Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Being Mindful of Your Mates Space > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Being Mindful of Your Mates Space

SOMETIMES I'LL ask a couple I'm seeing in therapy to do the following exercise.

1. The husband and wife stand about six feet apart.

2. The husband walks slowly toward his wife until he reaches a point where he no longer feels comfortable. Some men stop about three feet from their wives. Others stop at 30 inches and still others at 27.

3. The wife now moves toward her husband or steps back from him, depending on how much space she feels she needs between the two of them.

The purpose of the exercise is to help a couple understand that each has an invisible boundary line. If the husband moves into the wife's space, shell immediately step back to reestablish her boundary. Everyone has a different physical comfort level.

It's a fascinating phenomenon to observe in yourself as well as others. Walk up to anyone and generally you'll see the person step back from you or move toward you. If the person steps back, you may move closer. If the person steps forward, you may move back. Usually the two of you will move around until you establish a comfortable space between you.

Just as people have invisible physical boundaries, they also have unspoken psychological ones. When these are crossed, there is discomfort and sometimes even an argument.

One psychological boundary people have is their tolerance for talking. Some people like to talk. Others like quiet.

If a wife likes to talk and her husband likes quiet, her talking may create a sense of uneasiness in him. His psychological space is being invaded. He may address his discomfort by walking out of the room or tuning out. The wife, on the other hand, may feel anxious when her mate doesn't talk. One might say her psychological space has been invaded by his silence. She may address her uneasiness by picking a fight to get the verbal energy flowing.

Household noises often cross people's psychological boundaries. One spouse may like the TV volume higher than the other. When the volume is up, one person feels intruded upon, but when it's down, the other is uncomfortable. One couple has trouble when the husband watches sporting events, particularly football. His wife becomes anxious and distressed. The continual talking of the announcer and the roar of the crowd impinge so much on her psychological boundary that she feels a need to run away and leave the house.

Another psychological boundary involves how much information spouses believe they should share with others about their relationship. The husband may see no problem with telling his best friend that they're having financial difficulties. But the wife may think that discussing their problems with others is a betrayal of the relationship.

A couple may have different psychological boundaries when it comes to the number of things they like to have around the house. Some people feel most comfortable with many collectibles sitting around. Others want absolutely clean surfaces and a lot of knickknacks create a sense of discomfort. Think of yourself and your mate. How far apart are your psychological boundaries for talking? Noise level? Sharing information with others? Items around the house?

Conflict frequently results when couples fail to respect each other's psychological boundaries. Understanding your boundaries as well as your mate's will make you more tolerant and reduce stress between the two of you.

Doris Wild Helmering, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice in St. Louis. She is the author of eight books, numerous magazine and newspaper aticles and is a frequent guest on TV and radio. Doris has guided countless individuals and couples to more satisfying relationships with her practical, solution based action plans. Visit Doris at http://www.doriswildhelmering.com/blog

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

INSIDER

10 TV relationships you didn't realize were toxic
INSIDER
Whether because of cheating, secrecy, or power struggles, plenty of dramatic TV relationships are in fact, very unhealthy. While it's easy to idealize these relationships, it's important to not mistake toxicity for passion and to acknowledge that these ...

and more »

The Daily Evergreen

How to handle college relationships, from university couples
The Daily Evergreen
“Long distance relationships are f-cking hard,” D.C. said. “There is so much more trust there than in a relationship where you see the person every day. You trust that person to not do something stupid, but you also know you're not going to do ...


Forbes

How Building Relationships Helps SMBs Retain Customers In The Age Of Distraction
Forbes
But while the numbers may seem intimidating, today's smaller businesses may actually be better equipped to meet those goals than their larger counterparts. How? Because small businesses can provide the kind of deep, personal relationships that engage ...


