To Love Or To Be In Love

What is the basic difference between loving someone and being in love with the person? Before we can be sure that we have found true love, we need to be sure what these two terminologies mean.

Is it possible to meet someone, connect with the person and love the person's personality, way of life, etc? Truly be comfortable with such a person? Certainly! Most of us know significant others in our lives who fall into this category. At the same time, it is possible to totally connect with a significant other and feel the butterflies every time with this person.

But the latter scenario could very much be a crush or an obsession. How do we know that our feelings don't fall into the latter group? To understand my discourse, we need to understand the various emotions at work in the different scenarios.

Firstly, the crush or obsession: One feels a crush for another person, for no good reason at all. Often, the object of the crush may not even be aware of it. It can be described as an irrational desire and/or admiration for the other person, which is totally uncalled for, or has no rational cause. Usually, this desire is almost purely physical: has to do with physical beauty, carriage, manners, smell, etc of the other person. It is a likeness from a distance, such that one has for someone whom one doesn't even speak to, or in close proximity, with someone whom one just says hello. At best, these feelings are juvenile, immature and usually manifest in the awkward years of a teenager.

The obsession, however, is a more mature form of the crush. While the crush may be teenage in origin, the obsession stems from an advanced stage of the crush, where emotions and thoughts have been nurtured continuously to an inferno. Usually, at the obsessive stage, the obsessive person has plucked up the courage to develop some little relationship with the object of his or her desire without the latter being aware of it. What makes the latter an obsession is that the object of the desire is either unaware of this desire, or doesn't appreciate it.

Now, to the crux: What is the difference between being in love and not being in love? It is the butterflies! When a relationship is still young, and both parties are starry-eyed about each other, they believe they are in love. They feel the butterflies. But true love must be tested, time and again.

Love that tests true to diverse storms and passes the true love tests may not feel the butterflies and starry-eyed-ness of the young hot couple next door, who can't take their eyes or hands off each other. When a relationship which goes through stormy times (this is a must for every relationship) and still endures, it means that the butterflies still persist. The other person still gives you a reason to hold on; still has that something; the fire, the smile, the look in their eyes, the personality, the charm to make you still hold on, despite all the ups and downs. At this level, you know that you love that person truly.

But what about the others that are really sweet and loveable people? Sure, they exist; we definitely do know them. These are people we do love, but not with the same intensity. Yes, we will miss them in our lives, if it comes down to it; yes, we will miss them like we will miss an old friend or colleague or a really dear one. This is the love we have for our family members but may not quite make the grade, when it comes to a life partner. The love you have for someone you want to make your life partner needs to be stronger than filial love, because you want to hang in there, for better or worse, till death do us part.

Understanding these core differences, immediately opens our eye of understanding to know exactly what emotions we feel and where we stand with the various loved ones in our lives.

Knowledge is NOT power; it is only empowering?.The Application of Knowledge IS power.

About The Author

Christopher Adeyemi Adetosoye is author of A Man's Guide to Finding True Love and A Woman's Guide to Finding True Love, E-books, which are currently available at http://www.trueloveguide.com; [email protected]

In The News:

