Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Dump Those Negative Tapes > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Dump Those Negative Tapes

Every time something doesn't go quite right (rather frequently for some of us), we start berating ourselves. We can be the soul of courtesy and forgiveness to those we care about and then turn and savage ourselves in the most brutal fashion. How many times have you told yourself: "I'm an absolute idiot!" What was I thinking?" And that is just the start.

From those immediate negative self-assessments, we dive deeper, reinforced by old admonitions playing in our brain. We may be adults, our parents and teachers perhaps long deceased, but their deprecating, wounding, critical, even, at times, cruel or abusive, remarks play over and over as if we were still children, being scolded for "our own good."

With the help of those judgmental tapes playing repetitively in the back of our minds, we easily move from annoyance at a simple mistake anyone could have made to a global view of our own ineptitude: "I always blow it . . . I can't do anything right . . . Why am I such a failure?"

Why is it so much harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive those we love? Is it because we don't love ourselves as much? Is it because we expect more of ourselves? Or is it that we know ourselves too well, painfully aware of our dark secret places and our internal shortcomings? We are hard on ourselves because we have a deep, subconscious, lifelong belief that we don't quite measure up.

The maggot gnawing away at our core is made up of a long string of events starting when we first became aware of the world and began to hear the word "No!" It continued through a childhood of making mistake after mistake, as we all do when learning new skills, and through adulthood as we are judged by our bosses, our spouses, our customers, with the heaviest emotional jolt of being laid off, the ultimate rejection of our self-worth.

Psychologists have studied authority-child interactions in both the home and in school. Remarkably, feedback to the child, in both environments, is more than 70% negative with the remainder either neutral or positive. Is it any wonder that we grow up to view ourselves as not quite good enough, mess-ups, or even total failures?

We have internalized all of that destructive feedback and face the world with pride and self-composure that we know is only a defensive façade, constantly in peril of crumbling away.

How can we jettison this baggage of years?

One strategy is to become aware of your own internal chatter. When something happens and you screw up, it is an independent event: you made a mistake as humans do. Try to separate that one event from anything that has happened in the past. One error can be quickly dealt with and resolved. Watch as your mind starts to link that event with every other mistake you have ever made, attempting to form a lifelong pattern of questionable judgments and poor decisions.

Analyze what you are telling yourself and watch for the give-away absolutes: "I always . . . I never . . ." Absolutes are irrational and illogical; they reflect our thinking not reality. Being aware of them bubbling in your mind gives you the opportunity to negate them: if you have ever, just once, been successful at something, no matter how small, then you cannot be, by definition, a "total" failure. Just one contrary event completely wipes out an "always" or a "never."

Increase your consciousness of your mental processes by writing down your actions and your thoughts. Cognitive therapy uses similar (more structured) techniques to explore your mental processing so that you can understand what your own mind is doing in shaping your vision of the world and yourself.

The realization that it is your mind, right now, which is defining your mood and your emotional distress, creates a wonderful opportunity. If your psychological discomfort arises out of your thinking, not out of some long-standing immutable neurosis nor warped brain cells, then you know you have the power to change!

This new perspective on the world is freeing and empowering. The old recurrent critical tapes can be pushed into the dead file where they belong. Your present, your future, your sense of self is yours to control because your thoughts can be consciously directed.

It took years to get you to where you are now. Vow to spend the rest of your life nurturing those sprouting positive thoughts until they blossom and fill your entire brain. The old tapes will have no place left to lurk.

Virginia Bola operated a rehabilitation company for 20 years, developing innovative job search techniques for disabled workers, while serving as a Vocational Expert in Administrative, Civil and Workers' Compensation Courts. Author of an interactive and supportive workbook, The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, and a monthly ezine, The Worker's Edge, she can be reached at http://www.unemploymentblues.com

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Golf Channel (blog)

Olson keeps positive attitude despite tough loss
Golf Channel (blog)
“This is my best finish, I believe, in a major so that's always a positive. “Obviously, disappointed to finish the way I did, but, honestly, I did everything I could, and double bogeys happen.” Olson was trying to make her first LPGA victory a major ...
Associated Press News - AP NewsAP News

all 354 news articles »

NEagle

Positive attitude, family & friends helping fall victim
NEagle
TAFTON - A 10-foot fall from a roof is not going to stop Rob Forsythe from living life. In July, Forsythe was helping a friend when he fell, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. But, Saturday he was in great spirits, laughing and talking with the ...


Kearney Hub

Amherst man keeps positive attitude after contracting West Nile virus
Kearney Hub
AMHERST — Before Monday, Aug. 20, Adam Klingelhoefer of Amherst was a healthy 34-year-old man. Earlier that weekend he had gone camping and kayaking on the South Loup River with family and friends. He and other adults had sprayed themselves ...


