Is My Child Lazy?

Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do some children move as if in slow motion? Is this normal or are they just trying to irritate you? You may be surprised to learn that a great many factors come into play when a child appears to be lazy; stage of growth, hormones, hunger, motivation, lack of clear directions and maybe even sleep deprivation.

I have never taught my workshop of "Kids, Chores & More" when there hasn't been at least two parents of 11 year old boys lamenting that their sons are so lazy. Actually, they aren't lazy. They are growing. It takes so much energy for young boys to develop muscles, long bones etc. that they don't have much left over to run the vacuum or take out the garbage.

FOOD AND REST MAKE A BIG DIFFERNCE.

I also found, with our son at that age, that what I regarded as an attitude problem was solved somewhat by making sure he had plenty of food and adequate rest. He was growing so fast that it took many more calories to just get through the day than it had months before. It was a real eye opener to us to find that he needed 3,000 calories a day and ten hours of sleep.

MAKE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF THE CHILD

While no two children and their families are exactly alike, careful studies and reports of thousands of normal children have made it possible to somewhat monitor the ages and stages of a growing child. While doing research on motivating kids to help at home, it was obvious that parents were frustrated by the lack of willingness to pitch in and do their share of household maintenance.

In my books and workshops I stress the importance of evaluating the physical, mental and emotional levels of each age group. Perhaps the task is too hard, or even too easy. It may be that your child is overwhelmed by the assignment or even unchallenged. Surprisingly, children like a project that they can succeed with but that allows them some creativity. So instead of just assigning the dishes to be unloaded, how about asking for the dish cupboards to be cleaned and rearranged.

ALLOW THEM TO OWN THE PROBLEM

Parents frequently complain that the children are not doing their tasks, but what they really feel is that they are not being done "the right way" which is their way. When the child knows that the parent will complain, redo or criticize the work, it is easier to not start. While it is not necessary, nor honest to praise work that is done sloppy, it is not our job to redo or to criticize the worker. If the job truly belongs to the child, then allow them to do it in their way.

In any new endeavor, it takes about five months of consistent, daily attention before it becomes automatic action. In order to change habits, we may have to try many different tactics. Children easily become bored, and we forget to follow through.

Most children thrive on structure, routine and schedules. When we set limits and realistic expectations it gives a sense of security and boundaries which are actually comforting to the child. Many parents, me included, often think our children dislike limits because they test them so often.

However, children are just testing the boundaries and rules because they seek frequent reassurance that we mean what we say and are prepared to enforce the limits. Hopefully, we have discussed the rationale of said limits in a family council and there is a clear understanding of the rules and consequences and they understand that our role is not a slave driver, but rather a kind and loving parent who will give loving guidelines which will enrich their life and teach them to self govern.

DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

Many of the irritating things a child does on daily basis at home happen because the child doesn't know any better, is incapable of handling the task or because he or she is trying to get our attention. If we can combine appropriate working principles with positive and encouraging attention, our homes are bound to be more functional and happy.

So, don't give up! Be determined to work as a family to become more aware of what needs to be done to keep daily life running smoothly. Make a conscious effort to gather the tools, learn new skills, practice innovative methods and face each day with a positive expectancy that you and your family will succeed.

Good luck and God bless. You do the most important work in the world.

Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator

© www.ArtichokePress.com

This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or [email protected]

In The News:

