Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Adolescents

The distressed adolescent often has feelings of abandonment, emotional detachment, withdrawal, and isolation. These children begin to develop an intense anger directed towards an adult society that they feel has hurt them and does not understand them. Parents need to to learn how to build relationships with these children and this can be accomplished through a process of emotional coaching, of allowing the child to express their feelings without judgment while providing clear guidance, limits, and expectations. It is often inconsistency and lack of clear guidance from parents that further the struggles for these children who then begin to seek guidance from misinformed peers. These children need love, affection, and a non-judgmental atmosphere. If love does not come from a meaningful and sustainable adult relationship then it will take on a new and contorted character where the concept of 'love' cmes from trying to be accepted by peers (even if they be negative ones) as the child will know that they will find a source of non-judgment and will be 'liked' even if it causes their eventual self-destruction. Affection that is not provided by adults who should be responsible, is then replaced by irresponsible sexual activity where the teen not only seeks for pleasure in a world that often provides only hurt, but feels once again that through sex, they can find a sense of acceptance and supposed emotional connection.

Some teens are so hurt and are suffering from the adults in their lives and the chaotic environment in which they dwell, that they turn to 'radical rebellion'. This can be seen with those children who are 'cutters' as well as those into such movements as punk and goth. With cutters, the emotional pain and trauma they have experienced is so intense, that their mental anguish manifests itself physically through the act of cutting. For the goth teen, who dwells in a world of emotional darkness and frequent experiences of despair, once again, this mental anguish displays itself in physical signs through the wearing of dark clothing, dark objects, body piercings and fascination with things associated with death. There are also those teens who involve themselves in gangs as they are seeking a sense of connection with a 'family', even if this 'family' causes them to engage in dangerous behavior. The desire for a connection with someone who they feel will accept them outweighs their thoughts any sense of danger or risk.

Teens are seeking autonomy, but they must be taught by responsible adults that this autonomy they desire also comes with responsibility. Many teens who are distressed feel that they are controlled and are criticized. Rarely, are distressed teens positives and strengths accentuated but teachers, parents, and others frequently focus on the negative. The child enters despair and has no motivation or drive to change because they have been taught by the adults around them the attitude of 'why bother' and the feeling that they are without worth.

Parents and others must stop looking at the child as the 'problem' or try through various means to uncover some 'hidden problem' or try to blame the problem on others. If the parent can be honest and instropective, no matter how difficult and even painful that may be, they will find that there are ways that they can help alleviate the suffering of their child and they may even uncover that there were ways they contibuted to this suffering. This does not mean the parent must wallow in guilt, but rather to recognize the things that must change for the teen and the family to have a more harmonious relationship.

Dan L. Edmunds is a noted therapist and consultant with children and families who ahve experienced trauma and emotional challenges. Edmunds is a doctoral candidate (abd) in Pastoral Community Counseling.

In The News:

