One of things that Charismatic people share is an unshakeable self confidence. It comes from deep within and it's the knowing that everything will be okay. It's a faith that their life is going somewhere and it has purpose. These people often are the ones that everyone notices when they walk in the room. They magically attract people to them in a social environment and everyone stops to listen to them in a business meeting. Everyone knows they mean business and what they have to say is going to be important.
I'd like to share my belief about where this self confidence can come from. I believe that we live in a changing world that is unstable and stressful. It seems that we have to be up on top of everything these days. Gone are the days that you can let your kids roam the neighborhood unattended, for fear of someone picking them up. Gone are the days when mom could sew all of your clothes and you could still be cool. Gone are the days that the parents would be home every afternoon and spend time outdoors with their kids or chatting with neighbors.
Who has time anymore? Because of the mounting bills and financial crisis that so many face, and the competitive environment that all of us face in our work and our lives, if people don't have something solid to build their life around, they might waver and be crushed under the stress.
Women gain their esteem from the close relationships that they form. It's important for women to have other women to share with. Even if they are happily married, it's healthy to have friends to share their burdens or their triumphs. Men also need to have guy friends. So often men find themselves so goal oriented they wake up one day grumpy and unsatisfied. I often coach my clients to start a mastermind group of others to share their work issues with or to join an athletic team so they can meet up with these people daily, or even weekly and have someone to compare their progress to.
I also encouage my clients to get involved with a church community. While I don't preach at them, I often point out that the most successful individuals in history often held a great faith in God. I often just plant the thought there and they can take it or leave it.
Also, being on a team, whether its in the martial arts, swimming, or running, gives each individual the feeling of "I BELONG". Seeing the same people over and over gives a sense of security and comfort. The BEST thing about it I believe is that no one cares WHAT you do professionally or even IF You are a professional. You like each other based on your mutual passion for the sport and as you work out, your body and mind are getting wonderful side effects.
As you know by now, I've joined the masters swim team. I was on a swim team as a kid and I know that being on that team gave me a sense of achievement. I excelled at swimming and was respected for my accomplishments. It also gave me a sense of adventure because we had to go to meets that were far away and we'd get to go out as a team and explore different parts of the state or country.
Being on a team as an adult has done wonders for my self esteem. I have goals now that I want to achieve that are pushing me to perform better in every area of my life. I'm more focused at home and in work as a result. I've developed new friends that I enjoy and who I push and they push me in our workouts.
I've learned from many of them about how they keep motivated. My favorite one is from Shawn, who recently shared his formula of his love of making himself "Suffer". I have used this in my workouts now and asked myself: "am I suffering yet?" If the answer is no, then I can sincerely push myself harder.
I recently coached a beautiful 23 year old successful financial executive to get on a running team. She makes a lot of money, works a lot of hours and enjoys the time she spends alone on the treadmill. She also confided that she's a bit lonely and doesn't have anyone to share her career with or her trials of her life. I encouraged her to join a running team at least on the weekends so people would see her working hard there and then support her ambition outside of the running team. When they see her now, they see her as an ambitious person who might be a bit self serving. This is a trap that anyone can fall in when they are building their career. You have to stay focused on growing and staying on top, and many others see it as self serving. I encouraged her to spread her ambitions out to also include her sport and passion of running.
I'm now a HUGE proponent of first, taking up a sport to gain self confidence. Second, to join a TEAM so you'll be a part of something greater than yourself and they'll keep you engaged, either by motivating you or "guilting" you into it! Either way can work of course!
I also believe that by pushing your body, you gain a sense of power from your body being able to achieve things that it normally didn't to. It's such a lift mentally to survive a strenuous workout and to feel the soreness that comes afterwards. Then to feel yourself getting stronger and stronger is such a great accomplishment. There is no way that you won't feel good about yourself.
Mentally, the endorphins in your brain are released during strenuous exercise and experts have compared this to taking the drug opium. Its what they call the "runners high" and that is why so many people get addicted to exercise. Exercise has proven to have the ability to knock out depression and improve health. In this day and age, with this knowledge, it should be a requirement in life to have a daily exercise regime.
My favorite quote about exercise that I coined for my clients is this: EXERCISE IS NOT AN OPTION. It's a REQUIREMENT.
How about you? Could you use a little lift during your day? If so, then grab a buddy and get your body MOVIN'. Then join a team, meet some friends, and find yourself as a new unshakable confident and charismatic person! You deserve it!
To learn more about Mary go to: http://www.marygardner.com/
Mary Gardner is an Executive Communications Consultant and Coach. She works with, coaches and trains individuals, sales teams, executives, and celebrities. She enjoys seeing the best come out in people and has fun in the process. Mary is married to Sway and is mommy to Jeremy 5 and lives in Orlando, FL.
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