Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
The Friend Crush: Is This Love Or Friendship > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

The Friend Crush: Is This Love Or Friendship

He's your good friend. She's your best confidant. You have known each other for a few years and have shared meals, movies, hobbies and vacations. You have confided to each other about your latest love interest and turned to one another for support when the relationship(s) failed. You can't imagine life without your good friend.

But for a while....

You've felt jealous of his dates. You've been overprotective of her since she has been seeing the jerk. You've been having very strong feelings of attraction and a desire for something more than friendship. Could it be that your feelings for him/her have grown into something more? If so, your relationship may have developed into a "friend crush".

You don't know what to do. You know you want to continue spending time together- more time. But it's getting hard. You fantasize about having more with this person and are beginning to feel like a jealous would-be partner. Do you pretend everything is the same? Do you start distancing yourself- hoping your feelings will go back to the way they were? Do you actually TALK directly and honestly with your friend about how you feel?

What will happen to the relationship if you make the WRONG choice?

Just as all people are unique, so are the characteristics of their relationships with others. There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this increasingly common dilemma. So, let's take a look at your options. You can:

* ignore your feelings, keep your boundaries in check and pretend everything is status quo

In order to choose this option, you must be able to deny your feelings so well that even you don't know what they are. You will also have to continue being comfortable on the sidelines while someone else has the relationship with this person that you desire. You will most likely be asked what you think of this or that person and be expected to be happy and supportive of your friend when they meet the right someone for them. In return for all this, you will still have your friend.

* begin to spend less time with your friend (crush) while seeking out new friendships to pursue and strengthen

This option will most likely cause confusion and hurt on the part of your friend who will wonder what happened. They may be understanding and accepting of your need to spread your wings and support you in doing what you need to do. Either way, you will see less of them and your relationship can weaken and perhaps disappear altogether as they move on with new people. If you can distance yourself for a while and no longer feel the romantic butterflies, you can always give them a call and may be able to pick up somewhere near where you left off.

* continue the relationship with your own hidden agendas - a desire for romantic intimacy and the hope that the person will realize that they feel the same way

If they become involved with someone else in the meantime, you can work to sabotage their new relationship or you can leave them wondering where all your anger and hurt feelings are coming from. You can spend a lot of time and energy handling it this way, without anything to show for your efforts but the loss of a good friend.

* have an open and honest discussion with your friend regarding your new feelings for them

This is the choice that seems to be the hardest for folks to make. Often what I hear from people in this position is that they fear "ruining the friendship" if they discuss their feelings honestly. While this is a very understandable concern, it isn't well thought out. It is emotional, not rational. Look again at the other options. Every one will bring about a change in your current friendship.

Why?

Once your feelings have changed, so does the relationship. Ignoring them, hiding them or distancing yourself will lessen your closeness and the positive dynamics that flow between good friends. You can't go back. You need to decide how you want to move forward or if this is an option for you. . It is also possible in choosing this option that you will learn that they have similar feelings for you that they were afraid to reveal. Therefore choosing this option could result in romance and a love relationship based on true friendship.

Intimacy exists in all close relationships. It is the ability to be completely open and vulnerable to another without fear of harm or rejection. So, by definition, we cannot be intimate with another while hiding or denying our true feelings and needs to them.

The choice will always be yours. Choosing wisely is about really knowing the options, the consequences they bring and what will be best for you and your friend.

Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly. http://www.consum-mate.com

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

AZCentral.com

The Thing: Arizona's weirdest roadside attraction just got stranger
AZCentral.com
SOMEWHERE EAST OF BENSON, AZ – The thing is, everyone loves a good conspiracy theory. And The Thing Museum embraces many of them wholeheartedly. It's Arizona's most peculiar roadside attraction, and not just because it links aliens to the ...


Forbes

The World's Tallest Geyser Has Awakened To Become Yellowstone's 'Newest' Attraction
Forbes
Steamboat Geyser in Yellowstone National Park erupted on Monday for an hour and fifteen minutes. The spectacular stream of water and steam can reach heights of 300 feet, making it the tallest of any active geyser in the world. The most recent eruption ...
Name released of suspect in trespassing at Old Faithful at YellowstoneABC FOX Montana News

all 108 news articles »

Peoria Journal Star

Variety hailed for making Riverfront Market a Downtown attraction
Peoria Journal Star
PEORIA — Only two Saturdays are left for the Peoria Riverfront Market this year, the 15th season for the Downtown attraction that may be concluding its best summer ever. “We had a really successful season,” said Sharon Gramm, executive director of the ...


