Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break Free From the Affair." One affair, "I Can't Say NO!" is characterized by addictive tendencies. Infidelity (as well as pornography, strip clubs, online chatting, compulsive masturbation, etc.) may be a part of the sexual addiction.

Often the spouse or partner of a sexually addicted person intuitively knows of the addiction and the struggle his/her partner has with the behavior.

The partner often "feels for" his/her partner and is in a great quandary about staying in the marriage or leaving the marriage.

If you are a person facing this dilemma or know of someone who is, here are some pointed questions to help move more quickly through the decision making process:

1. Do you really want to save the marriage or are you just plain worn out? Does it seem that it would be much easier to just put up and tolerate the crazy kind of behavior you bump into with him? Are you emotionally fried and think of confronting him with your feelings and thoughts of ending the marriage as jumping into more emotional turmoil?

2. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you think you should hang in there for religious, moral or other "should" reasons? Most spouses who partner with those who can't say no are very conscientious people. Is that you? Do you want to do the right thing? Are you willing to continue feeling the humiliation and facing the dangers because you believe you should stay in the marriage? Do convictions rather than practical and personal concerns dictate your decisions?

3. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you believe you should stay to protect the children? Do you think you are the only spouse who can care for the children? (You may be.) Or maybe your spouse cares deeply for the children and is a good parent. (That may be also.) Do you think that ending the marriage would make life immeasurably worse for your children? Do you fear for their welfare if you confront his behavior?

4. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you see absolutely no way out and are resigned to this marriage? You may experience a powerful pervasive feeling of being stuck. You may believe that you have tried everything and that it is in the best interest of everyone to stay where you are. Couple your weariness with your sense of being stuck and you may tolerate a great deal of disappointment and pain for the sake of the marriage.

5. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you see yourself as incapable of getting out? Your self-esteem may be at rock bottom. You may think of yourself as incapable of starting over, incapable of starting a new relationship, incapable of making the transition to a new life and incapable of making decisions on your own. It is not unusual for the spouse of someone who can't say no to lose her sense of dignity and self-respect as he attempts to control, intimidate and dictate.

6. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you need to protect him? Do you see beyond what is there to him basic emptiness and fear? It's there and you know it? Perhaps you fear what might happen to him if you do indeed leave? Will he be able to cope? What destructive path might he take next? So you hang in there, aware of his underlying pain and hope some day it will be addressed.

7. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you live in the fear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Perhaps you might face violence? You might face the emotional game playing at a new level of intensity? Does it seem wiser to hold back, not confront, not move toward change for fear of what he might say or do? Do you sometimes feel frozen with fear?

8. Do you really want to save the marriage or have you given no thought to how you might start over? This is a little different than the fear of starting over. Perhaps your life has been so wrapped around his or the care of your children that you have given little, if any, thought to you. Have you thought of your desires, your skills, your dreams, your hopes and your future apart from him? Or, apart from your children?

Take some time to seriously and thoughtfully address these questions. Once you do, you may experience a new found freedom to act and move in new ways.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-af fair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Forbes

7 Ways To Improve Your Relationships At Work
Forbes
Being a career coach, I've heard a lot of stories about workplace interactions, mainly between an employer and employee. In fact, one global study found that 79% of people who quit their jobs cite "lack of appreciation" as their reason for leaving. If ...


New York Post

Only half of men consider this act as cheating in relationships
New York Post
When it comes to fidelity in relationships, a new surprising survey found that 49 percent of men did not think kissing someone else was cheating. The study was done by researchers at BBC, who asked 2,000 adults about their sexual preferences. About 51 ...


Customer Think

How the Best Brands Build Relationships: Insights from Virgin Atlantic, Nike, and MailChimp
Customer Think
The way that most companies think about customer relationships has gotten boring. Many companies only focus on a single, generic process for building customer relationships: Stay in contact with your customers, learn as much about them as you can, and ...


Daily Bruin

Healthy relationships set sail for students after ResLife love language workshop
Daily Bruin
Residential Life hosted “Healthy Relationships Workshop: Love Languages” with Wazo Connect, a student-run mental health mentorship program, to help students learn about how they communicate love. Marieka Turner, Residential Life health and ...


