He?s So Loving (But He Has These Black Moods)

It's strange how often abused women tell you how loving their partner is. Stranger still is that it usually happens after they have talked about extraordinary threats, behaviour or violence to which he has subjected them.

Obviously, it's a denial mechanism, a way of whitewashing his character.

It's also about the hunger for love - a hunger that becomes greater with every abusive outburst. In part, it's about settling for crumbs ? and being grateful ? because you know that the square meal you need is not on offer. But that's not all it is.

Abusive men are generally most demonstrative after a temper tantrum or violent outburst. Once they've got their fury off their chest, they may feel remorse. Briefly. Or they may just worry that they might have 'blown it' this time. So they pull out the stops, putting on the best display of affection they can. The operative word here is display.

I have a little dog who is very loving. Nobody could ever accuse her of being loyal, but she sure is loving. What does that mean in practice? It means that she makes everyone she meets feel special and welcome in her world. She is a delightfully sunny tempered little creature. Especially those people who are terrified of dogs love her.

They love her because she is gentle, affectionate and safe. (The only savagery she ever exhibits is when she attacks the belt of my dressing gown.)

Now, if she were ever to show aggression and attack people's ankles - she really is small - she would not be a loving little dog who 'has these black moods'. She would be A Vicious Dog. (I pray she never will be.)

Abused women live their lives between a rock and a hard place. They feel they have to believe in their partner, because they no longer believe in themselves.

They end up living in a world turned on its head, where intolerable behaviour is excused by emotional incontinence. In this topsy-turvy world, having a black mood gives the abuser carte blanche to inflict it on those closest to him.

Recovery starts when abused women begin to judge their two-legged partner by the same standards that most rational people apply to their four-legged friends.

(C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future.

Email:[email protected] To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com

In The News:

