Are Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-Mart?

It is surprising how many writers, psychologists, or scientists have made it their life's work focusing on the gender differences. In our male-dominated society it is no coincidence that men have undertaken the bulk of this work. They made an effort to help men and women get along, but deep down the sexes are much more alike than the world cares to admit.

Today, most believe that men and women are significantly different in every respect. The focus on these differences has divided men and women, instead of bringing them closer together. More importantly, it discourages both sexes to grow and unify on a human level.

Still viewed as the inferior sex, women feel compelled to assume utopian attributes such as nurturing to the extreme and giving to the point of running empty. Women are expected to live up to the expectations of their families, employers and society. To add to their burden, they ought to stay slim, sexy, attractive, loving, caring and emotionally balanced. In their attempts to meet these expectations, many women lose their identities, values, self-worth and even their minds.

In contrast, the "superior" male sex has been praised for its Wal-Mart attributes of being realistic, practical, efficient and logical. Consequently, men still run the country, hold most of the assets and control the majority of public and economic affairs. Yet, men experience their own stress in a competitive world that expects them to be the pillar of their families. Many men are still programmed to be the sole economic provider in their families and suffer their own anxieties. Feeling the pressure of maintaining an affluent lifestyle or even just making ends meet, many become workaholics, grow bellies, lose their hair and become candidates for heart attacks. Both men and women alike experience stress trying to be super-humans in a society in which they feel they never quite "cut it."

Preoccupation with the differences often prevents men and women from asking each other for help. Consequently, both suffer silently through their own pain blaming each other for their differences and lack of understanding: "Men are never this" and "Women are always that." As a result of the generalization of their differences, men "shut down" and women turn to friends, therapy or medication. The outcomes are unfulfilling, frustrating relationships that increase stress or even lead to divorce. Consequently, we wonder whether men failed women, or vice versa.

So much effort and money has been spent (and made) on exaggerating emotional, intellectual and communicative differences between the sexes that we indeed believe ourselves to be from different planets. We must look beyond the differences and realize that women cannot live without Wal-Mart, nor can men live without utopia. Women need Wal-Mart for the practical, logical and task-oriented aspects of their lives and, in fact, may be shopping at Wal-Mart more often than men. On the other hand, men need utopia to experience all the beauty and humanity of life, and are visiting utopia more frequently than they admit. We are all from the same planet. It is about time we bridged the gap between the sexes and realized that we are human beings with many of the same needs, desires, dreams and hopes.

Whatever the case may have been in hunting-and-gathering societies of the past, today we are all hunting for the same things. Men and women alike are hunting for love, happiness, validation and prosperity, and are gathering whatever they feel is necessary to achieve this. Now, more than at any other time, men and women need each other in the pursuit of these common goals.

Do we really think that investing in gender stereotyping encourages successful relationships? Today, both sexes seek to be loved and accepted, instead of being labeled. Do we really think that lovers connect, because they have figured out their gender differences? Love flourishes when both move beyond gender differences and rejoice in their commonalities. True love is based on mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity all of which promote the human potential of both sexes and allow for interaction without judgment.

Men and women are indeed living as if they are from different planets and often do not connect intimately as human beings. Gender differences have been analyzed to death, and we may never be able to understand a man or woman. However, we will always be able to understand and respect a human being once we realize that we are all human beings first and men or women second. Inside each of us, men and women alike, lies a vulnerable soul, the desire to love and be loved, the need to be validated, respected and to feel important. Regardless of gender, deep down we all have a fragile ego that often feels inferior. Recognizing that both sexes have many of the same vulnerabilities and strengths is the key to men and women relating to one another on a human level.

We need to free each other from the gender roles that society has cast upon us and start focusing on the ties that bind us. The commonalities between men and women are so much greater than their differences. As we change our attitudes towards each other, we will be able to relate to one another on common ground. Lasting love is only possible when we appreciate that our focus on gender differences has been of great disservice. For any relationship to become a stable and lasting anchor in our lives, we must learn to give up our pride and unrealistic expectations of each other. If we are to find true love in this misunderstood world of males and females, we must stop trying to figure out the opposite gender and focus on the human being inside.

© 2005 Allie Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and the Author of "Are You Fit To Love?" ISBN 0-9720227-9-1. Her articles are published in numerous magazines and newsletters. She has appeared on radio and TV. To order her book or to take the Fit 2 Love! Test visit her website at http://www.fit2love.com. For FREE relationship/dating advice e-mail: [email protected]

In The News:


Forbes

Reflective Listening: The Simple Strategy For Building Relationships
Forbes
Both my cofounder and I come from large and rambunctious families. This has all kinds of implications, but if you ever spent a night at dinner with our families you might think they are fighting as they talk over one another, with no regard for whether ...


