Bank On It: Places to Hide and Invest Money

Today I passed a thermometer at a bank that read 110 degrees, but I am not telling you that to show you how hot it was. I am telling you that because this bank really needs to fix their thermometer. According to their thermometer, it was also 110 degrees in December. There are a lot of people, places and things that can be more accurate with the weather, and as I've never said (but have always wanted to), "Whatever I trust with the weather is what I also trust with my money." Here are some examples:

A random old lady: Certain beings can predict the weather through their bones, and that group includes random old ladies and dogs. I specify "random" because that way I won't get e-mails from people stating, "Hey, why are you messing with my grandmom? Are you saying she's like an alien or some kind of meteorologist or something?" And no, I'm not. I am talking about a "random" old lady, and grandmoms don't fit into that category, not even on Bingo Night. Regardless, my plan is to give my money to one of these random old ladies instead of keeping it at a bank because I know this lady won't go too far with it, and if she does disappear, I'll know to find her in Florida. Also, I don't have to worry about her making any silly investments except for lottery tickets and candy buttons. Plus, who is going to try to rob a random old lady? It's just not feasible...

A kangaroo: Kangaroos were created with pouches for a reason. Contrary to popular belief, it has nothing to do with holding their young. In reality, kangaroos are living banks (and weather forecasters), ready to take your deposit and hold onto it until they die. Some may say that depositing money into a kangaroo's pouch is bad because there will be no interest on the money. But think again -- we're talking about a kangaroo hopping around with money here. There's gotta be a lot of interest there!

A weather vane: Nothing beats a good weather vane with a metal rooster on top of it, except for maybe a weather vane with a real rooster on top of it. All people need to do is hide their money somewhere on a weather vane because most people will never think to look there for money. In fact, most people don't even look at them anymore for the weather. It's a win-win situation, with you being both the first winner and the second winner...

A man-eating fish with a keen sense of finances and the guarding of finances: No explanation necessary.

An outdoor basketball court: One can determine the weather by the amount of people playing basketball outside, as well as what they are wearing when they play. So the weather is taken care of already. As for the financial aspect, I would put all of my money on -- or near (why be picky?) -- the top of a backboard. That way the only people who could reach it already likely have lucrative contracts and wouldn't need the money anyway. If it turns out that someone else is able to grab the money, I'll just call a foul at some point afterwards and I'll get two free throws, a suitable replacement for cash...

But I digress.

Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)

In The News:

5 Best Online Banks of 2021-2022  Waco Tribune-Herald

The Wright Place - Finances

Women have a love/hate relationship with money. Most of us... Read More

Budgets And Eating - Can They Co-Exist?

Whatever your reason for having a tight budget, the truth... Read More

Tips To Save Money At The Supermarket

Are you interested in saving money off your grocery bills?... Read More

Understanding and Controlling Your Finances

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to... Read More

How to Obtain a Non ChexSystems Bank Account Without Being Scammed

Predatory lending exists in the mortgage industry. It's typically when... Read More

Why We Are Never Satisfied with What We Have

I have to admit, I do it too. I complain.... Read More

Resources to Help You Learn About and Protect Yourself from Identity Theft

There is a new bill that is being passes, it... Read More

Save Money on Gas

Gas prices have soared to unimaginable heights of late. Since... Read More

Are You Sick of the Financial Insecurity of Fluctuating Seasons and Income?

Finding a stable and secure income that will come year... Read More

7 Simple Ways To Save Money

Each of us knows how to spend money, but do... Read More

How To Place an Online Order for Checks ? It is Easy as 1-2-3

If You Have an Existing Account and 5 Minutes, You... Read More

Budgeting Tips to Save Real Money

Sticking to a budget can be difficult, but with so... Read More

The World is Not Enough - Calling for a More Ethical Approach to Personal Finance

At a time when the entire world's attention is focused... Read More

Budgeting Made Easy

Well, dang! From what I've heard and read, it looks... Read More

First Checking Account ? When is it Time?

We all know that money doesn't grow on trees, but... Read More

Check Facts and Figures

Are you a check fanatic? Don't worry, you aren't alone.... Read More

Strategies for Success

Holy Shenanigans! More STUFF?Loosing one's business due to lack of... Read More

Top 10+ Ways to Jumpstart your New Year?s Finances!

Of course, these don't have to be done in any... Read More

10 Money-Saving Tips

1. If you have your haircut every 3 weeks, try... Read More

Chex Systems ? Why Every American Needs To Guard His Checking Account With His Life

Most Americans have been brought up to be concerned about... Read More

Budgeting your Savings - Did You Let Your Piggy Bank Get Away?

I think most of us have at some point in... Read More

10 Steps to Take if You Are a Victim of Identity Theft

There have been an estimated 9.9 million victims on America... Read More

10 Tips to Make Sure Your Financial Budget Will Succeed

You've analyzed your past expenses, put them into spreadsheets, loaded... Read More

When do You Need a Financial Management Company on Your Side?

We live in a crazy world. Someone ought to sell... Read More

University: A Course in Personal Finance

Recent findings from the Educational Policy Institute indicated that the... Read More