Great Relationship Advice: Declaration or Demonstration

Q: Could you help us settle a growing conflict in our marriage? I always tell my wife I love her and would do anything in the world for her. That doesn't seem to do it for her. In fact, her response usually is, "talk is cheap. I want you to show me that you love me." I'm not sure what she means, and I need to figure it out fast.

I think I might know where you are stuck. You see, there is a huge difference between declaration and demonstration. In my experience, most men have not made that important distinction, while most women see it as very obvious.

Saying the words "I love you", "You're the most important thing in my life", etc. is a wonderful thing to do. And sometimes it's even enough, especially if your partner's love language is hearing. But if your partner's love language is seeing, (as I'm guessing hers is), talking alone just won't do it.

One of the many places I lived growing up was on the Kansas/Missouri border. In Missouri they have a saying called "show me." I don't know if your wife is from Missouri or not, but it sounds like she is saying "don't just tell, show me!"

The good news is that while most of us men are fairly slow with this stuff, we are trainable. Here's three steps to putting some hands and feet on this declaration vs. demonstration idea:

1) Pay attention - notice what your partner is interested in and talking about.

2) Think ahead - anticipate future needs and take the necessary actions to meet them.

3) Ask your partner these very simple, yet profound questions:

"what does love look like to you?" What you may think it looks like may be way different from what it looks like to her.

"what are three things I need to do on a regular basis to show that I love you?"

"what are three things I need to not do to show you that I love you?"

Whatever the answers, you have the beginning of a map on how to do this demonstration thing.

Remember, declaration is not demonstration. Trying is not doing. Doing is doing. So go do!

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

In The News:

