Stress Management and Mastery: How to Learn from Mistakes

Q. I've been told that I need to learn from my mistakes. But telling me to learn from my mistakes is easier said than done. How exactly does it happen?

A. People seem to go through three stages in learning how to learn from their mistakes:

Stage One: Get me out of this!

No one likes mistakes or the problems and challenges that accompany them. But each mistake, problem and challenge comes with a gift for us.

When we are rescued from our mistakes, we miss out on what we are to learn from them. There are certain lessons that each of us is to learn in life. If we don't learn the lesson the first time around, the same mistakes, problems and challenges will come back around.

I call this the "taps and 2-by-4's process of life." When we need to learn and/or change something, life begins with a small tap on our shoulder. If we don't pay attention, the taps get more forceful. If we still don't listen, life has a way of taking out a 2-by-4 and whacking us across the head to get our attention.

Having been on the receiving end of a few 2-by-4's, I recommend that you pay attention to the taps, because 2-by-4's hurt.

Stage Two: Get me through this

Instead of looking for a way out, you are looking for a way through. We begin to ask questions like "How can I get through this?" instead of "How can I get out of this?" The focus is on survival instead of escape.

The only problem is that while surviving sounds good, it's not very compelling. How excited would you be each morning if you got up thinking, "All right, I get to go survive today"?

Sometimes it seems like the very best we can do is survive a situation, but I believe there are better responses we can choose. In the words of Dan Fogelberg: "Lessons learned are like bridges burned, we only need to cross them but once."

Stage Three: What can I learn from this?

This is when you begin to learn from mistakes. If you believe that all mistakes come with hidden gifts, then this is when you can begin to discover them. Just asking the question frames the situation in a different perspective.

Here are some useful questions to ask: What was I trying to accomplish? Did it work? What ongoing themes were revealed that need to be changed? How many other ways are there to accomplish what I want? Is what I want to accomplish the right thing to do? Is it worth doing? What will happen if I keep making this mistake and/or don't learn anything from this problem?

Making a mistake is not the biggest mistake we can make; not learning from them is the biggest mistake.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

In The News:

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Midland Daily News

Heart and Vascular with Dr. Haqqani: Effective stress management helps the heart
Midland Daily News
Long-term or chronic stress can have a negative impact on the heart and the entire cardiovascular system. The specific results of chronic stress have been identified as contributors to heart disease, high blood pressure, increased cholesterol rates and ...

and more »

Stress management in the work place [infographic]
OUPblog (blog)
Various types of stress management interventions, guided by organizational development and work stress frameworks, may be employed to prevent or cope with job stressors and manage strains that develop. Using the Oxford Research Encyclopedia of ...


Stress management techniques can benefit both your career and patients
RDH
I can't say enough positive things about the practice of yoga. The benefits abound. I started seven years ago, motivated by a desire to help ensure my flexibility. I took classes for a year, but ultimately my goal was to practice in smaller doses on a ...


Carve Magazine (satire) (press release) (blog)

Thera-Sea's stress management
Carve Magazine (satire) (press release) (blog)
Katy Griffin, founder at Thera-Sea launches a new stress management course and microadventure at 7th Rise in the isolated surroundings of a 300 year old stone cottage in Cornwall. With the aim of improving well-being through progressive lifestyle ...


Natural Products INSIDER

The relationship between sleep aids and stress management
Natural Products INSIDER
Sleep aids are rapidly growing in popularity across the globe, posting a compound annual growth rate (CAGR) of 6.5 percent between 2012 and 2017 to reach retail sales of US$2.3 billion in 2017, according to market research firm Euromonitor International.


Villages-News

Stress Management for the Caregiver
Villages-News
Registration remains open on Tuesday, Nov. 13 from 11 a.m. – noon at The Villages Public Library at Pinellas Plaza in Conference Room 102 for Stress Management for the Caregiver. A caregiver is anyone who provides help to another person in need, such ...


