Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Q & A: Reuniting With a Lost Love > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Q & A: Reuniting With a Lost Love

>1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a romance?

The most successful rekindled romances were lost lovers who had been 17 or younger at the time of the initial romance -- first loves -- and had separated for situational reasons, like "parents disapproved," "moved away." "went off to college," etc. Age of the couples didn't matter -- if they were 18 or 95, the romance worked the second time. In fact, the older they were for the reunion, the better their chances of success.

>2. Is Lost & Found Love successful the second time around?

Yes! In my sample of 2000 people worldwide, ages 18 to 95, 72% of them reported that they are "still together" with their lost and found lover. And these weren't just "good" romances; these were wildly sexual, soul mate reunions. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder!

>3. What if the couples had been "first loves"?

First loves had the highest "stay together" rate -- 78% are happily reunited, and remain blissfully in love over their many years of marriage.

>4. Are rekindled romances more intense than other loves?

Yes. I asked participants to rate the emotional involvement of the rekindled romance, as compared to all their other loves in the past, and 71% of them said that this was their most intense romance of all. Additionally, 61% of the participants said that the rekindled romance started faster than any other romance in the past, and that the sexual involvement was the BEST (63%).

>5. Why does rekindled love endure?

The couples grew up together, they spent their formative years together, and many of the first loves reported that the lost love became "the standard" for all their other romances. They knew each other well - they attended classes together, knew each other's families and friends, shared roots and values. It is these similarities that form the strength of the bond. These romances are, at their heart, friendships as well as romances.

>6. Isn't there some research that suggests that this love might have a biological component?

Yes. Remember that expression used for teenagers, "ranging hormones?" When teens are in love for the first time, hormones like oxytocin and vassopressin are released when the sweethearts are sexually excited. These chemicals form emotional memories in the brain, stored in an area called the amygdala. When the lost lovers meet again, those memories are released by the familar sight, smell, touch, sound of the long lost lover. The feelings are comforting and familiar and also very sexually arousing!

>7. Why should this book be "required reading" for parents of adolescents?

The most common reason why these romances broke up the first time was "parents disapproved." Not only disapproved -- many of these couples were forcefully broken apart by the parents, with threats to their children, or manipulations such as hiding letters from the sweetheart. When these couples reunited, they were very bitter and angry at their parents (dead or alive) for costing them many years when they could have been happily together. Many missed their childbearing years because of this breakup. And why did the parents react that way? They just "didn't like the person" their child was dating.

I checked to see how these couples fared a second time; ie, if the parents broke them apart, were the parents "right" and they broke up a second time? Half of the time, they broke up again, and half of the time they stayed happily together. And they is no way to predict, no way for parents to know what's right for their children. It should make parents think twice before they break up first loves.

>8. What can teenagers learn from this book?

I hear from a lot of teenagers, males and females, who are broken-hearted because their first loves just "dumped" them. Some say they are suicidal. From my research, we learn that these are true loves, important loves, that should not be belittled. And teens should be comforted by the fact that the breakup may not be forever. The first love might comes back some day. Don't sit around and wait for that, but keep it in the back of your heart as hope for the future.

>9. Instead of reconnecting with a lost love, what about finding a long lost friend?

It's really the same thing. In fact, many of my couples really weren't in romances the first time. They were just friends -- sometimes very young friends, like 8 or 9 year olds. The shared roots are the important part; old friends make us feel comfortable and we can talk about old times. It's very healing to reunite.

>10. Is there anyone who should avoid seeking a Lost Love?

Yes. If one or both members of the couple are married to someone else. don't go there! Don't even look up the person to say hello. Even good marriages were put in jeopardy by lost loves. The people just didn't realize that the feelings come back VERY strongly.

And if the person was abusive in any way the first time, forget a reunion. Personalities don't change. The couples in my study who succeeded with a happy reunion had been situationally pulled apart the first time; they did NOT check the box "we weren't getting along well."

>11. What is your first piece of advice to anyone who is considering finding a lost love?

These are very intense romances. Before you begin any dialogue with a lost love, ask yourself if you could handle whatever occurred -- a rejection, a romance, another breakup with that person. If the answer to any of these is "no," it's best not to try. But if you are single, divorced, or widowed, it might be the best thing that ever happened to you.

copyright © 2005 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D.

all rights reserved

You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Nancy Kalish, Ph.D. is a psychology professor at California State Univ. and the author of Lost & Found Lovers. She is the international expert on rekindled romances, lost loves, and first love, and has appeared on Oprah, 20/20, NPR, CNN, and Montel, to name a few. Her research has been discussed in Dear Abby, Redbook, The Chicago Tribune, Parade, and Men's Health, among many others. Visit her popular web site at http://www.lostlovers.com

In The News:


Black Enterprise

5 Tried-and-True Steps to Building Great Business Relationships
Black Enterprise
Building business relationships that will propel your career does not come naturally to most. Face it: superficial networking leaves some professionals wondering what could be a better use of their time. What is required in building great business ...


Herald-Mail Media

Washington County school board relationships improving, members say
Herald-Mail Media
The improvement over the past 10 months serves as a reversal of sorts from the two years prior, when relationships between past board members deteriorated to the point of personal attacks and pettiness that led former board member Justin Hartings to ...


