Managing Miscommunication - Asking The Agreement Question?

A man and woman were trying to move a couch in their home one fine morning, and were not meeting with much success. With mounting frustration in her voice, the woman said "Honey, I don't think we are ever going to get this couch out of the living room." To which he responded, "Out of the living room? I thought we were trying to get it into the living room!"

Many people, myself included, have written and talked about how to handle and resolve conflicts in a relationship. While that is all well and good, what about preventing them in the first place?

I've worked with many couples who have had a discussion about what to do about something and thought they were in agreement. Then one of them acted on those thoughts, only to find out that the other person thought just the opposite was agreed upon. This can create a nice breeding ground for a big fight.

This is where what I have come call the AWIA Approach comes in handy. AWIA stands for Are We In Agreement?

The idea is to end conversations with the question "Are We In Agreement?" As I have had couples practice this one, and as I've used it in my own little laboratory at home, I've found that many times couples think they are in agreement when they are not. Asking the AWIA question cuts through any miscommunication and can cut off any future misunderstanding and conflict.

So give it a try. End the next few conversations with "Are We In Agreement" and see if you like the results.

Jeff Herrring, MS, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist, relationship coach, speaker and nationally syndicated relationship columnist, and founder and CEO of http://www.SecretsofGreatrelationships.com.

You can email Jeff at [email protected] and sign up for his free internet newsletter "Great Relationships Tip of the Week" on his website at http://www.SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

In The News:

