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Tax Jokes and Quotes

Tax Jokes and Quotes

Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if you are BLIND?

Quote: "Two years ago it was impossible to get through on the phone to the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through. That's progress." -Charles Rossotti, former IRS Commissioner

Disappointed that you never had time to write the great American novel? Don't fret, just go dig out your past tax returns.

Quote: "The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes."

Under the Freedom of Information Act, a man with a small business sent a request to the IRS asking if they had a file on him. The IRS wrote back, "There is now."

Quote: "It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required."

Q: Who audits IRS agents?

Quote: "Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite as satisfying as an income tax refund."

Q: How do you drive a CPA insane?

A: Fill out Form 1040EZ.

Quote: "The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect."

Why is it that when the IRS loses a tax return, it is considered a mistake, but when you lose a receipt, it is considered tax evasion?

Quote: "The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."

Q: How do you humble a person that flaunts their wealth?

A: Have them fill out a tax return.

Quote: "Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr."

Q: Why is a tax audit like a tornado?

A: There's a lot of screaming and you end up losing your house.

Quote: "When are we going to be allowed to list the government as a dependent?"

People often say death and taxes are the same, but this is wrong. Death is a taxable event, but taxes never die.

Richard Chapo is CEO of http://www.businesstaxrecovery.com - Obtaining tax refunds for small businesses by finding overlooked tax deductions and credits through a free tax return review.

In The News:

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CNBC
Do this now to avoid a tax surprise next spring
CNBC
Review your withholding now to make any necessary corrections and avoid a surprise tax bill in April. Unfamiliarity with credits, user error and failure to weigh state and local taxes may yield inaccurate results on the IRS's calculator. Consider your ...

and more »

Forbes
How IRS Taxes Kill Plaintiff's $289M Monsanto Weedkiller Verdict
Forbes
But even if Monsanto forks over the money, new tax rules will be as effective as Roundup in swallowing up most of Mr. Johnson's big verdict. Under President Trump's tax bill passed in late 2017, there is a new tax on litigation settlements: no ...

and more »

Lewiston Morning Tribune
Lewiston delays decision on forgone taxes
Lewiston Morning Tribune
The forgone taxes would be dedicated to fund the city's share of on- and off-site infrastructure improvements around the Warner Avenue property that contains Community Park and the future sites of the new Lewiston High School and the Lewis-Clark State ...

Fortune
Apple Has Appealed Its Taxes Nearly 500 Times Since 2004
Fortune
Apple has been awfully active over the last decade trying to get its tax bill down. In a deep dive into Apple's tax-appeal cases since 2004, the San Francisco Chronicle found that the company has appealed tax assessments in Santa Clara County 489 times ...
Apple fighting high property tax assessments in Santa Clara countyAppleInsider

all 3 news articles »

Forbes
Want To Cut The Taxes In Your Retirement Money?
Forbes
Many people investing in retirement plans such as 401(k), 403(b) and IRAs don't fully understand tax-deferred investing. Let's look at a few of the tax issues related to retirement planning and investing. Short-term tax vs. long-term tax aka capital gains.

and more »

Longview News-Journal
Gregg County officials continue exchanges over taxes, revenue
Longview News-Journal
The Gregg County Commissioners Court proposed maintaining the tax rate Monday, and scheduled public hearings for the mornings of Aug. 27 and Sept. 4. The proposal passed by a 3-1 vote, but not before last week's banter between County Judge Bill ...

WOAI
IRS seeking nearly $500B in back taxes
WOAI
The IRS says so far, it's in the process of sending more than 360,000 names of individuals who owe $51,000 or more in delinquent taxes. The program, part of the Fixing America's Surface Transportation Act from 2015, requires the State Department to ...
IRS Withholding Calculator | Internal Revenue Service - IRS.govIRS.gov
Fixing America's Surface Transportation Act or the FAST Act - FHWA | Federal Highway AdministrationFederal Highway Administration - US Department of Transportation

all 33 news articles »

MyStatesman.com
Georgetown keeps tax rate flat, but property taxes to rise
MyStatesman.com
Despite keeping the same property tax rate, the typical homeowner would see a $57 increase in taxes because property values have risen by an average of 4.9 percent. There also would be a $4.80 per month increase in the base electricity rate for ...
Better Understand Your Property TaxesTAPinto.net

all 6 news articles »

Consumers turning more pessimistic about wages, stocks, home prices, taxes
MarketWatch
The median expectation that taxes will go up in the next year — just months into a tax cut — rose for the fifth straight month, to 2.2% after the series low of 1.5% in February. Relatedly, year-ahead expected growth in government debt increased from ...

Reuters
UPDATE 1-Argentina suspends cuts in soymeal, soyoil export taxes
Reuters
(Adds details of treasury ministry statement). BUENOS AIRES, Aug 14 (Reuters) - Argentina has suspended its program of gradually cutting soymeal and soyoil export taxes for six months, the treasury ministry said in a statement on Tuesday, part of the ...

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