Bank On It: Places to Hide and Invest Money

Today I passed a thermometer at a bank that read 110 degrees, but I am not telling you that to show you how hot it was. I am telling you that because this bank really needs to fix their thermometer. According to their thermometer, it was also 110 degrees in December. There are a lot of people, places and things that can be more accurate with the weather, and as I've never said (but have always wanted to), "Whatever I trust with the weather is what I also trust with my money." Here are some examples:

A random old lady: Certain beings can predict the weather through their bones, and that group includes random old ladies and dogs. I specify "random" because that way I won't get e-mails from people stating, "Hey, why are you messing with my grandmom? Are you saying she's like an alien or some kind of meteorologist or something?" And no, I'm not. I am talking about a "random" old lady, and grandmoms don't fit into that category, not even on Bingo Night. Regardless, my plan is to give my money to one of these random old ladies instead of keeping it at a bank because I know this lady won't go too far with it, and if she does disappear, I'll know to find her in Florida. Also, I don't have to worry about her making any silly investments except for lottery tickets and candy buttons. Plus, who is going to try to rob a random old lady? It's just not feasible...

A kangaroo: Kangaroos were created with pouches for a reason. Contrary to popular belief, it has nothing to do with holding their young. In reality, kangaroos are living banks (and weather forecasters), ready to take your deposit and hold onto it until they die. Some may say that depositing money into a kangaroo's pouch is bad because there will be no interest on the money. But think again -- we're talking about a kangaroo hopping around with money here. There's gotta be a lot of interest there!

A weather vane: Nothing beats a good weather vane with a metal rooster on top of it, except for maybe a weather vane with a real rooster on top of it. All people need to do is hide their money somewhere on a weather vane because most people will never think to look there for money. In fact, most people don't even look at them anymore for the weather. It's a win-win situation, with you being both the first winner and the second winner...

A man-eating fish with a keen sense of finances and the guarding of finances: No explanation necessary.

An outdoor basketball court: One can determine the weather by the amount of people playing basketball outside, as well as what they are wearing when they play. So the weather is taken care of already. As for the financial aspect, I would put all of my money on -- or near (why be picky?) -- the top of a backboard. That way the only people who could reach it already likely have lucrative contracts and wouldn't need the money anyway. If it turns out that someone else is able to grab the money, I'll just call a foul at some point afterwards and I'll get two free throws, a suitable replacement for cash...

But I digress.

Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Helena Independent Record

Why home builder stocks are getting crushed
Helena Independent Record
Home builders are under pressure as investors see growing evidence of a slowdown in the housing market. CNN's Christine Romans explains. Tags. Wire · Cnn · Facebook · Twitter · SMS · Email; Print; Save. Load comments. ×. Post a comment as. Emoticons.


Motley Fool

The Motley Fool's New Personal Finance Website
Motley Fool
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to check out The Motley Fool's new personal finance website, The Ascent. In this Industry Focus: Financials clip, Fool.com contributor Matt Frankel, CFP, gives an overview of the types of content ...


Helena Independent Record

Here's how the modern camera was born
Helena Independent Record
Not far from Leica's headquarters in Wetzlar, Germany is the spot where inventor Oskar Barnack made history, taking the first picture with his prototype handheld camera, the Ur-Leica. Tags. Wire · Cnn · Facebook · Twitter · SMS · Email; Print; Save.


Helena Independent Record

The perfect resume is all about mind games
Helena Independent Record
Writing a resume can be daunting, but Olivia Jaras of Salary Coaching for Women says you only have seven seconds to make a good impression. Here's how. Tags. Wire · Cnn · Facebook · Twitter · SMS · Email; Print; Save. Load comments. ×. Post a comment ...


The Globe and Mail

Saving for retirement is your top personal finance task
The Globe and Mail
What's your great personal finance-related task in life? My sense is that a lot of people would say it's getting their mortgage paid off as soon as possible. That's understandable in an era of high house prices and big mortgages, but not the correct ...


