Are You Codependent or Independent?

Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our self worth is a concept that we all can relate to? Sacrificing what our thoughts, emotions, decisions, and likes or dislikes are, for the betterment of someone else's.

It is as if depending on the other person who you hold so high is more fulfilling then standing alone, independent of the other. It's root resides in a past when a person didn't realize they really had wings that could fly. Therefore, for fear of abandonment, they suppressed their own self worth, avoided confrontation, and then continued to please who they were dependent upon.

In contrast, the counterdependent person who has someone codependent towards them, is pretending that they don't need anyone else and have concluded that people only need them.

Both codependency and counterdependency are an internal defense systems that shield and protect from past wounds of abandonment. They both are dysfunctional and lead the codependent person down a tattered road of unfulfillment and eventually depression.

Perhaps, it could be said that all of us are, to some degree, dependent upon others because, after all, we are social creatures who inevitably need each other in some capacity.

However, when it saps your very core of enjoying the gift of life God gave you, then the sun never rises and the darkness only gets darker.

We came into this world alone and we will also leave that way!

Inner strength comes from a true respect and love for yourself, no matter what the situation or condition is. Although, deep within many of our wounded souls, that love is not strong and therefore self respect is not properly attained.

This is where your deep-seated self-worth is obtained and how you perceive yourself. In addition, it is the weakened aura you emit to others see you that is not totally erect, but somewhat wilted.

Many of our true societal problems, whether they are insecurity, control issues, codependency, addictions, manipulative personality disorder, seclusion, or simple anger, stemmed from a lack of self love, self worth, and self respect. Hence, people replace one problem for the another!

If you are lonely inside and do not feel as though you can love the real you, then any and all subsequent relationships will feel that same inner turmoil until your inside is truly loved!

These social problems listed above can intertwine, commingle and cross each other's boundaries in a very insidious manner.

There is not one issue more serious than the other, they are more or less on an equal plane and being dependent on another, is certainly no exception.

By not allowing one's self-worth to be determined by another's perceptions, by not feeling that being loved by another is conditional on living up to the expectations of others, or merely pleasing them, is absolutely critical to healthy functioning!

Taking full accountability for the way you feel instead of others making that discerning determination allows you to be self dependent, kicks out the crutch, and makes you stand alone.

As scary as that may seem to some, it is by far the best way to perceive your self-worth. Trusting that you can own your own emotions, whether they are anger, happiness, setting boundaries, or leaving, is how we can come to the serene life we always dreamed of as a child.

These decisions and self-adjustments for the better can be made! It takes a personal acceptance and a subsequent love for yourself: then the fragile person previously tethering by a string, is now firmly tied unto itself, immersed in self confidence and independent, not codependent.

--by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com Want to improve your personal values? Get high-quality relationship advice from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit ValuePrep - Improving Relationships

**Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners** Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your website as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above.

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Forbes

A Milestone: All Of The Walking Dead's Relationships Are Now Interracial Or LGBT
Forbes
But I do find one aspect of the current state of The Walking Dead interesting. In this massive ensemble cast, every single relationship on the show is either interracial or LGBT, a departure from the source material, due to some major changes, and a ...
'Walking Dead' Sends Andrew Lincoln (and Rick Grimes) Off With Ratings GrowthTheWrap

all 91 news articles »

Psychology Today (blog)

Sex Helps Initiate Relationships with Potential Partners
Psychology Today (blog)
Studies 3 and 4 were designed to establish a causal connection between activation of the sexual system and non-sexual behaviors (provision of responsiveness and help, respectively) that are not only strategically employed to initiate relationships with ...


Bravo

Why Do People Stay in Miserable Relationships?
Bravo
“Previous research shows the amount of time, resources and emotion invested in a relationship can be factors in deciding to end a romantic relationship,” said the report. “Studies also show that a person may opt to remain in an unfulfilling ...


Forbes

Be Brave: Why You Need To Risk Vulnerability To Build Great Relationships
Forbes
Each time I've had to start over from zero in building new relationships—socially and professionally (and they often intermix). That's a lot of coffees. It's also a lot of times I've walked into a room, every face in it a stranger, feeling quite ...


