Watching television's "sitcom's", I can't help but notice that most of the plots revolve around the same theme ? someone being afraid to tell someone else the truth. We saw it in the years that Ross loved Rachel, that Niles loved Daphne, or that George hated Susan. We saw it in virtually every episode of Three's Company.
Why do we keep the truth from people? Usually it's for one of the following reasons (or a combination): we don't want to hurt someone's feelings, we're afraid the other person will be angry with us or we don't want to be embarrassed.
What are the main consequences of not speaking up and telling the hard truth? It keeps us stuck in unfulfilling situations ? like jobs, relationships and other life circumstances. Here are some others:
~ Someone thinks you understand something you don't
~ Someone thinks you've agreed with something you haven't
~ Someone thinks you're going to do something and you're not
~ Someone thinks you did something and you didn't
~ Someone doesn't know you love them and you do
~ Someone thinks you love them and you don't
~ Someone doesn't know what you're capable of
~ Someone thinks you're capable of something you're not
How do you know when it's time to tell the hard truth? From that first nagging feeling in your stomach that something about the situation is not right. Because there's no bad time to tell the hard truth.
5 ways that telling the hard truth is good for your self-care:
1. You deepen your relationships. Social support is a very important element of self-care. When you assume someone can handle hearing the hard truth, they usually rise to your expectations. When you learn to tell the hard truth in a relationship you can be yourself in that relationship.
2. You lose the stress. Hiding the truth and/or living a lie is very stressful! Telling the hard truth is the antidote.
3. You feel better about yourself. When you've done something courageous like telling someone the hard truth, you're sending yourself the message that maybe you can do OTHER hard things.
4. You create evidence that your own thoughts make you suffer ? look at an experience where you told the hard truth and notice that it was the anticipation of telling that created your worry and stress. Things that hadn't happened and may never happen, things you were creating in your own mind. And the reality rarely lives up to our feared expectations.
5. You can learn from the hard truth. Has someone told you a hard truth? Use it as a way of deepening your relationship or to improve something about the situation or yourself. Thank the person and recognize their courage for telling the hard truth.
Who do you need to tell a hard truth? What hard truths have you been avoiding telling yourself?
(c) Copyright 2005, Genuine Coaching Services.
Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, is the author of "The Everyday Self-Care Workbook". To receive one of her free monthly newsletters, subscribe at http://www.genuinecoaching.com/newsletter.html
Teen relationships are touchy things. Girls are often ready for... Read More
"If he comes we welcome, If he goes we do... Read More
What are the things you argue about? Where are the... Read More
How often do you think about what you are going... Read More
It happened again!I was enjoying an evening with my little... Read More
WhenWe all need to consider our ways. So many times... Read More
Couples in love may often find themselves having to live... Read More
Parents and loved ones always seem to put a damper... Read More
Remember that big hug she gave you when you got... Read More
We have all heard the wonderfully romantic stories of pen... Read More
While this may not apply to everyone, you may find... Read More
Have you noticed how so many people spend their lives... Read More
Let me address this issue of eternity, this promise many... Read More
If you have ever read teen magazines you will be... Read More
Whether you do the dumping or you are the one... Read More
The next morning he /or she is gone. And because... Read More
Q. I got married for the first time when I... Read More
"I love daisies too," she told him several nights after... Read More
There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More
It is a commonly held belief, mainly amongst men, that... Read More
Domestic violence the catch phrase for the past ten years.... Read More
I'm going to get straight to the point. If you... Read More
The Law of Two QuestionsThere are two questions that couples... Read More
About a year ago, I was talking to a friend... Read More
Most think that relationships exist to make them happy. When... Read More
People decide to have an affair for many reasons. They... Read More
AS I STARED at the sunset, I marveled at its... Read More
Sometimes, after a relationship has ended, many of us have... Read More
When it comes to giving a romantic gift, it's not... Read More
THIS AGREEMENT is made and entered into this Third day... Read More
There are several things you can do, especially when your... Read More
"Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in... Read More
In my family law practice, one of the most common... Read More
The Common Scenario:Your partner is hardly ever home to give... Read More
Everything in life, in order to be a success, requires... Read More
You have reached the age where you can start thinking... Read More
This is a common concern in our society for single... Read More
Remember When?When you were in elementary school, high school, and... Read More
A man walking through the woods near a river hears... Read More
Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different background and... Read More
Glenna Trout is an international authority on face reading whose... Read More
Does your dating relationship have good communication? Communication during dating... Read More
Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why... Read More
Wow, Grandma Is Dating!When Lena, 52, began dating, her son,... Read More
As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the... Read More
Send flowers this Friendship Day, Sunday, August 7th! Across the... Read More
In relationship we all make mistakes and sometimes we are... Read More
Good relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my... Read More
A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More
Relationships are really what makes the world go 'round, aren't... Read More