Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."

That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads.

It's a matter of common knowledge that we are supposed to maintain, service, and tune up our cars if we want them to run well and last.

In my experience, it rarely occurs to us to do the same thing with our love relationships.

More and more of the couples I see are not in need of long term therapy, they are more in need of a short term relationship tune up.

7 Key Points

What first attracted you to each other? - This is the first question I ask most couples because it helps to be reminded that your partner has some great qualities that led you to want to be in this relationship.

What are some of the strengths of your relationship? - Instead of all the things that are wrong with your relationship, what I want to know is what are some of the strengths of the relationship upon which we can build in order to solve the problems with which they are struggling.

When have you been the closest? - One of the easiest ways to tune up your relationship is to do the things you were doing when you were the closest.

You may have noticed that the first 3 questions were all focused on positives in the relationship.

This is done on purpose. One of the dangers of traditional marriage counseling is a focus on what is wrong or defective with an individual or the relationship. One of the many benefits of relationship coaching is a focus on using the strengths in the relationship to build up the areas where the relationship is weak.

What are your partner's emotional needs and what are your own? - If you do not know, hear are the two crucial questions to ask:

1) In order to feel loved by me, what do you need to feel in our relationship?

2) What are some ways I can meet those needs?

What is your partner's love language and what is yours? - Some folks need to hear it, some folks need to see it, and some folks need to feel it.

How do the two of you "do conflict?" - Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. Fighting is optional.

What is your vision for your relationship? - Without a vision, a relationship can perish. Here are a few questions most couples never take the time to even think about, much less ask:

1) If we could design our relationship any way we wanted, how would we like it to be?

2) What goals do we have for our relationship?

3) What do we want to give, and what do we want to get in our relationship?

For more immediately useable tips and tools for your relationship, visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's interactive website at SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

In The News:

