You Dont Have to Break Down, When You Break Up!

Very few people would argue with the fact that creating successful relationships is often one of the biggest challenges we face as human beings. The strange thing is that life can become even more challenging when they end. But is it really necessary to break down when you break up?

Below are three simple ideas that will help guide you to re-build your life on your own.

1. Become firmly grounded in the present moment.

If you find yourself on the other side of a relationship, it is important that you have a deep awareness of what you are feeling in the present moment. Continually check in with yourself. Notice what is going on with you if you are experiencing emotional upset. Your body is always in the present, but where is your mind?

It may be very tempting for you to delve into your past replaying events over and over again in your head. The reality is, you can't change your past, so trying to do so is futile. Just accept everything as it is. Find peace around the thought that both of you were operating to the best of your ability, given the circumstances, at any moment in time.

Equally futile is casting your mind into the future, wondering what life could have, would have, should have been like had you stayed with your partner. The truth is that your future is going to look somewhat different to what you may have previously anticipated. Do your best to accept it.

If you manage to stay in the present moment, most of the pain you will experience will be growing pains. You are transforming from one state of being to another. It's not going to be easy. Whether your new state of being is a good one largely comes down to the choices you make. If you take responsibility for where you are right now you will slowly begin to see you life unfold as it should.

2. Breaking up with someone is a creative as well as a destructive process.

It was Pablo Picasso that stated that 'every act of creation is necessarily an act of destruction'.

Whether you like it or not, breaking up with girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife is a creative process as much as it is a destructive process. What you are in fact doing is deconstructing your life with your partner and re-creating your life where your partner takes on a different role to the one they had previously. In extreme cases, you may even decide that your partner will have no future role in your life.

This creative process can be turbulent and it can also be profoundly enjoyable and exciting. What you have is an opportunity to start over. If it feels right for you, completely immerse yourself into the creative process. Take the opportunity to try as many new things as you possibly can. You may well astound yourself with what you are capable of doing on your own.

3. Allow yourself to regenerate.

If you are going through a break up allow yourself plenty of time to regenerate. Focus on the things that you can control. Make sure that you exercise regularly, eat properly and get plenty of rest. Read, spend time with family and close friends and spend plenty of time in nature.

Take things slowly, look after yourself and create the time and space in your life necessary to allow yourself to start growing again.

Remember two things.

However you choose to adapt to this change process, it is of critical importance that you remember two things;

i) be kind to yourself and
ii) be kind to your ex-partner.

Whether your break-up was hard fought or amicable, extending compassion to your old friend will help you both immensely in the healing process. Remember that you are both beautifully human, doing the best you can to navigate through this world.

Copyright Damien Senn 2005. All rights reserved.

Damien Senn is a Life and Business Coach as well as a fully qualified Chartered Accountant. He helps people create compelling futures.

He is the author of the 'Senn-Sational Success Journal' and has developed his own coaching model called the 'Senn-Sational Success System'.

For your free download '101 things to do before you die' please click the following link:

http://www.senn-sational.com/freeresources.htm

In The News:


Kaiser Health News

Caregivers Draw Support By Mapping Their Relationships | Kaiser ...
Kaiser Health News
Innovative CareMaps tool helps caregivers understand their roles and take steps to improve their lives.

and more »

UN News Centre

'We can't build strong relationships if we refuse to have conversations,' Canada's Trudeau says at UN
UN News Centre
He spoke extensively on Canada's indigenous people, of the injustices they face and the efforts being made to improve the relationship with First Nations, calling it “righting historical wrongs.” He noted how Canada is implementing the Sustainable ...
Trudeau addresses Canada's relationship with Indigenous peoples in UN speechThe Globe and Mail

all 154 news articles »

Today.com

8 signs you're the problem in your relationship
Today.com
Humans are driven to find love and have happy relationships, but 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce — and many new singles find themselves wondering what went wrong. We often blame our partners for our relationship distress, which may or may ...


HuffPost

Why We Sabotage Our Relationships
HuffPost
Romantic relationships offer some of life's greatest joys. They can also cause great pain. As we open ourselves up to another person, we leave ourselves vulnerable to rejection and abandonment, thus fueling some of our deepest insecurities. For many ...