Money and relationships: 5 ways couples can plan their finances together  The News MinuteFrom long-term insurance policies to creating and tracking a budget, here are a few ways you and your partner can plan your money for the future.
Why "Settling" Was The Best Decision I Ever Made  Refinery29One woman shares why she's OK "settling" for the imperfect romantic partner.
Here's What It Means To Have "Trust Issues" In Relationships, According To Experts  Elite DailySimilarly to "DTR" or "open dialogue," the phrase "trust issues" gets used a lot when talking about dating. But what does it mean to have trust issues? Although ...
Why millennials are writing contracts for their relationships  The Oakland PressRachel Sibley and John Meyer had been dating for four months when they planned out a night to reflect on their relationship. They dimmed the lights, lit some ...
10 tips for getting over the 10-year hump in your relationship  The LoopCongratulations! You made it to the double digits in your romantic relationship. For many couples, these first ten years are chock-full of triumphs, challenges and ...
This Is How Women Get Stranded In Unhappy Relationships  mindbodygreen.comWomen are socialized to prioritize romantic success above all else, which leads them to stay and try to work on relationships that no longer serve them.
Relationship Advice From Real Couples Who Got Through It  ELLE.comRelationships are hard, period. Whether you're in a monogamous relationship living across the hall from each other (Monica and Chandler Bing had it so easy) ...
Weekender | The making and breaking of relationships  Daily CalifornianUnderlying this popular conception of love and gift-giving is the very real phenomenon of close relationships, which require both nurture and maintenance with a ...
New House Tribal Affairs Committee aims to advance state relationships  KTOOBecause the Alaska state government's relationship with tribes cuts across many different state departments, House lawmakers decided to have one committee ...
8 Creative Ways to Invest in Your Relationship  Thrive GlobalIt's never too late to strengthen your romantic connection or show your partner you care — no matter how many years you've been together.
Strong Patient-Pharmacist Relationships Aid Seniors  Pharmacy TimesBrown bagging is an essential educational and safety tool for helping elderly individuals with proper medication use.
How Deeper Relationships Yield Better Results  ForbesFull disclaimer: building more authentic, caring relationships on your team is challenging work that will make many people uncomfortable - and for good reason.
Dating vs. Relationship - What's The Difference Between Exclusive Dating and Relationships?  Seventeen.comIf you're reading this, you're probably confused about the status of your relationship. Are we just dating or are we in an exclusive relationship? We totally get it.
Physical signs you're in a bad relationship  INSIDERIt's easy to dismiss your headache as a result of too much coffee, or your nerves as normal butterflies. But your body could be telling you more than you realise ...
Pope: 'Miracle' of cooperation based on relationships not profit  Vatican NewsThe 'miracle' of cooperation is a team strategy that opens a gap in the wall of an indifferent crowd that excludes the weakest.” Those were Pope ...
Women in tech: Success still hangs on relationships and privilege  EngadgetMarch is Women's History Month and last Friday was International Women's Day. Many organizations, including tech companies, took the opportunity to ...
How to Build Quality Relationships Using the VCP Process  EntrepreneurHere's how you can build quality relationships through the VCP Process.
Toxic relationship: Don’t ignore these 7 warning signs  Times of IndiaKnowing the signs of a toxic relationship is not enough. You need to nip the bud at the right time.
Royal Family Feud: The Truth About Prince William, Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, and Kate Middleton's Relationships  The Cheat SheetHow true are the rumors about Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle feuding? What about Prince Harry and Prince William fighting?
Which BTS members are in relationships?  Metro.co.ukWhich of the K-Pop sensations have other halves? Here's which of BTS are coupled up.
Is your phone ruining your relationship? Take this test to know  Times of IndiaAccording to a study, one-third of the people in relationships feel ignored because their partners are constantly busy with their smartphones.
Why modern relationships need test-driving manuals - Entertainment News  SDE Entertainment NewsLong before the Internet, relationships were strategic. You didn't just open your Facebook account and fell in love with a light-skinned guy standing next to a ...
'Shrill' Shows How Body Insecurity Can Be A Vicious Generational Cycle  BustleSo much of the joy of watching Hulu's Shrill is witnessing Annie's (Aidy Bryant) journey toward unabashed confidence. It's not that Annie's life is perfect — her ...
8 Couples Activities That Are Scientifically Proven To Improve Relationships  BustleA relationship rut is one way to weaken the bond you have with your partner. After all, it does take a bit of work to maintain a solid connection that lasts. Luckily ...
"We were like two little kids." Inside Michael Jackson and Brooke Shields' relationship.  MamamiaMichael Jackson Brooke Shields: Here's everything you need to know about the close relationship of Michael Jackson and Brooke Shields.
We'll Try To Keep The Relationships That We've Made, Says Rajnath Singh  News18On being asked for his perspective on the questions being raised over Chinese investments coming into the country, Union Home Minister Rajnath Singh said, ...