Friends: 20 Things That Make No Sense About Rachel's Relationships  Screen RantIf there was one certainty about Friends from the beginning, it was that Ross and Rachel were endgame. No matter how many fights they had, how many times ...
Communication Saves Relationships And Lives  newstalkkit.comI was looking around on line the other day when i found this article called "5 Communication Mistakes That Kill Relationships." ...
YWCA working to raise awareness about violence in teen relationships  KXLY SpokaneSPOKANE, Wash. - A local organization wants to make parents aware of a growing problem putting teens in danger. The YWCA says a large number of teens ...
Deal Breakers: Survey Reveals America's Biggest Issues in Relationships  InverseIf you could build the perfect relationship, what would it look like? Expectations for today's relationships are higher than ever. Relationship science suggests that ...
Couples who use THIS one word have happier relationships, says a study  Times of IndiaAccording to a study, couples who use THIS one word while talking tend to share a blissful bond!
If You're Bored By Your Relationship, You'll Notice These 8 Things About Yourself  Elite DailyRelationships ebb and flow — that's simply a fact of being in a partnership with another person. You'll have your golden honeymoon phase and it will fizzle out.
Valuable LinkedIn Features To Nurture Your Relationships  ForbesThese valuable LinkedIn features make it easy for you to nurture your network.
4 Ways To Redesign Your Home For A Happier Relationship  mindbodygreen.comIs a man cave good or bad? For cohabiting couples, research shows having a room to yourself can actually help your relationship.
The Biggest Relationship Mistakes Can Happen Very Early  Psychology TodayWhen couples come to therapy to work on their relationship and present their problems, the therapist usually asks when these issues began. More often than not ...
Being in a relationship can help fight the cold: study  New York Post A new study found that women who were in relationships were more likely to have antiviral genes, which could help them fight off viral infections like the cold ...
A fear of regret can lock us into bad relationships, jobs and habits – here's how to break free  Irish ExaminerHow many times have you thought about starting a company, taking a year out to write that novel or leaving a loveless relationship but ended up doing nothing ...
Trevor Bauer on His Rules for Relationships: 'I Sleep with Other People'  Bleacher ReportCleveland Indians pitcher Trevor Bauer is one of the more unusual athletes in American sports—and that doesn't just apply to his baseball career...
How do I stop overthinking about my relationship?  Times of IndiaI am kind of restless and unhappy, and feel pressured for no reason. At times, I find it difficult to sleep at night as well. Should I go to a doctor.
Researchers find how to add more "love hormone" to your relationships  Big ThinkWith Valentine's Day upon us, are you looking for a way to bring more love into your relationship? Take an art class or pick up a new board game to play ...
Money & relationships: What you should do if your husband doesn't share financial details  Economic TimesIn the second part of the new series, ET Wealth talks about a wifes rights and the steps she can take if the spouse is reluctant to dispense money or information.
The Sign of a Lasting Relationship  Psychology TodayAfter a decade of analyzing data from the Love Lab, we discovered that one set of variables determined whether a marriage would succeed or fail: Were the ...
Sign on the dotted line: Why millennials are writing contracts for their relationships  Chicago TribuneRachel Sibley and John Meyer had been dating four months when they planned out a night to reflect on their relationship. They dimmed the lights, lit some ...
Hauser: Are your relationships becoming 'relationslips'?  INFORUMOne of my ongoing goals is to build new relationships and grow current relationships healthier. The longer I live, the more I realize the quality of our relationships ...
Ten Warning Signs Your Relationship Has Ended  Psychology TodayNot every relationship will withstand the test of time. Some relationships are just stepping-stones on the path to bettering yourself as an individual or finding your ...
What The Age You Were During Your First Relationship Says About You  BustleHow old were you during your first relationship? Whether it was a hand-holding middle school love, a head-over-heels college moment, or a ...
Are relationships better without social media?  QuartzInstagram users have taken to issuing “weekiversary posts,” where they diligently mark the duration of their romances. An article in The New York Times ...
KITOTO: Great relationships are built on safe, secure foundations  Daily NationThere is no week that goes by before you hear of a relationship going sour to the extent of serious crimes of abuse being committed. Nobody really hopes for a ...
The No. 1 Trap That Keeps People In Relationships With Psychopaths  mindbodygreen.comWe often talk about gratitude like it's the miracle cure. Don't get me wrong: While I have a lot in my life to be grateful for, gratitude—like mindfulness, eating clean, ...
How savvy women make smart relationship choices  Free Malaysia TodayHave you ever heard of the, “If she's so smart, why does she make dumb choices when it comes to a relationship” trope? Or this excuse, “I've never had a ...
'They have become the new religion': Esther Perel says we expect too much from relationships  CBC.caCouples therapist talks about why we fail to connect and how we can do better.
'Behind Closed Doors' review: A refreshing Tamil-English web series on relationships  The News MinuteWhile mainstream Tamil cinema is becoming increasingly unoriginal in how it portrays love and romance, the web medium has allowed filmmakers to ...