Health.com

New #ThatsNotLove Campaign Is a Powerful PSA About Unhealthy Relationships
Health.com
But One Love Foundation's new #ThatsNotLove campaign is an important reminder that what you see on your friends' feeds isn't always an accurate portrayal of what's really going on in a relationship. One Love was launched in 2010 to honor the memory of ...


Boston Herald

'Perverted, atrocious:' Judge sentences cult-like figure who had sexual relationships with 6 young sisters
Boston Herald
A cult-like figure whose spiritual and financial hold over a formerly Amish couple enabled him to have sexual relationships with six of their daughters was sentenced to up to 87 years in prison Wednesday. The sentencing of Lee Donald Kaplan on multiple ...

and more »

Fast Company

What Our Relationships Mean For How We Sleep
Fast Company
However, little is known about how relationships affect sleep. This is especially true for young, unmarried individuals. Teens and emerging adults, in particular, generally do not get the recommended amount of sleep and report a number of sleep ...


Psychology Today (blog)

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship and Still Love Yourself
Psychology Today (blog)
Loving yourself is the most important step in a relationship and recognizing when to leave a relationship is the second most important step. Relationships can consume a vast amount of our mental and emotional space and cause immeasurable pain.


Entrepreneur

Worried About Your Performance Review? Work Harder on Building Relationships.
Entrepreneur
The maturity and effectiveness of these relationships dictate whether one is in the in-group or the out-group -- much like the groups we remember back on the school playground. According to LMX, these are typically based on how well the subordinate ...


Junkee

How To Be Single If You've Always Been In Relationships
Junkee
The longer you spend wallowing in the demise of a relationship, or holding onto misguided hope of its miraculous reconciliation, the longer it's going to take for you to emerge and thrive on your own. I know that's way easier said than done, and you ...

Google News

Loving Without Losing Yourself!

You are in love and it feels wonderful. This love... Read More

How Valentine?s Day Gifts Can Expose a Cheating Husband

If you have the nagging feeling that your husband may... Read More

Stand By Your Man: No Matter What?

We all heard the report of a prisoner escaping after... Read More

A Dear Jon Letter

How do you let go of someone whom you have... Read More

Romantic Relationships: An Internal Process

If you grew up in the 80s like I did,... Read More

Players: How to Deal with Them

Eventually, we'll all either play or be played. I'd like... Read More

What Is A Boundary In A Relationship?

You might ask yourself, I have heard this word boundary,... Read More

Improve Your Relationship by Taking Care of Yourself First

It's important for you to take care of yourself before... Read More

Link Romantic Feelings To The Sight Of Your Face

Anchoring is an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) term used to describe... Read More

Self Truth and Your Relationships

Questions and AnswersHow can I learn how to be true... Read More

Are You Really Ready For a Relationship?

So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, I'm married... Read More

Relationship Advice: Voices of Experience on the Radio

A few years back I was on a radio talk... Read More

Relationship Quiz - Copasetic, Caution, or Conundrum?

This quiz is based on key areas of communication and... Read More

Making Passion More Passionate

Somewhere between the first kiss and growing old together, many... Read More

Let Kissing Liven Up Your Meetings (and More Kissing Tips)

Every now and then a quarrel breaks out down at... Read More

Find Love The Zen Way

"If he comes we welcome, If he goes we do... Read More

Whats The Attraction?

Why do people have affairs? Why not do the 'right'... Read More

The Counsel of Caution

Caution is a word with a fine old-fashioned ring. The... Read More

Relationship Advice: 9 More Must-Know Tips for Couples

The Law of Two QuestionsThere are two questions that couples... Read More

Pay Attention! Mastering Communication Skills with Women

One of the biggest complaints women have about men is... Read More

Nip Verbal Abuse in the Bud

So often in a new relationship we learn the dynamic... Read More

How to Build Solid Relationships Using the Power of Words

We may not be aware of it; but the words... Read More

Coping with Your Difficulties in Yourself

Ashleigh Brillant once said""Coping with difficult people is always a... Read More

Relationship Advice: 2 Beliefs for a Successful Relationship

Mark Twain once saidGod's great cosmic joke on the human... Read More

Lists, Lists, and More Lists

Every person that thinks something is amiss in their relationship... Read More