John Legend And Chrissy Teigen's Relationship Timeline, Explained  Women's Health'The Voice' judge/singer John Legend and model/author Chrissy Teigen have been together for years. But when exactly did their relationship start?
When it Comes to 'Back-Scratching' Relationships With Media, Trump No Match for Obama  Accuracy In MediaCNN reported the “back-scratching relationship between President Donald Trump and Fox News is unlike anything in the history of American…
How to Marie Kondo your personal relationships  Fast CompanyYou've already cleaned house and now you want to clean up your personal life. Here's how you can apply the KonMari method to your relationships.
Study shows cohabiting relationships to be less stable than marriage  Catholic News AgencyA new study found that in 11 countries across the globe, cohabiting couples have more doubts about their relationship lasting and give less importance to their ...
Advice for having a good fight in a relationship  ABC NewsBottling up hurt or anger risks damaging a relationship beyond repair — but there is a right and wrong way to express it. Experts explain what a good argument ...
Why Great Leaders Focus On Mastering Relationships  MIT SloanGreat leaders are distinguished by their ability to master personal relationships.
Best Advice On How To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work | Mitzi Bockmann  YourTangoIf you're invested in learning how to make a long distance relationship work, technology has made it easier than ever, so here's our best advice on how to ...
Kate Winslet, Saoirse Ronan Lesbian Drama Accused of Making Up Gay Relationship — Director Responds  IndieWireWriter-director Francis Lee (“God's Own Country”) has taken to social media to defend his upcoming film “Ammonite” against accusations it is fictionalizing a gay ...
Simi drags popular pastor on Twitter over sermon on relationships and marriages  Pulse NigeriaYou don't get to see this every day but when Simi takes her time to call out a pastor over his sermon, then it is definitely a must read.
4 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Think You're In A Toxic Relationship  Refinery29If spending time with your partner feels like it drains everything out of you, you might be in a toxic relationship. But it's not always that easy to tell when you're in a ...
4 Relationship Mistakes Busy People Make  Psychology TodayOften when a married or long-term couple break up, it seems to come out of the blue for one of the two people. The shocked person might say "I knew things ...
What is gaslighting in relationships? And how can you tell if it's happening to you?  MamamiaEver wondered: What is gaslighting in relationships? Here, psychologists explain what it means, share examples, key signs, and advise how to deal with it.
Online relationship stalls over meeting in person | Features  Leader-TelegramDear Abby: I met a really great guy online eight months ago. He lives in another country and we have been in a long-distance relationship for the last six months.
Who should Fido fear? Depends on relationship  Science DailyAs states around the country move to stiffen punishments for animal cruelty, researchers have found a correlation between the types of animal abuse committed ...
13 little things that happy couples swear are the key to a great relationship  Business InsiderINSIDER asked 13 couples to share little things they swear by that keep their relationships strong.
Are you a screen-snubber whose phone use is ruining your relationship? Take this test!  The GuardianA YouGov poll has revealed that a third of people in a relationship have fallen victim to “screen snubbing” – when their partners are too distracted by their ...
How Mercury Retrograde Affects Relationships (And What To Do About It)  Refinery29The first Mercury retrograde of 2019 is here... which, in astrology, means that communication of all kinds is about to go haywire. And since the key to a healthy ...
Why Do We Get So Anxious At The Start Of A New Relationship?  mindbodygreen.comThe beginning of a relationship is full of butterflies—beautiful, excitable creatures whose colorful wings bat frantically against the walls of your stomach. Though ...
Miley Cyrus: Gender is 'irrelevant' in modern relationships  BBC NewsMiley Cyrus, who identifies as pansexual, says gender is almost "irrelevant" in modern relationships, like hers with husband Liam Hemsworth. She says the ...
7 Ways Narcissists Manipulate Relationships  Psychology TodayHow narcissists use "narcissistic supply" to exploit relationships.
6 Relationship Firsts When Dating as an Adult  ELLE.comDating as an adult is totally different than what you did in high school or college. For starters, it can become more difficult to meet someone organically: There are ...
Elizabeth Holmes & Sunny Balwani's Confusing Relationship, Explained  Refinery29The mystery and scandal surrounding the story of Theranos and its CEO Elizabeth Holmes is a fascinating one, made all the more engrossing thanks to her ...
The enduring value of customer relationships  Automotive NewsGreat dealerships know strong relationships with their customers can make the difference between success and failure in the business, writes Automotive News ...
11 Signs You May Be Repressing Emotional Abuse From Past Relationships  BustleSince it's rife with manipulation and toxicity, it can take a lot of time to move past the effects of emotional abuse. If you were the victim of this type of negative ...
Warner Bros. chief is ousted over relationship with actress, report says  SFGateWarner Bros. Chief Executive Officer Kevin Tsujihara is leaving the studio over allegations that he had a sexual relationship with an actress he helped promote, ...
