Welcome to Dumpsville. Population - you!
You've been dumped for a new and improved model. However, you have decided, "to remain friends."
What good can come from being friends with someone who doesn't want you?
We have all heard the lies. "It's not you, it's me" or "My life is too complicated right now...."
Here is the skinny, my friends: your ex is trying to cover up their feelings of guilt.
When dumped, you have four choices:
Buy self-help books.
Tell your ex in many ways that you love them and want them in your life.
Write your ex poems expressing your undying love.*
Get away and start healing yourself, have some rebound sex, join a gym, learn a new language or find some other activities to fill your time.
Whatever you do, you must purge yourself of your ex.
In fact, unless you have children it is best to avoid all contact. That is if you want to develop into a better and more desirable human being. This is your time: you need to get yourself together. There is a long road of recovery ahead before you will be ready for potential love in the future.
It is imperative not to jump into another relationship. Take this time and learn to like yourself. As scary as it may be, go out by yourself. You'll be amazed at the adventures freedom can offer.
Pursue your dreams. Learn to cook. Staying single is even more imperative if you have gone through life jumping from relationship to relationship. Being a "serial monogamist" isn't a skill.
If you hope that you someday will reconnect with your ex, avoiding contact becomes vital. If you planned to avoid contact for six months, make it a year. If it was true love, this might be your only way to get it back.
Face it: You broke up and it was probably for a reason (or several reasons). In all likelihood, one or both of you need to change. That is, of course, unless you want the same relationship again.
If so, may I suggest repeatedly banging your head against a wall?
I have been a case study on this topic. I was dumped and thought remaining friends was the right decision. Minus the hugs, kisses and passion. Can you imagine the torture? Of course you can, we've all been there.
Remember this, when the hammer falls on your relationship - that is usually it. It doesn't matter if the other person is making a monumental mistake. No matter how much you love someone, you can't force them to love you back.
* Ignore number 3 - it is hard enough for poets to eke out a living, so they don't need the competition from you, Mr. Lonely Pants.
Lindsay Wincherauk is a co-author of Seed's Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular).
For more information visit: http://www.seedenterprises.com
Lindsay Wincherauk (aka: the seed) is an aspiring author, photographer, entrepreneur and comic. Over the last several years he has discovered his passion: writing and photography. He loves formulating new ideas and images. He is driven by life and feels life is meant to be lived to the fullest. He takes his inspiration from life's challenges and believes that we need to look at life from different angles to see the true beauty in things. His work captures individual beauty. He believes that life is best lived in the "moment" and that if you open your mind and eyes to the possibilities, you may discover greatness.
He has traveled to 18 different countries, has been a Best Man 6 times, a Pallbearer 3 times, and he is a Godfather. He has hung out with Rastafarians, Russians, Clowns and Drag Queens. He feels it is vitally important to embrace differences. He has co-authored one book and has two more in the works, which will be released in the not-too-distant future.
Lindsay attended the University of Saskatchewan and now resides in Vancouver, British Columbia.