Data Driven Parenting  ForbesA leading economist helps you dig through the empirical evidence on parenting, and the result is essential reading.
Survey shows big parenting guilt over social media and time with kids  Stuff.co.nzKiwi parents feel like they are not spending enough time with their kids and parenting expert Nathan Wallis says they probably aren't. The nib State of the Nation ...
Parenting Corner - Autism and dental health  NewzHookDental or oral hygiene is part of a healthy lifestyle for everyone. Experts point out the need for regular dental checkups to maintain the health of our teeth and ...
Viewers slam This Morning guest who says 'parenting is a shared enterprise'  Daily MailA woman who branded single women who have babies with sperm donors 'selfish' has provoked a furious debate, after arguing that 'parenting is a shared ...
Vaccine FAQs | UNICEF Parenting  UNICEFParents' most frequently asked questions about vaccines.
Parenting styles: which style of parenting do you follow and how is it impacting your kids?  goodtoknowThere's a vast range of parenting styles and the different impact they have on kids, but do you know which one you follow?
Woman sparks co-parenting debate after complaining she ‘procreated with an idiot’  Yahoo FinanceWoman who "procreated with an idiot" sparks debate after she says she worries about the impact he is having on her child.
Why Parenting Without Yelling Is Better for Kids — and You  Thrive GlobalBy Leah Campbell. I'm not a yeller by nature, so the first time I really screamed at my daughter, it caught not only her attention, but also the attention of the two ...
35 Hilarious Parenting Tweets From Conan O'Brien  HuffPostConan O'Brien knows the ups and downs of fatherhood. The late-night talk show host has a son, Beckett, and daughter, Neve, with his wife, Liza Powel O'Brien.
The Most Important Study I've Read On Parenting In The Age Of Anxiety  ForbesYale docs say you are probably making your anxious child more anxious. Here's how to stop.
Not-so-shared parenting: families lose out by £10,000 with a stay-at-home dad  Telegraph.co.ukStay-at-home dads can leave their families thousands of pounds worse off because of flaws in policies meant to free working mothers from the nursery.
Meghan Markle, Prince Harry: How the royals raise a baby  TODAYPrince William, Kate, Prince Harry and Meghan embrace modern parenting, but a royal childhood once was a lonely affair handled by governesses, tutors and ...
All parenting is hard. Don’t compare yourself with others.  The Washington PostParents belittle their legitimate struggles and heartaches because they somehow feel it isn't enough to be worked up over. But we're all struggling and need to ...
Positive Parenting: This Style of Parenting Negatively Affects Kids' Relationships  9&10 NewsRelationships help reduce stress and contribute to better physical and mental health. But a new study shows a particular style of parenting can have negative ...
I spent a week asking parents to share their top parenting tips — here are the 9 best things they told me  INSIDERBecoming a new parent can be an overwhelming experience. I asked parents for their best advice.
Growing up fast: why parenting in your 20s is the new punk  The GuardianWith the average age of first-time parents over 30 and rising, having kids in your 20s is increasingly unusual. So what is it like swapping nights out with friends, ...
Why an ancient religious text is the best parenting book I've read in years  CNNThe Jewish holiday of Passover has a lot of good advice about raising kids. It encourages us to point our children in the right direction and then allow their minds ...
What to do when you disagree on parenting  FeminaTwo individuals in a relationship are bound to have a difference of opinion every now and then, even pertaining to their child. What matters is the way in which ...
Akinropo to unveil book for mothers on parenting  The PunchOlushola Ricketts A Parenting Development Consultant, Akinola Akinropo, is currently putting finishing touches on his new book entitled, Mummy No...
Growing pains: Myth of carefree childhood  The Indian ExpressFrom our adult tinted glasses, we like to assume that the young have it so easy. We talk about the good old days of our childhood when we had no care or the ...
Imagine: Growing pains and the myth of a carefree childhood  The Indian ExpressWe hear our kids have a problem and we want to jump into a full rescue mode. But hold on and instead ask them how they think you could help. If they feel they ...
Emily Oster crunches parenting data so you don’t have to  WTOPNEW YORK (AP) — Breastfeeding, sleep training, food allergies: Parents navigate an onslaught of decisions, particularly fraught from birth to preschool when ...
"Adopt Me!": Why People Are Praising Charlize Theron's Parenting  Refinery29"Who [my children] want to be is not for me to decide."
Parenting three boys is like trying to solve the riddle of the fox, chicken and grain  The GuardianWe're on the farm going back and forth between mini golf and kids' disco, while my son grapples with sibling-based Fomo. Romesh Ranganathan. Sat 13 Apr ...
Lori Loughlin Might Use "Parenting On Steroids" As Defense In College Scandal  Refinery29Lori Loughlin is accused of participating in a college scandal that helped get her daughters into USC.
Parenting tips: Signs and symptoms of ADHD that could mean your child suffers from the chronic disorder  Times NowADHD is not a childhood disorder, but the symptoms of the disorder start showing up from childhood itself.
