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Tax Jokes and Quotes

Tax Jokes and Quotes

Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if you are BLIND?

Quote: "Two years ago it was impossible to get through on the phone to the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through. That's progress." -Charles Rossotti, former IRS Commissioner

Disappointed that you never had time to write the great American novel? Don't fret, just go dig out your past tax returns.

Quote: "The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes."

Under the Freedom of Information Act, a man with a small business sent a request to the IRS asking if they had a file on him. The IRS wrote back, "There is now."

Quote: "It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required."

Q: Who audits IRS agents?

Quote: "Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite as satisfying as an income tax refund."

Q: How do you drive a CPA insane?

A: Fill out Form 1040EZ.

Quote: "The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect."

Why is it that when the IRS loses a tax return, it is considered a mistake, but when you lose a receipt, it is considered tax evasion?

Quote: "The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."

Q: How do you humble a person that flaunts their wealth?

A: Have them fill out a tax return.

Quote: "Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr."

Q: Why is a tax audit like a tornado?

A: There's a lot of screaming and you end up losing your house.

Quote: "When are we going to be allowed to list the government as a dependent?"

People often say death and taxes are the same, but this is wrong. Death is a taxable event, but taxes never die.

Richard Chapo is CEO of http://www.businesstaxrecovery.com - Obtaining tax refunds for small businesses by finding overlooked tax deductions and credits through a free tax return review.

In The News:

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CBS News
Trump files 2017 taxes following 6-month extension
CBS News
WASHINGTON — President Trump and first lady Melania Trump have submitted their 2017 federal income tax returns after filing a six-month extension in April, the White House confirmed Wednesday. "The President and First Lady filed their taxes on time ...
Trump submits 2017 federal income tax returnsThe Hill

all 8 news articles »

USA TODAY
Year-end planning: Here are 5 tax, investment, job and debt questions you need to ponder
USA TODAY
The last couple months of the year are a good time to think about money – and make various tax, investment and other personal-financial moves. Here are five questions to ask yourself as 2018 starts to wind down. 1. Should you do year-end tax planning?

U.S. News & World Report
Study: Residents With Lower Incomes Pay a Higher Effective Tax Rate
U.S. News & World Report
The 50-state analysis by the nonpartisan Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy found that the lower one's income, the higher the effective overall state and local tax rate. The study includes sales taxes, excise taxes, user fees and income taxes ...
How bad are Washington state taxes? The worst in the country, apparentlyKUOW News and Information
Is this a fair share? Taxes paid by NJ's poor, rich and middle classNew Jersey 101.5 FM Radio
Who Pays? 6th Edition – ITEPITEP

all 18 news articles »

Vox
Republicans were supposed to run on their tax cuts. Instead, they're running away from them.
Vox
While most of the attention on Congress was focused on then-Supreme Court nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh in late September, House Republicans quietly passed yet another round of tax cuts, sending the bill to the Senate, which appears to have no ...
McConnell calls deficit 'very disturbing,' blames federal spending, dismisses criticism of tax cutWashington Post
Mitch McConnell Calls for Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid Cuts After Passing Tax Cuts, Massive Defense SpendingNewsweek

all 365 news articles »

Forbes
6 Whopping Tax Mistakes That Can Ruin Your Retirement
Forbes
Sadly, tax planning doesn't end when you retire. The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) still wants its share of your retirement earnings. While many live on less in retirement, others may end up spending more. That could lead to higher tax bills ...
3 legit ways to shield your kids from tax burdensYahoo Finance

all 19 news articles »

KHON2
City council takes one step closer to dipping into property taxes for rail
KHON2
HONOLULU (KHON2) - A proposal that allows the city to use property taxes to pay for the rail project moved forward today at city council and is one step closer to becoming reality. At stake is $44 million that the federal government wants the city to ...

and more »

Recode
Recode Daily: The hot new thing among the mega wealthy: Avoiding taxes by doing good
Recode
The new hot thing in the land of the mega wealthy: Do-gooder investments they can write off on their taxes. Expect big boasts from Silicon Valley titans next year about how their money is changing the world, thanks to a little-known part of the tax ...

Letter: Don't vote for higher property taxes
Concord Monitor
Pembroke and Chichester residents need to be aware of possible increases in their property taxes depending on how they vote in November. The Republican candidates support school vouchers, which would require all of us to pay for parents to send their ...

Forbes
Is The NYT's Article Alleging Trump Tax Fraud Fake News?
Forbes
“Any one may so arrange his affairs that his taxes shall be as low as possible; he is not bound to choose that pattern which will best pay the Treasury; there is not even a patriotic duty to increase one's taxes.” – Judge Learned Hand, Helvering v ...

and more »

Forbes
Getting The Bill For A Tax Cut And Spending Spree: Budget Deficit Jumps 17%
Forbes
Congress and President Trump went on a spending and tax cut spree. Now we've gotten the bill. The Treasury Department reported this week that the federal budget deficit for fiscal year 2018 increased by $113 billion, or 17% from 2017, resulting in a ...
Federal Deficit Jumps 17 Percent As Tax Cuts Eat Into Government RevenueNPR
McConnell Blames Entitlements, Not GOP, for Rising DeficitsBloomberg
Mnuchin And Mulvaney Release Joint Statement On Budget Results For Fiscal Year 2018 | U.S. Department of the ...Treasury Department
Fox Business -Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget -PolitiFact
all 116 news articles »

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