Did He Think of Me?

As a betrayed partner this was one of the first questions that I asked my husband when I found out about his affairs. Each affair elicited the same response from me. "Did you think about me?"

I wanted to know it all! Did he think of me before he decided to sleep with her, did he think of me while he was sleeping with her.

When a betrayed partner asks this question it is because she does not comprehend where she fits in the affair. She doesn't understand that the affair is not about her.

To the betrayed spouse, the affair is all about them. They do not understand that the affair is not their fault and they are not the central person in the affair.

This is a difficult concept for the betrayed partner to grasp. It causes intense pain that they could so easily be forgotten. To the betrayed partner, they feel as if they have been tossed aside and they are seeking validation that they are important.

If you are a betrayed spouse please try to understand that the affair isn't about you. It is about your spouse and what is lacking in your spouse. While you should own your part in the problems of the relationship, know that you have no responsibility to own the affair.

If you are the unfaithful spouse, you need to approach this question from your spouse with caution. Answer truthfully. Do not hold back, thinking that you are sparing your spouse from some pain. It is likely that your spouse already knows that you did not think of them while you were engaged in the affair. You need to validate that your spouse is important to you, that the marriage is important to you, and that you are willing to do what ever it takes to help them see that. Above all, be honest. You will do your spouse no favors by continuing any deceit.

Brandi Simon is the owner of InjuredHearts.com where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair. Brandi is a successful relationship coach, offering guidance to those who wish to move forward in their relationships. Brandi specializes in Infidelity Coaching. Brandi is an affair survivor and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about Brandi, the coaching services, or infidelity in general, please visit http://www.injuredhearts.com

In The News:

Relationships & Parenting  Millennium Post

Relationship Advice - 10 Ways to Put Sizzle Back in Your Relationship

It seems that no matter how much we love someone,... Read More

Legal Agreement to Cohabitate Between Unmarried Persons

THIS AGREEMENT is made and entered into this Third day... Read More

Setting Boundaries: Business Clients and Boyfriends

Setting boundaries is necessary in any human relationship.Whether you're dealing... Read More

How do We Change our Self Esteem Perception?

Many of us have heard about the power of positive... Read More

Bring Back the Cilice Belt

Among Dan Brown's many accomplishments is bringing the cilice belt... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 2 The Not-the-Same Syndrome

How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic... Read More

Why Some Men Dont Want To Commit

If you are dating, engaged, or still trying to find... Read More

Two Easy Steps To Finding Joy In All Your Relationships

Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy.... Read More

The Sting

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28,... Read More

What is Abuse?

Violence in the family often follows other forms of more... Read More

Playing the Part

A revelation came to me at the most unsuspecting time.... Read More

What Type of a Kisser Are You?

As we all know, there are many types of kiss.... Read More

Relationship Red Flags Do Appear Early On

So often in the bloom of a new romance we... Read More

Love is Not Supposed to Hurt

Questions and Answers:I often feel sad in my relationship, what... Read More

The Five Minute Relationship Miracle

"They may forget what you said, but they will never... Read More

To Apologize or Not to Apologize...That is the Question

We don't like to say it and we don't always... Read More

The Freedom to Fall

So you want a soulmate do you? Okay not necessarily... Read More

Are You My Soul Mate?

I'm always dumbfounded when someone walks up to me and... Read More

Does a Woman Want a Strong Christian Man?

Most women say they want a strong religious man who... Read More

Pay Attention! Mastering Communication Skills with Women

One of the biggest complaints women have about men is... Read More

Put Some Z.I.P. Into Your Relationships

Relationships are really what makes the world go 'round, aren't... Read More

Common Relationship Problems

The essential problem in any bad relationship is a breakdown... Read More

How To Write a Romantic Love Letter

Does the thought of writing a love letter or poem... Read More

Prison Wife: Stand By Your Man

There are approximately 2 million men in the prison system... Read More

The Top 10 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship

All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There... Read More