Why 'lawnmower parenting' is like robbing your kids — and how to actually help them  NBC NewsThe recent “Operation Varsity Blues” scandal is an extreme example, but this parenting tactic is more common than you may think.
Seminar on parenting attracts parents, children alike  The HinduSNV Global School in association with The Hindu held a seminar titled 'Effective Parenting' here on Saturday.Around 200 parents and students in and around ...
Instead of parenting race, let’s focus on raising happy children  Hindustan TimesI recently attended a parenting workshop that got me thinking about our incessant efforts to become better parents. But in this age of nuclear families, who do we ...
Baby Boomers and the Art of Parenting Adult Kids  The Wall Street JournalMany baby boomers are more involved with their grown children than previous generations, and struggle to let them go.
How Princess Diana was a parenting role model for Prince Harry  AOLPrincess Diana didn't let her sons get too wrapped up in royal life and tried her hardest to give them "normal" experiences.
What my daughter’s Make-A-Wish trip taught me about parenting, and myself  The Washington Post“Parenting is a big responsibility,” everyone said, eyeing my growing belly and the baby already on my hip. “You think it's hard with one? Two is a hundred times ...
The Data All Guilt-Ridden Parents Need  The New York TimesWhat science tells us about breast-feeding, sleep training and the other agonizing decisions of parenthood.
5 Parenting Styles, Explained - Common Parenting Types to Know  GoodHousekeeping.comWhile there's no one right way to parent, researchers have been studying different parenting styles and the effects they have on kids for years. Many of these ...
PARENTING TODAY: Summer camp should be a break from parents  The Tri-City NewsSummer camp offers kids experiences they will not find elsewhere, and I am a big fan. This is not surprising because research shows that 90 per cent of people ...
How to Discipline Without Yelling or Spanking  The New York TimesTips for when your child is pushing you to the brink.
Here’s What Happens When You Give Unsolicited Parenting Advice  The New York TimesMy husband and I visited our son's family in another state. While there, I noticed my daughter-in-law treating their older son (17) almost cruelly. (She yelled at ...
Who the Heck Is Patrick?  SlateCare and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Email [email protected] or post it in the Slate Parenting ...
The Many Shades of Fear-Based Parenting  Psychology TodayThe enemy of trustful parenting is fear. Here is a taxonomy and description of maladaptive, fear-based parenting styles—helicopter, snowplow, fuel-injector, tiger ...
On Parenting: Meghan Leahy took your questions about parenting  Washington PostMeghan Leahy, a parenting coach with Positively Parenting, joined On Parenting editor Amy Joyce to talk about parenting children of all ages. Amy Joyce.
Wine mums: Why sober parenting is the way forward in a society that worships alcohol  The IndependentMy husband and I sat in the corner of a dimly lit restaurant on a Saturday night. Waiters flitted from one table to the next. I zeroed in on a table to my right.
Parenting in the Time of Measles  The New York TimesAs many as half of the home-schooled kids I encounter are not vaccinated.
How to calculate your pregnancy in weeks and months  The Indian ExpressThere are about 40 weeks in a pregnancy, starting from the first day of the prospective mother's last menstrual period. Pregnancy is usually calculated as per the ...
Adele + her husband Simon Konecki have split, but are committed to co-parenting  Motherly Inc.Adele's albums have soothed many hearts through hard times, and now she's going through a big relationship transition of her own. The singer is separating ...
Watch: To understand autism, look each other in the eye  The Indian ExpressWhen her son was diagnosed with autism, Carina Morillo knew almost nothing about the condition. Since Ivan didn't react to words or speak, she talks about ...
Lori Loughlin Eyes 'Parenting on Steroids' Defense In College Scandal – SheKnows  SheKnowsLori Loughlin and her husband Mossimo Giannulli may argue they were manipulated into paying around $500000 to get their daughters into USC.
On Our Radar: Check out this Kamloops parenting workshop  Kamloops MattersIf you have kids and you're at your wits' end, you may want to check out an upcoming parenting workshop. Dr. Vanessa Lapoint, a South Surrey-based ...
Positive Parenting: How toddler playtime affects kids as teens  WKOWMADISON (WKOW) — When it comes to kids, parents, and playtime, we often think of dads as being loud and physical, while moms are not. Researchers ...
Bethel donates to Legacy Parenting Center  Shawnee News StarBethel Lower Elementary recently collected and donated supplies to the Legacy Parenting Center in Shawnee. The BLE Gifted and Talented program promoted ...
Justin Timberlake Bonded with Tiger Woods Over Parenting While Famous  TMZNot many people know what it's like to balance parenthood with global mega-fame -- but Tiger Woods and Justin Timberlake do ... and JT says it's brought them ...
When parenting becomes a religion, college admissions officers become high priests  Washington PostThe dangerous leap from kids as 'legacy' to conceiving them as our pathway to eternal life.
