Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners tend to know which strings to pull to antagonise the situation especially if there are children involved. This can often make you feel bitter and resentful and although you are the one that has been betrayed, you are also the one that will be continually hurt, this may seem unfair but as the old saying goes that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Whilst your partner may be seen to be having a good time it is terribly heartbreaking to see them with another person and can be so stressful especially as you are the one that is on your own. Your whole life seems to have been turned upside down and it is twice as difficult to meet and mix with friends that were both of yours. You will also hear gossip from acquaintances and this too can be very soul destroying especially if they are now doing things and going places that you have always wanted to do and go to. Yes you have to be built of rock to survive an affair as you will see and hear many stories, some of which may be very much fabricated and may have been blown up all out of proportion to make you feel unwanted and jealous.
If your partner leaves you to have an affair and moves in with someone else this can also be very degrading and make you feel very neglected. However you need to keep your cool at all times and do not let this affair get the better of you. As although the situation may seem to be all roses, it is early days and time will tell if things are going to work out or not. Unfortunately some people think that to survive an affair means playing the same game as their partner and this can have a detrimental effect and can be very dangerous indeed as even more people can become hurt and get dragged into unhealthy situations. It is no good fighting fire with fire and will only lead to an eruption of emotions for everyone involved.
After many weeks or even months usually the partner that has had an affair seems to see the light at the end of the tunnel as the grass does not seem to be greener on the other side of the field. This is when you need to be at your strongest as once your partner has admitted that they were wrong to have had an affair and regrets doing so you then have to reconsider the situation and try to decide if you are going to forgive your partner or not. There are many things to think about. Do you want your partner back? Can you trust your partner again? Will your partner stray again? Will you feel the same emotions towards your partner as you did in the past? Once you have been through surviving an affair you may not be able to forgive your partner as they may have hurt you so much that you could not bear possibly being in the same situation again. On the other hand, you may be willing to give your relationship another try and accept your partner back. Whatever you decide to do will obviously have to be in both your best interests. You will need to discuss the past and present and come to a final decision as to what would be best for both of you. You never know, thinks may even work out better for both of you and may even bring you both even closer together in your relationship than before. Remember, you survived an affair so take care but also be aware and hopefully you'll get there.
Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.