Stress Managment and Mastery: Learning to Rebound

Q. I've suffered a few setbacks and disappointments in the last year and seem to be bogged down in them. A business that I began failed, and my long-term girlfriend left me for someone else.

I want to move past this but just don't seem able to bounce back. What can I do?

A. Let's pretend for a few moments that we are in a seminar, and let me ask for a show of hands:

How many of you have ever been rejected by anyone, for anything, at any time in your life?

How many of you have ever suffered a defeat over something large or small, for any reason, at any time in your life?

All of us have suffered rejection and defeat at some point in our lives: loss of jobs, broken relationships, deaths, disappointments, or just the ups and downs of everyday living.

Motivational speaker W. Mitchell has been quoted as saying,

"It's not what happens to us that matters; it's what we do about it that makes a difference."

With that thought in mind, I've noticed that when presented with rejection and/or defeat, most people have one of two reactions:

They either let it beat them, or they rise above it.

I call these two responses "dropping dead" and "bouncing back."

How to "drop dead"

Believe that this event defines you and your life now and forever. In other words, it's a final judgment of who you are.

Lose perspective. Focus only on what happened to you and nothing else.

Organize your thoughts, feelings, what you talk about - in other words, your whole life around what has happened. Talk about nothing else. Bore your friends.

Take a "dead roach approach": flat on your back with your legs in the air, no power.

Quit. Give up. Throw in the towel.

Believe in your heart that you have failed. Even worse, define yourself as a failure.

Focus on the past, something you can do nothing about.

Go it alone.

How to "bounce back"

Decide to. It was Abraham Lincoln who said, "People are about as happy as they decide to be." I think it's the same with bouncing back. I realize that sounds so simple, but that's really where it starts.

Implement the principle of NEXT!!! This one comes from the world of sales. The top salespeople in any field have trained themselves to handle rejection by saying "next" to themselves. In this context, "next" means to move on into the future and not get stuck in the past, not even the recent past.

Implement the principle of Open Doors. God never closes one door without opening several others. We have to look for them, however.

Focus on the present and future, two things you can do something about. The best way to predict the future is to create it as close as you can to the way you would like it to be.

Install a new belief that says I can only fail if I quit or if I don't learn something from the experience. In this way, you have to try really hard to fail, sort of like failing gym class.

Get the support you need.

Make these two crucial distinctions:

1. Make a place for what has happened in your life. It may stink, not be fair, and you may hate it. But it did happen and denying it will only come back to bite you later.

2. Put it in it's place, which is behind you, in the past. Think of the event like a chapter in a book that you do not have to read again and again.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Midland Daily News

Heart and Vascular with Dr. Haqqani: Effective stress management helps the heart
Midland Daily News
Long-term or chronic stress can have a negative impact on the heart and the entire cardiovascular system. The specific results of chronic stress have been identified as contributors to heart disease, high blood pressure, increased cholesterol rates and ...

and more »

Health Wellness Coach Abhiit Manoharr Shares Advance Stress Management techniques for Business Owners and ...
Siliconindia.com
With great power comes great responsibility. Who knows this feeling better than our present-dayBusiness Owners and CEOs who must solve a million and a half problems, all before breakfast sometimes. From overseeing finance, logistics, marketing to ...


Carve Magazine (satire) (press release) (blog)

Thera-Sea's stress management
Carve Magazine (satire) (press release) (blog)
Katy Griffin, founder at Thera-Sea launches a new stress management course and microadventure at 7th Rise in the isolated surroundings of a 300 year old stone cottage in Cornwall. With the aim of improving well-being through progressive lifestyle ...


Stress management in the work place [infographic]
OUPblog (blog)
Various types of stress management interventions, guided by organizational development and work stress frameworks, may be employed to prevent or cope with job stressors and manage strains that develop. Using the Oxford Research Encyclopedia of ...


