Players: How to Deal with Them

Eventually, we'll all either play or be played. I'd like to give the inside scoop on how to handle these guys. Yes, I'm going to make this gender specific. Can women be players too? Absolutely, but they usually aren't. Even if they are, most guys won't care.

I only have one problem with players, and that is, that they won't admit that they are seeing other women. Yes, I know that's the basic definition of a player. If they would just tell the women that they were not exclusive, sure they would lose a few along the way, but for the most part, the women would stay, thinking, as women always do, they'd be the one to change him. Yeah, right.

Here are the rules for dealing with players:

1. Assume any guy that asks you out is a player. A little harsh, I know, but at this point, we need to assume guilt until proven innocent. You don't have the facts yet, so start from this viewpoint.

2. Find out for sure. Most players follow the same M.O. ? they don't return calls, they don't call when they say they will, they have sudden change of plans, they have to cancel suddenly, they have weird excuses, they're not where they said they would be, they don't sleep over, they take a shower before they go back home. If you start to suspect someone might be playing, they probably are. One way to find out is to say, in your sweetest voice: "I can't believe you're seeing just me. You're so handsome and charming, I wouldn't be surprised if you're seeing several women. It's alright if you are." In many cases, his defenses will come down and he'll admit it.

3. Once you know for sure that he's a player, you need to decide if you want to play. Don't date him hoping that he'll change, because he most likely won't. If you're not looking for a serious relationship and have time to hang around and play, then go ahead. If, however, you're looking for the love of your life, don't waste your time, no matter how charming he is.

4. Don't take them seriously. If you've decided you have time to spare and are going to "play" for a while, think of the player as you would a child. If a child throws a tantrum, or says something hurtful, you deal with it calmly. Don't bother getting angry with a player. It's just a waste of energy and makes them feel more important.

If you want to play a player, it's actually very easy. After dating many players myself, I realized that the character trait that makes one a player is also that which makes one vulnerable to being played. What is it you ask? Insecurity. A player doesn't tell his women that he's seeing others, because he's afraid they'll leave. His biggest fear is losing you. How do you work this to your advantage? By making him think it's a real possibility. Behave towards him as he does towards you. Players hate it when you don't return calls, aren't home when they call, mention other guys, etc.

I speak from experience. I caused one guy to sob hysterically when I told him I was seeing someone else; Another player climbed a tree outside my apartment to try to find out why I'd stopped returning his calls; And I reduced another one to a frustrated mess, forcing him to seek advice from his famous rap star friend on how to win me over.

So there you have it, a guide to playing with players. Have fun!

Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, author, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice ? after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net

To view a clip from the tv show, go to: Players

In The News:

How to Have a Relationship and a Career  Harvard Business Review
The Key to Relationships  Psychology Today
Is Lack of Gratitude Dragging Down Your Relationship?  Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley

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