Spasms & Spamocidal Mania

Below is a letter I wrote to the following organizations:

S.H.U. (Spam-Haters Unanimous)

N.A.A.P.W.H.S. (National Association for the Advancement of People Who Hate Spam)

P.W.H.P.W.D.H.S. (People Who Hate People Who Don't Hate Spam)

P.F.W.S.H.I.A.L.C. (People for Whom Spam-Hating is a Lifestyle Choice)

S.A.P.W.R.R.R.H.S. (Society for the Advancement of People Who Really Really Really Hate Spam)

P.W.H.S.S.M.I.M.L.W.S.C.O.T.E. (People Who Hate Spam So Much It Makes Little Wisps of Steam Come Out of Their Ears)

And, of course: Spam Haters In The Business of Internet Resource Directory Services.

DEAR FELLOW SPAM HATERS,

I'm writing to suggest that we combine forces in order to present a common front in our righteous war on unsolicited commercial email:

Spam!

I suggest we disband the myriad sites and organizations now opposing unsolicited commercial email in order to form a single, unified organization:

The Spammish Inquisition!

And I further suggest we elect me, Linda Cox, as our leader. Our Grand Inquisatrix!

WHAT ARE MY QUALIFICATIONS?

You think YOU hate spam? You don't even know what hate is!

I hate spam so much that I... well, just a LOT! That's how much!

If I hated spam any more than I already do, I think my head would burst into flames and spin like a top! Can you say that?

Don't think so.

I don't mean to say that I don't hate other things too, like pedophiles and nazis and that drunk guy who backed over my cat when I was seven.

But spam... hooboy!

SQUISH 'EM LIKE BUGS!

I believe we should have a constitutional amendment allowing cruel and unusual punishment in the case of spammers. Maybe that tummy thing like the Japanese do when they get depressed.

As with drugs, mere possession of bulk emailing software should result in the immediate confiscation of the computer it was on, as well as any nice clothes, jewelry, or lawn statuary that might have been purchased with spam profits.

Just thinking about sending spam should be illegal, like joking about bombs in an airport. If I get to be Grand Inquisatrix, I'll have my own force of men-in-black dudes to sniff out spamsters and be really mean to them and call them names until they promise to be good little netizens again.

It's for their own good.

IN CLOSING...

Having looked at the websites of some of the anti-spam crusaders, I know that I am not alone in my revulsion, disgust and utter skin-crawling contempt for spam.

Like them, I have turned a blind-eye to more mundane problems like hunger, illiteracy, disease, country music and poverty so as to focus on the true menace ravaging our cyber-society.

If you wish to support my crusade, you may do so by sending me $99, and as a free gift I'll send you a CD with the email addresses of 40 million netizens eagerly awaiting news of your latest product or service.

Linda Cox, G.I.W. (Grand Inquisatrix Wannabe)

P.S. Oh yeah... stale croutons. Hate 'em.

About The Author

Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was born in a speeding stagecoach amid the screams of fellow passengers as insane, wild-eyed horses dragged them all crashing toward the brink of destruction. That stagecoach was the planet Earth, those passengers were the human race, and Linda Cox is Just Another Marketing Guru. (The horses were just regular horses.) http://www.LindaCox.com/

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Here's why you're getting so many spam phone calls
MarketWatch
What's more, the A.I. assistant will answer the call for you and send a transcript in real-time, so that you can decide whether to pick up or block it as spam. Here's how it works: The Google Assistant will answer the call for you, and an automated ...


NullTX

XRP is a Valuable Tool for Addressing Crypto Spam on Twitter
NullTX
Although a Chrome plug-in by the name of “You're Welcome” might not necessarily attract a lot of attention at first, the concept certainly has a lot of merit. This plugin is designed to help users block out cryptocurrency-related spam access the ...


No, the bishop is not asking you to get him iTunes cards
Hawaii Catholic Herald
Most spam emails get caught up in the Diocese of Honolulu's spam filters, said the diocese's information technology manager Francis Kung, but spoofers are getting more elaborate and knowledgeable in how to avoid getting caught by spam blocker keywords ...


ITWeb

Hive-mind of apps secures cyber resiliency
ITWeb
Working together, a firewall, anti-virus, and malware and spam blocker can intelligently perform all of those activities in the blink of an eye. Initial stimulation from human administrators and perhaps some pre-installation, lab-based intelligence ...