Forbes

5 Tips To Turn Your Online Connections Into Meaningful Relationships
Forbes
It's fine to have a large number of acquaintances, but unlikely to have meaningful relationships with all these people. That shouldn't be the goal either. You only have so much time, and the same applies to most people. So, curate the list of ...


6 key ways ASCs can improve their relationships with payers
Becker's ASC Review
based Surgical Information Systems outlined six ways ASCs can improve their relationships with payers on their blog. Here are the key details to know: 1. Choose a negotiation strategist. To foster better relationships with payers, ASCs should select a ...


WKOW

Madison police use survey to help build community relationships
WKOW
MADISON (WKOW) — Building positive relations between police and the Madison community is a top priority for Chief Mike Koval. Over the last six months, Madison Police Department has implemented a process to collect feedback from the community that ...

and more »

Psychology Today (blog)

How Expectations Derail Relationships
Psychology Today (blog)
Other times expectations are more general and built into your vision of the overall relationship. Because your boss and partner are generally appreciative, you can overlook your boss' or partner's lack of appreciation for your overtime, the dinner ...


SowetanLIVE Sunday World

#Relationships: Petty reasons why our fashion team would say no to a guy
SowetanLIVE Sunday World
We are headed for the festive season – also known as the “break-up season”. It's a time of year when ghosting is prevalent. There are ways to avoid this and one might be to follow the old adage “prevention is better than cure” and take note of those ...


Customer Think

Building B2B relationships with trust and empathy
Customer Think
As the Eloqua story was winding down, Paul and I decided to jump in and tackle relationship intelligence and use relationship intelligence to understand where empathy is being built, where trust is being built, and how you can make a sales team more ...

Google News

Defining Relationship Commitment for Todays Couples

WHAT IS COMMITMENT?The question of when a relationship is committed... Read More

Romantic Tips - Keeping Romance Alive

You've been in a relationship for quite some time and... Read More

The Relativity of Your Life

We live in the world of the relative. What and... Read More

Second Time Around the Block

Divorce happens. I'm not going to debate the causes or... Read More

I Want to Love Him... But Hes So Far Away

Okay, who are we kidding. Long-distance relationships are not supposed... Read More

To Cheat or Not To Cheat

You know I am getting fed up with people who... Read More

Is This The One?

Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell... Read More

10 Free Romantic Gifts

Being in love does not mean that you should turn... Read More

How to Tell If Your Boyfriend or Husband Is Cheating On You

The word infidelity brings with it fear to every woman... Read More

How Valentine?s Day Gifts Can Expose a Cheating Husband

If you have the nagging feeling that your husband may... Read More

5 Ways to Tell Your Man You Love Him

Telling your man that you love him is part of... Read More

Lab Created Diamonds Are Now Exceedingly Good

When we think of precious gems, we usually spare little... Read More

Slaying The Green Eyed Monster

He hasn't called in hours. You call and get the... Read More

Warning Signs He / She May Not Be The One

We've all looked back on past relationships and said, "What... Read More

Is Love Ever In Vain?

All too often you fall in love with someone out... Read More

How to Handle a Cheating Partner

Most people do not understand the nature of cheating within... Read More

Rhubarb Romance: A Little Honey Works Wonders

Spring is in the air. It is a time of... Read More

Real Solutions For Combatting Extreme Shyness

Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to... Read More

A Friend in Need

Here's the scenario: Julie, a hardworking secretary, lent money to... Read More

Energize Your Relationship By Celebrating Hoodie-Hoo Day February 20th

What is Hoodie-Hoo Day and what does it have to... Read More

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in... Read More

How to Use Your Brain to Seduce Women

CHESS-MATEIf you're one of those guys telling to yourself that... Read More

Love Problems

Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed... Read More

Relationship Advice: Wash that (Bad) Man Out of Your Hair

Stuck on a guy who cheats on you? Lies? Claims... Read More

Fear of a Broken Heart

Dear Candace,I am in the process of getting divorced and... Read More