![]() |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
A grandfather, whose grandson came to him angry at a schoolmate who had done him an injustice, said,
"I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those who have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down and doesn't hurt your enemy. It's like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.
"I have struggled with these feelings many times," he continued. "It is as if there are two wolves inside me: One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and doesn't take offense when no offense was intended. He will fight only when it is right to do so and in the right way. But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The smallest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his grandfather's eyes and asked
"Which one wins?"
The grandfather solemnly replied
"The one I feed."
Anger is human
Anger is a naturally ocurring emotion that in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. It's what we do with our anger that makes the difference.
We can either feed it and make it worse, or we can work with it and handle it in a way that makes healthy sense. It's always a choice. .
How to feed anger
Play the blame game.
Finding, placing and dramatizing blame is one of the greatest sources of creating and feeding anger. Blame talks like this,
"It's someone else's fault. He should not have done it, and I must make him pay for it."
One of the many downsides of this is that the blame game takes so much time and energy, leaving you with little for the rest of your life.
Play the enflame game.
Once you are angry, you have two choices: Defuse your anger or enflame it. The danger with enflaming your anger is that it quickly becomes a habit and you forget it's a choice.
Enflaming requires nurturing anger by running the injustice over and over in your mind. Another way to do this is to tell as many people as you can about how you feel until you get a number of folks on your side. They become assistant enflamers.
Blaming and enflaming fit dangerously well. The more you blame, the more enflamed you become. The more enflamed you become, the more you find to blame.
How to feed healthy feelings
Play the diffuse game.
Pausing to ask yourself a few questions helps reduce anger. For example: How much do I enjoy this feeling? How strongly do I want to feel this anger? How long do I want to feel it?
Anger can prevent us from thinking. Pausing long enough to answer these questions allows you to re-engage your brain and decide how you want to handle your anger.
Accept that not everything in life can or needs to be set right.
Many times when we try to set things right, we just muck it up that much more. Sometimes we just have to release it and move on. Treat it like the dust it is, shake it off your shoes and walk on into the rest of your life.
For more tips and tools for managing anger visit Tools for Successful Living
With how busy we keep ourselves on a day to... Read More
Stress, America's #1 health problem, is a leading cause of... Read More
The Mask of "I've Got It All Together"It's so easy... Read More
There are times in every person's life when things do... Read More
It is an inescapable fact, we live in a stressful... Read More
To be a safe and predictable person for those around... Read More
In order to understand stress better, it is a good... Read More
Whether we are at work, traveling, or at home, we've... Read More
Make stress less of an issue for you in your... Read More
It's no secret that we women, by virtue of our... Read More
Managing stress is not easy if you don't have the... Read More
What is Stress?Stress may be defined as the three-way relationship... Read More
Part 1: Recognize the importance of family stress managementJoe and... Read More
Workplace stress is on the rise and it's costing corporate... Read More
Stress affects different people in different ways, but affect them... Read More
One of the best ways to combat stress and depression... Read More
I just got through reading some troubling news in the... Read More
Is your in-tray or inbox full? I don't normally check... Read More
What good is Personal or Business Success...if your Health is... Read More
We are not designed for long term stress.It causes us... Read More
Breathing is the vital force of life. It is considered... Read More
Stress Vs PressureStress is something we all have, it's not... Read More
Today we have more stress in our lives than ever... Read More
Q: "My career, though very very stressful, is one that... Read More
WHAT THE RESEARCH SAYSExperts in the stress management field have... Read More
Stress is normal. Stress is OK. Stress is the same... Read More
Stress ReliefStress is a big business in Western society. We... Read More
"Learn how to turn frustration into fascination. You will learn... Read More
Looking for all of the answers in how to manage... Read More
We strive for excellence in our lives, going at full... Read More
Q. Help! I moved from the Dallas to Denver. I... Read More
This is the time for daydreaming about your annual vacation.... Read More
The future is nothing but a fantasy or a daydream,... Read More
Over the years I've collected scores of comics and cartoons... Read More
If you're like most people, you have your bouts of... Read More
Comedian George Carlin once remarked, "Have your ever noticed? Anyone... Read More
David Bowie once sang, "Ch-ch-changes, tryin' to face the strain."And... Read More
Meditation, relaxation and visualisation are the standard recommendations for reducing... Read More
Burt Reynolds revealed his vulnerable side when he realized he... Read More
Whether we are at work, traveling, or at home, we've... Read More
Preparing for sleep the night before is the place to... Read More
Probably the least appreciated form of stress is college stress.... Read More
In the body, the stress response is mediated by the... Read More
For those who are suffering from stress, just about the... Read More
Most people know of the importance of exercise as a... Read More
If you have never tried combining your breathing exercises with... Read More
At what age does the benefit of play cease? Child... Read More
Positive self-esteem is very important for our general health and... Read More
Rhodiola Rosea is the latest natural remedy to join the... Read More
Take a moment to think about the week that just... Read More
Stress Management Stress Management |