Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Loving Without Losing Yourself! > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Loving Without Losing Yourself!

You are in love and it feels wonderful. This love is different and you are prepared to do anything to make it last. To prevent this ship from sinking you work hard to steer this relationship into a safe harbor. In the process you lose yourself and your romantic relationship becomes all-consuming!

When Kyra fell head-over-heels for Dan she went out of her way to create a wonderful relationship. She found herself at hockey games, watching horror movies, at parties with his friends and on vacations with his family. At home, things were not much different. Kyra cooked his favorite meals, kept house the way he wanted and listened to music of his choice. On Dan's advice, Kyra cut her hair short, wore less make-up and a conservative wardrobe. She had even given up her night classes, because they cut into their dinnertime. For Dan, this relationship was perfect. In an effort to not disappoint him, Kyra lived in constant anxiety. She had adapted to his lifestyle, defended his views and even began to talk like him. Kyra's friends witnessed her change from a spirited and happy woman to a subdued and pleasing personality. This relationship had sucked the life out of Kyra, yet she was the last to notice.

While compromise in a relationship is a necessary ingredient for it's success, denying the core of who you are is not. When you finally realize that an all-consuming relationship is depleting you, there will be nothing left but resentment. It will be difficult to reclaim yourself while remaining in that same relationship. The outcome of such a relationship is usually a heart-breaking crisis, with no one but you to blame.

The opposite of an all-consuming relationship is a half-hearted relationship. In this relationship you withhold affection until the evidence is in that the other is hooked. I love you, if you love me first has become a common trend. Fearing that you will give more love than you receive, you put your partner on probation and control the power in this relationship. You judge according to your expectations and keep track of his or her scores. The higher the scores, the more you are willing to reward with love. This conditional view creates tremendous emotional insecurity.

All-consuming or halfhearted relationships are very unnatural and unhealthy. Ironically, both types are guided by fear. In an all-consuming relationship, fear of not being loved is the driving force. In a halfhearted relationship, fear of being hurt prevents you from knocking down protective walls.

Is there a happy medium? To you love wholeheartedly without losing yourself requires a very different perspective of relationships. Even though you know that relationships require work, deep down you cling to a sweet illusion that meeting the right person is all it takes. You will then take off on your magic carpet ride. Think again! Soon that magic rug will be pulled from underneath you.

If you long for a partner who is wholeheartedly behind you, ask yourself, are you the same partner? Do you give that which you seek in your relationship? Ironically, many lack the qualities they seek in their partners. Listen to your heart and when it feels right, feel the fear and love anyway. Love without hesitation and with all you heart. Don't let your fear of rejection and getting hurt kill your desires or steal your dreams. You may have stared in the face of love before. Maybe you "chickened-out." Next time, don't be a chicken!

If you are in a relationship of love, here is a universal truth: Love is choice and if you choose it wholeheartedly, you are never going to lose it. Love teaches you to become a better human being. Restore your faith in love and become emotionally available to each other. Put your fears and your past behind you and become lovable by being loving. Learn to trust by trusting yourself. Surrendering to love does not mean losing yourself. Yet, even when it is safe to open your heart, you may feel weakened by the anxiety that this love will disappear.

When in love, how do you preserve your identity and course in life? Here is the number one reason for losing yourself in a relationship: Your belief that love is something you either deserve or not! Your misguided belief leads you to counterproductive efforts to do almost anything to get love and even more to hold onto it:

· You modify your identity to gain approval and love from your partner.

· You hold back intimacy to protect your vulnerability.

· You have a need to manipulate your partner.

There is nothing you have to be, or do, to earn love. When it is love, there is very little you can do to destroy it. If you can believe that, you will accept that:

· You can be loved even if you are not perfect

· You can be loved while keeping your course in life

· You can be loved without getting lost in love

Love is the most powerful human lesson you are ever to learn. It is a purposeful interdependence through which you become so much more than on your own. Once you can understand that love is not something to be found, rather it is in you to be shared, you can love wholeheartedly without fear. Don't turn your back on love every time it touches you, because when you give up on love you give up on yourself.

Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her website http://www.fit2love.com and take the Fit 2 Love test.

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

New York Post

This is the egotistical reason people stay in dead-end relationships
New York Post
“When people perceived that the partner was highly committed to the relationship, they were less likely to initiate a breakup,” says lead researcher Samantha Joel, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the University of Utah. “This is true even for people ...
Why People Stay in Unsatisfying RelationshipsTeenVogue.com
Why Do People Stay In Bad Relationships? A New Study Finds A Heartbreaking AnswerElite Daily
Why Don't People Leave Unhappy Relationships? A New Study Says It May Be Out Of Concern For Their PartnerBustle
Newsweek -Yahoo News -The Independent -UNews - University of Utah
all 29 news articles »

Forbes

7 Tips To Avoid Destroying Relationships Before The November Elections
Forbes
In this polarized political climate, it's hard not to have an opinion. It's easy, however, to forget that others do, too. But as those tricky conversations come up, remember that relationships matter more than being “right.” I've watched friends throw ...


