![]() |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
Many people who suffer from low self-esteem would give anything to escape their painful feelings of inferiority. Almost anything, that is.
People are reluctant, even obstinate, when it comes to giving up their illusions of an idyllic childhood.
And yet, if we are to break free from our mental prisons, we must become willing to honor the truth of our personal history. This is the key to removing our invisible psychological and emotional chains.
Lack of Self-Worth Does Not Develop in a Vacuum
There is just no getting around the fact that our core beliefs about the world and ourselves and our place in this world are pretty firmly established by the time we are three or four years old.
Lack of parental approval in early childhood exacts a heavy toll. Low self-esteem, the root of all self-sabotaging behavior, hangs heavy around our necks for life
"I Left All That Behind a Long Time Ago"
People are quick to grasp at a simple "Out of sight, out of mind" escape. Sadly, this is a fantasy. While you can, indeed, leave home and leave your family life behind, their influence does not leave you.
Negative parental messages carry enormous weight. It is through these concepts that everything else later on, (i.e., for the rest of our lives) is filtered.
Clearly then, if these basic messages are more negative than positive, it is not surprising that we would wind up with a badly mangled sense of self-worth.
A life of self-sabotage and perpetual dissatisfaction is what results, because we simply do not believe, at a SUBCONSCIOUS level, that we are worth anything better.
Traditional Morality Would Have Us Turn Away
People recoil at the idea of finding fault with their parents. We have many religious, social and cultural injunctions to honor, obey, respect, forgive, and worship our elders.
These commandments prevent us from looking upon our caretakers in a less than adoring way without incurring a tremendous sense of guilt, betrayal and ingratitude. So we remain unaware.
What people fail to appreciate is that it is only by shattering our ignorance and examining our formative years that we can come to understand what makes us tick. This awareness will, in turn, allow us to process any distress so that we may finally release it. Not ignore it, not camouflage it, but finally release it.
This is all done in a spirit of healing, not one of self-pity, and certainly not one of denunciation. As a result of discovering and embracing our emotions rather than squelching them, we can finally come alive.
Not only do we gain a new sense of vitality, but we gain a new source of wisdom. And our awareness allows us to cut negative patterns off at their source. You see, we cannot let go of something if we don't allow ourselves to acknowledge what we are hanging on to.
Rational Justifications Do NOT Penetrate the Subconscious Mind
Many well-intentioned people and spiritual mentors will agree that while injurious things may have been said and done, we should be mature or evolved enough to understand that our caretakers were doing the best they could.
After all, they didn't mean to hurt us with their harshness or neglect. Why don't we just rise above it and move on? Surely we are noble and generous-hearted enough to forgive them, yes?
Well, no, actually. And for two very important reasons.
First, this is an attempt to reason things out consciously. It is a fruitless activity, because it does nothing to reach and alter the core beliefs and distress that are stuffed down BEYOND conscious access.
And second, the person whose body and/or emotions were assailed was NOT an adult capable of reasoning things out so rationally. The early distress lives on unabated.
We Cannot Live With the Results
We may be able to carry on, but we cannot really live and flourish while those negative core beliefs remain frozen in time. The tragedy for so many of us is that they remain lodged firmly in place today, without our consent and without our conscious awareness.
Down With the Taboo Against Knowing Who We Are
Rather than continue to justify our ignorance, we must dare to bring the unconscious to conscious light. There are compelling reasons for doing so.
? To heal a mutilated sense of self-worth.
? To process our present moments through fresh eyes.
? To avoid becoming subtly mean, cruel or sarcastic.
? To prevent ourselves from unwittingly passing on our damage.
And finally, and perhaps most compelling of all, if traditional morality continues to deny us knowledge of ourselves and our history, our bodies will end up speaking for us. And this it will do by erupting into disease. Witness the alarming number of people who suffer from depression today.
Our psychological and emotional disturbances must eventually surface as some type of physical or mental malady. Or as I heard somewhere along the way, "If your mouth won't say it straight, your body will say it crooked."
And according to the title of Dr. Alice Miller's most recent book on the victimization of children, The Body Never Lies. Time spent digesting any of Dr. Miller's books is time well spent, indeed.
The greatest healing contribution any of us can make to world is to heal our own wounds, not hide from them or deny them or justify them. After all, we do want to live and not just survive, don't we?
Rosella Aranda is the author of Sabotage Thyself No More, an excellent guide to raising your sense of personal worth and getting rid of self-defeating behaviors.
Free Mini-Course at http://www.SabotageThyselfNoMore.com/
A joke is a way of getting people to laugh.... Read More
You've been looking for a job for as long as... Read More
This may sound quite aberrant to most of the younger... Read More
Have you ever been caught up in a thought that... Read More
Life can be downright scary - sometimes more than others.... Read More
When I was little I was very busy--as I imagine... Read More
The power of positive thoughts to affect one's experience of... Read More
I'm a working mother with a preschooler, worrying about Mom... Read More
Can you do something for me?Tell me?Please don't think tomorrow.What?Yeah,... Read More
Gail's StoryGail is a friend of mine and she was... Read More
You wake up in the morning sleepy and fatigued; the... Read More
It has been said that CHANGE is THE only constant.... Read More
HOW YOUR OUTLOOK INFLUENCES HEALTH AND ABILITY TO CONTROL ANGERJane... Read More
Do you talk with yourself? When we hear people talking... Read More
Attitude, has a way of preening itself, often without awareness... Read More
What is an affirmation? One possible definition is a specific... Read More
You know, very often, the manner in which a person... Read More
Many centuries ago there was a Greek philosopher who lived... Read More
Facing a change and want to make it work for... Read More
In view of the increasing negative events happening around the... Read More
All the problems that any individual has in their lives... Read More
"For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is... Read More
Sometimes we are in a position to look into the... Read More
"In life, if you give yourself a concession, you'd take... Read More
I heard these words from a client who had been... Read More
Recently, a dear friend who has been both a coach... Read More
Look for the positives!Seek them out - those little scary... Read More
Near the end of December 2004, I received an email... Read More
One of the most important aspects of living a healthy... Read More
There are always explanations for why things to you or... Read More
Often when radical change occurs in our lives we feel... Read More
Hey gang; Ok it's time to create some good habits.... Read More
" If you have faith as a grain of musterd... Read More
The way to define your personality is to refine your... Read More
There are many dynamics that go into making a great... Read More
"The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone... Read More
You've heard the buzzwords: Attitude is everything! Change your perspective!... Read More
Everyone faces challenges during their life, from suffering the death... Read More
Unhappy? Stressed out? Do you feel you not only want... Read More
Millions struggle through life barely earning enough to survive. Many... Read More
Turn brutality into kindness. There is no small deed and... Read More
Humans tend to categorize things by large or small, bright... Read More
Some people are full of confidence and able to meet... Read More
This is the age of the Quick Fix - the... Read More
If you think you are a loser, you train or... Read More
Believe me, today is the most wonderful day of your... Read More
Does that title make you cringe? It made me cringe... Read More
The way we use language can have a huge impact... Read More
Do you wish you had high self-confidence? Some of us... Read More
It's time to put a bad rumor to rest right... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips Positive Attitude Tips |