Players: How to Deal with Them

Eventually, we'll all either play or be played. I'd like to give the inside scoop on how to handle these guys. Yes, I'm going to make this gender specific. Can women be players too? Absolutely, but they usually aren't. Even if they are, most guys won't care.

I only have one problem with players, and that is, that they won't admit that they are seeing other women. Yes, I know that's the basic definition of a player. If they would just tell the women that they were not exclusive, sure they would lose a few along the way, but for the most part, the women would stay, thinking, as women always do, they'd be the one to change him. Yeah, right.

Here are the rules for dealing with players:

1. Assume any guy that asks you out is a player. A little harsh, I know, but at this point, we need to assume guilt until proven innocent. You don't have the facts yet, so start from this viewpoint.

2. Find out for sure. Most players follow the same M.O. ? they don't return calls, they don't call when they say they will, they have sudden change of plans, they have to cancel suddenly, they have weird excuses, they're not where they said they would be, they don't sleep over, they take a shower before they go back home. If you start to suspect someone might be playing, they probably are. One way to find out is to say, in your sweetest voice: "I can't believe you're seeing just me. You're so handsome and charming, I wouldn't be surprised if you're seeing several women. It's alright if you are." In many cases, his defenses will come down and he'll admit it.

3. Once you know for sure that he's a player, you need to decide if you want to play. Don't date him hoping that he'll change, because he most likely won't. If you're not looking for a serious relationship and have time to hang around and play, then go ahead. If, however, you're looking for the love of your life, don't waste your time, no matter how charming he is.

4. Don't take them seriously. If you've decided you have time to spare and are going to "play" for a while, think of the player as you would a child. If a child throws a tantrum, or says something hurtful, you deal with it calmly. Don't bother getting angry with a player. It's just a waste of energy and makes them feel more important.

If you want to play a player, it's actually very easy. After dating many players myself, I realized that the character trait that makes one a player is also that which makes one vulnerable to being played. What is it you ask? Insecurity. A player doesn't tell his women that he's seeing others, because he's afraid they'll leave. His biggest fear is losing you. How do you work this to your advantage? By making him think it's a real possibility. Behave towards him as he does towards you. Players hate it when you don't return calls, aren't home when they call, mention other guys, etc.

I speak from experience. I caused one guy to sob hysterically when I told him I was seeing someone else; Another player climbed a tree outside my apartment to try to find out why I'd stopped returning his calls; And I reduced another one to a frustrated mess, forcing him to seek advice from his famous rap star friend on how to win me over.

So there you have it, a guide to playing with players. Have fun!

Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, author, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice ? after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net

To view a clip from the tv show, go to: Players

In The News:

Budding relationships  Village News Online

False Forecasts Lead to Matchmaking Hell

False ForecastsThe typical methods for finding a partner are based... Read More

Its Your Fault I Had An Affair!

When you read it like that, out of context, you'd... Read More

How to Improve Relationships with Feng Shui Remedies

In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned... Read More

Power Struggle!

The greatest asset we have in human existence is our... Read More

Essense of Infidelity

On one very popular web site there were 260 posts... Read More

Relationship Advice - How to Get Out and Stay Out of Relationships Ruts

"The only difference between a rut and a grave are... Read More

The Spiritual Connection of True Romance

In the springtime, with the flowers budding and the birds... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: How to Balance Your Hear at Work with Your Heart at Home

Remember the Tom Cruise movie "Jerry Maguire?"From my seat in... Read More

Cheating Spouse: 7 Legitimate Motives for Spying

Should you spy on your cheating husband or wife? You... Read More

Relationship Advice: Two Tips for Great Relationships

Relationship Tip 1I've been blessed with working with thousands of... Read More

Telling the Hard Truth

Watching television's "sitcom's", I can't help but notice that most... Read More

5 Ways to Tell Your Man You Love Him

Telling your man that you love him is part of... Read More

The Use and Abuse of Deception

The word "deceive" is derived from Latin, de- away +... Read More

How Not to Compromise With Your Partner

Do you ever disagree with your spouse? Or your boyfriend... Read More

Hunter and Gatherer

Deep down, we haven't evolved as much as we would... Read More

How Do I Get Him or Her To Talk To Me?!!!

This is a common concern in our society for single... Read More

Prison Wife: Stand By Your Man

There are approximately 2 million men in the prison system... Read More

Creative Visualizations for Love

To manifest love through creative visualization, you first need to... Read More

Is Your Soulmate an Idiot?

Lately, I think people are investing too much energy in... Read More

He Said, She Heard: Communication Meltdown within Relationship

It starts young, as babies. We learn communication from our... Read More

Can a Male and Female be JUST Friends?

Introduction Have you ever heard or have you ever seen,... Read More

Here Come the Questions

Why is it that even though I am not positive... Read More

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 2

The first step toward being able to attract and create... Read More

Is It Love or Money?

What do women or men want out of a relationship?... Read More

Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship

There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More