Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
When Groucho Marx Got It Right > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

When Groucho Marx Got It Right

Groucho Marx was, I believe, a comic genius; a linguistic virtuoso, offbeat, wacky and insanely funny. He was also rude, abrasive and these days he'd qualify as verbally abusive. In film after film Margaret Dumont was on the receiving end of his scathing humour. She would fall for his iconoclastic charm and we the audience would fall about laughing at the sheer improbability of plot and seduction.

Groucho remains a legend, not least for his inimitable one-liners, including the oft quoted: "I don't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member." His bon mot came unbidden to my mind recently when I read an email from someone whose relationship pattern, with partners and friends, is one in which she is sought out and enters into a close, often exclusive, relationship. Yet, before too long, the other person in the relationship always turns on her.

"I kept thinking about it", she writes "and I know that there must be something essentially rotten within me to have me resonating with people like this in the first place. I wish I could extract whatever it is so that I would cease going through these emotionally painful experiences when these characters turn on me so viciously."

Somehow, she feels, the other person's bad behaviour must be her responsibility ? which is, of course, a nonsense. But this is as near as she could get to articulating the idea that something about her attracts abusive people. A brief friendly chat soon leads to them "hanging around her and wanting to spend loads of time with her". (Her words.)

In fact what attracts these people is their sure sense of how easily her boundaries can be violated. A delightful, gentle person, she exudes vulnerability through every pore. That's the attraction she holds for them.

But what of the attraction they hold for her? Nobody gets to be as vulnerable and susceptible as she is, irrespective of her considerable intellectual acumen, without undergoing emotional trauma in childhood and beyond.

And this is where the hook is. She, like so many people, was fed messages about how worthless and stupid she was. When someone comes along and singles her out for special regard and special closeness, how could she refuse? For her, the attraction lies in the attraction that these people so obviously feel for her.

Naturally, there is a price to pay: the intimacy of the relationship is of the 'Us and Them' variety, and requires her too to buy into criticism of everyone who falls into the 'Them' category.

It starts small with the odd jokey remark, then becomes increasingly judgmental, and potentially compromising. Ultimately, when she refuses to join in condemning people she has no quarrel with, the relationship founders and she becomes the target.

And this is where Groucho got it right: the people who are falling over themselves backwards to involve you in their club, who work too fast and are too keen, are probably the sole members of a club you really wouldn't want to be a part of.

Certainly Groucho's words suggest an uneasy relationship with himself (to say the least); but it is especially when people have an uneasy relationship with themselves that they need to exercise all care in deciding which clubs they would be well advised to join. When it's the 'Us and Them' club, take Groucho as your role model and just tell them straight: "Go, and never darken my towels again." That should do it.

(C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women build strong boundaries so that they can attact the relationships they truly desire. To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at


Business And People: Why Relationships Are Essential For A Successful Business
As one of my mentors has always expressed to me, behind every business there are people, and people function in society via relationships. Therefore, successful business is built on good relationships. I am a firm believer in this philosophy, as it has ...


Lies Women Tell Themselves When They're 'Stuck' In Relationships With Controlling, Manipulative Men
Never underestimate the power of denial. People like to say that love is blind, and no saying could be more accurate when it comes to women in emotionally abusive, toxic relationships and marriages with men who have narcissistic personality traits.

U.S. News & World Report

How Couples Handle Money at Every Stage in Their Relationships
U.S. News & World Report
Having regular money conversations is good for your relationship and your finances, says Beth Sweeney, managing director and wealth manager at Steward Partners. "On a monthly basis, do a check-in and make sure everybody's on the same page," she ...

Elite Daily

5 Ways To Make Your "Almost" Relationship Official, So That Your ...
Elite Daily
Is there anything more annoying than being with someone who you really, really like, but not having had that "define the relationship" talk just yet? OK, obviously ...

and more »

The Takeout

Cheat Day Land museum here to perpetrate unhealthy relationships ...
The Takeout
We thought the Museum Of Ice Cream was suspect, as it was based on a notoriously non-permanent substance. But this new pop-up museum is even worse: A ...

and more »


Why Your Relationships Don't Work Out, Based On Your Attachment Style
Apart from various ego trips (these are not unique and do not deserve to be digested — combating insecurity with arrogance is wildly unremarkable), a natural tendency would show up for me with relationships that I truly wanted to work. When I was ...