Rheumatology Advisor

Benefits of a Pain and Stress Management Program for the Management of Chronic Pain
Rheumatology Advisor
CHICAGO – A “Pain and Stress Management” program designed and implemented at the Hospital for Special Surgery in New York, New York to provide an awareness of and the tools for use of complementary and alternative practices for the management of ...
Meditation helps patients manage chronic pain and stressEarth.com

all 3 news articles »

WKRC TV Cincinnati

Keep heart health up by managing stress and anxiety
WKRC TV Cincinnati
CINCINNATI (WKRC) - The American Heart Association says even if you eat right and exercise, but you don't manage stress, you are leaving out a critical part of what keeps the heart healthy. There are, howeve,r a few natural ways to relax when anxiety ...


SBC News

Admissions Blog: 7 steps to managing stress in college
SBC News
But, who am I kidding, it's also a lot of work! As we get closer to the end of the fall semester, emotions tend to run high. If you're not a robot, chances are you're going to get a little stressed out. Here's my seven-step guide to managing stress in ...


The Spire Stone stress management and activity tracker is down to $104
Android Central
Amazon is offering the Spire Stone Stress Management and Activity Tracker for $103.96 right now. This usually costs $130, and it works with both iOS and Android. This little stone has a respiration sensor to measure your breathing patterns. If your ...

Google News

Be Yourself And Zap Stress!

Ask a hundred different people how to deal with stress... Read More

How Stressed Out Are You? Take This Quiz And See How You Rate On Your Stress Level!

Stress, America's #1 health problem, is a leading cause of... Read More

Music Therapy: Can Music Really Soothe The Savage Beast?

It has long been suggested that "music soothes the savage... Read More

Stress Management:: 4 Critical Distinctions

Stress Vs PressureStress is something we all have, it's not... Read More

Through Stress Comes Kindness

In these times when companies are constantly down-sizing and right-sizing... Read More

Stress Relief Tips

With how busy we keep ourselves on a day to... Read More

Squeeze To Relax!

This heading may seem like a contradiction in terms. How... Read More

How Stress Effects Neurotransmitters

The brain uses feel-good transmitters called endorphins when managing daily... Read More

Three Tips for Forgiveness: A Key Factor in Anger Management

Elizabeth, 32, cried during anger management class as she told... Read More

Stress Tips

26 ways to minimize and manage the unhealthy effects of... Read More

Seven Steps to Reducing Stress and Reclaiming Your Life at Work

According to the StressPulse survey by ComPsych Corporation completed at... Read More

Worry: Do We Have A Choice?

As Montaigne said, "he who fears he will suffer, already... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: 5 Tips for Positive Anger Management

A grandfather, whose grandson came to him angry at a... Read More

Balancing Acts: Keeping Work and Life in Equilibrium

In the fast-paced world that we live in today, it... Read More

Avoiding Stress During the Busy Holiday Shopping Season with eCardica.com

Lake Hopatcong, NJ (PRWEB) November 30, 2004 -- Here are... Read More

Stress Relief

Traffic jams. Toddler tantrums. Deadlines at work. Money troubles. Too... Read More

Stress Management: Have To Vs. Get To

File this one under the category of "watch your language."The... Read More

Easy Elimination Of Worry & Stress!

It is very true that, unfortunately, many people look to... Read More

Intelligent Emotions

We so often take the feelings of happiness and saddness... Read More

Stress - A Modern Cause of Disease

Every day we are faced with a situation where our... Read More

Quiet Mind; A Powerful Tool That Gives You More Time, Creativity, And Productivity And Takes Just 10

The National Center for health statistics reported that in 1997,... Read More

Stress

Stress. The word brings to mind many different definitions doesn't... Read More

Stress Dangerously Raises Cholesterol Levels

Several studies, including one of medical students around exam time,... Read More

Stress Buster Tip: Relax From The Weekday Stack!

Everyday can be full of stress but we all deserve... Read More

Anger Management: Are You Able To Say Both Yes! And No! ?

I hear from many people that they see ever increasing... Read More