The Importance of Building Professional Relationships in Architecture  ArchinectRelationships are the cornerstone of almost every aspect of our lives. In a career setting, the quality of our relationships with those around us can be directly ...
Red Table Talk: Jada Pinkett Smith Talks Love and Relationships with Former Monk Jay Shetty  PEOPLE.comJada Pinkett Smith is dissecting love and relationships. In a PEOPLE exclusive clip of Monday's Facebook Watch show Red Table Talk, Pinkett Smith, 47, sits ...
‘I love my partner more since his affair’ – Guardian readers on being betrayed  The Guardian'I love my partner more since his affair' – Guardian readers on being betrayed.
What Does It Mean to Be ‘Ready’ for a Relationship?  The AtlanticSix months after her divorce, Jo Carter, a project manager at a university in Madison, Wisconsin, thought she was ready to date. She had married her ...
The New Long-Distance Relationship  The AtlanticThe same technological and economic developments that are pulling couples apart are also making geographic separation less stressful and more enjoyable.
Renée Zellweger husband: The FIVE shocking relationships you never knew she had  Express.co.ukRenée Zellweger became one of Hollywood's biggest stars in the mid-1990s thanks to her work in Jerry Maguire and since that point she has been linked to a ...
What your ability to engage with stories says about your real-life relationships  The Conversation - USAccording to a new study, those who have a tendency to sabotage their relationships may find solace in the fictional worlds of TV and movies.
Kenyan court upholds laws criminalizing same-sex relationships  The Globe and MailKenya's High Court has refused to strike down colonial-era laws that criminalize homosexual acts, setting itself in opposition to a growing global trend by courts ...
People in polyamorous relationships diversify their need fulfillment across multiple partners  PsyPostNew research provides insight into why some people choose to have multiple romantic relationships at the same time. The findings suggest that this ...
Passion trumps love for sex in relationships  EurekAlertMen initiate sex more than three times as often as women do in a long-term, heterosexual relationship. However, previous research shows that sex happens far ...
Relationship Building: How to Earn Trust & High-Quality Links  Search Engine JournalBuilding trust with your audience is an essential component of any *content* marketing strategy. When you build trust, you build authority simultaneously. And ...
Should You End A Relationship That Seems Happy? 7 Women Share Why They Did  Elite DailyFairytales and rom-coms lead us to believe that love is enough to sustain a relationship — and to live happily ever after, of course. But the reality is, it takes a ...
Do People Use YouTubers to Replace Real Relationships?  Psychology TodayNew research clarifies drivers of YouTube overuse.
Opinion | Is social media a blessing or burden for modern relationships?: Ask Ellie  TheSpec.comDear Readers: Do social media and online dating make finding a mate more difficult instead of easier? A young woman's May 3 question about how long ...
Networking is pointless — unless you follow this important rule, relationship expert says  CNBCTo be an effective networker, it's important to view relationships as "capital," says Zvi Band, relationship strategist and author of "Success Is in Your Sphere."
Open Table hopes to improve relationships around table  Excelsior Springs StandardOrganizers of Open Table invite Excelsior Springs area residents to be part of a unique spiritual experience when a new church begins weekly gatherings the ...
Stranger Things: The 5 Best & 5 Worst Relationships | ScreenRant  Screen RantStrangers Things is a total hit on Netflix, and here are some of the best (and some of the worst) relationships ever portrayed on the show.
Invest in Your Relationships. The Payoff Is Immense.  The New York TimesWelcome to the Smarter Living newsletter! Every Monday, Tim Herrera emails readers with tips and advice for living a better, more fulfilling life. Sign up here to ...
Referral Relationships Are as Important—and Scrutinized—as Ever | The American Lawyer  Law.comLaw firms are going beyond the schmooze to study what comes of referral relationships and act accordingly.
Guys Reveal What They Hated After The First 3 Months Of A Relationship  TheTalkoFrom awkward first impressions to indelicate insecurities, the first three months of a relationship are filled with trails and tribulations.
Better tech will build better relationships between clinicians and patients  GOV.UKThe Secretary of State for Health and Social Care spoke at the King's Fund Digital Health and Care Congress to launch the new GP IT Futures contract.
Bloomsburg Professor Fired for Having Sexual Relationships With Two Students Must Be Reinstated, Court Rules  NewsweekA Pennsylvania court ruled Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania Professor John Barrett must be reinstated after he was fired for having sexual relationships ...
Dead to Me: The Subtle Way Judy and Steve’s Dialogue Calls Attention to Abusive Relationships  POPSUGARUnless you've been taking a social media break for the past month, you've likely picked up on the buzz surrounding Netflix's latest popular hit, Dead to Me.
I've counseled more than 500 couples—and this is the No. 1 money mistake that ruins relationships  CNBCThe single biggest mistake couples make in their relationships is imposing a "right and wrong" framework on financial disagreements. Here's how to solve the ...