Relationships, money: Share truth about your finances with your partner  Myjoyonline.comHead of Marketing at Old Mutual Ghana, Rita Boateng is advising couples to share the truth about their finances with each other.
Your Office Politics Playbook: Relationships Are Your Goal At Work  ForbesOffice politics is usually viewed as a bad thing, but it doesn't have to be that way. This series of articles will outline the psychology of office politics, and show you ...
Inside Kylie and Jordyn's Once "Unmatchable" Friendship  E! NEWSInseparable since meeting in middle school, Kylie is devastated over the allegations about her BFF whom she considers another sister and Tristan Thompson ...
Bipolar disorder and relationships: Everything you need to know  Medical News TodayBipolar disorder causes alterations in mood, leading to depressive and manic or hypomanic episodes. These changes in mood can sometimes put stress on a ...
Adding some magic to your physical relationship  Augusta Free PressNo matter what type of relationship you are in, one issue you may face is problems with your sex life as time goes on. With the busy lives people have to deal ...
Couples are signing relationship contracts to keep pet peeves in check  New York Post When Trish Barillas' fiancé, Charlie Sandlan, is at risk of getting on her nerves — for example, by chewing loudly, protesting girls' night or trashing her new ...
10 science-backed relationship deal breakers  Times of IndiaAccording to experts, deal breakers are more important than deal makers in shaping the course of a relationship.
Ben Higgins Reveals Relationship With Girlfriend Jessica Clarke: ‘She Is Someone Special’  Us WeeklyHe found love … again! Ben Higgins introduced fans to his girlfriend, Jessica Clarke, one month after he revealed that he was in a new relationship.
A relationship therapist explains why the cliché that men are always 'in the mood' for sex is wrong  Business Insider AustraliaA common stereotype is that in a heterosexual relationship, men are always initiating sex. According to relationship therapist Sarah Hunter Murray, this isn't true.
Gully Boy's MC Sher Siddhant Chaturvedi reveals he is in a relationship. Details here  India TodaySiddhant Chaturvedi, who played the role of MC Sher in Gully Boy, revealed that he is dating someone from the industry.
Lady Gaga & Christian Carino's Relationship Timeline: How He Went From Her Agent to Fiance to Ex in 2 Years  Entertainment TonightFrom their first date to getting engaged to their ultimate split, ET breaks down the former couple's journey together.
Technology will improve doctors' relationships with patients, says Topol review  The BMJBMJ 2019; 364 doi: https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.l661 (Published 11 February 2019) Cite this as: BMJ 2019;364:l661. Article; Related *content*; Metrics; Responses ...
Long-distance relationships actually make couples come closer: Study  Times of IndiaLong-distance relationships are generally termed 'challenging' and many couples feel such relationships are doomed to fail because of the lack of physical ...
Kendall Jenner Talks Keeping Her Relationships Private, Ending Romances Quickly  Entertainment TonightKendall Jenner isn't interested in sharing her love life with the world! The 23-year-old model and reality star got candid about her decision to keep her personal ...
5 Couples Yoga Poses that Will Strengthen Your Relationship  Thrive GlobalThere's nothing wrong with having a lazy day watching Netflix with your partner, or going out to eat together. You can enjoy time together, unwind, and make ...
Burnout Can Damage Your Relationship, But These Small Changes Can Help  Thrive GlobalResearch shows the negative impact chronic stress inflicts on your relationship, but these small, easy-to-implement tips will help you two recover.
A Look Back at Miranda Lambert's Relationship History  The Cheat SheetCongratulations are in order! On February 16th, singer Miranda Lambert revealed that she had gotten married. “In honor of Valentine's Day, I wanted to share ...
Do couples who sleep in separate beds have it right?  QuartzOur conception of what is and isn't acceptable in long-term relationships has expanded tremendously in recent years. From consensual non-monogamy and ...
Relationship relief | Free Share  Sand Mountain ReporterSometimes life surprises you, and this is true in all aspects of life.
Common Relationship Deal Breakers and Red Flags  Cosmopolitan.comEveryone has some ultra-specific deal breaker that they refuse to ignore (pizza is NOT spicy, thank you very much). Take our polls to find out if you abide by the ...
A Trump trade war with Europe would hurt the trans-Atlantic relationship  CNNA trade war against US allies would not only be economically harmful, Guy Verhofstadt says, but would cut deeply into the trans-Atlantic alliance at the worst ...
Birth controlled? Hormonal birth control effects on relationships  WJLABirth control pills may alter the way you choose and view your mate. And not in a good way. There's some science that suggests you're not yourself when you're ...
Blac Chyna and Soulja Boy 'officially SPLIT after short-lived relationship'  Daily MailBlac Chyna, 30, and Soulja Boy, 28, have reportedly called it quits following a short-lived romance.
As dysfunctional as Mike Ashley and Rafael Benitez's relationship is, it should continue for Newcastle's sake  The TelegraphAs much as everyone tries to pretend it is not a distraction, the ongoing uncertainty over manager Rafael Benitez's future is at the heart of every discussion at ...