Relationship lessons you will learn only AFTER falling in love  Times of IndiaThe genuine rush that you feel when you fall in love is simply irresistible. The cravings are overpowering and you turn blind to anything that stands against it.
Mama June's Rocky Relationship History  PopCulture.com'Mama June' Shannon's relationships with men have been rocky, including her ongoing relationship with Geno Doak.Shannon and Doak were arrested on ...
Meeting in person stymies relationship | | pressofatlanticcity.com  Press of Atlantic CityDear Abby: I met a really great guy online eight months ago. He lives in another country, and we have been in a long-distance relationship for the last six ...
Hive of 'lovers and relationships': Riverdance crew used to pitter-patter of tiny feet  Independent.ieThe Riverdance cast has been in the mood for both dancing and romancing, with love blossoming among 142 performers since the show began.
MAFS' relationships psychologist Mel Schilling on the key to forgiving a partner for bad actions  Daily MailSeason six of Married At First Sight has been a rocked by fights, shouting and tears between warring couples.
7 Angola employees resign after allegations of sex and inappropriate relationships with inmates  Knoe.comSeven Angola employees have resigned as part of an aggressive effort against contraband smuggling and inappropriate behavior, according to the Louisiana ...
Kylie Jenner Relationship With Travis STRUGGLING! Shane Dawson DENIES Sexual Relations With Cat | DR  Daily TelegraphOur Favorite Celebrity couple, Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott haven't been able to shake the cheating allegations and possibly headed for a breakup! Speaking ...
In a relationship: Vice Ganda finally confirms status amid speculation  ABS-CBN NewsAmid recent speculation surrounding his personal life, comedy superstar Vice Ganda has finally confirmed being in a romantic relationship.
If Your Relationship Is Headed In the Right Direction, An Expert Says This Is How You'll Know  Elite DailyRelationships do not happen in a straight line. This is a universal truth, and one that's so important to embrace — because while social norms and popular ...
Money & relationships: What if your brother asks you to be a loan guarantor?  Economic TimesIn the third part of the new series, ET Wealth talks about the consequences of being a guarantor and the questions to ask in order to avoid a rift with your sibling.
Here’s how companies are retaining relationship managers  People MattersThis article looks at the talent management issues that face a relationship manager s role and how to mitigate them.
Do couples who sleep in separate beds have it right?  QuartzOur conception of what is and isn't acceptable in long-term relationships has expanded tremendously in recent years. From consensual non-monogamy and ...
It’s not easy calling time when your relationship reaches its expiry date  The Irish TimesWhen do you know it's the end of a relationship?
What Does Mercury Retrograde Mean For Relationships In Pisces Season? Everything You Need To Know  NewsweekTake a deep breath and put off signing legal papers for a while.
Learning From the Gossiper How to Heal Relationships - Metzorah  Chabad.orgUnresolved repetitive conflict ultimately prevents people from reaching their relationship potential.
Dear Therapist: A Professor Is Abusing My Friend  The AtlanticHer relationship shows all the typical signs of emotional manipulation and physical harm, but she refuses to admit that there's a problem.
The relationships between democratic experience, adult health, and cause-specific mortality in 170 countries between 1980 and 2016: an observational analysis  The LancetPrevious analyses of democracy and population health have focused on broad measures, such as life expectancy at birth and child and infant mortality, and ...
China-El Salvador Relationship Wobbles  The DiplomatOnly seven months after China and the Republic of El Salvador established diplomatic ties, the relationship between the two nations has reached a turning point ...
8 Things You'll Never Have To Ask For In A Healthy Relationship  BustleIn order to have a healthy relationship — where you both meet each other's needs, feel fulfilled, and so on — you and your partner will need to keep ...
Six Louisiana Angola Prison Employees Resign After Alleged Inappropriate Relationships With Inmates  NewsweekSix correctional officers and a nurse from Louisiana's Angola Prison resigned after an investigation revealed they had improper relationships with inmates and ...
Disciplinary Proceedings Can't Be Initiated Against Employee For Having 'Illicit Sexual Relationship'...  Live Law'Employer cannot dictate the expression of sexuality between the consented adults. A relationship between a man and a woman is a private affair. The employer ...
Pete Davidson Addresses Kate Beckinsale Relationship Rumors on "Saturday Night Live"  TeenVogue.comPete Davidson addressed the relationship rumors about Kate Beckinsale during the March 9 episode of "Saturday Night Live."
'The Bachelor's Colton & Cassie Shared Yet Another Relationship Milestone On IG  BustleFor months, Colton Underwood had to keep quiet about his relationship with Cassie Randolph to prevent spoilers while his season of The Bachelor was still ...
Teen Mom 2: Kailyn Lowry Struggles in Relationship with Ex Chris Lopez: 'Why Can't He Commit?'  PEOPLE.comKailyn Lowry says she would love to be in a committed relationship with the father of her third child.
Simon Amstell: ‘I thought I was the victim in relationships – in fact they were having to cope with a maniac’  The IndependentThe comedian, writer, director and former 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks' host talks to Alexandra Pollard about his new film 'Benjamin', learning to accept love, and ...
