Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Trust Starts with You > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Trust Starts with You

"I have a hard time trusting people."

"I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife)."

It is very common for me, in my work as a counselor, to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It's about you become a trustworthy person with yourself and learning to trust yourself.

BECOMING TRUSTWORTHY WITH YOURSELF

How often do you promise yourself you are going to do something and then don't do it? For example, we often promise ourselves to:

  • Get the taxes done on time.

  • Catch up on email, phone calls, and other correspondence.

  • Eat better.

  • Drink less alcohol.

  • Stop reckless spending, gambling, or whatever puts us in financial distress.

  • Stop getting angry.

  • Stop giving ourselves up.

  • Lose weight.

  • Get more exercise.

  • Get more sleep (or sleep less).

  • Get together with friends.

  • Clean up the house, or clean up the clutter.

  • Be on time.

  • Watch less TV or spend less time on the computer.

  • Meditate or pray.

  • Take time for ourselves.

  • Finish a project.

  • And so on?..

If you promise yourself you will do something and then you don't do it, you are not being trustworthy with yourself. This would be like promising a child something and then not doing it. Eventually the child would learn not to trust you. The same applies with your Child within. If you promise yourself ? your Inner Child ? that you will take care of yourself in some way and then you don't do it, the Inner Child learns that there is no inner adult to trust. Since many of us project onto others our own inner issues, it is likely that if you are not trustworthy with yourself, you will project untrustworthiness onto others. You will continue to distrust others as long as you are not behaving in a trustworthy way with yourself and with others.

TRUSTING YOURSELF

Many of us grew up with parents who did not trust our feelings and perceptions. We might have been told that what we felt and what we experienced was wrong.

Mother: Put on a sweater. It's cold outside.


Child: I'm not cold.


Mother: You're just a child. What do you know? Put on a sweater.

Mother: Go give your Uncle Sam a kiss.


Child: No, I don't like Uncle Sam. He's creepy.


Mother: Of course you like Uncle Sam. Now go give him a kiss.

Child: My teacher is really mean to me.


Father: I'm sure your teacher is very nice. If your teacher is mean to you, it must be your fault.

Child: Daddy, why are you angry at me?


Father: I'm not angry.

After a while, we learn to discount and mistrust our feelings and perceptions. We learn to give our authority away to our parents and other adults, deciding that others must know more about what we feel, want and perceive than we do. We abandon our inner knowing and stop trusting ourselves.

I have worked with many people who felt deeply betrayed by someone, only to discover in the course of our work together than they had betrayed themselves by not listening to themselves. I often hear statements such as:

"I knew when we first met that Frank was lying to me about his money situation, but I didn't listen to myself. I believed him instead of believing myself, and now I'm stuck with all this debt."

"I had a feeling that Katherine was having affairs even before we got married but I didn't listen to myself. The last thing I ever wanted was to be divorced with children."

We can often feel in our bodies what is true and what is untrue, yet many of us don't listen to these inner messages. Instead, we put our trust in others and then feel betrayed when others let us down. When we choose to listen to and trust our own inner voice rather than give our power away to others, we will no longer put ourselves in positions to be used and betrayed.

How often have you ignored yourself when something didn't feel right, only to later discover that you really did know that something wasn't right? How often have you heard the voice of your inner or Higher Self and discounted it, only to regret it later?

Your trust issues with others will be resolved when you become a trustworthy adult with yourself ? following through on what you say you will do, and when you learn to trust your inner knowing. It will be harder for others to get away with unloving acts toward you when you learn to trust yourself.

Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul

This article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of a powerful healing process called Inner Bonding. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course (and other articles that are free to use): http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

New York Post

This is the egotistical reason people stay in dead-end relationships
New York Post
“When people perceived that the partner was highly committed to the relationship, they were less likely to initiate a breakup,” says lead researcher Samantha Joel, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the University of Utah. “This is true even for people ...
Why People Stay in Unsatisfying RelationshipsTeenVogue.com
Why Do People Stay In Bad Relationships? A New Study Finds A Heartbreaking AnswerElite Daily
Why Don't People Leave Unhappy Relationships? A New Study Says It May Be Out Of Concern For Their PartnerBustle
Newsweek -The Independent -Yahoo News -UNews - University of Utah
all 29 news articles »

Elite Daily

How Do You Keep The Honeymoon Phase Alive? 6 People In Relationships Reveal How They Kept It Going
Elite Daily
Beginnings of relationships often have a vacation-like mentality. You plan your best outfits, pick out good restaurants, mindfully select the things you want to do together. All the while, gleefully leaving mundane realities (like overnight retainers ...


When you are unhappy in a relationship, why do you stay? The answer may surprise you
Science Daily
"The more dependent people believed their partner was on the relationship, the less likely they were to initiate a breakup," said Samantha Joel, lead author. Joel, who was an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Utah ...

and more »

KLTV

East Texas school districts work to prevent inappropriate relationships between educators, students
KLTV
EAST TEXAS (KLTV) - The Texas Education Agency reports the number of investigations involving inappropriate relationships between educators and students increased from 302 cases in the 2016-2017 school year to 429 cases in the 2017-2018 school ...