KITOTO: Six signs of a toxic relationship  nation.co.keThere is no week that goes by before you hear of a relationship going sour to the extent of serious crimes of abuse being committed. Nobody really hopes for a ...
The Real Reason Kendall Jenner Does Not Like Talking About Her Relationships  The Cheat SheetKendall Jenner is not the type to showcase relationships. Unlike her sisters, who share every aspect of their lives on with the world, Kendall Jenner is a little ...
Ten must read money makers and breakers for relationships  FinancyWe look at some of the money matters that can make or break a relationship, regardless of whether it's a newbie or an oldie. | Financy.
Hauser: Are your relationships becoming 'relationslips'?  INFORUMOne of my ongoing goals is to build new relationships and grow current relationships healthier. The longer I live, the more I realize the quality of our relationships ...
ASK ZELDA: Our relationships expert Zelda West-Meads answers your questions  Daily MailBefore getting involved with my now ex, I was wary as he had a reputation for being a player and some of my previous boyfriends had also been unfaithful.
How to Handle the End of a Business Relationship  LifehackerSince the journalism industry gets upended once a month or so, I consider myself an expert in business relationships—namely, what to do when you lose your ...
The Biggest Relationship Mistakes Can Happen Very Early  Psychology TodayWhen couples come to therapy to work on their relationship and present their problems, the therapist usually asks when these issues began. More often than not ...
10 Things Therapists Want You To Know About Communication In Relationships  BustleThere are many different factors that contribute to a relationship's success. But one thing that tends to get talked about more than anything else is communication ...
Valuable LinkedIn Features To Nurture Your Relationships  ForbesThese valuable LinkedIn features make it easy for you to nurture your network.
The Real Reason Kendall Jenner Has Kept Her Relationship with Ben Simmons So Private  InStyleThe 23-year-old model recently opened up about why she keeps her relationships ultra-private, and the reason she's quick to end them.
Money and Relationships - How New Couples Are Saving Money  Men's HealthA financial advisor shares her best money advice for new relationships, and how couples can better save.
How BioWare is handling relationships in Anthem  GamesRadarBioWare's Mark Darrah details the studio's decision to keep character interactions safe for work in Anthem. Comments. Shares. null. BioWare's Anthem game ...
Business professionals learn to build better relationships with Montana tribes  Helena Independent RecordBusiness professionals came to Helena from all over the state last week to take part in Tribal Relations Training, a business seminar hosted by the Governor's ...
Kindness works: Teachers’ helping behaviors related to better student relationships and academic confidence  Hannibal.netA new MU study finds that students' interest in math and their academic confidence is related to positive student-teacher bonds.
Sign on the dotted line: Why millennials are writing contracts for their relationships  Chicago TribuneRachel Sibley and John Meyer had been dating four months when they planned out a night to reflect on their relationship. They dimmed the lights, lit some ...
A.B. details relationship with Steelers in AMA  NFL.comAntonio Brown watch-slash-stakeout is in full effect, and the Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver continues to contribute to the offseason drama of his making.
Ten Warning Signs Your Relationship Has Ended  Psychology TodayNot every relationship will withstand the test of time. Some relationships are just stepping-stones on the path to bettering yourself as an individual or finding your ...
Money & relationships: What you should do if your husband doesn't share financial details  Economic TimesIn the second part of the new series, ET Wealth talks about a wifes rights and the steps she can take if the spouse is reluctant to dispense money or information.
A fear of regret can lock us into bad relationships, jobs and habits – here's how to break free  The Conversation - UKOur brain processes the fear of regret in the same way as actual regret, making us reluctant to make changes in life.
Dear Abby: Relationship with Mr. Right goes wrong  Santa Maria TimesDEAR ABBY: Nine months ago I met this incredible guy and we fell in love. We got along so well. He's smart, good-looking, has a great career and there didn't.
5 Zodiac Signs That Are Most Sensitive In Relationships  BustleSensitive isn't a trait that gets appreciated a lot. But there are a lot of great things about being sensitive, especially in a relationship. For instance, being sensitive ...
What Netflix's "Sex Education" gets right about sex and relationships  QuartzI think we've failed epically to prepare young people for the tender, subtle, courageous work of learning how to love someone else.”
Who are Cheryl Cole's ex's? The Greatest Dancer star's past relationships revealed...  HELLO! MagazineCheryl has had a handful of whirlwind marriages and relationships since she appeared on our TV screen back in 2002. The star is a true romantic and has ...
Horse-related accidents an integral part of human-equine relationships  The Irish TimesHorses weigh an average of 1500lb and can deliver a huge amount of force in a single kick.
Heartbroken? This museum wants a relationship memento, Arts News & Top Stories  The Straits TimesZAGREB (Croatia) • Fed up with red roses and choking on chocolates during Valentine's Day? Then get a dose of reality at Zagreb's Museum of Broken ...
'Behind Closed Doors' review: A refreshing Tamil-English web series on relationships  The News MinuteWhile mainstream Tamil cinema is becoming increasingly unoriginal in how it portrays love and romance, the web medium has allowed filmmakers to ...
The interplay between relationships, stress, and sleep  Science DailyA new study documents how the quality of a person's romantic relationship and the life stress he or she experiences at two key points in early adulthood (at age ...
10 science-backed relationship deal breakers  Times of IndiaAccording to experts, deal breakers are more important than deal makers in shaping the course of a relationship.