How Hiccup and Astrid’s Relationship Feels Different Then Typical Cartoon Couples  Cinema BlendReporting on movies, television, video games, and pop culture CINEMABLEND is the go-to source for today's plugged-in generation.
A.B. details relationship with Steelers in AMA  NFL.comAntonio Brown watch-slash-stakeout is in full effect, and the Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver continues to contribute to the offseason drama of his making.
Protecting your relationship is one of the best financial investments you can make  ABC NewsIt's an unlikely place to look, but lessons from the world of financial investing provide us with some clues as to how we can protect ourselves from the ravages of ...
Match: The relationship gurus who met on a pub crawl  The Globe and MailFor this couple, what began as a private experiment turned into a side gig as relationship gurus.
Kevin O'Leary: This should be your financial deal-breaker in a relationship  CNBCFor Kevin O'Leary, finance guru and star of ABC's "Shark Tank," there's one thing that should be a financial deal breaker when it comes to your relationship with ...
Who are Cheryl Cole's ex's? The Greatest Dancer star's past relationships revealed...  HELLO! MagazineCheryl has had a handful of whirlwind marriages and relationships since she appeared on our TV screen back in 2002. The star is a true romantic and has ...
Pink & Carey Hart's Relationship Timeline Proves They Are One Of The Most Goals AF Couples In Showbiz  BustleValentine's is over but, y'all, any true romantic knows that real-life love is 365 days a year. And it's always great to have some positive celebrity role models to ...
Why many women settle in their romantic relationships  Toronto StarA survey by online dating app Bumble of 1003 Canadian women between 21 and 37 years old, found 23 per cent of them settle rather than continue their search ...
When Enough is Enough: Putting The Relationship on Probation  Psychology TodayHave you ever wondered how to deal with a partner who can't or won't commit? Or perhaps you feel that the relationship is stagnating—so much so that you ...
Here's What An Expert Says Good Sex In A Long-Term Relationship Looks Like  BustleOne common feature of a long-term relationship is, well, the spark's eventual fizzle. This isn't the case in every relationship, but like every other aspect of having ...
Looking for a Valentine? Try nice guys, Michigan State study says  Detroit Free PressSharing similarities might not be as important to relationship happiness as previously thought.
Stefanos Tsitsipas: I don’t have time for relationships... she can send a DM on Instagram  ExpressSTEFANOS TSITSIPAS, who beat Roger Federer at last month's Australian Open, says he 'doesn't have time' for a relationship - then sent a cheeky message to ...
New questions emerge around REI CEO’s undisclosed relationship  Seattle TimesMedia reports have linked Jerry Stritzke, REI's former CEO, with the head of an outdoor nonprofit that received nearly $1.5 million in grants from the Seattle ...
ASK ZELDA: Our relationships expert Zelda West-Meads answers your questions  Daily MailI have always enjoyed my job but I now have a new boss who is very difficult to work for. He also has a short temper and gets irritated very easily. How do I ...
Huawei or the highway? The rising costs of New Zealand's relationship with China  The Conversation AUNew Zealand's decision to block Huawei from its 5G cellular networks due to security concerns is likely to be just the first of many that challenge Wellington's ...
Manitoba 'pausing' relationship with former B.C. premier after allegations  paNOWWINNIPEG — The Manitoba government says it is “pausing” its relationship with Gordon Campbell following an allegation in a British newspaper that the former ...
Sam Burgess shuts down reporter after Rabbitohs star asked about his relationship with Phoebe  Daily MailThe South Sydney Rabbitohs player sat down with a news reporter with the intention to talk about the upcoming NRL season.
4 Things You'll Notice About Yourself When You're Comfortable In Your Relationship  Elite DailyThere's a simple pleasure in the moment you realize that you're comfortable in your relationship. Not in a "we're too comfortable and we've lost the ~romance~" ...
Francis Ngannou on relationship with Dana White: I haven’t talked to him in over a year  Bloody ElbowUFC heavyweight Francis Ngannou says he hasn't spoke to Dana White in over a year.
How to date a guy who wants an open relationship  FeminaYou have met an interesting guy on an online dating platform. You have met him and you can feel the instant connect. But there's a bit of an issue. He has told ...
Celebrating healthy relationships, more inclusive, no objectification: What Hindu College Hostel’s V-Day  Times of IndiaFor years, the Virgin Tree in Hindu College has been the symbol of love and romance. Generations of students have been offering puja at the tree on Fe.
How will Japan balance its relationship with China and Taiwan?  EJ InsightOn the second day of the new year, President Xi Jinping delivered a speech in which he called for the fulfillment of the “historic task” of reunifying Taiwan and the ...
Jones: 'Outstanding' relationship with Lawrence  NFL.comDeMarcus Lawrence doesn't want to get hit with the franchise tag again, but Cowboys owner Jerry Jones doesn't think that there is any discontent between ...
Does Something Feel 'Off' About Your Mentor-Mentee Relationship?  EntrepreneurDon't ignore these 3 red flags that indicate your relationship is toxic.
Yazmin Oukhellou and James Lock reveal intense therapy saved their ‘abusive’ relationship after Yaz’s depre  The SunThe couple, who have taken a break from The Only Way Is Essex, are setting up their own Wellness Retreat.