New Year, New Parent: Bring Out the Best in Your Parenting  United States ArmyWith the new year comes that itch to become a new and improved you. Some make resolutions to exercise more, spend less money, be more organized, ...
The Year's Best Hacks for Parenting Teens  LifehackerEach stage of parenting has its challenges. There's the newborn phase where you don't know what the hell you're doing, the toddler phase where they won't ...
Is 'platonic parenting' the relationship of the future?  BBC NewsAs traditional notions of family get redefined, some people are choosing to raise children as platonic partners.
Are you prepared for the "Parenting Hangover?"  WILX-TVUofM survey finds parents are ill-equipped to handle parenting duties the day after a holiday cocktail party.
One in 4 parents not prepared for 'parenting hangovers' this holiday season  EurekAlertANN ARBOR, Mich. -- Parents may plan for transportation and childcare ahead of holiday gatherings but are they prepared for a potential, day-after "parenting ...
1950s-style parenting urgently needed  The Citizen.comA Wisconsin pediatrician wants his newspaper to eject my column, giving as one of his complaints that I hew “to the idea that the world of the 1950s was the ...
Research proves it — traditional parenting works better | Rosemond  Reno Gazette JournalThe fact is, children need unequivocal authority as much as they do unconditional love.
A working mum shares her eight guilt-free parenting shortcuts  9HoneyThese parenting shortcuts are perfect for mums and dads juggling work with child raising. Read more.
PARENTING: Being ungrateful poses a host of problems  Sarasota Herald-TribuneWe have come a long way from “children should be seen and not heard.” But, in some ways, the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction that an alien ...
Parenting Traps And Myths  The Jewish Press - JewishPress.comQ: How can I raise confident and most importantly self-sufficient children? I am always looking to help my children learn to take care of themselves. How do I get ...
Fayette County offers free parenting workshops  Atlanta Journal ConstitutionA series of free workshops sponsored by Fayette County Public Schools will offer guided steps for be...
12 Lovely Parenting Quotes From Christina Aguilera | HuffPost Life  HuffPostChristine Aguilera in West Hollywood in April 2016. She has a 10-year-old son, Max, and a 4-year-old daughter, Summer. Christina Aguilera is familiar with the ...
Second Chance grant offers parenting program for incarcerated parents  WDVM 25The Washington County Board of County Commissioners approved a sub-grantee award for the Second Chance grant.
This Christmas, spend quality time with the kids. Here's how  The Indian ExpressFestivals and holidays are a great time to bond with children. For parents, one can use the occasion as inspiration for themed activities. For instance, during ...
Letter: Shared parenting should be default for divorcing parents  The Columbus DispatchI thank The Dispatch for publicizing the inequality of the courts when handling divorce and "what is best for the child" ("Ohio courts' parenting plans are debated," ...
Christmas 2018: 8 tips for hosting children’s party  The Indian ExpressThe main objective of your party is to allow children to enjoy themselves. Start planning for the party at least a week in advance to avoid any last-minute chaos.
Parenting segment: Combating the holiday blues  Live 5 News WCSCWith the extra added demands and pressure of shopping, parties, family obligations as well as house guests some might have feelings of anxiety and become ...
The UAB Mix - Stopping child abuse by understanding parenting and “how it goes awry”  The MixIn her Parenting Challenges with Kids Lab, psychologist Christina Rodriguez studies a wide range of parenting behaviors and approaches. When Christina...
This family’s unique Christmas cards perfectly sum up the chaos of parenting  Irish ExaminerOne family has put a unique spin on their annual Christmas cards by sending a little slice of chaotic family life. For the fifth year in a row, Jonathan Stanley and ...
How to teach your kids non-verbal communication  The Indian ExpressBy Vaibhav Datar. Advertising. Ever wondered how people communicated with each other in ancient times, when there was no verbal language?
Pink claps back at troll who criticized her husband's parenting skills  Today ShowPink has zero patience for the internet shame police — and she's letting them know it again in a epic clap back. When a nasty commenter accused Pink's hubby, ...
3 breathing exercises children can practise to cope with air pollution  The Indian ExpressAir pollution is stunting our children's brains, affecting their health in more ways than we suspected,” said Dr Maria Neira, the WHO director of public health and ...
How parenting fearlessly taught me to live without fear, too  Brooklyn PaperIt was a little more than eight years ago when my first Fearless Parenting column appeared in the Brooklyn Paper. And ever since, the idea — which began as a ...
Being Baba: What’s the one good reason to have a baby?  The Indian ExpressWe were mature enough to take on the mantle of parenthood and equipped for it in every way, but then we started worrying about the world we intended to bring ...
The fun guide to becoming a good parent  The Irish TimesPsychologist shares 'effective parenting' tips for a happy home.