90 Day Fiancé: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (& 5 They Rejected)  Screen RantFans of 90 Day Fiance often reject the relationships portrayed on the screen, but a few of them are fully supported by avid viewers at home.
12 Tweets About Relationships Not Working Out That Are Beyond Relatable  Elite DailyIs there anything more disheartening than the harsh realization that your relationship simply isn't working? I think not. Very often, it's not for lack of effort or love, ...
A Lesson We Keep Relearning: It's All About Relationships  ForbesWe keep rediscovering that most learners are motivated by relationships and grow in community.
Patterns In Love: New Romances Eventually Resemble Old Relationships, Study Shows  Study FindsA new study finds that simply changing partners isn't going to change a person's relationship dynamics. Eventually, new relationships will begin to resemble old ...
Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship?  Psychology TodayA new study suggests nine ways people put their romantic relationships at risk.
Opinion | Don’t matrimonialize live-in relationships  LivemintShould live-in relationships be regulated by the state? And, if so, to what extent? The Rajasthan State Human Rights Commission believes it's time for ...
Why Most Relationships Don't Survive The First Year  MadameNoireIt's often assumed that the first year of a relationship is the easiest to navigate; however, some would argue that the first year is actually one of the more difficult ...
Are you ready for a relationship?  Mumbai MirrorAsk yourself these questions to find out how you really feel.
How to make men feel wanted in relationships  cosmopolitan.comBeing in a healthy relationship can be so great. You know each other's love languages, you know how to spot the signs of toxic relationship behaviours and you ...
Becca Tilley Reveals Why She’s Keeping Her New Relationship a Secret: ‘It’s Private and It’s My Own’  Us Weekly'Bachelor' alum Becca Tilley opened up about why she is choosing to keep her new relationship 'private' — details.
How Confident Are You that Your Relationship Will Last?  Psychology TodayBelieving your relationship is strong may be the key to achieving this positive outcome. New research on relationship confidence shows 5 ways to find whether ...
What Do Healthy Relationships Look Like?  Psychology TodayOne estimate is that only 10% of marriages in the US are highly healthy and happy. What can we learn from them?
We follow the same old patterns in new romantic relationships  Medical News TodayResearchers warn that even when we start a new romantic relationship, we have a tendency to return to the same patterns that we established in previous ...
Ukraine: Vibrant summer camp rekindles childhood joy, bridges relationships - Ukraine  ReliefWebEnglish News and Press Release on Ukraine about Protection and Human Rights, Children, IDPs and more; published on 19 Sep 2019 by ICRC.
How Much Is Too Much Work in a Relationship?  Psychology TodayWe always hear that relationships require work. But how do we know when a relationship is just too much work? When is it time to call it quits? Of course, there is ...
Apps for couples: How relationship apps like Lasting work  Vox.comWhen Verge editor (and Vox Media coworker) Chris Welch tweeted a screenshot of a relationship app that reminded users to “send a text message that makes ...
Redefining agricultural relationships in unpredictable times  FarmersWeeklyThe AF Group have published their new report outlining the attitude and actions needed for successful and fruitful supply chain partnerships for British.
How to Create Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship  The Good Men ProjectI think so many people think expectations and standards are the same things when they really aren't. They are related, but not similar in how they should be ...
Is Your Anxiety Ruining Your Relationships? 5 Steps to Take  PsychCentral.com"Tom" and "Sarah" were neighbors—an upwardly mobile Millennial twosome, she in designer duds and he in the casual attire that seems to be de rigueur for ...
The Secrets of Great Relationships  Psychology TodayOver the years we've heard from a lot of disenchanted people who have felt very pessimistic about their chances of creating a fulfilling long-term partnership.
Everything You Need to Know about Relationship Intelligence Automation  Business 2 CommunityA referral is the kick start to the buying process for a staggering 84 percent of all buyers. That means client satisfaction should be a top priority if you want to grow ...
4 Ways Dating Can Help Your Business Relationships  ForbesPersonal and business regularly go hand in hand: maintaining relationships with both require hard work, persistence, and empathy. While it can be easy to see ...
Couple launch dating app for those seeking age gap relationships  Metro.co.ukA couple with a 23-year age gap was so inspired by their own story, they started a business to allow others to find older and younger lovers. CEO Sheldon Owen ...
Sloane lectures about the importance of “stepping off the relationship escalator  The TrinitonianPhoto by Matthew Claybrook. On Monday night, about 20 students attended a lecture given by Sarah Sloane, writer and educator, about nontraditional sexuality ...
Married Couples: Studies Have Found These 5 Habits May Instantly Improve Your Relationships  Inc.Whether you're about to tie the knot or have been in the game for a while, these five strategies are sure to bring you closer.