The 4 Zodiac Signs Who Are Least Likely To Change For Relationships
Whether you openly admit it or not, many of us go into a new relationship with a set of expectations. But one thing you can't ever really expect to have is a partner who will willingly change for the relationship. If you happen to be dating a fixed ...

Schools Week

Relationships, sex and health education consultation opens
Schools Week
Schools have finally been told what they will have to teach in new relationships and sex education lessons, months after guidance was supposed to be published. The publication this week of draft guidance on the new RSE curriculum, which is to include ...
Sarah Champion: My recommendations for sex and relationships educationLabourList
New sex education guidance includes LGBTQ issues and relationshipsGay Times Magazine

all 6 news articles »

Mini Meltdowns rebuild old relationships in “Number On Me” video
Milwaukee Record
Filmed at a variety of romantic and recognizable locations throughout Milwaukee, director Nick Sommer documents a budding relationship that quickly goes awry. After the leading man (played by Sommer) loses his wife (Angie Campbell), he takes some ...

The Daily Progress

Sheriff's office youth academy: building trust, relationships
The Daily Progress
During its weeklong youth academy, the Orange County Sheriff's Office teaches local teens about Virginia law and issues law enforcement officers deal with on a daily basis while also providing a fun and interactive day camp environment. Last week, 18 ...

and more »
Google News

To Apologize or Not to Apologize...That is the Question

We don't like to say it and we don't always... Read More

Relationship Advice: How to Make a Genuine Apology

A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More

Romantic Gift Guide

It is a commonly held belief, mainly amongst men, that... Read More

Can Men And Women Be Friends? Or When Harry Met Sally Did He Really Just Want to Jump Her Bones?

Men and women can't really be just friends, can they?... Read More

Looking for a Lasting, Deeply Satisfying Relationship?

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in... Read More

Reading Each Others Mind

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard... Read More

Five Tips for Breaking Free of The Drama Habit and Developing a Healthier Arguing Style

We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling... Read More

The Unfairly Judged Professor

An All Too Familiar TaleShe takes her teaching responsibilities seriously;... Read More

Link Romantic Feelings To The Sight Of Your Face

Anchoring is an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) term used to describe... Read More

7 Steps To Creating A Healthy Relationship

Everything in life, in order to be a success, requires... Read More

Cheating Spouse: 7 Legitimate Motives for Spying

Should you spy on your cheating husband or wife? You... Read More

How To Write a Romantic Love Letter

Does the thought of writing a love letter or poem... Read More

Relationship Advice: Powerful Tips for Staying Close and Connected

Staying close in your relationship does not just happen.Staying close... Read More

20 Tips to Keep Love Alive

Have you ever been at a loss to think of... Read More

Find Love The Zen Way

"If he comes we welcome, If he goes we do... Read More

Dangerous Relationship?

I will in this article cover some of my own... Read More

To Love Forever

Emotionally healthy men and women almost always share their lives... Read More

What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Cold

Everything was great.We had been dating for 6 months. We... Read More

Catch A Cheating Husband the Easy Affordable Way

Many women mistakenly believe they need to hire a private... Read More

Pay Attention! Mastering Communication Skills with Women

One of the biggest complaints women have about men is... Read More

Reaching the Ultimate Level in Human Relationships

I want to tell you a little story. Not about... Read More

Dumped? Get Set for a New Life

Welcome to Dumpsville. Population - you!You've been dumped for a... Read More

Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You?

How far can you afford to bend your values to... Read More

Why He May Be Cheating On You

Why He May Be Cheating On YouThere could be all... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 3 - The Jealousy Syndrome

Jealousy, unfortunately it seems to pop up sometime in even... Read More