New York Times

How to Block and Report Spam Calls and Text Messages
New York Times
Telemarketers have been a thorn in the side of humankind for decades. And while technology offers more options for blocking unwanted calls, it also makes spammers more agile than ever before. Here's what to do when you get a spam call or text message, ...


WAFF

Better Business Bureau of North AL warns of holiday scams
WAFF
... email as SPAM or JUNK. Share any personal information to receive the card as the scammers will use the information to steal your identity later. Click the ad but close out of the app or program you are using, clear your history and turn on your ad ...

and more »

WatchGuard Firebox M270 review: Top-notch security, rock-bottom price
IT PRO
Spam filtering is easy to apply; the spamBlocker wizard asked us to select incoming SMTP traffic and provide an internal mail server address or just activate IMAP or POP3. We chose the latter for transparent scanning where the POP3 proxy client was set ...


The Verge

How to stop annoying robocalls on your iPhone or Android phone
The Verge
AT&T has a free app, Call Protect, that's designed to block some fraudulent robocalls from reaching you, and you won't have to do anything besides install the software on your phone. It won't completely block spam or telemarketer calls, however ...


Small Business Trends

10 Best Call Blocker Apps to Prevent Nuisance Calls to Your Small Business
Small Business Trends
The number of spam calls being made to mobile phones and landlines is on the rise around the world. A study by Truecaller shows the U.S. is the second most affected country by spam calls, with users, on average, receiving 20.7 nuisance calls each month.


Wall Street Journal

4 Smartphone Apps That Aggressively Block Spam Calls
Wall Street Journal
To block nuisance calls more effectively, turn to apps, which use vast databases of bogus phone numbers and “spam protection engines” to better call out frauds. They briskly divert most—if not all—of those spammers to voice mail. One app also fights ...

Google News

BUSTED: Anti Spam Forces Bankrupt Super-Spammer Scott Richter

Microsoft scores one for the good guysScott Richter, the self-proclaimed... Read More

SPAM: A Nutrious Food or a Waste of Time?

Unless the filters on your computer are really good, you're... Read More

Is Spam Affecting Your Business Email?

5 Ways Spam Is Affecting Your Business And what we... Read More

Stop Spam! New Spam Blockers

News last week that Internet service provider Verizon settled its... Read More

What Is Spam?

If you've been around the interenet any length of time... Read More

Of Spam and Sandboxes

About a month ago I had the privilege of giving... Read More

How To Identify Spam

Most of us have opened our email program and found,... Read More

What SPAM Means: Stupid People Annoying Me

English, German, Italian - It's All SPAM To MeHas anyone... Read More

I Love Spam!

What's the big deal? All you read on the internet... Read More

Is Email Dying?

2004 was really a year when the whole subject of... Read More

Spamicide: Man Spammed to Death While Checking His E-mail

Death by spam is now possible with a new device... Read More

Wiki Reek-y Havoc

The Vandals are coming! And this time they're after your... Read More

Bayesian Spam Filters Explained

In a word Bayesian spam filters are "intelligent". Bayesian spam... Read More

Having a Bad e MALE Day? Email, Spam, Spam and More Spam

You just sat at your desk, opened your email account... Read More

Challenge Response Spam Filters Explained

As the flood of spam increases end users are looking... Read More

5 Zero-Cost Spam Prevention Tools For All Situations!

Anyone who uses email knows what Spam is!It's annoying and... Read More

What To Do When You Get Spam

When you go to your mailbox and find pieces of... Read More

Eight Quick Tips For Stopping SPAM

If you are buried in SPAM then you're not alone.... Read More

Where Did The Word Spam Come From?

We've all become familiar with the term spam. It's become... Read More

A Practical Approach to Eliminate Spam

Spam is out of control! I guess that would be... Read More

What to Do to Avoid Getting Banned

How would you feel if you found a link on... Read More

A War on SPAM: Attacking The Evil

As most small, medium and large businesses in this country... Read More

The Great Spam Scam: Five Strategies To Stop Brand and Revenue Robbery

Marketers usually think of anti-spam tactics as 'how to prevent'... Read More

Three Faces of SPAM

Like everybody who will ever read this, I get spam... Read More

Spammer Stole My Email Address?

Do you get bounced, or rejected emails sent by someone... Read More