How one parent helped change the conversation around parenting with a disability  ABC LifeOver the past two months, the series We've Got This has broken down barriers and challenged the misconceptions around parenting with disability.
Parenting just got a whole lot easier thanks to these clever tips, including cleaning toys in the dishwasher  The Irish SunMums and dads have been sharing some brilliant hacks online.
The Most Magical Word in Parenting  Psychology TodayThere's this one word—a magical little one—that lets us parents balance for our children so much complexity in a single sentiment. It's not our typical go-to words ...
The Only 15 Best Parenting Books Worth Your Money  GoodHousekeeping.comIf the idea of raising a kid without some guidance seems daunting, these parenting books will get you through. These best books for new moms and dads will ...
Parenting with the end result in mind  Montgomery AdvertiserWhat would change in our parenting if we could see the future adults in these little people we are raising?
On Cultural and Technological Parenting  ForbesWhat are the lessons we can learn from the uses of media and public debate that the Ohio father, Matt Cox, who made his daughter walk to school five miles ...
Study: Biggest modern parenting challenge is monitoring child's online activity  WXYZ DetroitA University of Michigan study found that most parents would agree monitoring what their child is doing online is one of the biggest modern parenting ...
Parenting Crisis Sends China's Moms and Dads Back to School  Sixth ToneSHANDONG, East China — Huang Wenjuan never thought there was anything wrong with her approach to parenting until her teenage daughter stormed out of ...
Pink rips fan for questioning Carey Hart's parenting skills: 'Are you even a parent?'  USA TODAYSinger Pink is seeing red after an Instagram commenter came for her husband Carey Hart. Hart, 43, became a target after sharing photos Sunday of the couple's ...
Super child: Play these quick and easy games with your kids  The Indian ExpressA New Character in the Story to Secret Dictionary, here are four games that kids will not only enjoy playing but will also learn various skills in the process, from ...
Crown Princess Mette-Marit attends parenting event in Oslo  Daily MailThe Crown Princess of Norway, 45, joined husband Crown Prince Haakon, 45, at the Fathers Pursuit Organisation in Oslo on Monday.
Pink Shuts Down Troll’s Attempt to Parent Shame Her Husband  FatherlyPink has no patience for parent shaming—especially when it comes to husband Carey Hart. After he was criticized for an Instagram photo showing 23-month-old ...
Is there a parenting crisis in Kenya?  The StandardHeightening inflation, globalisation, conflicts, wars and modernity have had a significant impact on the family and more so parent-child relationships.
Sex Education and Parenting: What We Know  Psychology TodayThere is clear evidence that the foundations for sex education comes from parents and guardians at home.
PARENTING: Helping kids manage relationships  Sarasota Herald-TribuneOur relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives. Great relationships with our family, at work, at school and in the community usually translate ...
How to Manage Split Parenting Time During the Holidays  JD SupraSplitting parenting time with your ex can be challenging especially during the holidays. When you've got extended family visiting from out of town it's hard to cut ...
Classroom friendships may offset effects of harsh parenting: Study  The Indian ExpressThe study has found that angry, threatening and highly critical parenting is more likely to result in children with defiant, non-compliant and revengeful behaviour ...
This Easy Elf on the Shelf TV Hack Is Perfect For Parents Who Have No Ideas Left  POPSUGAR AustraliaIt's Day 18 . . . or something of Elf on the Shelf, and if – like most parents – you are legitimately out of good, or even bad, ideas for where to.
The trick to parenting independent teens requires more than just rules  Aleteia EN"How to raise an independent child with the right values," a video talk by Dr. Justin Coulson, inspires a discussion on effective strategies for parenting teens.
Why helicopter parenting may jeopardize kids' health  PBS NewsHourHas protective parenting gone too far? Several high-profile news stories, along with increasing rates of childhood obesity, anxiety and depression, have sparked ...
Alexa Skills to Change Your Parenting Life  Brit + CoAlexa isn't exactly where the term “mother's little helper” originated (far from it), but that's not to say it can't lend a major hand to moms everywhere. (We're fully ...
Growing up, and parenting, as a refugee  AxiosThe psychological and emotional development of the youngest refugees are being put at risk.
Never Look Too Good Or Talk Too Smart--Part II--Parenting Superpower  ForbesWho would you rather follow: someone who pretends to be perfect (when you know they're not), or someone who's made the same kinds of mistakes you ...
The parenting years haven’t flown by, actually. But here’s why I’m glad.  Washington PostI wouldn't trade these heavy-duty parenting years because they've changed all of us, and made us who we are.
NHS guidance is airbrushing 'fathers' out of parenting, claims think tank  Telegraph.co.ukNHS guidance is airbrushing fathers out of parenting and they are at risk of being seen as a “dispensable extra”, a think tank has claimed.
