Is Your Negative Thinking Scaring Off Your Soul Mates?

Francine Bonnecelli* swore off relationships the day her husband of nine years left her for a twenty-something barmaid in San Francisco. Even though this was her third marriage, she felt three was the charm and, after all, he showed all the qualities in a soul mate and a marriage partner that no one had ever shown her. After this traumatic experience, she closed off her heart to future relationships, giving up on the theory that you can find THE ONE who meets all your goals and expectations.

Jennifer Quigley*, fresh out of college, had enough of her share of "flings" and was ready for that someone special to enter her life. However, after every date ended up in the bedroom, she vowed that she was going to give up dating altogether. "It's just not worth it," she said. "There just are no more good guys left. I'd rather stay home with my cat or go out with friends."

Joseph Freemont* married his childhood sweetheart fresh out of high school. After graduation, they married and one and a half years later, became the proud parents of a strapping baby boy they named Michael. Two years later, another child joined their family and then a year later, the third child was born. Joseph was a good father as well as a good husband, delighting his wife with anything her heart desired. He laughed at his good luck and never took advantage of the situation by treating every day with his family as if it were the first. Twenty years to the day they married, Joseph lost his wife to terminal cancer. He grieved to the point where he could not come to grips with her passing and decided from that day forward he would never look at another woman again.

What do these three people have in common?

They have all given up on looking for their soul mates altogether and have closed off that path of their journey which is necessary for total self-growth and finding their higher selves.

While they have entered a comfort zone inside themselves to ward off the pain, they have closed it to whatever soul mates who might enter their lives in the future. When they put up this shield, they have also cut off a very necessary part of their life's journey.

And why is this bad?

The reason is that, unknowingly, they have severed an important and vital part of their well-being. They have retreated within themselves to the point where finding love has no meaning anymore. And, in so doing, they have opened themselves to the prospects of getting stress-related diseases and losing what zest they have left in their lives.

In the case of Joseph, grieving is a natural process and one that should be completed before he even thinks about carrying on another relationship. If he were to jump right into a relationship, without going through the entire healing process, only disastrous results would occur.

However, in time, Joseph will heal and he will start to feel those old feelings of having someone to share his life with. Whether he acts on these impulses, it all depends on whether he is comfortable within himself to do so. This will take a lot of time for Joseph to come to this point, but he has to realize that shielding himself from his other soul mates is not going to help him heal.

By allowing these soul mates to enter his life, he will realize for what reason his deceased wife came into his life and left so abruptly. It's all a learning process and one in which Joseph needs to enter in order for him to release the negativity he is bestowing on himself in the name of grief.

Francine and Jennifer are merely products of bad relationships. Both figure what's the point? Until they release this negative thinking, they will bring this baggage into whatever future relationships that may be in stow for them and it will be a pattern they will continue until they realize that this negative thinking is what is preventing them from finding their true soul mates and finding the happiness they are looking for.

Baggage from past relationships shouldn't hinder you from giving up on finding your soul mate. Once you understand that they all served purposes towards your self-growth ? even the bad ones ? and you can work through the karma associated with it, you're that much closer to finding your higher self. It's your higher self where you find the life, the creativity and the love you deserve.

*names have been changed

About Dorothy Thompson

Author and soul mate expert Dorothy Thompson is one of the nation's leading authority on soul mates. Her book "Romancing the Soul" and ebook "How to Find and Keep Your Soul Mate" are one of the most comprehensive guides to explaining what soul mates are really all about. Dorothy's relationship columns have appeared in publications in the U.S. and abroad and has been quoted in such books as "Mean Girls Grown Up: Adulte Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees" by Cheryl Dellasega. She is a popular radio media guest, appearing on such shows and Lifetime Radio, Around2It, and Cuzin Eddie Show with Penny Sansevieri and will appear on Single Talk (World Talk Radio) and 850 KOA-AM (Clear Channel Radio with listeners in 38 states, Canada and Mexico)in September 2005.

To learn more about books and upcoming interviews from Dorothy Thompson and to receive a FREE newsletter on how to find and keep your soul mate, please go to http://www.dorothythompson.net

©Dorothy Thompson, Author and Relationship Expert - http://www.dorothythompson.net

In The News:

The Key to Relationships  Psychology Today
How to Have a Relationship and a Career  Harvard Business Review
Is Lack of Gratitude Dragging Down Your Relationship?  Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley

The Real Way for Men to WOW the Woman They Love

Guys, I know the struggle, you want to give her... Read More

It?s a Gut Feeling ? Finding love

Most single guys are settled in their life. Their mornings,... Read More

How to Handle Problem People: Life Lessons from a Balky Bovine

Do you have people in your life that p? (make... Read More

Relationship Failing? Consider Your Ways

WhenWe all need to consider our ways. So many times... Read More

The Type of Woman Men Fall in Love With

I'd like to shed some light on something that women... Read More

American Women Really Don?t Like You

Any man who has dated Asian ladies who live in... Read More

How To Save Your Marriage

Getting married (or beginning an intimate relationship) is, in a... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: Dont Be a Darren Stevens

Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 2 The Not-the-Same Syndrome

How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic... Read More

Power Struggle!

The greatest asset we have in human existence is our... Read More

Thinking Lingerie on Super Sunday?

February will bring with it one of the most important... Read More

How to Survive an Affair - Take Care!

Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners... Read More

Playing the Part

A revelation came to me at the most unsuspecting time.... Read More

Add Trust To Your Relationship

Trust is something that is important to every single relationship... Read More

Relationship Conflict: Lock Horns or Lock Arms

One of my favorite comic strips growing up was "The... Read More

Does Age Matter?

In the Asian online dating world it is not uncommon... Read More

Shattered Visions

Sometimes it takes a girlfriend in order to have a... Read More

Ladies, Is Your Valentine The Cheating Kind?

According to statistics, 50% to 70% of men cheat on... Read More

The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking & Loving Y.O.U.

"Know Thyself" PlatoIsn't it curious how just about everything in... Read More

Relationship Advice: 7 Strategies for a Great Relationship

1. CommitmentTrue commitment means much more than simply committing to... Read More

Catch a Cheating Lover?

Relationships. Virtually all of us are in one, or at... Read More

Can a Male and Female be JUST Friends?

Introduction Have you ever heard or have you ever seen,... Read More

Are You Really Ready For a Relationship?

So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, I'm married... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: Declaration or Demonstration

Q: Could you help us settle a growing conflict in... Read More

I Said Yes, I Meant No, and Now I Want Out

Imagine this; you have the opportunity to go away for... Read More