Rocketman exposes the Hollywood hypocrisy over portrayal of gay relationships  The SunSHAME on Hollywood executives who delayed the movie being made for years because of its sex scenes. Those who lecture the world about gay rights need to ...
9 Super Specific Relationship Statuses That Describe Your Life To A Tee  Elite DailyLet's take a trip down memory lane. Remember when Facebook relationship statuses were a crucial component of defining your love life? More importantly ...
The relationship advice that'll transform your love life, as per your zodiac sign  Times of IndiaAries make passionate and dedicated partners but they tend to be a little impatient at times. To make their love life smoother, people belonging to this zodiac ...
One In Three People Do These 7 Surprising Things In Their Relationships  BustleIt's easy to look at other people's relationships and feel like yours is lacking in many ways. But the reality is, you can never truly know what's going on in a ...
Share your stories of rebuilding past relationships | Life and style  The GuardianWe want to hear your stories of reconnecting with childhood friends, old flames or relatives after many years apart. Guardian readers. Fri 10 May 2019 06.35 ...
Once Upon A Time: The 5 Best Relationships (& The 5 Worst)  Screen RantFor seven seasons between 2011 and 2018, the cult ABC series Once Upon a Time allowed viewers to enter a world of fairytales with a modern twist.
What's your relationship type?  FeminaRelationships come with creases that need to be constantly ironed out. Besides, work life, day-to-day stress, hectic commutes, etc. all take a toll. If you knew ...
Will my fourth relationship also fail?  Times of IndiaWant expert advice for your relationship? Send us a mail at [email protected]
Intentional factors that make relationships work  Daily NationWe are social creatures who thrive in relationships. Statistics put the displacement caused by wars and conflict in the world at approximately 40 million. Failure to ...
How using marijuana could benefit your relationship  New York Post New research reveals that cannabis use between couples increases might benefit their relationship, in the bedroom and beyond. What they call "intimacy ...
If Your Relationship Is Suffocating, You'll Notice These 7 Signs  Elite DailyRomantic relationships can be difficult at times. Occasionally, your relationships might require some mediation, a little bit of trial and error, and a lot of ...
The 2 Most Important Factors In Building A Successful Mentor/Mentee Relationship  ForbesWhat are the two most important factors in building a successful mentor and mentee relationship today? Here's what three successful executives had to say.
Why Kendall Jenner keeps 'sacred' relationship with Ben Simmons private  Page SixWhile "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" audiences have seen bits and pieces of Kendall Jenner's life over the years, her relationship with 76ers point guard ...
Let's face it, we all judge each other's relationships  The GuardianAt the core is something universal, and very human: the desire to get a handle on how we're doing.
Cassper Nyovest on relationships: If you cherish it, keep it private  TimesLIVEContrary to what other celebs are doing when they flaunt their love all over social media, Cassper Nyovest believes that relationships flourish when they are kept ...
A 'marriage of convenience' and the mum of his kids: Inside Louis Theroux's relationships.  MamamiaLouis Theroux has made a career of delving into the lives of others. In his unflinching documentary films, which tackle intimate and taboo subjects, he works hard ...
Dating & Relationship Advice For How To Find Your Soulmate & Kindred Spirit | Dona Murphy  YourTangoEveryone wants to know how to find their soulmate or kindred spirit and live happily ever after but before you can find them, take this dating and relationship ...
Sulphur Police arrest 5 accused of having inappropriate relationships with juvenile  KPLCThe Sulphur Police Department has arrested 5 men for allegedly having inappropriate relationships with the same 14-year-old juvenile.
5 Lessons About Love I Wouldn't Know Without My Long-Distance Relationship  mindbodygreen.comThere are some lessons about love that only long-distance relationships can teach—even though they're lessons that every couple needs.
Marriage Advice For Better Communication Skills To Stop Relationship Problems That Lead To Divorce  YourTangoThese are the most common, small relationship problems that married couples experience and why they can become much more serious and lead to divorce if ...
Why Everyone Needs To Stop Calling Their S.O. 'This One'  Refinery29It won't have escaped your notice that social media users like to refer to their significant other as "this one". Why do we do it? And what does it mean?
UniSA’s Museum of Discovery exhibition on sexual relationships HEDONISM opens on weekend  PerthNowAlien worlds converge with sexual relationships in a new exhibition which is literally touchy-feely. UniSA's museum of discovery (MOD) is the setting for ...
How to Be a Good Ex to Someone  GQ MagazineIt's not quite the same as staying friends, and it's not for everyone.
Twilight: The 5 Best Relationships (& The 5 Worst) | ScreenRant  Screen RantTwilight is a controversial series, to say the least. Some of the relationships were truly awful — but, there were also some good ones in there!
Relationship Rehab: ‘I can’t choose between two perfect women’  NEWS.com.auWelcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au's weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred. This week, our resident sexologist Isiah ...
Why risk assessments should be at the centre of client relationships  Advisor.caA study conducted in the early 2000s asked MBA students at Johns Hopkins to fill out risk tolerance forms for six different financial firms. The point was to ...