Stoke-on-Trent Live

Thrill-seekers urged to 'face their fears' for new Halloween attraction
Stoke-on-Trent Live
Thrill-seekers are being urged to 'face their fears' with the opening of a new Halloween attraction in Staffordshire. Screamfest is to launch a new attraction at the National Forest Adventure Farm, near Burton upon Trent, next month.


Irish Times

Stoneybatter home with animal attraction for €390k
Irish Times
Stoneybatter home with animal attraction for €390k. Remodelled, 19th-century home is just an elephant's trumpet from Phoenix Park and zoo. 3 minutes ago. Rose Doyle. The owners have a growing family and need more space but say they will be sad to ...

and more »

Reader's Digest

The Most Popular Tourist Attraction in Every State
Reader's Digest
If you'd rather sleep in, be sure to purchase a ticket ahead of time, arrive as early as possible (tours begin at 8 a.m. and run every 15 minutes until 3 p.m.), and leave enough room in your schedule for the various other attractions, including the USS ...


AZCentral.com

The man behind The Thing, Arizona's strangest roadside attraction
AZCentral.com
This story was originally published Sept. 14, 2013. When Vada Tate was a little girl, Christmas had a special meaning: shrunken heads under the tree. She had only to look at the gift tags to know which cheerfully wrapped present held the shriveled ...


Fox News

TripAdvisor forced to suspend reviews for plastic 'Bude tunnel' after it ...
Fox News
The travel website said they made the decision to stop reviews of the tunnel in the town of Bude because of “an influx of review submissions” that “do not ...

and more »

Daily Pioneer

Statue of Unity to be a tourist attraction
Daily Pioneer
Gujarat, a vibrant state of culture and heritage, is positioning itself as a foremost tourist destination. The Commissioner of Tourism and Managing Director of Tourism Corporation of Gujarat Jenu Devan, talks to Ankita Saxena about new attractions and ...

and more »

Economic Times

Asia Cup may no longer be a Star attraction
Economic Times
Asia Cup may no longer be a Star attraction. By. Gaurav Laghate. , ET Bureau|. Updated: Sep 18, 2018, 04.07 PM IST. 0Comments. Untitled-5 Star India had picked up the media rights of the Asia Cup in December 2015, for the 2016-23 rights cycle for an ...

and more »
Google News

The Power Of Charisma

You have seen them on television your entire life: the... Read More

The Law of Attraction in Action

Would you like to be able to experience more of... Read More

Law-of-Attraction Article: Wake Up and Create Something

It's time for the "mainstream" to WAKE UP. The alarm... Read More

Attract Your Ideal Relationship Using the Law of Attraction

First, I'll need to explain what Law of Attraction is... Read More

How do I Know if Im Getting any of This Law of Attraction Stuff?

This is a popular question people ask me. How do... Read More

You, Your Dream, Your Destination, and Your Life

Introduction"Where you find yourself tomorrow is a function of the... Read More

Discover the Magical Power of Pulling Heartstrings ...Its Mindblowing!

I wish you never have to go through that kind... Read More

Clarity of Vision

Imagine trying to drive at night in your car with... Read More

How to Escape Out of Thought Traps?

Have you ever been really sure about something, only to... Read More

Feeding

The purpose of human existence is to send out impulses... Read More

Do Good Deeds & Get Rewarded? A Universal Mystery Uncovered

Do you believe in the idea of "abundance" or do... Read More

Your Default Settings

Buy a computer--any computer--and it comes loaded with software automatically... Read More

Ending the Internal Conflict

If you read personal growth or self-help books at all,... Read More

A Story Of Unbelievable Persistence

Dick and Jay sat on the ground outside the shed.... Read More

Guiltless Contentment

'Have I stopped dreaming?' 'Why am I not as stressed?'... Read More

Stopping Time

Six hundred feet straight down! Nothing to break the fall.... Read More

Dont Seek Success; Seek Self-Actualization

"You make a living by what you get. You make... Read More

Success -- There Are No Secrets

There Are No Secrets To SuccessAs you strive toward accomplishing... Read More

Use Your Reset Button to Change Your Vibration

At every moment you can tell if the vibration that... Read More

You Think That You?re Listening?. But Are You Actually Hearing What Im Saying?

"We have two ears and one mouth, so that we... Read More

The Competition Fallacy

So many people falsely think that if they help another,... Read More

Blushing

Blushing can be a curse. Blushers experience a range of... Read More

It Doesnt Take Long To Become An Expert in The Law of Attraction

One of our Faculty, Christine Edick, has been the keynote... Read More

Getting the Universe to Work for You

Wouldn't it be great to know that you have something... Read More

Improve Your Conversations By Watching Talk Show Hosts

If you want to learn how to be a good... Read More