Women in live-in relationships are like concubines: Rajasthan human rights body  India TodayThe Rajasthan Human Rights Commission (HRC) on Wednesday issued an order to "prohibit" the practice of live-in relationships. The bench which issued the ...
Are You Rushing These 8 Relationship Money Milestones?  The Motley FoolSee what the biggest money milestones are in relationships and find out if you and your partner have gotten there earlier than the average couple.
Situationships: The Kinda-Relationship That No One Wants To Be In  Refinery29Have you ever dated someone or had a friend with benefits who you spent so much time with that it felt like you were in an official relationship, even though ...
From sex to money: the eight deep discussions that can save a dying relationship  The GuardianJohn and Julie Gottman have devised dates for ailing couples – but how many are ready for this level of openness and sincerity?
Professor publishes book on LGBTQ+ relationships  Webster JournalWebster adjunct professor Andrea Miller explores the relationships of gender and sexual minorities, that are not often researched, in a newly released book.
EMS process owners build hospital relationships, morale, QI  EMS1.comMontgomery County, Maryland Fire & Rescue *Service's* Russell Patterson shares how process ownership is streamlining their ACS, STEMI management.
Relationship Satisfaction Depends on Self-Disclosure  Psychology TodayPartners who practice this behavior report greater relationship satisfaction. People should select mates accordingly.
Seinfeld: 10 Quotes About Relationships We Can All Relate To  Screen RantThe characters on the classic '90s sitcom Seinfeld have a lot to say about life, especially dating. These relationship quotes are all relatable.
WATCH: NYC reverend, rabbi on interfaith community relationships  msnNOWNEW YORK (1010 WINS) -- Rev. Brett Younger is the Senior Minister of Plymouth Church in Brooklyn - He spoke at "Brooklyn Heights Synagogue" for the ...
Why Chicago Fire Decided To Explore A Brett And Casey Relationship, According To The Showrunner  Cinema BlendChicago Fire has explored many relationships over the years, ranging from the romantic to the bromantic to the totally platonic. Season 7 delivered a shocker to ...
From your work BFF to your boss: How to navigate relationships in the office  CNNRelationships in the office can get sticky, and how you handle them can affect your career.
Indonesia's laws to criminalise sex outside marriage, in homosexual relationships  7NEWSIndonesia has proposed a new penal code that criminalises unmarried couples who "live together as a husband and wife" and introduces stiff penalties for ...
Chris Rock Is Writing a Book on Race and Relationships  The New York TimesMy First Black Boyfriend,” an essay collection by the comedian and filmmaker, is coming out next year.
Parks & Rec: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (& 5 They Rejected)  Screen RantParks and Recreation was a hilarious sitcom with shipworthy couples and romances fans hated. We dish on the love lives of Leslie, Ron, and others.
The 4 Things That Will Hurt Your Relationship the Most  Psychology TodaySo damaging are these behaviors in a relationship that they've earned an ominous nickname: The Four Horsemen.
What is a karmic relationship and how do you know if you're in one?  Metro.co.ukYou're both madly in love, but still can't seem to make it work - but why? We explain what the signs are of a karmic relationship.
Money & Relationships: Pros and cons of taking joint home loan with your spouse  Economic TimesHave you and your spouse decided to buy a house with the help of a joint home loan? Exciting as the prospect of purchasing a house seems to a married couple ...
Dakota Johnson and Chris Martin's Complete Relationship Timeline  ELLE.comChris Martin might finally have found love with Dakota Johnson. Although they've kept their relationship low-key, they'll celebrate two years together in October.
Despite popular belief, study finds little evidence of emotional interdependence in romantic relationships  PsyPostThough people often feel they are emotionally attuned to their romantic partner, new research has found little evidence that couples regularly experience ...
My duty is to abide by the law, not mend relationships  Indianapolis RecorderYears go Queen Latifah had a hit record “Latifah's Had it Up to Here.” The song pretty much summed up how the she felt about crab rappers and anyone else.
Wedding photographers reveal how they can tell if a relationship will last — and whether it won't  INSIDERWedding photographers pay special attention to the way couples interact to document their most authentic moments. Here's their relationship advice.
8 Ways To Have Better Relationships With Your Clients  ForbesIf you're providing a *service* of any sort, you will have clients. Your client relationships; the presence, happiness and retention of them; are the foundation of your ...
Outlander: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (And 5 They Rejected)  Screen RantWe've ranked the 5 best and worst relationships on Outlander so that we can praise and hate some of the show's love teams.
4 Zodiac Sign Pairings That Have The Best Conversations In Relationships  Elite DailyRomantic chemistry looks different for everyone, but good conversation makes for a pretty strong indication that you're vibing with someone cute. After all, when ...
Best Things About Being a Relationship - I Hate Being Single  CosmopolitanI've never been single and I don't regret it. Here's why I prefer relationships.