The Cardiology Advisor

Updated Guidelines Stress Healthy Lifestyle for Cholesterol Management
The Cardiology Advisor
HealthDay News — A healthy lifestyle for lowering cholesterol should be emphasized for reducing cardiovascular risk across the life course, according to a guideline published online Nov. 14 in Circulation to coincide with the annual meeting of the ...
AHA: guidelines stress healthy lifestyle for lowering cholesterolMedical Xpress

all 6 news articles »

Forbes

Do You Have The Vision To Be Agile?
Forbes
We reached beyond stress management to address onboarding, team-building, implicit bias, growth mindset, safety. For example, we could tell a manufacturing company, “A third of your people are chronically under-sleeping. No sleep, no safety—and that's ...


WKRC TV Cincinnati

Keep heart health up by managing stress and anxiety
WKRC TV Cincinnati
CINCINNATI (WKRC) - The American Heart Association says even if you eat right and exercise, but you don't manage stress, you are leaving out a critical part of what keeps the heart healthy. There are, howeve,r a few natural ways to relax when anxiety ...


Stress management techniques can benefit both your career and patients
RDH
I can't say enough positive things about the practice of yoga. The benefits abound. I started seven years ago, motivated by a desire to help ensure my flexibility. I took classes for a year, but ultimately my goal was to practice in smaller doses on a ...


Villages-News

Stress Management for the Caregiver
Villages-News
Registration remains open on Tuesday, Nov. 13 from 11 a.m. – noon at The Villages Public Library at Pinellas Plaza in Conference Room 102 for Stress Management for the Caregiver. A caregiver is anyone who provides help to another person in need, such ...


Employee Benefit Adviser

Zenefits adds stress management app to platform
Employee Benefit Adviser
Benefits technology provider Zenefits said Thursday it is partnering with technology wellness company Thrive Global to deliver a stress management app to its users. The partnership will make Thrive's platform — which includes wellness content, tips ...

and more »
Google News

Assess Your Stress Using Haris Stress Inventory

This is a tool to measure the amount of stress... Read More

Stress Management Shouldnt Create More Stress. 10 Ways To Reduce Unreasonable Stress and Boost Perf

We all know that stress levels in the workplace are... Read More

Reduce Stress and Increase Energy with Your Point of View!

Defending your point of view can use up a lot... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: How to Learn from Mistakes

Q. I've been told that I need to learn from... Read More

Reduce The Stress!

First, let's make a distinction between pressure and stress. We... Read More

Stress Management

Have you ever said the words, "This job/my life is... Read More

Dont Be a Worry Wort!

Everyone worries. As bothersome as it is, worry isn't all... Read More

Stress Elimination

Learning methods of stress elimination is a vital skill in... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: The Value of Vitamin NO

What part of no don't you understand? - Bumper stickerThe... Read More

Stress Management and Creating Balance

The World Health Organization calls stress "the health epidemic of... Read More

7 Successful Stress Management Techniques

Everyone needs successful stress management techniques. Easy to learn and... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: Shake It Off and Step Up

The moment I read the story I'm about to share... Read More

Self Indulgence: It Isn?t Just About Chocolate

It's no secret that we women, by virtue of our... Read More

Technology and Stress- How to Prevent Technology From Taking Over Your Life

1. 5-minute rule. How many times do we say, "This... Read More

It is Looking Up for Stress Relief

No this is not related to praying, this is how... Read More

Coping as a Tool of Enchantment

Many of my readers write to me about the tensions... Read More

Break Up Your Day And Become More Productive

Often, in today's fast paced world, we forget to take... Read More

Sometimes C.O.P.I.N.G Is All We Can Do

We strive for excellence in our lives, going at full... Read More

An ADD Case Study: When the Pace Picks Up, Learn to Slow Down

The fall season signals a shift in most people's minds.... Read More

Stress in the Workplace

Why are you so busy? Do you really have too... Read More

Stress Management: 5 More Things to Clean Out of Your Mental Closet

ResentmentsA wise friend once said that holding onto resentments is... Read More

The Benefits of Eating from a Jar of Honey

June is the month of the honey moon. Custom holds... Read More

Stress Management: How to Take Off Those Masks We Wear

The Mask of "I've Got It All Together"It's so easy... Read More

Overcoming Stress: Successful Living The Easy Way

So many of us live a stressful life. Unfortunately, when... Read More

Ten Easy Relaxation Techniques

Stress is more than just unpleasant. It's dangerous. Try these... Read More