Romeo Beckham 'dating' Millie Bobby Brown 'as Victoria gives the relationship her seal of approval'  Daily MailRomeo Beckham is reportedly dating Millie Bobby Brown - and mum Victoria is a fan.
School pupils to be taught about relationships  BBC NewsHealth education for pupils of all ages will be part of the curriculum in England from September 2020.
Let's Talk About TV's Complicated Relationship With Sex  TV GuideIn order to take a close look at the ways that TV is pushing boundaries forward -- and the ways in which it still lets us down -- TV Guide is dedicating the next five ...
America's Relationship With China Can't Become Too Big to Fail  The American ConservativeIn an interview with CNBC in January, Myron Brilliant of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce described the American-Chinese relationship as “too big to fail.
As pet names are found to increase intimacy in relationships, couples explain the quirky meaning behind their  The SunCUTIE, princess and honey may be the UK's most popular pet names, but these three couples have bucked the trend with their unique choices. From Beebus ...
Married At First Sight relationship expert Trisha Stratford is barely getting any screen time  Daily MailWhile there may be three 'relationship experts' on Married At First Sight, only two of them do most of the talking. And it hasn't gone unnoticed by fans of the hit ...
After murder, arrest, more questions about relationship in Nash County small town  WRAL.comAfter a Nash County woman was found dead in the woods and her husband charged with her murder, authorities in North Carolina and Arizona and members of ...
The Walking Dead: 10 Things Wrong With Carol And Ezekiel's Relationship  Screen RantThe Walking Dead's Carol and Ezekiel are not so much of a hit with fans — at least, their relationship isn't. And there are some good reasons why...
Halsey & YUNGBLUD's Relationship History - Here's How Long The '11 Minutes' Duo Have Been Dating  Capital FMThey've collaborated on the incredible '11 Minutes' while dating in real life... here's everything you need to know about Halsey and YUNGBLUD's relationship.
If You Don't Get Jealous In Relationships, You're Probably One Of These 3 Zodiac Signs  Elite DailyHave you ever witnessed jealousy get the best of your friends, and found yourself genuinely confused about what the big deal was? Does all the worrying, ...
How often should a married couple get intimate to have a healthy relationship?  Times of IndiaAn interesting study delved deeper into this subject and tried to come down to the exact number of times a happy couple has sex in a year.
4 Zodiac Signs That Get The Most Jealous In Relationships, So You're Not Surprised  Elite DailyChances are, at some point you've probably had a moment when your jealousy got the best of you — when your heart started pounding and your stomach sank ...
Bohemian Rhapsody: THIS was the secret to Mary Austin and Freddie Mercury’s relationship  ExpressThe duo were very close for a very long time; initially a couple before remaining very close friends. Boynton starred as Austin alongside Rami Malek as Freddie ...
Dating Over 50: 11 Tips To Help You Find a Serious Relationship  Prevention.comFrom online dating sites to dealing with rejection, therapists share their top dating tips for finding a relationship during your 50s and beyond.
7 ways to rebuild a relationship when your partner breaks trust  Times of IndiaMaybe, we all know how a relationship crumbles when one partner breaks the trust of the other because trust is that solid rock upon which the foundation of any ...
Relationship banking isn't dead, just different  Risk.netSome asset managers are pumping banks for liquidity leads. But what can they offer in return?
Men are just as likely to be victims of ‘coercive’ relationships, study finds  Metro.co.ukMen are increasingly the victims of controlling 'coercive' relationships, with abusive women subjecting them to controlling or bullying behaviour, legal experts ...
5 pieces of relationship advice you should teach your kids  Myjoyonline.comOne thing I know more than anything else is how hard it is to be a parent. We are thrown into the job with no training and it's a total crap-shoot as to how ...
Huawei and Germany: 5G relationship status is complicated  DW (English)Germany's 5G spectrum auction begins on Tuesday. There's been much talk about Huawei as an equipment provider for the bidders, so it's worth looking at the ...
How The Zodiac Signs Make Sacrifices In Their Relationships  YourTangoHow the zodiac signs make sacrifices in relationships depends on astrology. Because being in a relationship means settling and giving up things for the sake of ...
Daenerys & Jorah's 'Game Of Thrones' Season 8 Relationship Is "Complicated," According To Iain Glen  BustleIt's no secret that Ser Jorah Mormont has been harboring some very strong feelings for Daenerys Targaryen that extend far beyond that of a close friend and ...
Democrats Have a Few Questions About Trump’s “Relationship” with Chinese Rubdown Mogul Cindy Yang  Vanity FairWhen billionaire Bob Kraft was busted for allegedly soliciting prostitution at a Florida massage parlor last month, the immediate question that popped into ...
Lori Loughlin and daughter Olivia Jade lose brand relationships amid scandal: Who cut ties?  AOLThe fallout begins. Lori Loughlin and her daughter, Olivia Jade, have lost their first several brand relationships amid allegations that they were involved in a ...
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: 25 Wild Revelations Behind Jake And Amy's Relationship  Screen RantBrooklyn Nine-Nine is a comedy through and through but it offers up one of the best romances on television with Jake and Amy.