'Monster' pedophile abused girl so badly she is now unable form relationships with men  Metro.co.ukA pedophile abused his girlfriend's daughter so badly she is unable to form normal relationships with men more than a decade later, a judge said. Judge Billy ...
Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra's Complete Relationship Timeline  ELLE.comFrom their humble beginnings as a summer romance of 2018 to their elaborate wedding celebrations, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas have become a major ...
Fighting poverty one relationship at a time  Washington PostAsked to define the hardships afflicting America's poor, outside observers often point to dollar signs: income instability, families living in poverty, households with ...
Teen Wolf: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (And 5 They Rejected)  Screen RantTeen Wolf's characters formed many bonds, some more successful than others. Here are the relationships fans were behind and those they rejected.
Stranger Things: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (& 5 They Rejected)  Screen RantRelationships in Stranger Things are a bit of a mixed bag - here are five relationships we got behind, and five we weren't having at all.
United Road's new logistics tech platform targets growth, relationships  Auto RemarketingMark Anderson says strategic acquisitions over the past six years have resulted in an expanded U.S. and Canada footprint for finished vehicle logistics provider ...
Hugs not drugs: Researcher says relationships should be loneliness Rx  CBC.caA University of Calgary psychiatry resident physician says loneliness can be better treated with more social interactions and meaningful relationships than meds.
Shawn Mendes Insists His Relationship With Camila Cabello is "Not a Publicity Stunt" As Camila Confirms They're "Falling in Love"  Seventeen.comEver since Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello started getting spotted together earlier this summer, people have been skeptical. The images of them making out ...
Changing partners doesn't change relationship dynamics  Science DailyNew romances eventually follow patterns similar to old ones, according to a new study.
Bachelor in Paradise's Katie Says Her Relationship with Chris Is 'So Much Better' After Show  PEOPLE.com"It had been really hard for us to communicate our differences and what each other needed," Katie Morton tells PeopleTV's Reality Check.
Strange love-hate relationship of Congress and BSP  Deccan HeraldAs Mayawati recently accused the Congress of pursuing a 'dogli niti' (double standard), the relationship between the two parties has turned a full circle since ...
Power Is Both Good and Bad for Our Sexual Relationships  Psychology TodayPower is strongly associated with sex and can have both beneficial and detrimental effects on our relationships.
How Anger Affects Intimate Relationships  Psychology TodayAngry exchanges are bound to happen between intimate partners. Ranging from mild to explosive, they often likely to create cumulative damage over time.
Why you should treat all of your relationships like fruit salads instead of smoothies  Well+GoodHealthy relationships have been described many ways throughout the course of human history, but a new analogy comes straight out of Hot Girl Summer.
4 Zodiac Signs That Hold Grudges In Relationships, Because Letting Go Can Be Hard  Elite DailyLetting go is never easy. Whether you're Marie Kondo-ing your sock drawer or trying to get over a fight with your partner, moving on can be totally daunting.
How to Propose an Open Relationship  The New York Times“Don't bring it up during an argument,” says Terri D. Conley, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan who studies sexuality. If you're in a ...
Trump's Evolving Relationship With Saudi Arabia  NPRBefore he was elected president, Donald Trump was a critic of Saudi Arabia. Now, he says the U.S. is "locked and loaded" to respond to an attack on their behalf.
Gleeds improves business relationships with Introhive  KMWorld MagazineGleeds, an independent global property and construction consultancy, has chosen Introhive, an enterprise relationship management (ERM) platform provider, ...
Trump says he hasn't spoken to Netanyahu: 'Our relationship is with Israel'  The Times of IsraelUS president appears to distance himself from a PM weakened after Tuesday's election, says race is 'very close' and 'we'll see what happens'
Tasman District mayoral candidate Dean McNamara aims to 'restore relationships'  Stuff.co.nzFirst-term Moutere-Waimea ward councillor Dean McNamara has put up his hand for mayor and councillor.
Manufacturers don't control consumer relationships, platforms like Google do, says Sorrell  CNBCManufacturers don't have the direct relationships with shoppers they thought they would with the advent of the internet — it's platforms like Facebook that are in ...
Are you stuck in an unequal relationship?  FeminaWe help you navigate your way through a codependent relationship.
Cardlytics Helps Banks Increase Customer Engagement and Deepen Business Banking Relationships by Powering Loyalty Programs  CardRates.comIn a Nutshell: Prior to founding Cardlytics, Scott Grimes and Lynne Laube noticed that banks have access to robust amounts of valuable customer data, but they ...
Relationship stages every couple goes through  FeminaJust as there are diverse stages in one's life and career, relationships too go through several stages of metamorphosis. Needless to say, the success or failure of ...
Yu-Gi-Oh!: 10 Relationships That Changed The Series Forever | CBR  CBR - Comic Book ResourcesCharacter relationships are at the forefront of the Yu-Gi-Oh! anime, and here are the 10 most important pairings in the series.
