Like a great game of poker, knowing when to "Hold Em" and when to "Fold Em" is a great phenomenon to some of us. Our lives and loves are much like a game of poker, you start out with a full pot and slowly over time the rewards either multiply or diminish. The choice to "Hold Em" or "Fold Em" is a choice that cannot be made without analyzing the long term effects.
Granted, love is not a game of poker, but relationships, like any game of chance is a risk, if you don't initially take the risk/chance you will have missed out on some of the greatest feelings and experiences of your life. The course of a relationship is pretty standard to everyone; when you first meet, you experience the euphoria and the excitement of the unknown, moving into the friendship mode discovering this persons inner being and everything that made them who they are today. Onward we move to the intimate realm of our being, sharing everything about and of ourselves. Exposing our fantasies and deepest desires leaving our hearts totally vulnerable. This exposure is not without its rewards, it draws us closer together and reveals great insight into life with this person. However, we must be acutely aware of this persons ideals and goals in life and how they relate to our own. What are you willing to compromise, forfeit or share to create a loving lasting relationship? Things to think about??.
Like a high stakes poker game, you have a lot to lose, maybe not materially, but emotionally there is a great price to pay if you lose the game. Knowing how to spot the obvious and take action will protect your heart. Granted, we never want to admit or believe that someone could love us today and not want to be with us anymore tomorrow, but it happens everyday all over the world to millions of people. Keep your eyes open, are they spending less time with you, are the calls less frequent, do they seem too busy do something else all the time, have the emails stopped, spending more time with their friends than you. These are signs ?..read them! There could be an explanation for their behavior, don't jump to conclusions, take the time to talk to them, find out what they are thinking, feeling and discern if it is time to "Hold Em" or "Fold Em". If it is time to "fold", do it with dignity.
To you men, stand up, be a respectable man and tells us what is wrong and can or can it not be fixed, don't clam up on us, we as women need an explanation, some sort of reasoning for what happened to let go and move on. Women, crying will make you feel better, but doubtful that it will change how anyone feels at the moment and most of all do not call them constantly begging them to come back. As cliché' as it sounds "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back it is yours forever". Be honest about what went wrong and why you feel the need to break away. A great as it may seem, whatever mistakes the other person made with you cannot and will not be realized or corrected if they are unaware of their actions.
Myself, I have a very strong personality and tend to be somewhat "bossy" and over bearing at times, and had I not been told that I would have continued to sabotage every relationship by trying to control everything about it. I now know that I have to share that control and allow the man to be the man, we are sharing a life together and to survive in a relationship one has to let go of "I, my, me, mine" and look at things from a "us, we, our, both" perspective.
On the flip side, things happen that are sometimes beyond one's control that takes them away from you, again discussion is the key. In such case, any problems or feelings can be clarified and you can resolve any impending issues. Knowing that whatever occurred can be resolved amicably between both parties, and the willingness to forgive and work towards talking more and being more open tells you to "Hold Em".
No amount of words will give you the insight to make the decision to "Hold Em" or "Fold Em", that choice is made by knowing what you want out of life and your relationships. No one can answer those questions for you, it is up to you to look inside the box as well as outside the box and choose whichever is best for you and your future. Never ever, walk away before giving a relationship a chance, regret is the worst of all emotions, resolve to live your life in the "I Have, I Did, I Will" mode and not the "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda" , your life will be much richer and fulfilling in the end.
Deal the Cards... let them fall as they may.
Linda Reeves is a 47 year old advice columnist who writes for Cupids Blackbook. She Lives in the American midwest.