Pueblo Chieftain

WAKEFIELD: CSU-Pueblo's business? Relationships
Pueblo Chieftain
Without relationships, we only have the product: educational content. No one to deliver or receive content. No one to whom content can be applied, tested and verified. The thought crystalized in my mind. The business of CSU-Pueblo is "relationships.


Madison.com

Faith communities in Meadowood emphasize relationships, collaboration
Madison.com
Faith leaders in the Meadowood community are emphasizing a relationship-first approach to serving their neighbors. It's leading to more collaboration among churches and gaining respect among community leaders like Wallace. THE NEIGHBORHOOD ...


Jamaica Gleaner

Partners of 'players' face huge HIV risk- Persons in committed relationships and promiscuous MSMs in equal danger
Jamaica Gleaner
The Jamaica AIDS Support for Life (JASL) is warning Jamaicans that persons in committed relationships with cheating partners are just as susceptible to contracting HIV as the most vulnerable group, men who have sex with men (MSM). The JASL's position ...

and more »

New York Times

How to Have a Better Relationship
New York Times
Can you spot a good relationship? Of course nobody knows what really goes on between any couple, but decades of scientific research into love, sex and relationships have taught us that a number of behaviors can predict when a couple is on solid ground ...


BurlingtonFreePress.com

Through the years of 'Road Relationships'
BurlingtonFreePress.com
Driving, for me, is a positive dynamic. I have logged many road miles since I got my learner's permit so when I am driving, I pay a lot of attention to traffic around me. On almost every trip I make I get involved with what have become my “Road ...


SPIN

Jann Wenner's Complicated Relationships With Mick Jagger and the Beatles Detailed in New Biography
SPIN
The 574 pages detail everything from Wenner's decades-long, stormy relationship with John Lennon and Yoko Ono, the Mick Jagger/Wenner dynamic that was prompted by Wenner's ballsy naming of the magazine, the magazine's coverage of the violent ...
Joe Hagan's Jann Wenner Biography 'Sticky Fingers' Excerpt - VultureVulture

all 10 news articles »

The Independent

Children with alcoholic parents more likely to have violent dating relationships as teenagers, study claims
The Independent
Growing up with a parent who has an alcohol use disorder increases the chance of having violent dating relationships as a teenager, a study has shown. According to research by the University at Buffalo Research Institute on Addictions, the root causes ...
Dating violence in teenagers due to parents' alcohol abuseHindustan Times

all 3 news articles »

The Times

Sexual relationships register to be brought in at Cambridge University
The Times
Cambridge University is to introduce an official register for sexual liaisons between academic staff and students. In the past few days several former Cambridge students have joined a social media campaign, started in the wake of allegations against ...
Cambridge University to Keep Records of Sexual Relationships Between Teachers and StudentsNews18
Cambridge dons are told to register affairs with students: University to 'discourage' relationships as part of ...Daily Mail
Cambridge dons must register any sexual relations with studentsTelegraph.co.uk

all 6 news articles »
Google News

8 Keys to Lasting Love

My granddaughter, Merritt Miles, was the inspiration for this CD,... Read More

The Sponge Pattern

Relationships. They're complicated, right? At least that's what we've been... Read More

Choosing a Diamond Engangement Ring That She Can?t Say No To!

So you've decided to propose ? congratulations! This is a... Read More

How do We Change our Self Esteem Perception?

Many of us have heard about the power of positive... Read More

Tips For Proper Kissing Etiquette!

Many cultures have customary kissing etiquettes. The French for instance... Read More

Gay and Lesbian Relationships

America has a reluctance to accept relationships between people of... Read More

Second Fiddle

I have been seeing a married man for the past... Read More

The Simple Facts About Falling In Love

We are meant to live a life of love. However,... Read More

My Concept

From my own personal experiences with relationships I believe in... Read More

The Flames of Love

Suppose you have everything; a good job, good health, good... Read More

Relationship Advice: Safety, Intimacy, and Fun

When people come in for marriage counseling, they bring their... Read More

Zen And Romance

The art of romance and the art of Zen are... Read More

Relationship Advice: The Me Approach or the We Approach

A husband and wife were doing a little redecorating and... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the One Who Strayed

To the spouse who had the affair, it's time for... Read More

Relationship Advice: 2 Beliefs for a Successful Relationship

Mark Twain once saidGod's great cosmic joke on the human... Read More

Communication Is The Key To A Lasting Relationship

"If you are trying to find ways to lead a... Read More

Real Solutions For Combatting Extreme Shyness

Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to... Read More

Setting Boundaries: Business Clients and Boyfriends

Setting boundaries is necessary in any human relationship.Whether you're dealing... Read More

Relationship Advice: How to Ignore Your Spouse or Partner

Marriage can be one of the quickest and most effective... Read More

Boston Lawyers, DC Lawyers and Individual Rights

Looks like everyone wants to sue someone right? Well, I... Read More

Attraction: Is It Worth It?

The Common Scenario:Your partner is hardly ever home to give... Read More

Shattered Visions

Sometimes it takes a girlfriend in order to have a... Read More

You are Killing US with YOUR Jealousy

Hey all, I feel that need to reach out and... Read More

How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life

So your relationship has changed over the years since you... Read More

A Womans World

Women are simply wonderful don't you think? This question is... Read More