Dear John: 'I hate my friend's long-term boyfriend'  9HoneyMAFS expert John Aiken gives relationship advice for how to handle your friend's horrible boyfriend. Read m...
Rotimi Talks New Music And Nigerian Roots, Relationships, Life After 'Power' And More  Radio FactsSee These Other Industry Sites Radio Facts · Rhythmic.FM · Podcast Port · Blog Wallet · Online Accredited School · HBCU Updates · Women of Color in Media
5 Questions For Recognizing The Root Of Your Relationship Troubles  mindbodygreen.comIf something feels off in your relationship right now, here's a guide that will help you figure out the root of the problem. The next step is up to you.
Corporations increasingly use scholarships to build lasting relationships  University AffairsSeveral years ago, Rogers Communications was looking to freshen up its approach to corporate social responsibility (CSR) – the combination of public outreach ...
To all the internet friends I've loved before  The VergeA few years ago, I went to St. Louis for the first time to meet my friend Andrew who, until then, I'd only known through a group chat. I was there for his wedding, ...
Clive Waller: Building relationships with experts  Money MarketingThe good adviser paints a picture of life goals being achieved because financial plans are set and adhered to. I hear few cases of clients not staying with a plan ...
Dutee Chand in same-sex relationship, says SC gave belief they aren't wrong  Times of IndiaNEW DELHI: India's 100m record-holder and winner of two Asian Games silver medals, Dutee Chand on Sunday revealed that she is in a same-sex relationship ...
Open relationship rules: How to make it work  British GQOpen relationship rules: We spoke to people in open relationships to find out how you can make it work. You're welcome.
Bones: The 5 Best (And 5 Worst) Relationships | ScreenRant  Screen RantOver the course of its 12-season run, Fox's Bones explored many romantic relationships. We look at the best and worst couples.
Rutgers University to ban romantic relationships between faculty and students  NorthJersey.comA committee at the university has issued a number of recommendations to improve training and reduce sexual harassment.
The ties that bind: Cultivating lasting relationships  Philippine StarImpassable roads and scattered debris, Shella Usquisa still has vivid memories of how Super Typhoon Lawin affected her town in Tuguegarao back in October ...
How Venus In Taurus 2019 Will Affect Your Relationships, According To Your Zodiac Sign  Elite DailyYou know that feeling of butterflies in your stomach? In astrology, Venus is the planet who's responsible for that feeling. After all, Venus is the goddess of ...
Stephen Fry backs calls to review relationships and sex education  The GuardianStephen Fry has backed calls urging the government to review its new compulsory programme of relationships and sex education (RSE), due to be rolled out to ...
What Game of Thrones can teach us about healthy romantic relationships  The SpinoffOver its eight seasons, Game of Thrones demonstrated some of the most screwed up inter-personal relationships ever shown on screen. But there were some ...
Charly Bliss' 'Young Enough' Review: Bad Relationships And Sonic Bliss  NPRYoung Enough, the latest album from Charly Bliss, was born out of growing pains and toxic relationships.
All you need to know about throuple relationships  FeminaYou have heard about polyamory. You have also heard about the concept of ethical non-monogamy. But, do you know what a throuple relationship is? To begin ...
Ex-Shepherd student accused of sexual relationships with two boys waives hearing  Herald-Mail MediaMARTINSBURG, W.Va. — A former Shepherd University student accused of having sexual relationships with two teenage boys in Berkeley County, W.Va., while ...
Dr. Ruth says it’s ‘nonsense’ that you’re too busy for a relationship  The Washington PostBefore a recent Washington screening of “Ask Dr. Ruth,” a new Hulu documentary about the legendary sex therapist, the projectionist pops his head out of the ...
My on-again, off-again relationship with anxiety has taught me a lot  The Globe and MailFirst Person is a daily personal piece submitted by readers. Have a story to tell? See our guidelines at tgam.ca/essayguide. Dear Anxiety,. We've been together ...
‘Fast sex, slow love’: How Irish relationships have changed  The Irish TimesThe architecture of our intimate lives is changing. Irish couples have more choice than ever about how they want to design their relationships, and they're ...
May's relationship with EU was often rocky  The Public's RadioBRUSSELS (AP) — As British Prime Minister Theresa May announced her departure with a Brexit plan nowhere near success, European Union leaders offered ...
Wintec puts spotlight on consensual relationships in workplace  Stuff.co.nzPolytech looks to manage pitfalls of staffers striking up relationships in wake of high-level probe.
The effects of the silent treatment in families and relationships  ABC LocalNot restricted to romantic relationships, ABC Life audience members share how the silent treatment can breakdown relationships between siblings, parents, ...
15 Weirdest Romantic Superhero Relationships  WhatCultureJoni loves Chachi, Betty loves Archie, and the Joker loves Batman.
The Couples Using Magic Mushrooms as Relationship Therapy  VICEOnce a month, Fern*, 32 and her fiance Connor*, 25, set aside some time to devote to their relationship. They'll dim the lights of their one bedroom flat, wrap up ...
