Does Sexual Abuse Usually Occur Just Once?

Your daughter tells you that Uncle Charley has touched her bottom and she doesn't like to sit on his lap anymore! Should you believe your child? Yes.

Your initial reaction is to confront Uncle Charley, who tells you that your child is making it up and even if it did happen, he will never do it again.

He promises he will never ever touch another child inappropriately and you want to believe him. Should you believe him? Probably not.

Perhaps abuse will occur just once with a certain child, but most pedophiles will just cast their eye for a more amiable victim. It is usually not the first time the molester has done this. Nor will it be the last time, even if the child convinces the molester to leave him or her alone. Offenders who have been caught tell researchers that nobody does it just once.

This is a compulsive act which stems from compulsive thought patterns. Pedophiles have repetitive sexual fantasies involving children usually in one age group or gender. Some may be able to contain those fantasies and thought patterns and not act upon them. and they do not become offenders. The perpetrator feels compelled to abuse on a regular basis, especially when things are not going well in their life, or they are under stress. Most offenders abuse more than one hundred times before they are caught. Many will re-offend after serving their time in custody.

Sex abusers will continue the same sick patterns until they are physically stopped or the fear of intervention on the part of the molester becomes very evident. They may be abusing or grooming more than one child at the same time. For instance, if a teacher is caught and arrested for molesting a student in his/her classroom, the chances are high that they have tried to molest others in the class and other classes they have taught.

It is the same for those who commit incest: very rarely is it just one victim. The molestations sometimes continue for months or years starting first with a good touch such as backrubs or tickling. But then it escalates into a touch that is inappropriate. The relationship is usually broken off only when it is discovered accidentally or when a child tells an adult who believes them.

Unfortunately, parents or other adults often think the child is lying, particularly if the abuser is someone familiar to the family or a member of the family. It is a rare exception for a child to make up stories about having been sexually abused. Due to lack of understanding, many parents may blame and shame the victim, especially if the abuse has gone on for some time.

It is not the child's fault! As a caring adult and the protector or your child and others who might have been affected and most certainly will, if the offender is not stopped, you must tell the proper authorities. It is important to your child that they see that you will believe them and act on their word. It is also important to the community that the sexual abuse, no matter how seemingly innocent the offender may try to make it out, is documented. Pick up the phone now and call the police; they will give you and your child guidance and support.

© Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator, www.artichokePress.com

This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or [email protected]

In The News:

How Children Evolved to Whine  The New York Times
Open-access parenting programme shows promise  University of Cape Town News

Homeschooling --- A Superior Education For Your Child

Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More

Public Schools Can Cripple Your Childrens Ability To Read

For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless.... Read More

The Secret, Unconscious Game Children and Parents Play Where No One Wins!

Did you know there's a game children and parents play... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: When is it OK to Quit?

Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and... Read More

When Your Childs Adoption Story Changes: Nothing But the Facts or is It Nothing are the Facts?

Elana, born in Russia, was told "We really don't know... Read More

The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them: Top 5 Internet Safety Tips

The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More

Diapers: Do You Choose Disposable Or Reusable?

Diapers..Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of... Read More

Build Character Now! Practical Tools for Busy Parents

"To educate a person in mind and not in morals... Read More

Top 20+ Reasons to Pay your Kid an Allowance

1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More

The Real Problem With Todays Teenagers (And Why Most Parents Just Dont Get It!)

An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More

Misplaced Passion

"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys... Read More

ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, part two

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More

How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering

When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out... Read More

Raising a Tobacco-Free Kid

We begin forming healthy habits at a young age. With... Read More

How To Be Your Childs Sex Educator

The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Back to School Blues

Q: Our son has been in honors classes all through... Read More

Free Stuff for Twins: Incentives for Parents of Multiple Births

A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More

The Importance of Fathers

There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading... Read More

Are You Addicted to Your Children?

Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More

Child Safety at Home

Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More

Organizing a Car Wash Fundraiser

The key to a successful car wash fundraiser event is... Read More

Elephants and Teenagers

Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More

My Children

I have been a single mom for almost 20 years.... Read More

15 Ways to Help Kids Like Themselves

1. Tell me something you like about yourself? Help your... Read More

Loving Your Step-Children

Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It... Read More