Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
When Your Relationships Turn Abusive - What You Can Do > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

When Your Relationships Turn Abusive - What You Can Do

Sometimes the people who are the closest to us, our friends and our mates, the ones who should be liking us the best, are the ones who hurt us the most.

No matter how lonely you are, you don't have to put up with rude or abusive behavior from other people.

You can set strict limits on the behavior you will tolerate, and search for supportive relationships in which you feel comfortable and respected. A friend or a partner who is supportive of you will respect your body, your emotions, beliefs, fears, ideas, ambitions, dreams and hopes.

If someone keeps making offensive remarks to you that hurt your feelings, tell them calmly that these remarks are not funny and that you feel hurt. Tell them you do not want them to make such remarks to you again.

A person who belittles you and then says they were just joking, or someone who blames you for being "too sensitive" when they have just hurt you, is not respecting you. That person may be trying to hurt you, while hiding behind the pretense that it was only a joke.

There are some other warning signs you should watch out for. If you are in a relationship with someone who is showing signs of extreme jealousy, rudeness, lying, criticism, violence, trying to isolate you from your family and friends, or trying to control your life, it is extremely unlikely that these traits will go away on their own. In fact, it is quite likely that they will become worse.

Do you feel it would be safe for you to bring forth your grievances so that the two of you can work out a conclusion that satisfies both of you? If you don't feel that you can work out your problems, the relationship will probably eventually fail, and you may go through a lot of suffering before you finally decide to cut your losses.

If you always avoid expressing your needs and feelings whenever you have been hurt in a relationship, ask yourself why.

Is it because you generally have a lot of difficulty standing up for yourself? Are you are afraid of what the other person's reaction will be? If you are afraid of the other person's reaction, has this become an abusive relationship?

Is this a relationship where you are always "walking on eggshells" trying to avoid an angry explosion from your partner? Do you stay in this relationship only because you cannot stand the idea of being alone?

If you really want someone to understand how their behavior has affected you, and if you want them to change their behavior in the future, you will have a better chance of success if you express yourself clearly, calmly, and directly, without making blanket accusations and generalizations.

When you are communicating to your friend or partner, wait until you have both calmed down emotionally. State clearly the specific behaviors you don't like, and avoid making accusations that start with the word "you", such as "You make me so mad", or "You don't care about me".

Instead, keep your statements focused on yourself and your own reactions, such as, "I felt hurt when you said ... ".

Keep your comments focused on specific behaviors that upset you, such as "Yesterday when we were at your mother's, you said that ..."

Don't use generalized universal statements such as, "You always ..." or, "You never ..."

When you express how you feel hurt or angered by a specific behavior, the other person may try to tell you that you have no right to feel that way.

You might be told, "You have no right to be sad", or, "You have no right to be jealous", or, "You have no right to be angry."

You may be told that you are wrong to have the feelings you do.

If the other person tells you that you have no right to your feelings, it may be because they do not really understand how emotions work. Or perhaps they want to divert attention from their own bad behavior by blaming you instead.

Realize that your emotions belong to you. They are real and they are yours. You have a right to respect your own feelings, values and dignity, and to ask that others do the same.

If the problems in your relationship are very serious, you may benefit from getting some outside counseling. Or you may need to get out altogether.

Royane Real is the author of several self help books available at her website. Sign up for the free newsletter filled with life improving tips at http://www.royanereal.com

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Forbes

Being Mindful In Your Relationships
Forbes
My last article explored practical techniques to enhance communication between yourself and others. In this article, I want to build upon these skills by bringing mindfulness into relationships, whether at work, with friends, acquaintances or family ...


Lynchburg News and Advance

Building organic, healthy relationships in all neighborhoods, nonprofit connects people
Lynchburg News and Advance
Families create the heartbeat of a community and one local nonprofit is slowly and steadily hoping to strengthen both. Previously known as Lighthouse Kids Ministry, The Community Restoration Initiative changed its name in 2016 to better reflect its ...