Motherkind: the podcast antidote to the 'toxic perfectionism' of modern parenting  Telegraph.co.ukNot many mothers will be surprised by the statistic that nearly 90 per cent of women feel guilty during the course of their maternal journey.
'Santa Clarita Diet': What Is Drew Barrymore's Parenting Style in Real Life?  The Cheat SheetDrew Barrymore is one of Hollywood's most well-known actresses. She has been in a plethora of famous movies: The Wedding Singer (1998), Never Been ...
The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (April 13-19)  HuffPostKids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from ...
A New Look at Parenting and Children's Happiness in College  Psychology TodayNew research shows that parents who take over the college admissions process deprive children of crucial developmental support.
PARENTING CONNECTION: Establish a Set of Family Rules  WLNSLANSING, Mi. - (WLNS-TV). It's Parenting Connection Tuesday and 6 News is here for you with tips, strategies, and helpful reminders from local child ...
Is China Parenting Network Holdings Limited's (HKG:1736) CEO Paid Enough Relative To Peers?  Yahoo Finance UKThe CEO of China Parenting Network Holdings Limited (HKG:1736) is Li Cheng. This analysis aims first to contrast CEO compensation with other companies ...
PARENTING: What it means to really see our children  Sarasota Herald-TribuneThere's a young mom we know whom we have come to deeply admire. She posts great pictures on her public Instagram account and one recently caught our ...
Parenting a precocious child  Pune MirrorRaising children has become signifi cantly complicated. Over the past few months, as I stumbled from one parenting challenge to another, I realised, to my ...
Healthy Boundaries in Parenting  WCAI"Snowplow parents" are emerging as a hyper-intensive version of "helicopter parenting." It's when parents plow ahead of their children, trying to clear.
Thrive Global, Little Spoon Launch Parenting Hub 'Is This Normal' 04/18/2019  MediaPost CommunicationsArianna Huffington is expanding her media empire with the launch of Is This Normal, in partnership with organic baby-food company Little Spoon and her health ...
Evolution from water to land led to better parenting  Science DailyThe evolution of aquatic creatures to start living on land made them into more attentive parents, says new research on frogs.
Parenting podcasts: The shows to tune in to for the good, the bad, and the messy parts of parenting  Evening StandardParenting is political: whether you do decide to have children or don't decide to have them, whether you breastfeed or use a bottle, whether you choose public ...
'Half of Irish mothers' feel failure over 'picture perfect' parenting culture  BreakingNews.ieA culture of picture perfect parenting causes more than half of Irish parents to feel like they are failing, research has found. The new global study has revealed ...
How to know whether you're a 'helicopter parent' and why it matters  CNNFinding a sweet spot between supporting our children and controlling them is what's needed for them, us and society at large.
Managing Is Like Parenting. Here's How To Lead In A Way That Brings Out The Best In Your Employees  Inc.There's an art to nurturing people around you. Here's how.
Engaged Parenting as Spiritual Practice  Lion's RoarFor years, Buddhist practitioner Leslie Davis felt she was too busy being a mother to practice Thich Nhat Hanh's tradition of "Engaged Buddhism" properly.
Middle-Aged Parenting Is Underrated: Being a Dad in My 40s Is the Best  FatherlyMiddle age isn't about getting fat, losing hair, and buying impractical toys. This stereotype overlooks the gift of parenting in middle age: living in the middle of ...
Forget the buzzwords about parenting styles, let's just be present  The Boston GlobeEvery generation has a *fresh* take on parenting, its own personal stamp on how children should be raised. Lately, though, it seems we hear of a new style every ...
Mom Captures 'Ridiculous' Parenting Moments In Funny Doodles  HuffPostAs a stay-at-home mom, Meredith Bartolo Pappas discovered that doodling about the “ridiculous moments” she witnessed daily with her kids became a way to ...
PARENTING: Are you a parent- or child-focused parent?  Sarasota Herald-TribuneWe know parenting is often a thankless job. You pretty much kiss sleeping goodbye for about 18 years because even after they “sleep through the night” they still ...
Old-fashioned parenting wasn't as superior as it's made out to be, writes Portland historian  OregonLiveTherese Oneill's "Ungovernable: The Victorian Parent's Guide to Raising Flawless Children" exposes the flawed thinking of the era.
Our Parenting Essentials as a Couple with Disabilities  Hemophilia News TodayAs columnist Alliah Czarielle and her husband, Jared, settle into parenthood, she shares a list of the items they consider to be parenting essentials.
Parenting support club Bounty fined in 'unprecedented' data breach  Data Protection ReportOn 12 April, the Information Commissioners Office (ICO) fined Bounty, a pregnancy and parent support club, £400000 for illegally sharing personal data On 12 ...
PARENTING: Your child’s career is not your call  Sarasota Herald-TribuneWhen Facebook first became popular, we both reconnected with people we hadn't spoken to in 20 or more years. Once a friend request was accepted, a private ...
4 Myths About Same-Sex Parenting That Need To Be Busted  Feminism in IndiaDrawing from the experiences of people who are personally affected by this issue, let's break down these harmful myths about same-sex parenting.