Dear Parents, Don't Blame 'Fortnite' For Your Bad Parenting And Lazy Kids  ForbesParents are worried that Fortnite is causing their kids to fail at school. Instead of rehab, maybe try some good old-fashioned parenting.
Eliza Hull on parenting with a disability  ABC LifeEliza Hull has spoken with other parents with a disability for her audio series We've Got This.
Sandra Bullock Is Only Getting Her Kids 3 Christmas Gifts For 1 Important Reason  POPSUGAR AustraliaAlthough Sandra Bullock, the 54-year-old actress and mom of two, has a history of going big on Christmas, this year she's scaling back when it comes to getting.
Pink claps back at Instagram parenting critics with sassy message  9HoneyPink has no time for parenting critics. On Thursday, the singer shared an Instagram photo of her son Jameso...
Why Jessa Duggar From 'Counting On' Keeps Getting Criticized for Her Parenting  The Cheat SheetJessa Duggar from "Counting On" has two children of her own, but fans can't seem to stop criticizing her for her parenting choices. Here's why.
Why DNA may matter more than parenting — and what that means for society  SalonParents obviously matter tremendously in their children's lives. They provide the essential physical and psychological ingredients for children's development.
Indiana father writes book on 'Bare Minimum Parenting'  WTHRINDIANAPOLIS (WTHR) - If you're a parent, you've probably wondered once or twice whether you're doing the right things when it comes to raising your kids.
Get Great Parenting Tips While You Parent in the Morning  FatherlyIn the chaos of the morning — in between spilled milk and changed diapers — who has time or emotional bandwidth for the news? How about a little advice from ...
Timeouts are a dated and ineffective parenting strategy. So what’s a good alternative?  Washington PostMost experts agree that punishment is harmful to a child's emotional development and that isolation — the defining quality of timeouts — is a form of punishment.
How to deal with autistic kids during illness  The Indian ExpressA totally new enclosure like a ward or a dentist's office may scare an autistic child. Make the process comfortable. A family once brought their own wing chair to ...
Rose Byrne: Parenting is 'overwhelming' | Entertainment  Hartford City News TimesRose Byrne has admitted being a parent is "so overwhelming" and explained that no advice from others can really "prepare" someone from the responsibility.
Every Time Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell Got Real About Parenting  Us WeeklyDax Shepard and Kristen Bell have been especially open about their experiences parenting daughters Lincoln and Delta — see more.
Parenting: should you raise independent children the 'Swiss' way?  The Local SwitzerlandWhen a ten-year-old boy went missing for a couple of hours in Basel in November his mother was quick to post a photo and a plea for help on the Basel Expat ...
Woman begs Facebook to stop showing her parenting ads after baby’s death — here’s how to avoid upsetting ads  MarketWatchYou can adjust your own advertising to avoid sensitive topics.
Report questions inequities in Ohio parenting plans; standards debated  Massillon IndependentThose standard, or default plans, vary widely by county. And too many of them — in more than 60 of 88 counties — reflect outdated approaches.
How parenting affects antisocial behaviors in children  EurekAlertLess parental warmth and more harshness in the home environment can affect how aggressive children become and whether they lack empathy and a moral ...
Should Ohio divorce courts follow same standard in setting shared parenting?  The Columbus DispatchIdeally, couples who are separating or divorcing come up with a parenting-time schedule agreeable to all parties. But when they don't, Ohio judges might turn to ...
I Feel Guilty About Sending One Kid to Private School When I Can’t Afford to Send the Others  SlateCare and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Email [email protected] or post it in the Slate Parenting ...
The moment I realised my true job as a mum  NEWS.com.auYou were in your pram and pointing at the sky. Thanks to that mysterious knack all parents have of understanding their child's early, garbled speech, I knew what ...
Is God part of good parenting?  CBC.caThis story is part of Amy Bell's column "Parental Guidance" that airs on CBC Radio One's The Early Edition. Raised without religion, I took my parents views on ...
Connections: Discussing free-range parenting and unstructured play  WXXI NewsThe mayor of Ithaca has declared the city to be a “free range kids city.” Mayor Svante Myrick says he believes in the power of play, and Ithaca's.
Reese Witherspoon's tough love approach to parenting  ABC NewsWhen it comes to parenting, Reese Witherspoon believes in full transparency.
WATCH! Will Smith's Sons School Him With Hilarious Parenting Advice  BETJaden and Trey have some wise words for Papa Will.
The Most Pointless Parenting Advice I've Received From Strangers In Public  RomperBeing a parent is hard. With the best preparation and resources and support, it's still a series of fumbling through until you sort of find your groove. And even that ...
Connections: Parenting LGBTQ youth  WXXI NewsA debate erupted over social media when pop culture reporter and Billy Eichner advised parents-to-be to consider how they would react if they found out.