The Daily Progress

Sheriff's office youth academy: building trust, relationships
The Daily Progress
During its weeklong youth academy, the Orange County Sheriff's Office teaches local teens about Virginia law and issues law enforcement officers deal with on a daily basis while also providing a fun and interactive day camp environment. Last week, 18 ...

and more »

GOV.UK

New relationships and health education in schools
GOV.UK
All schools will teach children about good physical and mental health, how to stay safe on and offline, and the importance of healthy relationships under bold new plans published today by Education Secretary Damian Hinds. Under the proposals, all ...
Schools to teach about same-sex relationships and gender identity under new sex and relationships education planPinkNews
Primary school pupils will learn about gay relationships, mental health and exercise under new government guidelinesDaily Mail
Campaigners criticise delay in updating sex education curriculumThe Guardian
Devdiscourse -The Times
all 20 news articles »

Lesson from an anthill: pay attention to foundational relationships
Baptist News Global
I thought about three kinds of relationships that provide a solid foundation for my life, and that I should never take for granted. Even if these relationships seem to be in good shape right now, I should not assume they cannot get better. I need to ...


Psychology Today (blog)

5 Pieces of Bad Relationship Advice Exposed
Psychology Today (blog)
In this post, I'll tackle bad relationship advice. There is no shortage of books, magazine articles, blogs, and talk shows telling people how to have better relationships. But there are certain common bits of advice that research suggests are not true ...


E! Online

Why Priyanka Chopra Is Changing Her Policy on Public Relationships
E! Online
The evidence is there. Should someone choose to Google Priyanka Chopra's history, it will turn up a list of (mostly actors) she has purportedly dated over the years. And the actress herself has copped to being in a relationship at some point, telling ...

and more »

YourTango

If You Do These 12 Things In A Relationship, You're Probably Depressed
YourTango
When it comes to relationships, depression can cause chaos, lead to breakups, and make people feel unworthy of love. According to Uzma Rehman, a psychologist from the University of Waterloo, people with a major depressive disorder feel less satisfied ...


Entrepreneur

How to Succeed as an Entrepreneur Without Sabotaging Your Personal Relationships
Entrepreneur
Businesses require as much time and effort as personal relationships, but most entrepreneurs focus more on their business rather than their personal lives. However, our entrepreneurial networks require the support of our personal networks to thrive ...


Omaha World-Herald

Ask Amy: I talked to my daughter about puberty, sex and relationships. Now her teacher is mad
Omaha World-Herald
Dear Amy: I am a physician and a widower. Most importantly, I'm the father of a brilliant and deeply inquisitive 12-year-old girl. I have raised my daughter (by myself) since she was 6 months old. We are very close. I noticed signs that she would soon ...

Google News

Affairs: Advice for the One Who Strayed

To the spouse who had the affair, it's time for... Read More

Second Fiddle

I have been seeing a married man for the past... Read More

Love Advice: Let Fate Decide?

One of the most commonly asked questions, What is Love?... Read More

Is The Internet A Miracle Cure For Loneliness?

A few years ago a surprising survey discovered that people... Read More

What Does Relational Success Look Like? (Characteristics Of A Growing Relationship)

RELATIONAL SUCCESS...Loving in the good times -- and the not-so-good... Read More

Here Come the Questions

Why is it that even though I am not positive... Read More

Valentines Day Gifts Can Expose a Cheating Husband

If you have the uneasy feeling that your husband is... Read More

How realistic are we?

So often when we think of our ideal mate we... Read More

Find Love The Zen Way

"If he comes we welcome, If he goes we do... Read More

Being Romantic for a Change

Honestly, I do not know anyone who is romantic nowadays... Read More

How to Improve Relationships with Feng Shui Remedies

In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned... Read More

Zen And Romance

The art of romance and the art of Zen are... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 2 The Not-the-Same Syndrome

How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic... Read More

Dont Avoid Conflict and Confrontation with Your Spouse

"I just let him handle things his way." "We're not... Read More

Attention Guys: Impress Your Girls - Send Flowers!

Remember that big hug she gave you when you got... Read More

Assuming Personal Responsibility in Relationships

Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says... Read More

Relationship Red Flags Do Appear Early On

So often in the bloom of a new romance we... Read More

Rekindling An Old Flame

Dr. Nancy Kalish, a psychology professor at California State University,... Read More

Building the Bond in Your Relationship

A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a... Read More

The First Ninety Days

A friend of mine recently commented on the amazing number... Read More

Apologizing When We Hurt Our Friends or Partners

In every relationship there will be occasional misunderstandings and hurt... Read More

How to Get Over a Breakup

This is one of the most difficult parts of a... Read More

Two Easy Steps To Finding Joy In All Your Relationships

Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy.... Read More

Love Problems

Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed... Read More

The Fine Art of Flirting

Did you know that it is not necessarily your looks... Read More