Tips from Vance County Parenting Task Force Teaching New Skills  The Daily DispatchBy Jamon Glover. It's easy to resort to spanking because it's immediate. Getting that quick result can be addictive to parents, but what does it do for the child?
As a Black Mother, My Parenting Is Always Political  The NationTo care for, protect, and prepare our children for adulthood, black moms cannot merely accept the world as it is.
Kim Kardashian Reveals Her Secret to Parenting Three Kids: 'You Just Have to Wing It'  PEOPLE.com"My sisters and I are in a group chat, always getting parenting advice," Kim Kardashian West told Vogue for their "73 Questions" series.
ANOTHER VIEW: Parenting An English Learner | Opinion  Gazette NewspapersMy name is Maria Miranda and I was born in Colima, Mexico. I am the ninth of three brothers and seven sisters. I studied administration in Mexico where I was an ...
Commit a Crime, Take A Parenting Class?  California GlobeThe unbelievable legislation coming out of the California State Legislature seeking to make life easier for criminals is disconcerting. Bills proposing to reduce ...
Text message reminders helped divorce, parenting cases  WCAXNew Hampshire's judicial branch says that its pilot program offering text message reminders to people involved in a divorce or parenting case reduced the ...
In ‘Game of Thrones’ Good Parenting Means Passing Along the Skill of Murder  FatherlyIf there's one thing Game of Thrones is famous for, it's killing off characters. From the shocking season one beheading of Eddard “Ned” Stark to the infamous Red ...
Kids in the Capital City: No one tells you about the parenting blues  CultureMap AustinAre you there, anxiety? It's me, Mikela. The postpartum blues are a very real thing, but the parenting blues? That's something I wasn&rsquo.
School Principal’s Viral Rant Accuses Countless Parents of Cheating  FatherlyA Kentucky principal is winning the Internet with a video following the college admissions scandal that accuses many parents of breaking rules to get ahead.
The parenting milestone I wasn't prepared for  Sydney Morning HeraldAfter almost a decade of parenting, I thought I was ready for this, but it turns out I wasn't. I didn't expect to spend all day — and much of the night — looking at my ...
WaterWipes New Global Campaign Promotes Realistic Parenting  B&TWaterWipes, the world's purest baby wipes, has launched #ThisIsParenthood in over eight countries. The project is in direct response to research that shows the ...
Mothers Who Make Liberation: New Book Explores Black Parenting as Political Practice  Rewire.NewsDani McClain's We Live for the We: The Political Power of Black Motherhood is both memoir and a collective parenting primer based on Black women's stories ...
Equal protection is about justice, not parenting styles  HolyroodThe overwhelming evidence shows 'justifiable assault' causes harm, promotes violence and is a breach of children's rights.
Are We Overreacting to "Snowplow Parenting?"  Psychology TodayIn the recent college admissions scandal, some wealthy parents allegedly bribed and lied to get their kids into certain colleges. Although we've known for a long ...
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read review: It made me angry  The Irish TimesPhilippa Perry's view on parenting is admirable, but regrettably simplistic.
When Your Kid Realizes Bedtime Is a Scam  The New York Times[Click here to get NYT Parenting in your inbox once a week.] Hello, and welcome to the first installment of the NYT Parenting newsletter! I'm Jess Grose, the lead ...
First thoughts: Parenting problems, Murdoch’s family drama, and how genre stormed the mainstream  New StatesmanOne recent morning, after having struggled even more than usual to get my two children to nursery and school on time, I felt moved to share the list of irrational ...
Why Do 4-Year-Olds Love Talking About Death?  The New York TimesEaster may bring up dark questions from your preschooler. Here's how to answer them.
Our Irrational Cruelty to Pregnant or Parenting People Who Use Drugs  TalkingDrugsKeri, now 35 and studying to become an addiction treatment counselor in Illinois, learned she was pregnant in 2016.
Stop letting your kids stare at iPads in restaurants, science says  CNNIt may seem innocuous and convenient, but research suggests that screens during meals have a big downside.
The Early Years: Children with developmental disabilities and early childhood intervention  The Indian ExpressThere is evidence that providing support and services for infants and young children with early developmental impairments and their families can alter the child's ...
Gary Barlow on parenting: 'Sometimes I'm a good dad, sometimes I'm terrible' - Lifestyle from Xposé - Virgin Media Television  virginmediatelevision.ieAs Take That start their Greatest Hits tour, Gary Barlow opens up about family life. By Katie Wright and Lisa Salmon.
China's BabyTree invests in Omidyar-backed parenting platform Healofy  VCCircleVivoiz Healthtech Pvt. Ltd, which owns and operates maternity and childcare social networking platform Healofy, has raised $8 million (around Rs 55 crore) in ...
The rise of snowplow parenting  The Week MagazineA version of this story appeared earlier in The New York Times. Used with permission. Nicole Eisenberg's older son has wanted to be a star of the stage since he ...