University of Virginia The Cavalier Daily

YOWELL: Tinder is ruining college relationships
University of Virginia The Cavalier Daily
In recent years, online dating has become increasingly popular, creating a new demand in the dating world where one must catch eyes merely based off of a few pictures and a brief biographical description. While this may sound impersonal to some, people ...

and more »

Entertainment Tonight

Khloe Kardashian Declares Relationships Should Not 'Hurt You' Months After Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Entertainment Tonight
Khloe Kardashian is sending out another cryptic message on social media. The 34-year-old Keeping Up With the Kardashians star took to her Instagram Story on Monday to preach about relationships. The post comes months after her boyfriend, Tristan ...
Khloé Kardashian Posts a Cryptic Insta About How Relationships Shouldn't "Hurt You"Cosmopolitan.com
Khloe Kardashian's Quote About Negative Relationships Got A Response From KourtneyElite Daily
Khloe Kardashian Posts Another Cryptic Quote: 'Relationships Should Help You, Not Hurt You'Us Weekly
Daily Mail -The Inquisitr
all 51 news articles »

invenglobal

Relationships: one of the many sacrifices made in esports
invenglobal
Relationships with friends, one's own health and the ability to dedicate enough time and energy to enter the dating world are some of the very common facets of everyday life that are occasionally put on the backburner when you work in an industry as ...


Forbes

7 Tips To Avoid Destroying Relationships Before The November Elections
Forbes
In this polarized political climate, it's hard not to have an opinion. It's easy, however, to forget that others do, too. But as those tricky conversations come up, remember that relationships matter more than being “right.” I've watched friends throw ...


Bleacher Report

Report: Derek Carr Isn't Part of Raiders' Future; QB's Relationships 'Fractured'
Bleacher Report
The Oakland Raiders and quarterback Derek Carr reportedly may be heading toward a split. According to Marcus Thompson II of The Athletic, Carr has a "fractured relationship" with his teammates, and "confidence in him has waned." The issue was ...
Report: Derek Carr has “fractured relationship” with teammatesNBC Sports - NFL (blog)
Thompson: Khalil Mack's gone, Amari Cooper's gone, whispers say Derek Carr might be next — have fun with these ...The Athletic
Derek Carr on Twitter: "I'm a Raider. It's not a “popular” thing to be a Raider right now, but I am and I love it. I ...Twitter

all 108 news articles »

The Snapper

Millersville's Purple Carnival promotes healthy relationships
The Snapper
I had a chance to talk to one of the students organizing the event who described the carnival as a way to bring awareness to October, the relationship violence awareness month. She expressed the goal of the event was to show students that no matter ...

Google News

A Recipe For Romance

So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic... Read More

Your Next Relationship - Heaven or Hell?

We've all had relationships that we've looked back on and... Read More

Do Men Just Want Mommy?

Accomplished women are losers in romance claims NY Times columnist... Read More

Are You Relationship Ready?

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly... Read More

Global Conflict and Inter-Religious Dialogue: The Importance of Understanding Others

As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the... Read More

Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Dont Want You to Know

1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.He heard what you... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: Declaration or Demonstration

Q: Could you help us settle a growing conflict in... Read More

Are You Codependent or Independent?

Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our... Read More

Soulmates, Are They Pre-ordained?

One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When... Read More

Washroom Break

Picture yourself at a bar with some of your buddies.... Read More

Whos Watching You? Men Arent The Only Stalkers

For decades, the label "stalker' has been tattooed as a... Read More

Self Truth and Your Relationships

Questions and AnswersHow can I learn how to be true... Read More

Discerning The Loving Heart

How often have you had the experience of connecting with... Read More

The Sound of His Laughter

When you're searching for your Mr. Right, I want you... Read More

Preteen Relationships

Even preteens have relationships that are important to them. In... Read More

Find Your Love as Early as Possible

Life is made of innumerable dots. Dots, which are part... Read More

Secrets of the Opposite Sex

Secrets of the Opposite SexMany jokes, problems, and conversations revolve... Read More

A Friend in Need

Here's the scenario: Julie, a hardworking secretary, lent money to... Read More

Relationship Advice: After the Break Up - Creating an Exit Door in Your Heart

Q. It's been over a year since the guy I... Read More

Victorias Secret Disclosed!

SHHHHHH, don't tell anybody, but, I know the secret.It all... Read More

Does a Woman Want a Strong Christian Man?

Most women say they want a strong religious man who... Read More

7 Unfailing Laws of Happy Relationships

Most think that relationships exist to make them happy. When... Read More

Relationship Advice: The Me Approach or the We Approach

A husband and wife were doing a little redecorating and... Read More

Should You Forgive Infidelity?

If you're asking yourself that question, then somewhere within you... Read More

Is Your Negative Thinking Scaring Off Your Soul Mates?

Francine Bonnecelli* swore off relationships the day her husband of... Read More