ARM halts Huawei relationship following US ban  TechCrunchThe dominoes continue to fall for Huawei in the wake of a Trump-led U.S. trade ban. An internal memo from ARM lays out the chip giant's decision to hit pause ...
Carly Rae Jepsen; Tyler, the Creator show two sides of relationships in two excellent albums  The WeekenderLast week, I asked on Twitter whether I should review the new record from Carly Rae Jepsen or from Tyler, the Creator. And while Jepsen's newest won my ...
Is Gavin Rossdale Threatened By Blake Shelton's Relationship With His Boys?  The Cheat SheetGwen Stefani and Blake Shelton recently made their first public appearance as a family with her three boys, does their dad, Gavin Rossdale, have a problem ...
What Anne Shirley Taught Me about Navigating Romantic Relationships  VerilyL.M. Montgomery's Anne Shirley first came into my life when I was a little girl: the 1985 VHS tapes of Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea were an annual ...
Kourtney Kardashian says she's 'most proud of' her relationship ex Scott Disick and his girlfriend Sofia Richie  Independent.ieKourtney Kardashian is “proud” of her relationship with Scott Disick and his girlfriend Sofia Richie. The 40-year-old reality star has three children - Mason, nine, ...
4 Signs Your Relationship Isn't Meant To Be & You're Destined For Something Greater  Elite DailyIf you've ever gone through a breakup, chances are a friend has tried to comfort you by saying, "It just wasn't meant to be." And while, sure, that may actually be ...
Relationship advice: Husband finds wife’s many affairs after 10 years marriage  NEWS.com.auIn 10 years of their marriage, Seth and his wife never lied to each other…about anything.
Larry and Paul Hit the Street to Offer Up Free Relationship Advice  WGN TV ChicagoEveryone that watches WGN Morning News knows that Larry Potash and Paul Konrad are men of great wisdom, especially when the topic deals with ...
Three Keys To Unlocking Women's Leadership: Relationships, Confidence And Building Gender Parity  Forbes“Building relationships with others is probably the most fundamental ingredient to your career success.” Vanessa Vallely in Heels of Steel: Surviving & Thriving In ...
Here's What Your Fave 'Riverdale' Relationship Says About Your Love Life  Elite DailyIn the midst of all of Riverdale's edge-of-your-seat moments, when you're trying to find out who's behind the town's most recent slew of murders, there always ...
This Art World CEO Credits Her Success To Putting Relationships First  ForbesClaudia Altman-Siegel believes relationships are at the core of her success. As an entrepreneur and gallerist, she's devoted her career to building people up.
Cushion and Swipe: The Indian woman’s evolving relationship with love, sex and dhokha  The Indian ExpressThe apps have created instability in relationships, as the idea that a better match may just be a swipe away won't let people settle in easily. (Photo: Getty ...
Kevin Hunter Blames Wendy Williams for Ruining Relationship with Son  TMZWendy Williams has put a wall up between her son and his father ... so claims Kevin Hunter Sr., who fears the fight that led to Kevin Jr.'s arrest has solidified the ...
30 Rock: 5 Best (& 5 Worst) Relationships | ScreenRant  Screen RantFrom Liz and Chris to Jack and Phoebe, 30 Rock has thrown its characters into all sorts of relationships. Here are some of the best (and worst).
Getting the Australia–China relationship right  Asian CorrespondentTHERE'S no more important issue for Australia at this time in the history of its international economic and foreign affairs than to get the relationship with China ...
Why Hugh Jackman Has One Of The Best Relationships In Hollywood  Cinema BlendReporting on movies, television, video games, and pop culture CINEMABLEND is the go-to source for today's plugged-in generation.
Chris Walker  Madison.comThe Madison Mallards baseball organization has been a part of our community for the better part of the past two decades. In recognizing the team's prominence ...
What The Word "Relationship" Means To You, By Zodiac Sign  YourTangoDo you want to find real love? What does the word relationship mean to you? Have search for a soulmate only to find love that doesn't feel right to you?
People Now: Breaking Down Wendy Williams' Relationship with Son, Kevin Jr. - Watch the Full Episode  PEOPLE.comYour latest celebrity news and top headlines for May 24th on PEOPLE Now.
An Expert Explains If A Long-Distance, Open Relationship Is A Good Idea, & It's Enlightening  Elite DailyIf you and your partner live far apart and you're curious about trying to see other people, it's natural to wonder: Is a long-distance, open relationship a good idea?
Which TV Couple Matches Your Ideal Relationship Based On Your Zodiac Sign  TheTalkoEveryone has an idea relationship. Based on your zodiac sign, these are the TV couples who match your ideal!
Kendall Jenner and Ben Simmons Are 'on a Break' as Their 'Relationship Ran Its Course,' Says Source  PEOPLE.comJenner confirmed she has been dating the Philadelphia 76ers player during an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show in February.
GreenSky loses key partner, raising concerns about its other bank relationships  American BankerGreenSky is about to lose one of its key financial partners, and that's raising concerns among investors about the durability of the fintech company's bank-centric ...
Harry Potter: 5 Best Relationships (& The 5 Worst) | ScreenRant  Screen RantThe most magical pairings in the Harry Potter universe - and the absolute worst couples.
5 Ways to Help Your Partner Feel More Secure in the Relationship  PsychCentral.comIf your partner has an ambivalent attachment style, he or she might be needy in the relationship. Here's how to create a more secure environment.