U.S. News & World Report

People in Relationships Gain More Than 30 Pounds
U.S. News & World Report
Men were more likely than women to gain weight, with 69 percent getting heavier in relationships compared to just 45 percent of women. Men also gain more weight within the first year of marriage, packing on an average of 22 pounds compared to 13 pounds ...
Here's how much weight Americans gain after settling into a relationshipFox News
Here's How Much Weight the Average Person Gains in a Relationshipmenshealth.com
New Stats Say Relationship Weight Gain Can Add an Average of 36 PoundsShape Magazine
Guy Counseling (blog)
all 19 news articles »

CBN News

Noted Evangelical University Abolishes Ban on Public LGBTQ ...
CBN News
Azuza Pacific University, (APU) the first Christian college on the West Coast, has reversed its policy on banning public LGBTQ relationships on campus after ...
Evangelical college drops ban on homosexual relationships, plans LGBT 'safe space'Lifesite
Prominent Christian College Removes Ban On Public LGBTQ RelationshipsThe Daily Wire

all 5 news articles »

countryliving.com

Your Complete Guide to Every 'This Is Us' Character, Including How They're All Connected
countryliving.com
He was bisexual, and was involved with a man named Jessie, who he met at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. William passed away from stage 4 stomach cancer shortly after reconnecting with his son. He had a very close relationship with his granddaughters ...

and more »

Cleveland 19 News

Lakewood rock climbing gym strengthening relationships
Cleveland 19 News
CLEVELAND, OH (WOIO) - The Nosotros rock climbing gym in Lakewood says couples can strengthen their relationship while bouldering. The goal of the gym is to provide 100 great date nights to couples in the Cleveland area. The gym is located at the ...


9News.com KUSA

The Shocking Amount of Weight We Gain in Relationships
9News.com KUSA
The Shocking Amount of Weight We Gain in Relationships. Unable to load video. Being in a relationship is making us fatter, since three out of four Americans are carrying some extra 'love weight.' Buzz60's Sean Dowling has more. Published: 10:20 AM EDT ...


Bustle

4 Zodiac Signs That Are The Most Likely To Be Overdramatic In Relationships
Bustle
When it comes to relationships, it can sometimes be tricky to keep things into perspective. For example, arguments over where to go to dinner for date night are minuscule when looking at the bigger picture. However, it can be difficult for some people ...


Forbes

Empathy, Definition, And Compliance: The Recipe For Strong Franchisee Relationships
Forbes
If you put in the work, the lifelong relationships that can be forged between the franchisor and franchise owners can be one of the best parts about owning a franchise. Despite both parties being business partners with defined roles and a common goal ...

and more »
Google News

Russian Brides - Who Are They?

In recent years, thousands of young Russian and Ukrainian women... Read More

Setting Boundaries: Business Clients and Boyfriends

Setting boundaries is necessary in any human relationship.Whether you're dealing... Read More

Stop Making Relationship Mistakes! Avoid Another Unhappy Relationship!

It is possible for women to steer clear of an... Read More

Wow, Grandma Is Dating!

Wow, Grandma Is Dating!When Lena, 52, began dating, her son,... Read More

Zodiac Love Match ? Can the Stars be Right?

As a somewhat older gentleman (but still fairly good looking... Read More

How Love Dies: Spot the Symptoms Now, and Get Your Love Back on Track

Are you starting to feel that your man has changed... Read More

Whats The Attraction?

Why do people have affairs? Why not do the 'right'... Read More

The Use and Abuse of Deception

The word "deceive" is derived from Latin, de- away +... Read More

Forgiveness

"The important thing to remember when it comes to forgiving... Read More

Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Dont Want You to Know

1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.He heard what you... Read More

Secrets of the Opposite Sex

Secrets of the Opposite SexMany jokes, problems, and conversations revolve... Read More

Improve Your Love Luck with Feng Shui!

Are you tired of looking for love without success? If... Read More

The Logic Of Females - Or Lack There Of

Many males complain that they don't understand females. Many females... Read More

Universal Laws for Couples

The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or... Read More

Who Should Relocate In A Long Distance Relationship?

My Dear Lover,Soon or later, you and your beloved will... Read More

Long Distance Relationships ? Not Always a Bad Thing

You hate it, but it's happened ? the love of... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: Dont Be a Darren Stevens

Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I... Read More

Is Your Husband or Wife Cheating? Five Great Reasons to Hire a Private Investigator!

Discovering an affair in your relationship is indispensable, but that's... Read More

Are You Chasing Dollars or Your Kids?

Striking a perfect balance between work and home today can... Read More

The Secret of Relationship Success

With a divorce rate in this country that approaches 50%,... Read More

How Compatible Are You and Your Partner?

What are the things you argue about? Where are the... Read More

The Path of Relationship

Each month after completing and fine tuning Letters on Life... Read More

The Sting

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28,... Read More

Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE

Ultimately, you want a partner you can be your true... Read More

Are You Fit To Love?

is the most important question you'll ever ask yourself. Let's... Read More