Deprecated: mysql_connect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/a26f9f83/public_html/articles/includes/config.php on line 159
Spasms & Spamocidal Mania > NetSparsh - Viral Content you Love & Share

Spasms & Spamocidal Mania

Below is a letter I wrote to the following organizations:

S.H.U. (Spam-Haters Unanimous)

N.A.A.P.W.H.S. (National Association for the Advancement of People Who Hate Spam)

P.W.H.P.W.D.H.S. (People Who Hate People Who Don't Hate Spam)

P.F.W.S.H.I.A.L.C. (People for Whom Spam-Hating is a Lifestyle Choice)

S.A.P.W.R.R.R.H.S. (Society for the Advancement of People Who Really Really Really Hate Spam)

P.W.H.S.S.M.I.M.L.W.S.C.O.T.E. (People Who Hate Spam So Much It Makes Little Wisps of Steam Come Out of Their Ears)

And, of course: Spam Haters In The Business of Internet Resource Directory Services.

DEAR FELLOW SPAM HATERS,

I'm writing to suggest that we combine forces in order to present a common front in our righteous war on unsolicited commercial email:

Spam!

I suggest we disband the myriad sites and organizations now opposing unsolicited commercial email in order to form a single, unified organization:

The Spammish Inquisition!

And I further suggest we elect me, Linda Cox, as our leader. Our Grand Inquisatrix!

WHAT ARE MY QUALIFICATIONS?

You think YOU hate spam? You don't even know what hate is!

I hate spam so much that I... well, just a LOT! That's how much!

If I hated spam any more than I already do, I think my head would burst into flames and spin like a top! Can you say that?

Don't think so.

I don't mean to say that I don't hate other things too, like pedophiles and nazis and that drunk guy who backed over my cat when I was seven.

But spam... hooboy!

SQUISH 'EM LIKE BUGS!

I believe we should have a constitutional amendment allowing cruel and unusual punishment in the case of spammers. Maybe that tummy thing like the Japanese do when they get depressed.

As with drugs, mere possession of bulk emailing software should result in the immediate confiscation of the computer it was on, as well as any nice clothes, jewelry, or lawn statuary that might have been purchased with spam profits.

Just thinking about sending spam should be illegal, like joking about bombs in an airport. If I get to be Grand Inquisatrix, I'll have my own force of men-in-black dudes to sniff out spamsters and be really mean to them and call them names until they promise to be good little netizens again.

It's for their own good.

IN CLOSING...

Having looked at the websites of some of the anti-spam crusaders, I know that I am not alone in my revulsion, disgust and utter skin-crawling contempt for spam.

Like them, I have turned a blind-eye to more mundane problems like hunger, illiteracy, disease, country music and poverty so as to focus on the true menace ravaging our cyber-society.

If you wish to support my crusade, you may do so by sending me $99, and as a free gift I'll send you a CD with the email addresses of 40 million netizens eagerly awaiting news of your latest product or service.

Linda Cox, G.I.W. (Grand Inquisatrix Wannabe)

P.S. Oh yeah... stale croutons. Hate 'em.

About The Author

Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was born in a speeding stagecoach amid the screams of fellow passengers as insane, wild-eyed horses dragged them all crashing toward the brink of destruction. That stagecoach was the planet Earth, those passengers were the human race, and Linda Cox is Just Another Marketing Guru. (The horses were just regular horses.) http://www.LindaCox.com/

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Tech Times

Google Phone App For Android Now Able To Block Spam Calls: Here's How To Activate The Feature
Tech Times
The stock Google Phone app for Android smartphones was upgraded to block spam calls and send them directly to voicemail, without the user receiving any notification. The new feature, which will work on devices running Android 6.0 Marshmallow and ...
Google Phone App will now act as a Blocker for Spam CallsGoAndroid (press release) (blog)
Phone - Apps on Google PlayGoogle Play
Use caller ID & spam protection - Phone app Help - Google SupportGoogle Support

all 69 news articles »

Fox Business

Phone scammer calling? How to protect yourself when thieves call
Fox Business
The registry accepts registrations from both landlines and cell phones. He says if you are receiving unwanted calls on your cell phone, you can try downloading a spam blocker or a caller ID app. Another option is to block the number on your iPhone or ...


Security Boulevard

NG Firewall Replaces WatchGuard in Partner's Network Security Portfolio
Security Boulevard
”Virus Blocker, Spam Blocker, Web Filter, and Application Control are just some of the apps that protect and filter network traffic, stopping malware, hacking and phishing attempts before they reach users.” The Directory Connector application helps ...


