We've all looked back on past relationships and said, "What was I thinking". Problem is, you weren't thinking. You were caught up in the chemistry and the wonderful feelings of the moment that you chose to overlook some warning signs that there may be trouble up ahead. Here is a list of things to look out for when dating:
CELL PHONE USE: There's a new disease in town. It's called "cell phoneitis". People afflicted with this cannot tear themselves away from their cell phones. They'll accept a call 24/7. Being out with someone like this can be annoying. It's almost like you're not even there. If you start dating someone and find out they have this disease, you can point out your displeasure - ONE TIME ONLY. If they persist, forget them. It's rude and disrespectful behavior on their part and we don't tolerate that, now do we?
DRIVING BEHAVIOR: If you want to know what someone is really like, be a passenger in a car with them. To quote an online traffic school: The stronger the self-image that drivers have, the less threatened they will be by what happens around them. Identifying with one's vehicle is a symptom of a weak ego. Insecure people imagine everything that happens on the road is a direct threat to them personally. Someone cuts them off, and they must retaliate: "Who do those people think they are to cut me off?" The irrational thoughts of insecure people can keep them constantly upset. Gee, this sounds just like the type of person I'd like to date. Not!
ME! ME! ME! : I once met a guy that had a one track mind. That is, all that was on his mind was himself. He went on and on about all his accomplishments. I thought it was finally turning around when he said: Enough about me, tell me about you. Before I could get a word out, he was back to his favorite subject! Yup, himself!! What a total turnoff. I think guys are guiltier of this than girls. Sorry. Guys know that some women will be impressed by what they've done, who they know, etc. They go on and on thinking they're getting somewhere (closer to the bedroom?). Smart women don't fall for this. We want to engage in a conversation. If we want to see a one man play, we'll go to the theatre!
BOO-HOO-HOO: Don't you just love hanging out with someone that is always complaining? Ah yes, the joys of seeing the glass as half empty. There's always something wrong or someone that has done them wrong. Arrive at their pity party with some cheese for their whine if you plan to stick around. If not, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHE'S A PSYCHO/HE'S A JERK: If you believe in the law of attraction (we attract/are attracted to that which we are), and the person you start to date says their ex was a psycho or a jerk, what does that make them? You guessed it. Does that mean you too are a psycho or a jerk? Only if you choose to stick around. Just remember, one day YOU will be the psycho or jerk they'll be complaining about to someone else.
NAME CALLING: I'm surprised at how many people put up with this. What is one of the main reasons for being in a relationship? Because your life is enhanced as a result of that person being in it. Does being called a bitch or a loser make your life better? I can understand someone saying that you're being a bitch or you're acting bitchy, but the next time someone says "Bitch!" to you, you're only answer should be, "You're right. I am a bitch. I'm a Babe In Total Control of Herself" as you walk out the door forever.
ORAL SEX: In all my years of dating, I've only run across one guy that didn't want to do oral. In general, girls may have more of an issue with it than guys. Either way, it's not a good sign, especially if it's important to you. I have a girlfriend whose husband refuses to do it. The poor girl has been relegated to just dreaming about it when she's asleep. Since oral sex is an acceptable part of sex in the 21st century, if someone is unwilling to partake, they obviously have issues. Whether you stick around to see if they're willing to work on those depends on you, but just keep in mind that this is always a red flag.
HANGING UP: We've all hung up on someone or had someone hang up on us. However, at a certain point, we grow up and realize we can't just go around hanging up on people when we're upset or frustrated with them. The proper way to deal with this situation is to say something like, "I don't want to talk to you right now. I'm going to hang up. Bye." If you're finally at this point and someone hangs up on you, you may think twice about dating them. There are bound to be other maturity issued involved. If however, you're still hanging up on people and someone hangs up on you, then stay together. Those of us that have grown up don't need you on the dating scene bothering us.
SOAP OPERAS: This is mainly with respect to guys. Soap operas are the television equivalent of Harlequin romances and just like Secret deodorant, they may be "strong enough for a man, but they're made for a woman." I just don't think guys have any business watching soap operas (sorry CBS, NBC and ABC) unless they are actually on the show and they want to check their "performance".
I LOVE YOU: Anyone that is professing their "love" within a few weeks or a few months of meeting you is being insincere and immature. You have to know someone before you can truly love them. Yet people are throwing this phrase around left and right and before you know it, the relationship is over. It's better to err on the side of caution and take too long to say it than to rush it. Of course I don't have to tell you that yelling this out for the first time during a moment of "passion" doesn't count.
There are two things that separate me from almost everyone reading this: Awareness and attitude. I'm aware of the red flags and I have the attitude that I will not stick around once I see them. Now that your awareness has been raised, what will YOUR attitude be?
Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".
With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice ? after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.
For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to: http://www.theartoflove.net
To view a clip from the tv show, go to: Red Flags