What Cheating Looks Like in a Polyamorous Relationship  VICEWhen I first met my husband, he told me in no uncertain terms that he viewed kissing as cheating. So it might come as a surprise to hear that, ten years later, we ...
'The relationship is very strong': Trump looks ahead to Kim summit | Watch News Videos Online  Globalnews.caPresident Trump was asked about the relationship with North Korea and Kim Jong Un ahead of their summit in Vietnam next week, saying he wouldn't be ...
What It Looks Like To 'Share' A Bathroom When You're In A Relationship  HuffPostCompliments will get you everywhere in a relationship. Artist Priscila Barbosa, who created the cheeky illustration below, can certainly vouch for that. The artist ...
Jake Renfree and Running: A Love/Hate Relationship  WBIR.comCatholic's Jake Renfree is the Gatorade Tennessee Boys Cross Country Runner of the Year. He does it, for the competition.
UK-China relationship 'not made simpler' by Williamson's carrier plan – Hammond  expressandstar.comChancellor Philip Hammond and Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson are at odds over a plan to send the UK's aircraft carrier to the Pacific.
A Visit to the Museum of Broken Relationships  Atlas ObscuraOne of the most unusual museums in Croatia is the Museum of Broken Relationships in Zagreb. The collection traces its origins to a real-life breakup, between ...
This 1 powerful phrase is the science-backed secret to a happy relationship (and most of us rarely use it)  CNBCWhen it comes to building successful relationships, going the extra mile to express your gratitude is important. Even now, in this very moment, we're grateful that ...
Has Imran Khan charmed the Saudis into a more balanced relationship?  TRT WorldPakistan's dynamic with Saudi Arabia has historically been of subservience, but the latest visit by Saudi Arabia's crown prince shows that the nature of the ...
Doing everything you can in your relationship with Finding Solace Counseling  MyArkLaMissLyla Corkern with Finding Solace Counseling joined us on Louisiana Living to talk about how to make sure you are doing everything you can in your ...
Are you having an 'almost' relationship? You need to read this  Times of IndiaThe world of love and dating is already complicated and matters turn worse when you are in an 'almost' relationship. Wondering what is an 'almost' relationship?
I've Been Harassed Online For Being In An Interracial Relationship — And I'm Not The Only One  BustleWriting about love is like remembering a dream. Some details move like swirls of Vincent van Gogh's Starry Night, while others pop with such vivid colors, ...
Is Bradley Cooper Married? What We Know About His Relationship with Irina Shayk  The Cheat SheetBradley Cooper is probably best known for his part on the cult classic The Hangover. While he's come a long way since 2009, there's just something about the ...
How Katy Perry’s Relationship With Orlando Bloom Is Different Than Past Romances  Us WeeklyKaty Perry and Orlando Bloom's relationship is different — and better — than her past romances, a source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly — details.
Will Prince Charles Have a Close Relationship With Baby Sussex?  The Cheat SheetPrince Charles certainly has a lot to smile about. He is heir to the British throne, he has two sons that make him proud every day, and he has wonderful and ...
Carole Radziwill Offers Intimate Details Into Her Relationship With Lee Radziwill  The Cheat SheetA significant amount of mystery surrounded the relationship between Real Housewives of New York City alum Carole Radziwill and her mother-in-law Lee.
A simple guide to combining finances in your relationship  PBS NewsHourPeople have different experiences that shape how they think about money. Understanding those are key to handling finances in a relationship.
Angola has decriminalized same-sex relationships, rights group says  CNNAngola has decriminalized same-sex relationships, according to Human Rights Watch agency.
The 1st Year Of A Relationship: 10 Things That Should Happen (& 10 That Shouldn't)  TheTalkoA lot can happen in a year. Think about all of the cups of coffee, take-out pizzas, movie nights, girls nights, and busy work days. We'll experience ups and downs, ...
Whitney Port: How To Keep Love & Sex Alive After Having A Baby  Refinery29Find out how Whitney Port maintains a great romantic and sexual relationship with her husband after they had a child.
Gael Monfils opens up about relationship with Elina Svitolina  Tennis MagazineGael Monfils will switch one tournament for another this week, going to Dubai following his withdrawal from Marseille. Sidelined with a wrist injury, 32-year-old ...
Sharing Netflix, Spotify Accounts After Couples Break Up  NPRSharing of online streaming video and music passwords among sweethearts is a territorial marker, like wearing a boyfriend's sweater. But what happens to ...
Is "slow love" the key to a lasting relationship?  CBS NewsOn this Valentine's Day, new research shows a revolution is in the works when it comes to finding love that lasts. The concept is called "slow love." "Marriage ...
Aurora Police Chief: Woman Fabricated Relationship To Escape DUI  CBS DenverAURORA, Colo. (CBS4)– Aurora Police Chief Nick Metz has told his department that a woman who talked her way out of a serious DUI case in 2017 had used ...
How to rekindle a relationship: The biggest sex mistakes for couples  TODAYWant to rekindle the spark in your long term relationship? Dr. Ruth shares how to have better sex and the biggest sex mistakes couples make.
5 relationship milestones that say it’s going well  FeminaBeing frank with each other. In a new relationship, you are always careful of what you say, do, and portray. It's just that both you and your partner will be treading ...

