How to Ease the Pain of a Breakup

Whether you do the dumping or you are the one who got dumped, breakups are painful. If you initiated the breakup you may feel guilty, or question that you made the right decision. If you were the one who got dumped you may feel shocked, hurt, and angry. Breakups are painful for either party. There are things you can do to get through the breakup, to ease your pain. Sometimes breakups can bring a relationship closer together when both parties realize that they really were meant to be together, or they can be a blessing because you are no longer with the wrong person.

First thing you should do is acknowledge your feelings, its ok to feel sad, hurt, angry, and shocked. This was a relationship you spent time in. Live in the moment and allow yourself to cry if need be. Talk to your friends about your relationship, let them know how much you hurt; they may have advice for you that may be helpful. Additionally they may offer you some insight about your relationship that you did not see. You may want to spend the next several evenings/weekends at home taking extra good care of yourself. Watch television, lie in bed and eat ice cream, paint your nails, or try on a new hair style.

Keep busy. Yes, you are going to have to go through a difficult transition. Before you start dating other people consider revitalizing hobbies you may have put aside to be with your ex. You may want to invite over your girlfriends, and enjoy an evening watching movies, or cooking; heck you can have a slumber party. See if there are local events that you may want to go to, for example there might be cooking classes at a nearby store; museums often have special events, or taking a class on a hobby that you enjoy.

Do not call your ex. I know, this is the hardest part. Even if you really want to, resist. Employ your friends; call them instead of your Ex. Chances are in an emotional state you will not say what you really want to say. Wait on contacting your Ex for several weeks. Let the first wave of hurt and anger subside before you attempt to make contact. This may take a week, month, or longer before you are able to speak to them in a calm way.

Do not email, or send a letter to your Ex. Wait! Write the letter, write the email, but do not send it. Wait, you may want to burn the letter have you write it. Do not send it. Allow the initial pain to pass. You can always get in touch with your Ex later. The best revenge on an Ex is letting them think you are moving along and you are doing very well. You may want to keep a journal of your feelings, and write down all of your feelings so you can go back and organize your thoughts, and take a better look at your past relationship.

The pain of a breakup will eventually ease. Most people who have dated have been through a breakup or two, and they do know how you feel. Acknowledge your feelings, and let them out. Letting out your feelings either privately in a journal or with your friends will help you feel validated. Do not contact your Ex until the pain of the breakup goes away. If you are hurting you are not likely to say the right things, besides it better to let you're Ex think that you're doing well enough without them. You may want to consider renewing your relationship, so do not say anything that you might regret. You may also realize that this relationship was not meant to be, and it is time for you to move on. Remember, that the pain, the hurt, and the sadness will go away, while it may take longer than we like, keep in mind going through this may help make your next relationship better.

Stephanie Manley is the editor for http://www.copykat.com, also writes a column at http://romancelessons.blogspot.com about lessons in relationships, and romance.

In The News:

How to Have a Relationship and a Career  Harvard Business Review
The Key to Relationships  Psychology Today
Is Lack of Gratitude Dragging Down Your Relationship?  Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley

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