Elastigirl Been Doing Most Of The Parenting?
Romper
People just can't help themselves: mom leaves the house for a business trip or a weekend away or a night out with her friends, and the comments begin. Is Dad going to be OK watching the kids all by himself? How did you get him to agree to babysit?


Chicago Tribune

'The worst model of parenting imaginable:' Phones keep us physically present, emotionally removed
Chicago Tribune
Erika Christakis has written a beautiful, troubling essay for The Atlantic that I hope every parent reads. “The Dangers of Distracted Parenting” sounds an alarm about the gradual decrease in the quality, if not the quantity, of the time we spend with ...


Irish Times

Jennifer O'Connell: I'm in the parenting golden age. So why do I feel sad?
Irish Times
“Because a mother's love is God's greatest joke” Anne Enright wrote in The Gathering, in answer to the question I've been asking myself. The brilliant, existential punchline is on me. My household is about to enter, for a nanosecond, the golden age of ...


Fatherly

Kristen Bell Gets Honest and Vulnerable About the Struggles of ...
Fatherly
In a recent interview, actress Kristen Bell opened up her struggles to be a perfect parent and why she feels vulnerable like everyone else.

and more »

WebMD

How 'Helicopter' Parenting Impedes a Child's Development
WebMD
While the researchers only found an association, rather than a cause-and-effect link, they determined that 2-year-olds exposed to this kind of parenting ended up less able to regulate their own emotions and behavior by age 5. That upped the risk for ...
Study shows the detrimental long-term effects of helicopter parentingBig Think
Helicopter parenting is bad for kids, psychologists warnTreehugger
Helicopter parenting may negatively affect children's emotional well-being, behaviorScience Daily
The Guardian -American Psychological Association
all 104 news articles »

Chicago Daily Herald

'You Were Made for This' explores marriage, parenting and deception
Chicago Daily Herald
"You Were Made for This" by Michelle Sacks, Little, Brown, michellesacksauthor.com/, 352 pages. Appearances sometimes are not just deceiving but can hide fissures so deep and fractured that tragedy can seem a surprise when it occurs. Michelle Sacks ...


The Atlantic

The Dangers of Distracted Parenting
The Atlantic
These findings attracted a decent bit of media attention to the physical dangers posed by distracted parenting, but we have been slower to reckon with its impact on children's cognitive development. “Toddlers cannot learn when we break the flow of ...


Entertainment Tonight

Fergie Sweetly Calls Ex Josh Duhamel a 'Good Co-Parenting ...
Entertainment Tonight
The 'M.I.L.F. $' singer opens up about how the amicable exes keep things 'balanced' for their son, Axl Jack.
Fergie calls Josh Duhamel 'good co-parenting partner'WDEL 1150AM

all 21 news articles »
Google News

Parents Complaints --- Arrogant Public Schools Turn a Deaf Ear

School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More

Teaching Respect And Values In Todays Society

The girl's jaw dropped in horror as the police officer... Read More

How Effective Are Ritalin and Dexedrine in Treating the Symptoms of ADHD?

Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More

Parenting: Blending Familes - 9 Universal Laws

The law of -ing.The law of -ing refers to a... Read More

How to Prepare for Labor

Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman... Read More

Are You Reading to Your Kids?

Over a number of years there have been issues raised... Read More

How to Put Your Kids (Or Grandkids) On the Fast Track to Success

Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More

Illegal and Legal Drug Usage in the United States

How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the... Read More

Career Education: Does Not Mean the 6 Year College Plan

Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More

Muscle Pain And Children Do Not Mix

I am in pain. I've been in pain all day.... Read More

How to Raise Creative Kids

"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More

STOP Parental Alienation Syndrome before It Gets a Chance to START

Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by... Read More

Public School Sex-Education Classes --- Bad News For Parents and Children

One of parents' most important duties is to protect their... Read More

Minimizing Homework Hassles

John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comParents ? Minimize Homework Hassles?It's... Read More

Choosing Names For Twins

There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More

Time Out for Adults

"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: How to Build Trust

``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend... Read More

Homeschooling ? Can I Do It?

Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More

Power Foods for a Powerful School Lunch

There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More

Teaching Your Child To Lift a Car

Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More

Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Adolescents

The distressed adolescent often has feelings of abandonment, emotional detachment,... Read More

Encourage Your Children Potential By Your Modeling

All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More

Choosing a Daycare or Pre-School ? Top Ten Safety Tips

When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More

Lets Pretend

Children explore the world around them and learn through pretend... Read More

Second Letter to My Daughter

Dear Camille,As I thumb through the photographs that I carry... Read More