The Man - Truth of The Visual Being

The article What Turns Them On explained about how men... Read More

American Women Really Don?t Like You

Any man who has dated Asian ladies who live in... Read More

Am I Doing the Right Thing?

Dear Candace,My fiancé and I just broke up, and I... Read More

Parasitic Relationship

Something in my life is weighing heavily on my mind,... Read More

To Apologize or Not to Apologize...That is the Question

We don't like to say it and we don't always... Read More

Five Telltale Signs That A Role Reversal Relationship Could Be Right For You

Powerful, accomplished women intimidate some men, but fascinate others. If... Read More

Relationships that Work: How to Get Along with People Who Drive You Crazy

Question: What % of your bad moods at work are... Read More

Walls Of Communication!

Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all... Read More

Say, Whats On Your Mind, Partner?

Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting... Read More

7 Things You Must Know About Women

Most men find women mysterious and confusing. You find us... Read More

Society?s Misconception of Soul Mates - Divine Source through Barbara Rose

Society's current conception of the term "soul mate" is completely... Read More

A Diamond Anniversary Ring ? The Perfect Way To Seal Your Love

Some time ago you both made a promise. A promise... Read More

How to Kiss and Make Up

Was it a hectic day for you, or did you... Read More

Relationship Problems: Whats Your Contribution?

As the story goes, there was once a farmer and... Read More

Dangerous Relationship?

I will in this article cover some of my own... Read More

I Said Yes, I Meant No, and Now I Want Out

Imagine this; you have the opportunity to go away for... Read More

Why Do Men Cheat?

In my relationship work, this question is probably the one... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 3

Liar, Liar! Pants On Fire!Today, you'll learn about 2 yellow-flag... Read More

Are You Chasing Dollars or Your Kids?

Striking a perfect balance between work and home today can... Read More

Are You Really Ready For a Relationship?

So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, I'm married... Read More

Is Your Negative Thinking Scaring Off Your Soul Mates?

Francine Bonnecelli* swore off relationships the day her husband of... Read More

Ten Tips to Play Together, and Stay Together: Lessons from the Teepee Turn-around

There is an old expression, which may sound trite, but... Read More

The Revenge Affair: Characteristics of the Adulterer

"I Want to Get Back at Him/Her" is one of... Read More

To Love Forever

Emotionally healthy men and women almost always share their lives... Read More

Calling Forth a Soulmate

How do I draw a soulmate into my life? You... Read More