Telegraph.co.uk

Mothers and daughters on: the truth about relationships and marriage
Telegraph.co.uk
In the video above, a variety of mother-daughter duos discuss their attitudes towards relationships and marriage, sharing some of their experiences and revealing how attitudes may have shifted from generation to generation. Some of the topics touched ...

and more »

WATE 6 On Your Side

East Tennessee parents, counselors discuss staff-student relationships
WATE 6 On Your Side
KNOXVILLE (WATE) -The ongoing Amber Alert for a Middle Tennessee 15-year-old raises questions for parents about protecting your kids. A focus of the investigation is what was going on between Elizabeth Thomas and Tad Cummins, her teacher until a few ...

and more »

NBCSports.com

Jim Mora misses the relationships with other his fellow coaches
NBCSports.com
He said he misses the relationships with his peers. While NFL coaches fiercely compete, the competition ends, for the most part, on the field. Sure, there's often some competition when it comes to free agents. But not nearly the kind of neverending ...

and more »

Wall Street Journal (subscription)

McDonald's Taps Bob Rupczynksi as Head of Media and Customer Relationships
Wall Street Journal (subscription)
McDonald's Corp. has hired data-driven food marketer Bob Rupczynski as global vice president of media and customer relationship management to help the fast-food giant bolster its digital marketing efforts around the globe. Mr. Rupczynski was most ...


DNAinfo

Pratt Institute Warns Students of FBI Effort to Build 'Relationships'
DNAinfo
CLINTON HILL — The FBI has been contacting art students at the Pratt Institute to "build better relationships with the community," according to an email the head of the college's security sent faculty and students. William J. Schmitz, the director of ...


CBC.ca

Bertrand Charest admits to sexual relationships with skiers: lawyer
CBC.ca
Bertrand Charest doesn't deny having had sex with some of his teenage ski students but disagrees with his portrayal by the Crown and his alleged victims, one of his lawyers said Wednesday. "There were sexual relationships between Mr. Charest and ...

and more »

Air Force Link

Mentorship program refines medical techniques, fosters Misawa community relationships
Air Force Link
Airmen study an appendix at Misawa Air Base, Japan, March, 13, 2017. A surgeon in the Small Hospital Clinic Skills Enhancement program worked as a mentor to demonstrate removal of the appendix and advise how to make the process better. (U.S. Air ...


Why relationships are key to good social work
The Guardian
Relational capability is the ability to have positive social interactions and relationships where all parties benefit. For social workers, it means thinking about how their own beliefs and behaviours combine with professional rules and regulations to ...


Redbookmag.com (blog)

The idea of monogamy as a relationship ideal is based on flawed science
Quartz
Monogamy is so much a part of the emotional makeup of Western culture that even people who study relationships fail to notice their biases towards it, according to research due to be published this week. And that means the very way we study intimacy ...
15 People Reveal What It's *Really* Like to Be In An Open MarriageRedbookmag.com (blog)

all 3 news articles »
Google News

Getting an Exciting Life After a Break Up

Breaking up.The End. The journey is over. You feel rejected.... Read More

Relationship Conflict: Lock Horns or Lock Arms

One of my favorite comic strips growing up was "The... Read More

The Egoistic Friend

What are friends for and how can a friendship be... Read More

Great Relationships: 3 Really Dumb Mistakes and 3 Smarter Moves to Make

1) Think short term.Many people enter marriage with the same... Read More

Friends and Friendship - Who are Friends, What is Friendship

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is... Read More

Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The... Read More

Catch A Cheating Husband the Easy Affordable Way

Many women mistakenly believe they need to hire a private... Read More

Romantic Gifts ? 10 Sizzling Ways to Give Them

When it comes to giving a romantic gift, it's not... Read More

Taking the True Relationship Test

If you have ever read teen magazines you will be... Read More

How Love Dies: Spot the Symptoms Now, and Get Your Love Back on Track

Are you starting to feel that your man has changed... Read More

Boston Lawyers, DC Lawyers and Individual Rights

Looks like everyone wants to sue someone right? Well, I... Read More

How Can I Get My Partner To Change?

How much energy do you spend trying to get what... Read More

How to Survive an Affair - Take Care!

Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners... Read More

Engaged, In Love, and In Limbo

Well, here I am very much in love and starting... Read More

Prince Charles and Camilla - The Greatest Love Story Of Our Time

Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles have loved each other... Read More

9 Reasons You May Not be Getting the Love you Deserve

Are you getting the love you deserve? Are you being... Read More

Relationship Advice: 2 Beliefs for a Successful Relationship

Mark Twain once saidGod's great cosmic joke on the human... Read More

Little Help Finding Love Online

Visit the dating sites.If finding love online is what you're... Read More

Seduction Secrets For Men Part 3 - A Wonderful Idea To Spice Up Your Existing Relationships

There is a cool little game for spicing up your... Read More

Is There Romance In The Zodiac?

Many people know that the zodiac is a circle in... Read More

3 Stone Diamond Rings ? Three Times As Nice!

It is said that the stones in 3 stone diamond... Read More

Calming the Storm In Your Relationship

IntroductionConflict in relationships is inevitable. Put two men together with... Read More

Sound Seduction Advice for Dating and Romance Success

BackgroundSeduction is a subtle tool used with the ultimate goal... Read More

How to Spot a Cheater

Is your man the cheating type? Here are some clues... Read More

Two Kinds of Love

Love is something we all need, and want. For love,... Read More