The power of positivity
York News-Times
I realized that it was because of these bad attitudes that things were taking longer to complete and that it was harder to get through school days. So I set a goal for myself: to keep a positive attitude when those around me where negative. This might ...


Economic Times

Aamir Sohail hails positive attitude of Fakhar Zaman
Economic Times
“Positive movement in industry AGR bodes well for the sector, which suggests the trend will continue, driven by a rise in mobile broadband penetration and reduced ARPU down-trading,” said an analyst at a global brokerage who did not wish to be identified.
Asia Cup 2018: Aamir Sohail hails positive attitude of Pakistan opener Fakhar ZamanThe New Indian Express

all 8 news articles »

247Sports

Tuesday notes: Despite tough start, Owls keep positive attitude
247Sports
But if the adversity is giving the program's supporters some reason for concern, none is apparent inside Edberg-Olson Hall. Head coach Geoff Collins' positive attitude in the face of declining results is almost Kapler-esque. Temple plays its first road ...


Southern Courier

Develop a positive attitude to all things
Southern Courier
Attitude is a reflection of a person's will. It is miraculous and can bring marvellous results for us, but we need to patiently train it day by day. Successful people are mainly successful due to their attitude, not because of the external conditions ...


Billboard

Kendrick Lamar Remembers Mac Miller's Positive Attitude in Profound Tribute
Billboard
Following the tragic death of Mac Miller on Sept. 7, the hip-hop community is coming together in support. Kendrick Lamar is the most recent rapper to share kind words in memory of his fellow music maker. “Great musician, great writer,” Lamar said in a ...

and more »

Times of India

Aamer Sohail hails positive attitude of Fakhar Zaman
Times of India
MUMBAI: Former cricketer Aamer Sohail has backed his Pakistan compatriot Fakhar Zaman to play a vital role in the upcoming Asia Cup because of his "positive approach" to batting. "The reason behind Zaman's success has to be his positive approach.
Asia Cup: Ex-Pakistan batsman Aamir Sohail hails positive attitude of Fakhar ZamanmyKhel
Sohail hails positive attitude of ZamanBusiness Standard

all 8 news articles »

Hometownlife.com

John Glenn teammates talk about injured Dominic Spalding's positive attitude
Hometownlife.com
John Glenn teammates talk about injured Dominic Spalding's positive attitude. Westland John Glenn football player Dominic Spalding continues to have a positive attitude despite his career likely over due to a broken neck. Tim Smith, hometownlife.com.

Google News

CHANGE: Do You Do It? or Does It Undo You?

It has been said that CHANGE is THE only constant.... Read More

Managing Your OCD, Panic Attacks, and Obsessive Thoughts

There are times that we encounter fearful thoughts that can... Read More

Developing Self-Esteem

It would be pretty hard to become successful without first... Read More

The Power of a Positive Attitude

You wake up in the morning sleepy and fatigued; the... Read More

Anchoring Positivity With NLP

There was some sunshine this weekend while I was writing... Read More

Prescience

"The knowledge of actions or events before they occur; foresight."You... Read More

Moving? Pack an Emotional First Aid Kit

From Making the Big Move: how to transform relocation into... Read More

Affirmations for Success + Music = Pow!

Music penetrates our mental barriers and influences the deepest areas... Read More

Quick Fixes: Happiness In A Bottle

This is the age of the Quick Fix - the... Read More

The TRUTH About What REALLY Causes Negative Thoughts

Do you feel that your negative thoughts are holding you... Read More

Our Worst Enemies

Most of us love to think that our problems are... Read More

5 Ways To Use Mind Power To Maximise Your Potential

Why do patients who are given placebo pills report that... Read More

If Youre Stuck Then Make a Different Decision

Many people don't really understand the gift they have been... Read More

C-R-I-T-I-C-I-S-M

Yuk!One thing, I really have a problem with is criticism.... Read More

4 Ways You Can Get Over Your Need for Acceptance and Get on with Your Life

Imagine what your life would be like if you could... Read More

Help Yourself to a Better Future

There are very many methods for achieving improvement to our... Read More

Success, the Only Option

One often hears people say they can't sketch because they... Read More

How to Plan a Vacations of the Mind

Part 1Recently, in a women's therapy group that I run,... Read More

What Do You Believe?

"If I have the belief that I can do it,... Read More

Time To Give Up Resentment

Resentment isn't a spectacular emotion, but it is long-lasting and... Read More

Distortions are False Beliefs Programmed Every Day by Self and Those Around Us

Distortions are False Beliefs Programmed every Day by Self and... Read More

Don?t Worry, Be Happy!

Philippians 4:6-do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,... Read More

The Top Ten Ways To Be Positive In The Workplace Of Life

There is a growing volume of research that shows' staying... Read More

Why Do Some Affirmations *Work* - and Others Dont?

By definition,an affirmation is a statement repeated time and again... Read More

From Stress to Adventure

Ten tips to transform your move into a creative life... Read More