Elite Daily

What Does Texting Look Like In Unhealthy Relationships? Experts Say It's Complicated
Elite Daily
Every relationship is different — that's a fact. But in just about every relationship, couples text each other. There's just no avoiding it in today's world, even though everyone has different expectations for what texting should be like in a ...


Elite Daily

How Do You Keep The Honeymoon Phase Alive? 6 People In Relationships Reveal How They Kept It Going
Elite Daily
Beginnings of relationships often have a vacation-like mentality. You plan your best outfits, pick out good restaurants, mindfully select the things you want to do together. All the while, gleefully leaving mundane realities (like overnight retainers ...


When you are unhappy in a relationship, why do you stay? The answer may surprise you
Science Daily
"The more dependent people believed their partner was on the relationship, the less likely they were to initiate a breakup," said Samantha Joel, lead author. Joel, who was an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Utah ...

and more »

KLTV

East Texas school districts work to prevent inappropriate relationships between educators, students
KLTV
EAST TEXAS (KLTV) - The Texas Education Agency reports the number of investigations involving inappropriate relationships between educators and students increased from 302 cases in the 2016-2017 school year to 429 cases in the 2017-2018 school ...


University of Virginia The Cavalier Daily

YOWELL: Tinder is ruining college relationships
University of Virginia The Cavalier Daily
In recent years, online dating has become increasingly popular, creating a new demand in the dating world where one must catch eyes merely based off of a few pictures and a brief biographical description. While this may sound impersonal to some, people ...

and more »

Entertainment Tonight

Khloe Kardashian Declares Relationships Should Not 'Hurt You' Months After Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Entertainment Tonight
Khloe Kardashian is sending out another cryptic message on social media. The 34-year-old Keeping Up With the Kardashians star took to her Instagram Story on Monday to preach about relationships. The post comes months after her boyfriend, Tristan ...
Khloé Kardashian Posts a Cryptic Insta About How Relationships Shouldn't "Hurt You"Cosmopolitan.com
Khloe Kardashian's Quote About Negative Relationships Got A Response From KourtneyElite Daily
Khloe Kardashian Posts Another Cryptic Quote: 'Relationships Should Help You, Not Hurt You'Us Weekly
Daily Mail -PEOPLE.com
all 51 news articles »

Bleacher Report

Report: Derek Carr Isn't Part of Raiders' Future; QB's Relationships 'Fractured'
Bleacher Report
The Oakland Raiders and quarterback Derek Carr reportedly may be heading toward a split. According to Marcus Thompson II of The Athletic, Carr has a "fractured relationship" with his teammates, and "confidence in him has waned." The issue was ...
Report: Derek Carr has “fractured relationship” with teammatesNBC Sports - NFL (blog)
Thompson: Khalil Mack's gone, Amari Cooper's gone, whispers say Derek Carr might be next — have fun with these ...The Athletic
Derek Carr on Twitter: "I'm a Raider. It's not a “popular” thing to be a Raider right now, but I am and I love it. I ...Twitter

all 107 news articles »

invenglobal

Relationships: one of the many sacrifices made in esports
invenglobal
Relationships with friends, one's own health and the ability to dedicate enough time and energy to enter the dating world are some of the very common facets of everyday life that are occasionally put on the backburner when you work in an industry as ...

Google News

To Hold or to Set One Free!

Hope you all are doing well and enjoying great health.... Read More

If He Insists That You Work...

Once, when asked about her life, former First Lady Barbara... Read More

Slaying The Green Eyed Monster

He hasn't called in hours. You call and get the... Read More

How to Increase Romance with Humor

Ask any single adult what qualities he or she wants... Read More

7 Unfailing Laws of Happy Relationships

Most think that relationships exist to make them happy. When... Read More

Reading Each Others Mind

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard... Read More

Ulterior Motive

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 7,... Read More

Essense of Infidelity

On one very popular web site there were 260 posts... Read More

Lists, Lists, and More Lists

Every person that thinks something is amiss in their relationship... Read More

When Groucho Marx Got It Right

Groucho Marx was, I believe, a comic genius; a linguistic... Read More

Relationship Advice - 10 Ways to Put Sizzle Back in Your Relationship

It seems that no matter how much we love someone,... Read More

Relationship Advice: How to Ignore Your Spouse or Partner

Marriage can be one of the quickest and most effective... Read More

Why Didnt He Call?

Dear Lucia,I know I made a stupid mistake but what... Read More

king Your Relationship Pattern, Part 3

Do you want to put to rest the people and... Read More

Whats in a Kiss

Just think of being in front of a warm cracking... Read More

Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break... Read More

A Man Drought In Australasia - Bugger! Age is Against Me

Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high... Read More

Why Its Important to Stay in Contact with Your Friends when Youre in a Relationship

So often when we begin to enter into a new... Read More

How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot... Read More

10 Ways to Seduce A Woman

I have written this article by request but want to... Read More

To Cheat or Not To Cheat

You know I am getting fed up with people who... Read More

How do We Change our Self Esteem Perception?

Many of us have heard about the power of positive... Read More

10 Fast Ways to Re-ignite the Flames of Love

Enhance Romance today.When Men and Women enter into a relationship,... Read More

The Top 10 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship

All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There... Read More

Loves All About Chemistry

People who have been swept off their feet know the... Read More