Kourtney Kardashian & French Montana: The Status Of Their Relationship Revealed  Hollywood LifeAfter being spotted at Stephanie Sheperd's birthday party, the status of Kourtney and French's relationship is finally being revealed.
Gilmore Girls: 5 Things Wrong With Luke & Lorelai’s Relationship (& 5 We Envied)  Screen RantFans love Luke Danes and Lorelai Gilmore's relationship on the popular TV show Gilmore Girls. But are these two really meant to be?
7 relationship tips for a Virgo to find love and make it last  Times NowVirgos are sharp-minded individuals, who draw people to them, thanks to their friendly nature. The same goes in relationships as well. Here is some advice for a ...
Tayshia Adams Denied Reality Steve's Claim That Her John Paul Jones Relationship Is Fake  Elite DailyAnother day, another kettle full of piping hot Bachelor Nation Tea. What is the tea this time, you ask? Well, Tayshia Adams denied Reality Steve's claim that her ...
After divorce, some relationships often continue  The Daily HeraldQ: My husband has two children with his ex. My mother-in-law remains good friends with their mother even though she has been divorced from my husband for ...
7 Reasons You Get Bored Easily In Relationships, According To Experts  BustleFeeling bored at some point in your relationship is normal. Once the honeymoon period ends, you'll enter into the comfortable stage. While it may not be as ...
How Do Relationships Change After Marriage? 14 Married People Got Super Honest About Their Experiences  Elite DailyWhen you're in the thick of it, it can be hard to imagine that your relationship would ever change in any way. But formally agreeing in the eyes of the law (and ...
How To Tell It’s Time To End Your Long-Distance Relationship  Refinery29Not every long-distance relationship is made to last. Here's how to recognize the signs that it's time to end your LDR.
Mohanlal: Kaappaan has an important message on relationships  Times of IndiaThe multi-starrer, multi-lingual, big budget Kaappaan had a launch function at a hotel in Kochi, and the event which was attended by the cast and crew.
U of M addresses sexual violence, bans student-teacher relationships  CTV NewsThe University of Manitoba is addressing sexual violence on campus and in the community, and released a report with 43 recommendations.
Toxic relationship signs to look out for  cosmopolitan.comNot sure if you're in a toxic relationship? Here's the behaviour and signs you should be looking out for.
Nelson Peltz lauds relationship with P&G: 'We're getting along so well'  CNBCNelson Peltz and David Taylor, once adversaries over the direction of Procter & Gamble, met Thursday as allies taking a victory lap for the company's stunning ...
Once Upon A Time: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (& 5 They Rejected)  Screen RantAt its very core, Once Upon a Time was a show about love, family, and relationships. Every lesson revolves around learning the meaning of true love. True love ...
End that bad relationship NOW - Stoptober 2019 campaign launches today  Chard & Ilminster NewsHUNDREDS of thousands of people across Somerset are being urged to end their relationships.
Do you handle the money in your relationship? Here's how to make sure your partner can take over.  NBC NewsThis is the second of a two—part series that explores how to navigate a couple's finances when one person handles everything. Up first: how to handle the ...
8 Zodiac Sign Pairings That Rarely Fight In Relationships Because They're So Well-Balanced  Elite DailyHow often do you fight with your partner? Does it seem like you butt heads frequently, or is it mostly smooth sailing? If it's the latter, chances are you and your SO ...
3 Zodiac Signs Who Fall Into Relationship Ruts Most Easily  Elite DailyThough rom-coms may show the steamiest 90 minutes of a couple's life, if you were to capture an entire romantic relationship on film, you'd be bound to watch ...
Modern Family: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (& 5 They Rejected)  Screen RantBefore sitcom Modern Family comes to an end, let's take a look at the couples on the show who fans love... and the pairings that don't make any sense.
Why you should avoid the 'texting trap' when dating  INSIDERShe said it's important to go from texting, to a phonecall, to the date really fast because "that's where the magic happens."
Cara Delevingne opens up on her relationship with Ashley Benson  Metro.co.ukAs if they weren't giving us enough 'couple goals' envy already, Cara Delevingne has spoken out about how her relationship with Ashley Benson makes her a ...
This is what single people can teach us all about relationships  Metro.co.ukElyakim Kislev, author of Happy Singlehood, discusses how single people are flourishing and overcoming loneliness.
Michael Douglas: Courtesy is important in relationships  EWNThe 'Basic Instinct' star believes his longstanding relationship with Catherine Zeta-Jones is down to not taking his spouse for granted and insists it is important to ...
4 Myers-Briggs Personality Types That Won't Ever Rush Into Relationships  Elite DailyWhen beginning a new relationship, most people fit into one of two categories: those who look before they leap, and those who leap before they look. There's ...
Frasier: 5 Relationships Fans Were Behind (& 5 They Rejected)  Screen RantFrom Frasier and Lilith to Niles and Mel, here are some relationships from Frasier that fans have supported (and some they definitely didn't).