Improve Your Relationships Through Vastu

Do you want be in a relationship that brings you... Read More

10 Things Never to Say to A Guy

1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? You'll see him... Read More

But Its Just the Guys -- The Importance of Sacrifice in Relationships

If it's a long-term relationship you want, you absolutely must... Read More

Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection

In my work with couples, certain themes have emerged that... Read More

Is This The One?

Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell... Read More

How Do I Get Him or Her To Talk To Me?!!!

This is a common concern in our society for single... Read More

Zen And Romance

The art of romance and the art of Zen are... Read More

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in... Read More

How To Quickly Turn Platonic Friends into Lovers Using The New 5-Step Jealousy Technique

I'm going to get straight to the point. If you... Read More

Communicate through Body-language!

Consider a person very important to you. He or she... Read More

Relationship Reality: Are Your Relationships Based In Reality or Fantasy?

Within the next two to three minutes, you will uncover... Read More

Setting Boundaries: Business Clients and Boyfriends

Setting boundaries is necessary in any human relationship.Whether you're dealing... Read More

What Do the Words ?I Don?t Love You Anymore? Really Mean?

Have you been blindsided by an unhappy spouse who suddenly... Read More

How to Start a Conversation With a Woman

Last week I had the easiest pick up and seduction... Read More

Reaching the Ultimate Level in Human Relationships

I want to tell you a little story. Not about... Read More

Relationship Advice - 5 Sure Fire Ways to Mess Things Up

1) Stay committed to your "right to be right."Argue for... Read More

Conflicts Dont Have to Mean a Fight to the Death

Although conflict in marriage is inevitable, fighting is optional.The secret... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Tips for a Blissful Relationship

1.Often in marriage, especially in the early years, there is... Read More

To Apologize or Not to Apologize...That is the Question

We don't like to say it and we don't always... Read More

Assuming Personal Responsibility in Relationships

Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says... Read More

Relationship Advice: Who Are You and What Have You Done with My Spouse?

"When we marry, we don't marry one person, we marry... Read More

Soul Mates - Do They Really Exist?

Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different background and... Read More

Swinging! Will My Spouse Be Interested?

How does one talk his/her spouse into living the Swinging... Read More

Building the Bond in Your Relationship

A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a... Read More

Relationship Advice - 10 Ways to Put Sizzle Back in Your Relationship

It seems that no matter how much we love someone,... Read More