4 Mantras For Relationship Rough Patches That Can Lift Your Spirits  Elite DailyWhile being in love is awesome, relationships aren't just rainbows, sunshine, and heart emojis. Even the most perfect seeming relationship has it's ups and ...
Tom Jones relationships REVEALED: Shirley Bassey and Ella Fitzgerald - His female friends  ExpressTHE Voice UK returns to the screen tonight and ahead of Saturday's live final we took a look at Sir Tom Jones' legendary friends. Here are his relationships with ...
7 Disagreements That Are OK 6 Months Into A Relationship, But Not A Year In  BustleRelationships look a lot different as they progress. Despite this, you may still feel that having serious arguments only six months in could be a relationship kiss of ...
When Enough is Enough: Putting The Relationship on Probation  Psychology TodayHave you ever wondered how to deal with a partner who can't or won't commit? Or perhaps you feel that the relationship is stagnating—so much so that you ...
Bipolar disorder and relationships: Everything you need to know  Medical News TodayBipolar disorder causes alterations in mood, leading to depressive and manic or hypomanic episodes. These changes in mood can sometimes put stress on a ...
'Hard To Love' Offers Tribute To Life's Many, Varied Relationships  NPRAuthor Briallen Hopper takes us into her unusually expansive love life, complete with knotty familial relationships, deep friendships, and emotional investment in ...
Your Office Politics Playbook: Relationships Are Your Goal At Work  ForbesOffice politics is usually viewed as a bad thing, but it doesn't have to be that way. This series of articles will outline the psychology of office politics, and show you ...
Why many women settle in their romantic relationships  Toronto StarA survey by online dating app Bumble of 1003 Canadian women between 21 and 37 years old, found 23 per cent of them settle rather than continue their search ...
How to know if you're in a rebound relationship  Myjoyonline.comFinding yourself in a rebound relationship supposedly spells doom for a budding romance.
How Pisces Season Will Affect Every Zodiac Sign's Relationship And Love Life, Starting February 18th, 2019  YourTangoOn February 18th, the Sun transits into the last sign of the zodiac, Pisces. And with Pisces season beginning, we are reminded that no matter how far we've tried ...
A Fear of Regret Can Lock Us Into Bad Relationships, Jobs, and Habits  The Epoch TimesRegret and our fear of regret are powerful emotions that can keep us from making necessary changes. Understanding regret can help us break out of paralysis.
Common Relationship Deal Breakers and Red Flags  Cosmopolitan.comEveryone has some ultra-specific deal breaker that they refuse to ignore (pizza is NOT spicy, thank you very much). Take our polls to find out if you abide by the ...
Dear Abby: Relationship with Mr. Right goes wrong as values collide  Times Herald-RecordDEAR ABBY: Nine months ago I met this incredible guy and we fell in love. We got along so well. He's smart, good-looking, has a great career and there didn't ...
Teens' same-gender friendships key to later satisfaction in romantic relationships  Science DailyA new longitudinal study sought to identify the factors in adolescence that best predicted who would and would not have a satisfying romantic life in their late 20s ...
Power couples: why do some celebrities keep going back for more?  Independent.ieWhat is it that keeps us going back for more? Even celebrities aren't immune to that compulsion to return to the familiar.
Looking At Relationships On Singles Awareness Day  PembinaValleyOnline.comValentine's Day can be a difficult time for some; February 15 is Singles Awareness Day and a counsellor at Pembina Counselling Centre says it should be an ...
Whitney Port: How To Keep Love & Sex Alive After Having A Baby  Refinery29Find out how Whitney Port maintains a great romantic and sexual relationship with her husband after they had a child.
Stefanos Tsitsipas: I don’t have time for relationships... she can send a DM on Instagram  ExpressSTEFANOS TSITSIPAS, who beat Roger Federer at last month's Australian Open, says he 'doesn't have time' for a relationship - then sent a cheeky message to ...
Birth controlled? Hormonal birth control effects on relationships  WJLABirth control pills may alter the way you choose and view your mate. And not in a good way. There's some science that suggests you're not yourself when you're ...
Katrina Kaif reveals she wants to be in a relationship in 2019. Single guys, are you listening?  Times NowAfter several years of remaining single and link-ups with various actors, Katrina Kaif finally reveals she doesn't want to remain the same way in 2019.
What a long distance relationship taught me about Valentine's Day  British GQThere are two things that have taken a while to master in my love life: the long distance relationship I've been in for six years and Valentine's Day. A few years ...
I can’t get past my strained relationship with my mother  The GuardianIt's time to leave the past behind and forge a new bond, and the first step should be yours, says Mariella Frostrup.
Long-distance relationships actually make couples come closer: Study  Times of IndiaLong-distance relationships are generally termed 'challenging' and many couples feel such relationships are doomed to fail because of the lack of physical ...
'The Good Doctor' Season 2, Episode 15: Melendez and Lim Relationship  TVLine'The Good Doctor' Season 2, Episode 15 preview: Will Melendez and Lim relationship be impacted by the new chief of surgery?
After Valentine's Day: Achieving Financial Intimacy In Your Relationship  ForbesValentine's Day was a time to express love for your significant other with flowers, chocolates, nice dinners, romantic getaways, or other gifts. However, there may ...
Conversation That Will Save Your Relationship: Love Language  Psychology TodayThis article is the first in the series on conversations that will save your relationship, which provides strategies for talking about love languages. Research has ...
What constitutes an exploitative sexual relationship? Proposed law on new sex crimes sparks debate  The Straits TimesThe Criminal Law Reform Bill presented in Parliament last week, among other things, makes it an offence to have an exploitative sexual relationship with anyone ...