Keeping Your Children Safe

The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More

What a Parent Must Do to Stop Online Predators

Teens can freely access the Internet from computers at school,... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 8 Things You Need to Be Doing

Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: How to Say NO!

Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs... Read More

So, My Child Has Been Recommended for Testing - What Do I Do Now?

You've just received a call from your child's teacher. As... Read More

5 Steps to Raising an Optimistic Child

I had just completed a session with 17-year old Julie... Read More

Parenting: Blending Familes - 9 Universal Laws

The law of -ing.The law of -ing refers to a... Read More

Crazy Colors Fun Kid Experiment as a Party Activity

Here is an easy, inexpensive and fun kid experiment for... Read More

Time To Connect With Your Teen

While on a recent trip to the grocery store, I... Read More

How to Put Your Kids (Or Grandkids) On the Fast Track to Success

Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 3 Ways to Make the Time

Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More

Why First Borns Fuss, Seconds Are Resilient and Last Borns Like To Laugh

How can two or three children in the same family... Read More

Backpacks and Bullies. Is Your Child Prepared?

As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More

Potty Training Caveats- Dont Start Too Soon

The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More

A New Idea For Kids Party Parties: Hiring A Caricaturist Can Make Your Kids Party A Real Blast!

There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More

How To Develop Your Babys Brain

Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to... Read More

When Your Chicks Leave the Nest

When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More

Time Managment Skills for Children

Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults... Read More

Sometimes Our Childrens Questions Answer Our Own

I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More

6 Ways to Communicate Clearly with Your Teen

How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More

Internet Dangers - Protecting Children from Internet Jeopardy

Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More

What You Can Learn About Life From Your Children

You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More

Whos Teaching Your Child About Money?

Managing money is one of the most critical skills we... Read More

Motherhood is a Perfect Adventure

How often do you think of family life as an... Read More

How To Homeschool Without Making Your Child An Outcast

If you are currently homeschooling or considering homeschooling your child,... Read More