Pink's epic reply to parenting troll who criticised her husband  Yahoo LifestyleP!nk is not here for negative comments about the way she and Carey Hart parent their kids. The badass songstress, 39, smacked down a troll claiming Hart had ...
20 Times 'Teen Mom' Stars Rocked at Co-Parenting  CafeMomWhile not all the 'Teen Mom' stars are still together with their kids' dad, they still know how to co-parent the right way.
Parenting in the Present: 8 Questions Effective Parents Ask Regularly  PsychCentral.comParenting is a demanding role and one that requires constant reflection and adaptation. Children change and what worked in one stage of development most ...
Ask an Expert: Parenting Tips to Help Keep the Holidays Happy  Cache Valley DailyThe holidays can be a magical time of year with great food, movies, traditions and decorations. But they are also a busy time that can cause stress. And when the ...
Mom and Dad Are Fighting: “Welcome to the Man Cave” Edition  SlateListen now: Uploads 2f1516905010671 cxg36pv3386 d18113fe889804ff329c98b9aded52fd 2f01 slate redux podcast cover madaf.jpg?ixlib=rails. Megaphone ...
Harsh parenting can be buffered by warm relationships with teachers, peers  WSAU NewsBy Linda Carroll (Reuters Health) - - Children whose parents often threaten and criticize them are more likely to become defiant and aggressive, research shows ...
How mediocre parenting keeps me sane over the holidays  The Week Magazine"We have come to banish darkness," begins a popular Hebrew children's song for the holiday. Once day turns to night, earlier and chillier than a mere few weeks ...
PARENTING: Gratitude yields health and social benefits  Sarasota Herald-TribuneWith Thanksgiving having passed, we may want a jump start on our New Year's resolutions. Research shows such a long list of health and social benefits that ...
The reason I bought a pair of ugly, flashy sneakers has nothing to do with style  Kansas City StarColumnist Richard Espinoza has figured out a trick to get his 12-year-old son to talk to him: Wear something cool.
Harry Kane's multi-tasking parenting photo prompted much hilarity on Twitter  The Irish NewsHarry Kane had no problem helping Tottenham brush Chelsea aside at the weekend, and it appears he has no problem juggling his parenting responsibilities ...
Billy Eichner Explains Parenting An LGBTQ Child In One Perfect & Poignant Tweet  RomperFor those of you who might not have heard, comedian Kevin Hart has been having something of a moment — and it's not a great one. The wildly popular ...
Top 10 Worst Helicopter Parenting Moments of 2018 - Hit & Run  ReasonVadreams / DreamstimeKidnapping, Halloween, and snowballs—in 2018, we freaked out about each of these things and many others. Here are the year's ten ...
New urban parenting: Are 24-hour care homes the answer?  The ObserverI found my baby [then] five months old with a clot in the eye. Five months! At five months, a child cannot talk, cannot really do something harmful to the maid but I ...
The challenge of parenting in a migrant caravan  The Conversation - CanadaThe psychological health of migrant children will be deeply impacted by their flight from gang violence, and the experience of crowded unhygienic conditions ...
Why are some men opting for late fatherhood? We asked some dads  The Indian ExpressPopular culture and social stereotyping reiterate the notion that most men just stumble upon fatherhood and bumble their way through it as providers for children.
Babytalk: Parenting for Legends - Babytalk  ABC NewsAre we spending too much time worrying not enough time enjoying how wonderful it is to be a parent? Shannon Kelly White has 'Parenting for Legends' to help ...
20 Major Cultural Differences Between Parenting In The US And Canada  MomsA look beneath the surface of both countries gives us a better view of what the differences between both countries actually are.
Parenting NI expert offer advice on how to have a happy family Christmas  The Irish NewsHow should parents deal with explaining who Father Christmas is, while still keeping Christmas magical? Father Christmas brings festive magic to households ...
Why Kids Like ‘Parenting’ Their Toys  The AtlanticThe enduring appeal of toys that need to be fed, changed, and rocked like human babies may be rooted in children's desire to act like grown-ups.
On Parenting: Meghan Leahy took your questions about parenting  Washington PostMeghan Leahy, a parenting coach with Positively Parenting, joined On Parenting editor Amy Joyce to talk about parenting children of all ages. Amy Joyce.
Parenting Time Center opens all new Teen Room  14 News WFIE EvansvilleEVANSVILLE, IN (WFIE) - The new teen room at Evansville's Parenting Time Center is officially open. Mayor Winneke and several other community leaders were ...
Positive Parenting: Why spatial skills matter  WMCThe words you use during playtime with your baby and toddler do matter.
Attention, parents: Ben Fordham's found the key to holding a stress-free pool party  9HoneyBen Fordham's parenting tip: how to host a stress-free backyard pool party. Read more.
When parenting styles collide, what does it mean for your relationship?  KidspotWhat do you do when you don't agree on even the basic stuff?
What Is Permissive Parenting? - Experts Explain Permissive Parenting  GoodHousekeeping.comWhile permissive parents are often very responsive and loving, this parenting style is defined by having no rules. The term was developed by psychologist Diana ...