4 Subtle Patterns That Can Sink Long-Term Relationships  Psychology TodayThere are some obvious behaviors that can have a catastrophic impact on long-term romantic relationships (like affairs, violence, or constant criticism), but there ...
Money & Relationships: What to do if your adult children ask for money  Economic TimesMoney is known to mar even the best of relationships. The conflict over cash could invade the privacy of spouses over something as innocuous as spending ...
New Zealand-China relationship: What's at stake for trade, tourism, students?  Stuff.co.nzNew Zealand is locked in a disagreement with China, but our relationship isn't on the rocks just yet, experts say. A barrage of headlines have suggested souring ...
Celebrating healthy relationships, more inclusive, no objectification: What Hindu College Hostel’s V-Day  Times of IndiaFor years, the Virgin Tree in Hindu College has been the symbol of love and romance. Generations of students have been offering puja at the tree on Fe.
The relationships in 'Dev' are progressive: Actor Rakul Preet to TNM  The News MinuteRakul Preet, who was last seen in H Vinoth's Theeran Adhigaaram Ondru, is back in Tamil cinema after more than a year. Her upcoming romantic drama, Dev, ...
Bringing Up Baby: What Having A Child Does To Your Relationship  Vogue.co.ukThe idea that having a baby will 'bring you together' is like believing a hammer will help bring you together as a plate.
Guam's relationship with U.S. government not much different than states  Guam Pacific Daily NewsIt is interesting that the perception of some on Guam about the U.S.-to-Guam relationship is different than that of U.S. to any state. Those who believe that a weak ...
Six signs your relationship isn't working this Valentine's Day  The StandardFebruary 14 is the most romantic time of the year - but is your relationship actually working?
How to rekindle a relationship: The biggest sex mistakes for couples  TODAYWant to rekindle the spark in your long term relationship? Dr. Ruth shares how to have better sex and the biggest sex mistakes couples make.
Your smartphone is killing your relationship — and evolution is to blame  MarketWatchLove & Money is a new MarketWatch series looking at how issues surrounding money impact our relationships with significant others, friends and family.
LeBron James goes into detail about relationship with Kyrie Irving  FOX Sports AsiaIrving, on the other hand, wasn't as willing to talk about his relationship with the Lakers star. He said, “That's none of your business.” LeBron James was candid ...
A summary of my relationship with Jim Ryan  University of Virginia The Cavalier DailyI showed up at the inauguration to support my friend Jim. I was there, he was there, we were both wearing sneakers. The kids call that “hanging out.”
The perfect Valentine’s Day gift for different stages of a relationship  Times of IndiaWhat you gift your loved one on Valentine's Day depends a lot on the kind of relationship you have with him or her. A thoughtful gift can determine the fate of a ...
You Asked! Get To Know 'Dear Thelma' And Her 10 Relationship Rules  Star2.comWe asked fans of our agony aunt Dear Thelma to pose some serious questions about who she is, what she does and how she manages. Here are her ...
Angola has decriminalized same-sex relationships, rights group says  CNNAngola has decriminalized same-sex relationships, according to Human Rights Watch agency.
A Visit to the Museum of Broken Relationships  Atlas ObscuraOne of the most unusual museums in Croatia is the Museum of Broken Relationships in Zagreb. The collection traces its origins to a real-life breakup, between ...
Relationship Therapist Esther Perel on What Men Get Wrong About Sex  GQ MagazineRelationship therapist Esther Perel wrote the books Mating in Captivity and State of Affairs. Here, she talks facing rejection, how men's sexuality is just as mental ...
Everything You Need to Know About Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper's Working Relationship  HarpersBAZAAR.comThe palpable connection between Lady Gaga and Cooper is evident in everything they do together, from playing lovers in A Star Is Born to co-writing the film's ...
The Secret To Keeping Sexual Desire Alive In Your Relationship (According To The World's Top Relationship Expert)  mindbodygreen.comNovelty is necessary for couples to still be sexually attracted to each other years down the line, according to renowned relationship expert Esther Perel.
Torvill and Dean relationship history: The HEATED rows and frustrations they used to have  Express.co.ukTORVILL and Dean were ice skating champions during their career, but the pair always denied they were involved romantically, however they have revealed the ...
'We've had a love-hate relationship': Steve Coogan on bringing Alan Partridge back to the BBC  The GuardianTwenty-five years since he first appeared on screen, the immortal presenter is back where he began. His creator explains why a divided nation needs him more ...
Building Relationships and Community in Westby meeting is Feb. 26  La Crosse TribuneBuilding Relationships and Community in Westby will host guest speaker Jeff Thompson at the Westby Area Performing Arts Center, 206 West Ave. S., Westby ...
Comment | NZ's China relationship matters even more: Todd McClay  New Zealand HeraldCOMMENT: By Todd McClay. The Government appears to be glossing over a deterioration of our relationship with our largest trading partner, China. The cause ...
Costa Rica And Colombia Consolidate Their Strong Commercial Relationship  The Costa Rica NewsCosta Rica is a fundamental and natural step in the consolidation of commercial relations between Colombia and all the Central American region, in the process ...
Chinese foreign ministry addresses NZ-China relationship  Radio New ZealandThe Chinese foreign ministry says China is ready to work with New Zealand on new progress for bilateral relations.
Deputies: 37-year-old charged with rape, started online relationship with teenage girl  WSYRA Williamson man was arrested and charged with rape Saturday after deputies say he cultivated an inappropriate online relationship with a 14-year-old girl.
'It's 10 years of relationships boiled down': Lady Gaga's collaborator on Shallow  The GuardianHow Anthony Rossomando went from the Libertines to co-writing the Oscar-nominated track.

