Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Relationship Tips 101 > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Relationship Tips 101

In this article I'd like to share what the research shows as being very helpful for keeping relationships strong and connected. Since 1973 Dr. John Gottman has been studying what he calls the "masters and disasters" of relationships. From these studies he has been able to predict with 90% accuracy which relationships will last, and which will fail. Dr. Gottman (1999; 2005) suggests the following tips to keep your relationship strong:

? Seek help early. The average couple waits six years before seeking help for relationship problems (and keep in mind, half of all relationships that end do so in the first seven years).

? Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying every angry thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.

? Soften your "start up." Arguments first "start up" because a partner sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone.

? Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, "Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready," and her husband replies, "My plans are set, and I'm not changing them," this is a guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband's ability to be persuaded by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is so crucial because, research shows, women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband is able to do so as well.

? Have high standards. Happy couples have high standards for each other. The most successful couples are those who refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.

? Learn to repair and exit the argument. Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark ("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (in marriage you have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for.?"). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

? Focus on the bright side. In a happy relationship, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship ("We laugh a lot") as opposed to negative ones ("We never have fun"). A good relationship must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your "emotional bank account".

If you are in a relationship where there is a climate of negativity and/or you are not feeling as close to your partner as you'd like, don't avoid the signs. Seek help early if you need to, and start to build up the positivity that may currently be missing. The key seems to be having a healthy "emotional bank account", and following these seven tips can give you a head start.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. Gottman's research, please visit his website at: http://www.gottman.com

References:

Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. NY: Three Rivers Press.

http://www.gottman.com (2005)

Dr. Tanja Haley is a psychologist in private practice in Calgary, Alberta. She specializes in working with couples, and with adults dealing with stress, depression, and trauma issues. Along with a full-time private practice, Tanja also teaches for the Campus Alberta program in counselling and is an Oral Examiner for the College of Alberta Psychologists. You can contact Tanja at dr.tanja@shaw.ca, or visit her website: http://www.drtanja.com

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Bustle

7 Ultimatums That Are Actually Healthy In Relationships, According to Experts
Bustle
Ultimatums get a bad rap more often than not, especially in the context of relationships. They're considered unfair, unhealthy, and unjust. However, that's not always the case. In fact, sometimes, ultimatums, in some cases, can lead to healthy ...


Forbes

The Retirement Planning Challenges In Age-Gap Relationships
Forbes
Historically, age gap or “May-December” relationships are ones with at least an 11-year age gap between the spouses. From Emmanuel and Brigitte Macron to Alec and Hilaria Baldwin, marriages with significant age gaps are much more common than most ...


Our perceived birth status can affect our adult relationships
Science Daily
Alternatively, they can be securely attached -- when they feel comfortable or at ease in close relationships and are not worried about trust, dependence or getting too close or not close enough to others," Gillath said. "Attachment style plays a role ...

and more »

Charleston Post Courier

Political relationships do matter
Charleston Post Courier
Gov. Henry McMaster's close relationship with our president is well-documented. But what I wish we heard more about is how effectively the governor is working with the Trump administration in advocating for South Carolina. The recent decision by ...

and more »

StyleCaster

Celebrity Couples Who Have Talked About Being in Interracial Relationships
StyleCaster
The interracial-relationship experience is an interesting one. No matter how alike you think you are with your partner, cultural and societal differences still emerge and test your relationship in ways you can't imagine. But in the end, these ...


GoodHousekeeping.com

Inside Queen Elizabeth's Complicated Relationships With Her Children
GoodHousekeeping.com
As Charles got older, his relationship with his mother got even more complicated, especially after marrying Princess Diana in 1981. When Queen Elizabeth got wind of Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles's affair while he was still married, Her Majesty got ...

and more »

The Independent

The reasons people cheat in relationships, according to science
The Independent
To understand the factors that lead individuals to cheat, researchers surveyed 123 heterosexual people aged 17 to 25, all of whom were in relationships. Apart from issues stemming from relationship satisfaction and compatibility, the study also found ...


Forbes

Want Better Relationships With Your Clients? Swap Stories Instead Of Stats
Forbes
In fact, looking back, many of my closest client relationships have been strengthened because the program or campaign didn't go according to plan. Yes, signing a new client is great. But keeping one who knows you, trusts you and likes you through thick ...


Futurity: Research News

Knowing you were an 'accident' can affect your relationships
Futurity: Research News
People who believe they resulted from unwanted or unplanned pregnancies tend to have more insecure relationship styles as adults, research shows. “You could have learned about your birth status from your parents or sibling, you could have heard it from ...

and more »

South China Morning Post

How to stop your relationship turning toxic, how to find out if it is toxic already and what to do next
South China Morning Post
A toxic relationship is the worst kind of human contamination; it affects a person inside and out. I speak from experience. A healthy relationship, on the other hand, makes us a better person, boosts our self-esteem, confidence, and happiness, and has ...

Google News

All About Soul Mates

1. How do I know when I've met my Soul... Read More

Religious Dating - Traditions and Values

Dating someone with the same religious beliefs as you, can... Read More

How to Handle a Cheating Partner

Most people do not understand the nature of cheating within... Read More

Lists, Lists, and More Lists

Every person that thinks something is amiss in their relationship... Read More

Relationship Advice: 5 Tips to Make a Strong Marriage Even Better

1. Time together is time during which the complete focus... Read More

Should You Forgive Infidelity?

If you're asking yourself that question, then somewhere within you... Read More

Slaying The Green Eyed Monster

He hasn't called in hours. You call and get the... Read More

Attraction vs. Love

When we first meet someone, regardless of the way or... Read More

Relationship Problems Have Warning Signs

Families are made up of individuals; men, women, and children.... Read More

How To Slay The Toxic Dragon In Your Life

How To "Slay The Dragon" In Your Life In Five... Read More

Setting Boundaries: Business Clients and Boyfriends

Setting boundaries is necessary in any human relationship.Whether you're dealing... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 1

Subtitle ? A Troll? What the **** is that and... Read More

Are You Fit To Love?

is the most important question you'll ever ask yourself. Let's... Read More

How Can I Get My Partner To Change?

How much energy do you spend trying to get what... Read More

Are You Looking for Ms. Right or Mr. Not so Wrong?

Do you want to find the "love of your life?"It's... Read More

True Love - Part 2

Okay, so why would one person feel strongly about the... Read More

Relationship Advice - How to Improve Intimacy

A relationship requires intimacy. I don't think anyone would argue... Read More

The Counsel of Caution

Caution is a word with a fine old-fashioned ring. The... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 3

Liar, Liar! Pants On Fire!Today, you'll learn about 2 yellow-flag... Read More

Making Passion More Passionate

Somewhere between the first kiss and growing old together, many... Read More

Passions Search for Destiny

She was haunted by a man whom she had never... Read More

Rhubarb Romance: A Little Honey Works Wonders

Spring is in the air. It is a time of... Read More

How to Use Humor to Improve Your Relationships

Humor has long been considered one of the most effective... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up

The question I am asked most often is: I think... Read More

Being Dumped, Just Plain Sucks!

Today I received a question from a guy. Here is... Read More