The Friend Crush: Is This Love Or Friendship

He's your good friend. She's your best confidant. You have known each other for a few years and have shared meals, movies, hobbies and vacations. You have confided to each other about your latest love interest and turned to one another for support when the relationship(s) failed. You can't imagine life without your good friend.

But for a while....

You've felt jealous of his dates. You've been overprotective of her since she has been seeing the jerk. You've been having very strong feelings of attraction and a desire for something more than friendship. Could it be that your feelings for him/her have grown into something more? If so, your relationship may have developed into a "friend crush".

You don't know what to do. You know you want to continue spending time together- more time. But it's getting hard. You fantasize about having more with this person and are beginning to feel like a jealous would-be partner. Do you pretend everything is the same? Do you start distancing yourself- hoping your feelings will go back to the way they were? Do you actually TALK directly and honestly with your friend about how you feel?

What will happen to the relationship if you make the WRONG choice?

Just as all people are unique, so are the characteristics of their relationships with others. There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this increasingly common dilemma. So, let's take a look at your options. You can:

* ignore your feelings, keep your boundaries in check and pretend everything is status quo

In order to choose this option, you must be able to deny your feelings so well that even you don't know what they are. You will also have to continue being comfortable on the sidelines while someone else has the relationship with this person that you desire. You will most likely be asked what you think of this or that person and be expected to be happy and supportive of your friend when they meet the right someone for them. In return for all this, you will still have your friend.

* begin to spend less time with your friend (crush) while seeking out new friendships to pursue and strengthen

This option will most likely cause confusion and hurt on the part of your friend who will wonder what happened. They may be understanding and accepting of your need to spread your wings and support you in doing what you need to do. Either way, you will see less of them and your relationship can weaken and perhaps disappear altogether as they move on with new people. If you can distance yourself for a while and no longer feel the romantic butterflies, you can always give them a call and may be able to pick up somewhere near where you left off.

* continue the relationship with your own hidden agendas - a desire for romantic intimacy and the hope that the person will realize that they feel the same way

If they become involved with someone else in the meantime, you can work to sabotage their new relationship or you can leave them wondering where all your anger and hurt feelings are coming from. You can spend a lot of time and energy handling it this way, without anything to show for your efforts but the loss of a good friend.

* have an open and honest discussion with your friend regarding your new feelings for them

This is the choice that seems to be the hardest for folks to make. Often what I hear from people in this position is that they fear "ruining the friendship" if they discuss their feelings honestly. While this is a very understandable concern, it isn't well thought out. It is emotional, not rational. Look again at the other options. Every one will bring about a change in your current friendship.

Why?

Once your feelings have changed, so does the relationship. Ignoring them, hiding them or distancing yourself will lessen your closeness and the positive dynamics that flow between good friends. You can't go back. You need to decide how you want to move forward or if this is an option for you. . It is also possible in choosing this option that you will learn that they have similar feelings for you that they were afraid to reveal. Therefore choosing this option could result in romance and a love relationship based on true friendship.

Intimacy exists in all close relationships. It is the ability to be completely open and vulnerable to another without fear of harm or rejection. So, by definition, we cannot be intimate with another while hiding or denying our true feelings and needs to them.

The choice will always be yours. Choosing wisely is about really knowing the options, the consequences they bring and what will be best for you and your friend.

Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly. http://www.consum-mate.com

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Travel News | eTurboNews

Terrifying glass floor opens atop Thailand's tallest completed building
CNN
The new Mahanakhon SkyWalk, however, is a thrilling addition to Bangkok's roster of family-friendly tourist attractions. Located at the top of Thailand's tallest completed building, King Power Mahanakhon, it's a 314-meter-high (1,030 feet) observation ...
Mahanakhon SkyWalk: Bangkok has a New World Class Tourist AttractionTravel News | eTurboNews

all 32 news articles »

KLAS-TV

Las Vegas Motor Speedway introduces new 'police chase' attraction
KLAS-TV
It's a new attraction offering an unusual thrill. Screeching tires, high speeds and blaring police sirens. The new experience coming to Las Vegas in mid-January for sure a thrill for a bucket list. The experience begins inside a former prisoner bus ...


