Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why it takes so long for us to know that it is abusive, addictive love we are experiencing. The damage created by an abusive relationship only worsens over time, weakening the abused and giving the abuser more power. As the situation continues, without resolution or a plan to change the dynamic, eventually abusers will typically threaten and carry through on their physical threats. How and where does it start? Through all the confusion and madness how do we find ourselves in this sort of mess and what can we do about it?

Abuse comes from a need to control, fear of abandonment, lack of trust and love, a learned behavior and lack of knowledge to move towards resolution in a positive way.

It often begins with verbal abuse, learned behaviors that are unhealthy, and not knowing how to develop a caring, loving relationship. Being unaware of its damaging effects the one being abused slowly loses confidence, self esteem, their identity, and respect for themselves. The abused person is unaware of how they are keeping themselves stuck and how they can get out of the painful abusive pattern.

No one deserves abuse nor are they in any way responsible for the way the abuser is treating them. They do, however, need to learn why it is happening and what they need to change in themselves. First and foremost is to gain self respect.

Abusive relationships need professional help and a dedicated participation from the people involved to make the change. If both partners do the work - the freedom from pain, the true feeling of being loved and loving another human being are only a part of the rewards. It takes a responsibility and respect of your self to break the pattern and learn new ways to be. If your partner is not willing to be apart of it seek help on your own to develop a course of action.

Are you in an abusive relationship or know someone who is? Having been there myself I found it hard to know where to start, and didn't even want to talk about it. It hurts to go back there in my mind. Emotional abuse is an enormous problem, and often a silent problem because there are no visible scars. Silent because you live in fear ? fear of not being loved, fear of being alone, fear of the unknown. Women hope it will get better if they try harder, do exactly what their partner asks of them ? "if I just do this better, he will love me". Hope isn't enough: you need to take action by seeking counseling. Read everything you can to understand why you stay hooked into an abusive relationship. There is no need to live in pain.

Don't take abuse lightly, get professional help immediately ? physical, emotional or psychological abuse can lead to murder. Ask your doctor, pastor, a trusted family member, or friend to assist you in finding the help you need. Abusive relationships do not change without specialized help.

Barb Keck, has inspired others to do and be what they strive for and live life as pain free as possible for years. Her own long road of "recovery" became the "discovery of life". Through reinventing her life to create a new one her writings today help others to be resourceful and face life's challenges finding new ways to be.

Want to find answers to daily dilemas? Visit http://www.vidaville.com

Article Reprint Rights - Feel free to publish this article on your website. You must agree to leave all author credits, active links contained within intact, and "as is" and NOT hidden behind a java or redirect script. Please notify the author at [email protected].

In The News:


Kaiser Health News

Caregivers Draw Support By Mapping Their Relationships
Kaiser Health News
How could these webs of relationships — people who are caring for each other and who are cared for, in turn, by others — be portrayed? Interviewers started drawing them quickly as family members were speaking. Symbols were assigned to people, pets, ...

and more »

HuffPost

Why We Sabotage Our Relationships
HuffPost
Romantic relationships offer some of life's greatest joys. They can also cause great pain. As we open ourselves up to another person, we leave ourselves vulnerable to rejection and abandonment, thus fueling some of our deepest insecurities. For many ...


Boston Herald

'Perverted, atrocious:' Judge sentences cult-like figure who had sexual relationships with 6 young sisters
Boston Herald
A cult-like figure whose spiritual and financial hold over a formerly Amish couple enabled him to have sexual relationships with six of their daughters was sentenced to up to 87 years in prison Wednesday. The sentencing of Lee Donald Kaplan on multiple ...

and more »

Psychology Today (blog)

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship and Still Love Yourself
Psychology Today (blog)
Loving yourself is the most important step in a relationship and recognizing when to leave a relationship is the second most important step. Relationships can consume a vast amount of our mental and emotional space and cause immeasurable pain.


Junkee

How To Be Single If You've Always Been In Relationships
Junkee
The longer you spend wallowing in the demise of a relationship, or holding onto misguided hope of its miraculous reconciliation, the longer it's going to take for you to emerge and thrive on your own. I know that's way easier said than done, and you ...


SowetanLIVE

We lift lid on open relationships
SowetanLIVE
Open relationships have long been a controversial topic. The idea still has many people confused. What are the dynamics of an open relationship? Does one have a right to be jealous? These are some of the questions a lot of people have but are too ...


Arkansas Online

Ex-Arkansas high school teacher accused of having sexual ...
Arkansas Online
A former art teacher at a northeast Arkansas high school is accused of having inappropriate relationships with four students and reportedly took two to her ...
A married art teacher allegedly had sexual relationships with four studentsRare.us

all 15 news articles »

Fast Company

What Our Relationships Mean For How We Sleep
Fast Company
However, little is known about how relationships affect sleep. This is especially true for young, unmarried individuals. Teens and emerging adults, in particular, generally do not get the recommended amount of sleep and report a number of sleep ...


Teens in unhealthy relationships can seek support group
Dearborn Country Register
Safe Passage, Batesville, is now offering a 10-week, confidential, Teen Support Group. This group is for teens, age 14 to 17, who are in an unhealthy dating relationship or have a history of unhealthy dating relationships. This group will focus on ...


PEOPLE.com

Jason Derulo Plans to Keep Relationships "Private" - People
PEOPLE.com
Jason Derulo opens up on PEOPLE Now about the difficulty of maintaining relationships in the public eye.

and more »
Google News

Warning Signs He / She May Not Be The One

We've all looked back on past relationships and said, "What... Read More

Whats Up With Unconditional Love?

To tell you the truth, I'm a little disillusioned with... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the Couple

Recovering from an affair is hard work and will take... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship

Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to... Read More

How To Re-ignite the Fire in Your Relationship!

Couples that are together for a while sometimes suffer from... Read More

What Is A Boundary In A Relationship?

You might ask yourself, I have heard this word boundary,... Read More

Sad Scientific Facts About Love

Disaster results when we see women trying to change a... Read More

Ending Relationships Gracefully

In my counseling practice, I often hear the question, "How... Read More

Typecasting, Candice Bergen and Family Relationships

I'm experiencing some challenges in my relationship with Candice Bergen.I... Read More

Lovers Quarrel

One minute you seem like lovesick turtledoves teasing, laughing and... Read More

Can We Still Be Friends?

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

Legal Agreement to Cohabitate Between Unmarried Persons

THIS AGREEMENT is made and entered into this Third day... Read More

Mairi

Mairi came into my life about two years ago. She... Read More

Everything I Know About Relationship Success I Learned At The Playground

It happened again!I was enjoying an evening with my little... Read More

Celebrate Friendship Day with Fresh Flowers!

Send flowers this Friendship Day, Sunday, August 7th! Across the... Read More

Choosing an Online Dating Service

The problem with choosing a dating service is choice --... Read More

Relationship Advice - How to Get Out and Stay Out of Relationships Ruts

"The only difference between a rut and a grave are... Read More

The Secret of Relationship Success

With a divorce rate in this country that approaches 50%,... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: Dont Be a Darren Stevens

Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I... Read More

How to Improve Relationships with Feng Shui Remedies

In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned... Read More

A Man Drought In Australasia - Bugger! Age is Against Me

Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high... Read More

The Use and Abuse of Deception

The word "deceive" is derived from Latin, de- away +... Read More

Communicate through Body-language!

Consider a person very important to you. He or she... Read More

Am I Doing the Right Thing?

Dear Candace,My fiancé and I just broke up, and I... Read More

The Top 10 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship

All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There... Read More