6 Ways to Communicate Clearly with Your Teen

How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More

Bath Time Fun

Bath time can be fun or it can be a... Read More

Where Will YOUR Kids Get A Job?

Let's face it.The job market is getting tougher every day.Computerization... Read More

The ABCs of Raising Twins

As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More

The Better Behavior Wheel - A New Kind of Calm in the Family

There's a new kind of fun and calm out there... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 3 More Dangerous Myths

MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More

Uses for Dirty Diapers

As the father of a toddler, I am an expert... Read More

Screaming Kids Driving You Nuts? Four Rules to Help You Keep Your Sanity!

Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr.... Read More

A Mothers Love

Once upon a time there was a beautiful bird whose... Read More

Life Lessons Learned in My Underwear

For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More

How Being a Mom Makes You a Better Professional

"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More

Visiting the Library

Libraries offer more than books. They are places of learning... Read More

Tools to Find Family-Friendly Content

The Internet, is magnificent in its resources for families. Educational... Read More

A Place For Everything: Its Childs Play

What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Back to School Blues

Q: Our son has been in honors classes all through... Read More

Adoption: Laughter and Tears

If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More

Meningitis and Septicaemia

Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More

How Do I Get My Child to Read?

Well first off, please to don't institute the ½ hour... Read More

Getting Through to Your Teenager

Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that... Read More

Power Foods for a Powerful School Lunch

There isn't a school day that goes by that I... Read More

Imaginations Soar

Have you ever sat and watch a child struggle with... Read More

Co-sleeping, a personal story

When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More

Spending Time With Your Child

Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children... Read More

How to Get a Good Diagnosis to See If Your Child Has ADHD

Your child's teacher says that you need to find out... Read More

PG Rating Isnt What It Used To Be

If there are any parents reading this who are thinking... Read More