When A Relationship Goes Bad

What do you do when a long term relationship goes... Read More

Improve Your Relationship by Taking Care of Yourself First

It's important for you to take care of yourself before... Read More

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or... Read More

What?s Special About Abused Women?

Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By... Read More

Relationship Advice - 5 Sure Fire Ways to Mess Things Up

1) Stay committed to your "right to be right."Argue for... Read More

The Real Way for Men to WOW the Woman They Love

Guys, I know the struggle, you want to give her... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: Dont Be a Darren Stevens

Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I... Read More

Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 1

IntroductionMany gay men in both short and long-term relationships report... Read More

Relationship Advice: How to Make a Genuine Apology

A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More

Five Easy Steps to Creating Your Dream Relationship

Millions of singles across the world are looking to create... Read More

The Freedom to Fall

So you want a soulmate do you? Okay not necessarily... Read More

Calming the Storm In Your Relationship

IntroductionConflict in relationships is inevitable. Put two men together with... Read More

Dont Avoid Conflict and Confrontation with Your Spouse

"I just let him handle things his way." "We're not... Read More

Relationships Technology

The notion that there can be a technology of relationships... Read More

Being Dumped, Just Plain Sucks!

Today I received a question from a guy. Here is... Read More

Relationship Advice: Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

"But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous... Read More

Is Your Husband or Wife Cheating? Five Great Reasons to Hire a Private Investigator!

Discovering an affair in your relationship is indispensable, but that's... Read More

Diamond Promise Rings ? For When You Mean It

Diamond promise rings are quite common, but many are not... Read More

Russian Brides - Who Are They?

In recent years, thousands of young Russian and Ukrainian women... Read More

Universal Laws for Couples

The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or... Read More

The Informal Normal In a Black-Tie-Affair World

Have you noticed the trend?You ever notice how on programs... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the One Who Strayed

To the spouse who had the affair, it's time for... Read More

Easy Ways to Turn Any Evening Romantic

If you don't have the time, money or energy to... Read More

How to Tell If Your Boyfriend or Husband Is Cheating On You

The word infidelity brings with it fear to every woman... Read More

Relationship Conflict: Lock Horns or Lock Arms

One of my favorite comic strips growing up was "The... Read More