WABE 90.1 FM

Atlanta Got Millions Of Robocalls In June. Here's 5 Ways To Block Them
WABE 90.1 FM
A few free apps Android users can download include Call Blocker Free- Blacklist, CallApp-Caller ID & Block and Hiya Caller ID and Block. PrivacyStar, RoboKiller- Stop Spam Calls and Mr. Number: Spam Protection & Number Search are free and available ...

and more »

The Ledger

Tech Q&A: Here's how to minimize spam e-mail (hint: don't unsubscribe)
The Ledger
To prevent getting unwanted pop-ups, use a “pop-up blocker” with your browser. (To find pop-up blocker add-ons for several popular browsers, see tinyurl.com/y7tf4g48). To get rid of any pop-up software that's already on your computer, download and run ...


Total Telecom (press release)

BT fined £77000 over spam emails
Total Telecom (press release)
... to the highest standards of data management," the statement continued. We are having trouble showing you adverts on this page, which may be a result of ad blocker software being installed on your device. To view the article please disable any ad ...


The Verge

How to stop annoying robocalls on your iPhone or Android phone
The Verge
AT&T has a free app, Call Protect, that's designed to block some fraudulent robocalls from reaching you, and you won't have to do anything besides install the software on your phone. It won't completely block spam or telemarketer calls, however ...


CSO Australia

Your Go-to Guide to Anonymous Emails
CSO Australia
Modern society has used the email everyday ever since Ray Tomlinson invented it in 1972. Since then, it has gotten a steady foothold in our daily lives and will continue to do so as we progress. Statista numbered the emails sent and received per day ...


Fossbytes

8 Best Android Call Blocker App List For 2018 | Filter Spam Calls
Fossbytes
Mr. Number is a famous call blocker app for Android that is free with no ads. It permits you to block unwanted calls as well as identify and stop spam calls and messages. You can select numbers from your contact list or enter them manually. It even ...


Popular Science

Five tips for blocking spam from your inbox
Popular Science
In Outlook, you mark a message as spam by right-clicking it in your inbox and choosing Junk, then Block Sender, from the menu that pops up. When you're browsing the Junk Email folder, restore a flagged message to your inbox by right-clicking it and ...

Google News

Learn Simple Strategies That Will Stop Spammers From Bombarding Your Inbox!

Spam filter is the solution that most people resort when... Read More

Dont Give the Spammers Your Address From Your Page

Spammers get email addresses from web pages using programs called... Read More

How Spammers Fool Whitelists - And How to Stop Them

Effectively stopping spam over the long-term requires much more than... Read More

Protecting Your Business From Spam

Even being as careful as possible with my email address,... Read More

Beware Of Spam Withdrawals

Q: I am so sick of all the spam that... Read More

The Cybermagic of Whitelists

Before we start getting deep into the meat of this... Read More

Is Email Dying?

2004 was really a year when the whole subject of... Read More

Stop Spam: How To Escape The Spam Hell-Hole

If you're anything like me, you're pretty sick of it,... Read More

Beware of the Newest Activity Online: Phishing

No. I'm not talking here about the outdoor activity enjoyed... Read More

Lockspam Free 3.0 Released!

6 August, 2004: Polesoft Inc., home of Professional anti spam... Read More

How To Stop Spam (Especially If You?re Already a Victim)

Spam. Those annoying, time-consuming emails that clog your Inbox and... Read More

5 Zero-Cost Spam Prevention Tools For All Situations!

Anyone who uses email knows what Spam is!It's annoying and... Read More

How to Fight Back BEFORE Youre Falsely Accused of Spam

A friend of mine received a chilling email message from... Read More

Stop Intrusive Pop-up Ads and Regain Control of Your Online Experience!

Stop intrusive pop-up ads and regain control of your online... Read More

Dealing With SPAM - An E-mail Address Strategy

With SPAM being such a problem it might seem the... Read More

Having a Bad e MALE Day? Email, Spam, Spam and More Spam

You just sat at your desk, opened your email account... Read More

Internet Tip of the Week: Cease and Desist

While we all admit that unsolicited commercial email is a... Read More

Spammer in the Slammer: Jeremy Jaynes Sentenced to Nine Years

Will other spammers take heed? Don't count on it.Jeremy Jaynes... Read More

How Spammers Fool Rule-based and Signature-Based Spam Filters

Effectively stopping spam over the long-term requires much more than... Read More

Of Spam and Sandboxes

About a month ago I had the privilege of giving... Read More

Dont Look Spammy!

We all hate spam and get way too much of... Read More

Customers Demand Internet Privacy

... and you'd better sit up and take notice! Customers... Read More

Junk Mail Works!

Junk mail works. Why does it work? How does it... Read More

Take Back Control of Your Inbox: Eliminate Annoying and Potentially Harmful E-mails

Are you tired of spam stealing your time, your money,... Read More

Internet Theft and Fraud

My friends in the web hosting business have recently informed... Read More