How to Spot a Cheater

Is your man the cheating type? Here are some clues... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Apologize and Forgive

I'm sorry can be words that are much too easy... Read More

Sacred Relationships: Divine Source

Questions and Answers from Divine Source Through Barbara Rose1. What... Read More

Am I Doing the Right Thing?

Dear Candace,My fiancé and I just broke up, and I... Read More

Women and Men: Never The Twain Shall Meet

"Dear Happy Guy,"I just don't understand men. Last night I... Read More

Five Easy Steps to Creating Your Dream Relationship

Millions of singles across the world are looking to create... Read More

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes--Celebrity Romance

Actors Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a hard... Read More

How Can Empathy Shape Your Values?

One of the most underrated concepts that most people overlook... Read More

Romantic Relationships: An Internal Process

If you grew up in the 80s like I did,... Read More

My Concept

From my own personal experiences with relationships I believe in... Read More

What is a Red Flag

The focus of many of the last few articles has... Read More

Three Qualities of a Good Relationship

All relationships have some adjustment periods, but being hurt shouldn't... Read More

Why Didnt He Call?

Dear Lucia,I know I made a stupid mistake but what... Read More

To Love Forever

Emotionally healthy men and women almost always share their lives... Read More

How to Choose Your Life Partner?

You have reached the age where you can start thinking... Read More

A Gift From the Heart of a Friend

She stares at me and then closes her eyes. A... Read More

Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why... Read More

What Does Relational Success Look Like? (Characteristics Of A Growing Relationship)

RELATIONAL SUCCESS...Loving in the good times -- and the not-so-good... Read More

What Does a Dangerous Man Look Like?

When you are dating you try to keep from a... Read More

Making Passion More Passionate

Somewhere between the first kiss and growing old together, many... Read More

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 1

When you were little, you looked up to your parents.... Read More

10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part II)

This is a continuation of part one of this article... Read More

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or... Read More

True Friendships - How to Get True Friends and Friendships

True Friendship - RecognitionHow can we find true friendships in... Read More

Love Problems

Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed... Read More