Tips for Building Love Relationships - 1

Nearly everyone claims to want a great relationship with their... Read More

8 Reasons Why Your Man Isn?t More Romantic On Valentine?s Day

What is supposed to be the most romantic day of... Read More

Moving On to Much Better Things After Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, but being alone can... Read More

How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot... Read More

9 Reasons You May Not be Getting the Love you Deserve

Are you getting the love you deserve? Are you being... Read More

Love Advice: Are You Frozen in Time?

Falling in love is a process that one cannot stay... Read More

Second Time Around the Block

Divorce happens. I'm not going to debate the causes or... Read More

Link Romantic Feelings To The Sight Of Your Face

Anchoring is an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) term used to describe... Read More

Charisma, Love and Health

This is an amazing story. It's about my friend Robert.... Read More

Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You?

How far can you afford to bend your values to... Read More

Happily Single v Happily Married

Have you noticed how so many people spend their lives... Read More

How To Quickly Turn Platonic Friends into Lovers Using The New 5-Step Jealousy Technique

I'm going to get straight to the point. If you... Read More

Stand By Your Man: No Matter What?

We all heard the report of a prisoner escaping after... Read More

Long Distance Relationships ? Not Always a Bad Thing

You hate it, but it's happened ? the love of... Read More

Ulterior Motive

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 7,... Read More

I Love You!

The famous three words we never hear enough of in... Read More

What You Should Know About Domestic Abuse

What is domestic abuse?There are many forms of domestic abuse,... Read More

Passions Search for Destiny

She was haunted by a man whom she had never... Read More

Can This Relationship Be Helped?

I have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often... Read More

Whats in a Kiss

Just think of being in front of a warm cracking... Read More

Are Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-Mart?

It is surprising how many writers, psychologists, or scientists have... Read More

Romancing The Senses

Romance can be experienced in numerous ways, but it is... Read More

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 4

Finally, after all of the hard work you have done... Read More

Soulmates, Are They Pre-ordained?

One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When... Read More

Passion or Purpose?

I hate moderation. I hate doing things moderately. I hate... Read More