Forbes

How Social Media Usage Affects Doctor To Patient Relationships
Forbes
Another massive study conducted at the University of Groningen, The Netherlands, indicates that social media has even a stronger impact on doctor-patient relationships. After analyzing over 1,700 articles, researches identified that the patients' use ...


The Irish Sun

Ten ways to make sure your relationship survives the stresses of Christmas
The Irish Sun
INCREASE INTIMACY: When you first get into a relationship you spend a great deal of time kissing and hugging each other. This is instinctual and ensures bonding. As time passes, work life balance struggles, dealing with kids and general life ...

and more »

Forbes

How To Overcome The Three Challenges Of Maintaining Professional Relationships
Forbes
With refined communication skills at the ready and a host of networking opportunities marked on your calendar, you're well on your way to building the strong relationships you need to succeed in your career. But simply making connections just isn't ...


Psychology Today (blog)

To Understand Your Relationships, Try Understanding Yourself
Psychology Today (blog)
Relationships involve a constant give-and-take between the desires of each partner for both self-expression and intimacy. According to a recent paper by University of California Davis psychologist Christopher Hopwood and Michigan State University's ...


Women's Health

13 Relationship Red Flags To Watch Out For
Women's Health
It doesn't take a relationship expert to figure out that saying "I love you" for a while and then stopping out of nowhere is a warning sign. But if you used to bring your S.O. something from your coffee run just because—and now you don't—that can be ...


Bustle

9 Times Reaching A Plateau In Your Relationship Is A Problem
Bustle
Relationships go through phases, just like individuals do. But if you're going through a romantic relationship plateau, it can feel quite jarring. While not all plateaus signal that there's a bigger issue with a relationship, there are some signs to ...

Google News

Ridding Yourself Of Being A Manipulator To Better Your Relationships

One of the oldest character flaws in humans is their... Read More

Reading Each Others Mind

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard... Read More

Ladies, Is Your Valentine The Cheating Kind?

According to statistics, 50% to 70% of men cheat on... Read More

Has The Magic Gone From Your Relationship?

Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now.... Read More

Relationship Advice: 9 More Must-Know Tips for Couples

The Law of Two QuestionsThere are two questions that couples... Read More

I Said Yes, I Meant No, and Now I Want Out

Imagine this; you have the opportunity to go away for... Read More

When A Relationship Goes Bad

What do you do when a long term relationship goes... Read More

Relationship Advice: 2 Beliefs for a Successful Relationship

Mark Twain once saidGod's great cosmic joke on the human... Read More

Set Your Relationship Up for Success

A quarter of thirtysomething couples are unhappy in their relationships,... Read More

10 Things You Probably Didnt Know About Signs of Infidelity

Certain things about signs of infidelity come as a surprise... Read More

The Evolution of Love

Songs have been saying it for generations together. Ask anyone... Read More

Why Some Women Are Desperate

I asked Dave how he was doing since it was... Read More

Friends and Friendship - Who are Friends, What is Friendship

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is... Read More

Link Romantic Feelings To The Sight Of Your Face

Anchoring is an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) term used to describe... Read More

The Man - Truth of The Visual Being

The article What Turns Them On explained about how men... Read More

Relationship Advice - How to Improve Intimacy

A relationship requires intimacy. I don't think anyone would argue... Read More

How to Build Solid Relationships Using the Power of Words

We may not be aware of it; but the words... Read More

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 2

The first step toward being able to attract and create... Read More

Relationship Advice: Voices of Experience on the Radio

A few years back I was on a radio talk... Read More

Is Your Mate Cheating?

You've been together several months, but something doesn't feel quite... Read More

African Dating - Pride and Ambition

It is no secret that African culture is known for... Read More

How To Make Hooking Up With Your Ex More Thrilling Than It Ever Was Before!

Now I really have seen everything.The other day, I saw... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship

Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to... Read More

The Revenge Affair: Characteristics of the Adulterer

"I Want to Get Back at Him/Her" is one of... Read More

Relationship Conflict - Blow Up or Blow Through

Every now and then I hear a "relationship expert" say... Read More