CBS Los Angeles

'Catch Me If You Can': Las Vegas Attraction Gives Drivers Hot ...
CBS Los Angeles
Watching from the sidelines is the closest most people will get to a police chase – at least until now. Police Chase Las Vegas puts you in the driver's seat in a ...

and more »

Blooloop

Foster + Partners unveil The Tulip visitor attraction, London
Blooloop
j. safra group, owners of the “Gherkin”, are seeking permission to develop the Tulip as a “public cultural attraction” offering educational programmes and events. If the development gets the necessary approvals, construction will start in 2020 and ...
Foster + Partners "The Tulip" Attraction London | HYPEBEASTHYPEBEAST
foster + partners unveils 'the tulip', a 305-meter-tall visitor attraction planned for londonDesignboom
Plans revealed for new London attraction 'The Tulip'Free Malaysia Today
ClickLancashire -Financial Times
all 101 news articles »

Tuolumne County To Seek Grant For Major Attraction
MyMotherLode.com
Standard, CA — Calling it a “big deal for Tuolumne County,” and a potential “major attraction,” the supervisors are hoping to receive up to $8-million for a community park in Standard. It would be situated on Sierra Pacific Industries land that the ...


Inside the Magic

Concept art gives first look at Spider-Man attraction coming to Disney California Adventure
Inside the Magic
In a New York Times report on The Walt Disney Company's spending on theme parks, new concept art was revealed of the Spider-Man attraction coming to Disney California Adventure park in 2020. First announced during D23 Expo 2017, few details about ...

and more »

'Catch Me If You Can': Las Vegas Attraction Gives Drivers Hot-Pursuit Experience
CBS Los Angeles
Watching from the sidelines is the closest most people will get to a police chase – at least until now. Police Chase Las Vegas puts you in the driver's seat in a high-speed pursuit. Find more information at policechaselv.com.


Loop News Jamaica

'A first world attraction': TPDCo explains cost behind $17m MoBay sign
Loop News Jamaica
The Tourism Product Development Company (TPDCo) has sought to clarify the expenses behind the project to restore the 'Welcome to Montego Bay' sign in the resort city, amid questions over what some deem to be a seemingly 'exorbitant' $17 million ...

and more »

Mandurah Mail

New tourism attraction ready to set sail on Mandurah's canals
Mandurah Mail
The countdown is on until a large pirate ship calls Mandurah home. The impressive 12-metre wooden ship is just weeks away from officially docking along the eastern foreshore. Project creator Ben Dougherty said he was keen to bring the unique experience ...


Cornwall Live

Naked Attraction contestant from Cornwall bares all on Channel 4 show
Cornwall Live
A Naked Attraction contestant from Newquay shocked viewers after being seriously open about her interests in the bedroom. Millie appeared on the Channel 4 show last week and revealed her innermost desires to host Anna Richardson. Before picking her ...

Google News

Aging Gracefully Through Vastu Shastra

Aging is inevitable, but its most negative effects can be... Read More

Success, Opportunity, Carl, and Kenny G

A couple of weeks ago I celebrated my anniversary by... Read More

Coping As A Caregiver

Few people are prepared for the responsibilities and tasks involved... Read More

Attraction Tools for Success: Manifesting Your Intentions

There are several books now that discuss the power of... Read More

3 Steps to Manifesting Your Ideal Life

Over the past several weeks I've received dozens of email... Read More

How to Improve Your Love Life with the Power of Feng Shui - Without Spending a Dime!

FENG shui (say "fung shway") is the art of creating... Read More

My Other Life is Exciting, is Yours?

Everyone dreams of a more exciting life or a life... Read More

First Impressions ? Turn Fear Into Courage

The top business people all say the same thing ?... Read More

Change Your Story; Change Your Life

When was the last time you told someone the story... Read More

You Too Can Have Charisma

Do you know anyone that everyone seems to be drawn... Read More

Plug in with a Pupose!

Imagine that each person on this planet carried with them... Read More

You Cant Have An Intelligent Conversation With Everyone

Intelligent conversation is one of life's pleasures. I love nothing... Read More

Feng Shui To Attract Love

Not having much luck in love lately? Relationship falling apart?... Read More

Did Your Personality Choose Your Career?

We almost all think we are masters of our own... Read More

The ?Stand-Out? Principle

Think for a moment about all the people you know... Read More

Triggering Intention: How To Remember To Remember

You've got a lot to store in that brain of... Read More

The Joy Of Living In The Zone

What do people want most in the world? What is... Read More

The Law of Attraction and Love

The Law of Attraction says that 'like attracts like'. It... Read More

Do Your Things Own You?

Do you have things like a bicycle, jetski, or swimming... Read More

The World According To Max The Cat

Max jumped on my chest as soon as the first... Read More

The Powerful Mastermind Team

Your Access to AchievementA few years ago I read the... Read More

4 Simple Steps To The Good Life

If you want to create the good life -- a... Read More

A Lesson in Letting Go

Do you hear yourself saying? When I have enough money,... Read More

Correcting a Gap Between the Teeth

As we age and our teeth shift, a gap between... Read More

The Universal Laws Of Attraction

You know it's funny how some people just seem to... Read More