Motley Fool

Cryptocurrencies, Square Earnings, and The Motley Fool's New Personal-Finance Brand
Motley Fool
Plus, Jason and Fool.com contributor Matt Frankel, CFP, discuss earnings from fintech favorite Square (NYSE:SQ); The Motley Fool's new personal-finance brand, The Ascent; and two stocks that are on their radar this week. A full transcript follows the ...

and more »

Neowin

Pay What You Want for this Personal Finance Bundle
Neowin
Today's highlighted offer comes via our Pay What You Want section of the Neowin Deals store, where you can Pay What You Want for this Personal Finance Bundle. Attain financial independence and learn to manage your budget with 33+ hours of hands-on ...


New York Times

Washington Gridlock? Maybe Not on These Personal Finance Issues
New York Times
Because Washington is so unpredictable these days, we see no reason to give up hope that sensible efforts to improve the personal finances of millions of people might somehow bear fruit. Here are six initiatives with support from both parties that we ...


The Hill

New Congress could help alleviate student debt, says personal finance CEO
The Hill
Personal finance CEO Zack Friedman says a Democratic-controlled House and Republican-controlled Senate could create the right environment for better student debt assistance. Friedman told “Rising” he thinks there's potential for House Democrats to ...


Madison.com

The Right Way to Recruit an Internal Hire
Madison.com
Identifying and attracting talent is easier said than done, so if you're in the process of trying to grow your team, you might face some challenges in that arena. If you're not having much luck finding outside candidates to fill your open positions ...

and more »
Google News

Dramatically Improve Your Stock Trading Success

Get Access to Realistic profitable strategies & discover the mindset... Read More

Family Money Management: The Importance of Agreement

Are you having problems with debt? Are you afraid to... Read More

Healthy Eating On A Budget

It is possible to eat a healthy, balanced diet without... Read More

How to Save for A Down Payment

Saving for a Down Payment is hard work, so it's... Read More

The Magic Of Compound Interest

Christians are called to be good stewards of God's resources.... Read More

Retirement Income Needs---Less Than You Think?

It is widely written that you need 75% of your... Read More

Want Your Savings to Earn a Higher Rate of Return? Try Internet Banking

Doesn't it seem like the only impressive numbers we've seen... Read More

Are You Ready To Be Fired?

Your boss has just informed you that your department is... Read More

Developing a budget? Watch out for Those Budget-Bursting Gremlins

If you've developed a household budget to get your spending... Read More

Do You Know What Tomorrow Will Bring?

I've been sharing the following idea with people for a... Read More

Money Matters - Really!

One of the biggest challenges facing black RELATIONSHIPS today are... Read More

Budgeting Before Buying

With interest rates being at an all-time low, I can... Read More

If I Had a Structured Settlement, I Would Use It to Pay for Gas

Has anyone been to the gas pumps lately? Soon $3... Read More

Credit Card Debt ? Watch Your Credit Report and Your Bill

Most consumers are aware of the importance of their credit... Read More

Should You Borrow From Your 401(k) Account?

If you have a 401(k) account, it can be very... Read More

Knowing Me, Knowing You: Why ID Protection Plans Are Flawed For Fraud

ID theft is a major consumer concern, though there is... Read More

Grocery Savings - Your Kitchen is a Goldmine!

Your food budget is the most flexible area of your... Read More

Budget Planning - Its Elementary My Dear Watson

Does it feel like you have to be Sherlock Holmes... Read More

Top 10+ Ways to Jumpstart your New Year?s Finances!

Of course, these don't have to be done in any... Read More

Why We Are Never Satisfied with What We Have

I have to admit, I do it too. I complain.... Read More

Debt Management ? More Ways to Save on Gas Consumption

The price of gas continues to climb, and with continued... Read More

Accessing Funds You Never Knew You Had- Household Utilities and Mortgage Expense Reduction Plan

For most of us the process of getting out of... Read More

How Check 21 Affects You

The Check 21 Law is the new federal law for... Read More

Honor Those Who Serve with Checking Account Supplies

Our global society has had a wake up call in... Read More

Personal Loans For Homeowners ? One Of The Numerous Rewards For Being A Homeowner

You no longer look at the pictures of homes cause... Read More